The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 10
Greetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.
Greetings, renku fans. Another week of hard choices for me as i’ve had to bypass several offerings that could stand alone as fine poems. I chose:
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
Understanding that “glasswing” is a butterfly that has habitats in Africa and Asia whose wings are mostly transparent, what is especially exciting about this as a link is that it emerges from a cocoon and becomes a visual spectacle; a flitting array out of the seed packet.
Another attractive aspect is that it reverses the function of human purpose; the butterfly is not trapped by the net, it finds and alights on the handle, the device that would be manipulated to entrap it.
The use of “my” instead of “the” gently underscores the human frustration at this irony–but we would be so fortunate to experience the sight of this butterfly even in this controversion.
I can also appreciate the diction of the writing for its use of every vowel but no one vowel sound more than twice. Thank you very much, Karen.
What we need now is 3 lines, no particular seasonality and without repetitions of nouns or actions we have already included.
Happy linking,
Marshall
A Day of Snow to Date
a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door–Marshall Hrycuik
coyote song closer
this longest night–Judt Shrode
incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd
–Maureen Virchau
bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters–Paul MacNeil
dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight–steve smolak
faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match–Betty Shropshire
facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones
–Barbara A. Taylor
balls of moss
exit the quaking forest
–Carmen Sterba
in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically
–Marilyn Potter
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
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along the hoop
a basketball trembles
and misses
dancing
among afternoon shadows
a troupe of buskers
or sleeping (my choice) but perhaps its too close to the link before
butterfly of night
fold my words in –
burn with flicker
a yard sale
filled with what
we can’t keep
lamplight
beyond the door your voice
leaving a message
in the graveyard
someone whistles
a sad tune
we got a whiff of the graveyard, Mary when we met with the bunyip -and this has a gratuitous stop after the first line -and ‘sad’ just feels redundant here
the tapping
of his old black cane
echoes in the park
“cane” to “handle” made a bit haunting, Mary, with “echoes” -but then, “old” and “black” make it a very specific and visual experience and take some of that mystery away -though “his twisted cane/ echoing in the dark” would be only a two-liner
You would leave out L1? It’s the tapping that echoes, no?
the tapping
of his twisted cane
echoing in the dark
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar- USA
—
two caterpillars
to the rhythm of Ravel’s
Bolero
—
– Lorin
whoops… caterpillars are probably a seasonal reference.
—
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
—-
a plastic bag
to the rhythm of Ravel’s
Bolero
—
Lorin
not after the “net” they don’t, Lorin
was one of them a 10? actually, Lorin it’s the derivation of the caterpillar from the glasswing that would take it out for me -but, yeah it would mark it for a non-wintry seasonal
yeah 🙂 I was mesmerised by a couple of caterpillars on my almost desiccated bean vines. It’s late autumn here & I was surprised to see them. I just liked their movement , I guess. No more beans, so I left them. It’s all over now … El Nino is over & those bean vines are overdue to be pulled out. For all their dancing, those caterpillars don’t have much of a chance of surviving, but they’re dancing anyway. 🙂
—
– Lorin
I teach my daughter
how to crochet
like my mother
pretty difficult to crochet silk -if the ‘glasswing’ were a moth -which it isn’t -anyway, Marion, miss the link here, too
not caring
if I catch a fish
or not
well, at least you link with using a net for the catch, here, Marion -but this has a generalization approach that we want to avoid here -no summaries
sweet crepes
turning golden
in the pan
don’t feel any link at all, here, Marion
asking
the mirror who
is the fairest
yeah, no mirror/glass links for here, as below, Marion
he pretends
the tennis racquet
is a guitar
on the verge of too many ‘t’ sounds here, Marion -makes me want to change “pretends” -nice link to the butterfly’s reversal or ‘different’ use of a utensil -and of itself it seems a ‘throwaway’ verse, but in fact digs in a little too much to keep us where we are in activity -but thanks
a friendly game
of billiards and some
bottles of beer
nice afternoon, Michael Henry -but the glass/bottle link i’m avoiding here
flute notes climb
higher and higher
on the breeze
play of the notes rising on the scales and on the breeze (i wouldn’t have written, “climb”) appreciated, Agnes but “coyote’s song” still has our melody for the first 18 verses
Basket
Full of flowers
Full of aroma
no, Vijay, “basket” too close a figure to “net” -and flowers and blossoms are held for the 17th and 35th verses, they are so important
a saucepan lid
rocking
the silence
has a timbre to it, for sure, Shrikaanth, but the word, “silence” feels too heavy here after we’ve just attained the levity of a butterfly beating its hunter to the “handle”
That is okay. I got a fine haiku in the bargain
surfing the internet
for information on
what this means lol
short for “Lola” by the Kinks, joel
a broken bottle
or two fills up
the recycle bin
yeah, Michael Henry, not fond of the ‘glass’ to ‘bottle linking here either
in the field
a troupe of buskers
among afternoon shadows
better link with the ‘glasswing’ part of the previous, Marilyn -lines 2 and 3 together make a superb poem, but also make the first line superfluous
in the field
a troupe of buskers
make camp
don’t really feel any link here, Marilyn, except maybe “on a handle” to “camp” and that’s too thin
coal train hauling
carbon dioxide
to the heavens
no, p j, like the previous one much better
my home town
strip-mined then hauled away
by the coal train
not here, p j, but maybe later with the “then hauled” deleted
ducks swimming
among the reeds
in my camera lens
yeah, p j, the ‘lens’ link to glass doesn’t work for me either (like the windows below)
strip-mining
the town hauled away
by a coal train
well, hello, p j -too much of a kireji stop after the first line -otherwise we’re getting there with the ‘coal train’
a wind bell
fluttering
as it chimes
hi Mary, no, i don’t like a wind-chime redefined as a butterfly for a link
a wind bell
waiting for
the wind
Uh oh, a bit redundant here. Sorry. Let’s try this:
.
the wind bell
waiting for
a breeze
naw, Mary, makes it sound like the bell’s waiting for a bus
small Furin
waiting
for the wind
sorry, Mary, have no clue what a “Furin” is
Marshall, a furin is a small Japanese wind bell. I have several in my garden. They are dark green metal with patterns embossed into the metal. To the clapper is attached a strip of thick paper that catches the wind. They tinkle delicately and are quite magical.
it’s summer
so only the toboggan is
bored
well, humour is always appreciated, Todd -but if you want averse accepted by me, don’t pronounce the season, as here in “summer”
flying two then three
now there’s five
paper planes in the living room
hi Todd -this also mostly reinforces the levitivity of the butterfly rather than shifting us into a new activity or attitude
changing direction
the yard sale sign flutters
in overgrown grass
hello Joyce -not sure we want a link ending with “grass” for a verse beginning with “glass…” but besides that, making a butterfly out of a sign is the kind of ‘restatement’ or redefinition of the previous link that I seek to avoid in the renku i lead -we need a touch of a tangent, sure, but the shift between links is more important than giving traction to the previous one
g’day Karen,
Congratulations! I want that butterfly in my garden. Beautiful.
peace and love
B
Me too ? Thanks, Barbara
Karen
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
—
for each
clerestory window
a fragment of sky
—
– Lorin
as below, Lorin -don’t want a ‘windows link’ next to the ‘glass one’
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
—
gazing back
through the microscope
a compound eye
—
Lorin
doubles back the gazing, Lorin, that I don’t want to use again
rinsing a palette
until the water
runs clear
nice transformation of the glasswing butterfly that’s mostly transparent into an artist’s surface for mixing colour, Maureen -more ‘human-agent activity’ than i like to include -though we have only one of these so far -have to think this one over, thanks
the old man’s cat
snuck into city hall
through an open window
yeah, Aaalix, as before said, I don’t want a glass to window link here
dare I ask him
to explain the offside rule
once again
guess this would be a link between butterfly hunting and ‘the beautiful game’, Marion, but i think that’s too tenuous to use it here -and the thing about recorded conversations is that there’s no immediate sensuality to them at all
outside the window
a fairy wren
pecks at a fly-spot
hello again, Carol -not sure if this is a kind of physical wren or a ‘fairy wren’ but don’t want the glass-window link here as we’ve already had the turn of “spectacles” – “in front of me”
Physical wren, Marshall; a popular, dainty little Australian bird. 🙂
Stanley’s password still
“Dr. Livingstone,
I presume?”
‘out of Africa’, Betty? nice touch -but don’t want to reference an uncommon butterfly’s domicile for a link right here
Yeah, no…totally missed the African home base for the Glasswing…was going for the “living stone” as opposed to to “glass wing” …or maybe I just repressed it! Working from a cellphone gets confusing when scrolling constantly to keep up.
Hey, Betty,
Glasswings are mostly in Central & South America (maybe some drift up to the more southern states of the USA now & then?) some are in Africa, and we in Australia have one one sort of them up in Far North Queenland. Reminds us that once upon a time, these continents were joined (pre-history. . . ie before us humans) as does the USA’s only remaining marsupial, the opossum) Glasswing butterflies are basically tropical.
—
cheers,
Lorin
thanks, Lorin, for the clarity here
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar- USA
—
from Valparaiso
to Sydney, a pelican’s
direct flight
—
– Lorin
doesn’t come close to your ‘gypsy forecast’ for me, Lorin -but, yeah, keep ’em flowin’
the expose’
sip by sip
of pinot blanc
the expose’
sip by sip
of white wine
bit of a play on “rose’ ” too, Judt
‘pinot noir’ and it could be an old movie, Judt -glad you’re still playing along with us
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am enjoying your links.
.
Thanks again,
.
? Karen
I love this, Karen…its delicate, perfect balance. Maybe my favorite ever renku link!
Wow, Judy, thank you so much. ?
Thank you ‘auto correct’ ? Judt not ‘judy’
🙂
great, Judt -thanks for the encouragment
the saucepan lid
rocking back and forth
through our argument
“lid” to “handle” a nicely subtle link, Shrikaanth, -and we’ve had a very quiet renku until now -just not sure i want one of our first named audible after the ‘coyote song’ to be an argument -but thanks
So how about?
..
the saucepan lid
rocking
the silence
with a flourish
the sumi-e master
closes his class
don’t want to close or suggest a finish, Michael Henry, until about verse 30
Congrats, Karen. A lovely image and thanks for teaching us all about the glasswing butterfly!
*
at the opera
swapping binoculars
back and forth
hello, Marilyn -looking to give other people a link in before giving someone a second -but besides that, “swapping” seems a bit heavy of sound for our renku
I never remember
my dreams
butterfly or not
a reference to Chang-tzu, Vijay -always nice to be reminded of this -however, can’t say, “butterfly” after one’s named in a previous link like our glasswing
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
Essence of life evanescence
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
Essence of life evanescence
hi Vijay -no summaries, however positive allowed in a renku -all circulates on a sensual level
rescued pieces
of medieval glass
in the cathedral
I’ve done it again – can’t mention ‘glass’!
all at once
the cathedral fills
with colour
right, Marion -and the ‘adjustment’ doesn’t match it in resonance
6 degrees
of separation
with what actor?
well, we do need a numeral in our renku, Betty, but i’m baffled as to whom this separation refers
Kevin Bacon! Google allowed a search of any actor based on their Bacon #…originally a play thought up by 3 college students…all based on the small world theory
sorry, Betty – guess we’ll be without this theory for the course of our renku
a ray
of coloured light
on the pew
ooops – just remembered we already have moonlight! 🙁
number
nine hundred ninety nine
of one thousand paper cranes
someone’s about to get their wish, eh, Michael Henry? -don’t like ‘cranes’ even of paper linked to a particular butterfly and don’t like the glass to paper connectin either -and it really is a 2-liner with the word, “number” added as a third line, isn’t it?
her delight
at a thrift shop
paperweight
Meant to say what a lovely verse from Karen. I had never heard of a glasswing butterfly and it is amazing! 🙂
“thrift shop” performs that major renku no-no, Marion ‘backlinking’ to “in the garden shop” of 2 verses ago
If there’s a major no-no, I’ll be guilty of doing it, Marshall! ?
Perhaps I ought to have stuck with my original ‘car boot sale’ but i didn’t know how that would travel… It’s still about buying in any case.
I must admit, I seem to be so concerned with linking to the previous verse that I forget to take all the others into account! A problem caused by reading off a small screen, perhaps, as it’s difficult to scroll up and down.
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
.
.
since yesterday
17 new followers
on Twitter
well, Polona, i am attending the Haiku Canada Weekend in Whitehorse, Yukon and led a “Late Night Renku” on Friday and Saturday night and mentioned how well our renku is going -so, thanks for the update
lol! 🙂
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
.
in a dark window
a pair of startled eyes
looking at me
hi again, Mary -no we’ve already had the play on “spectacles” becoming “facing me” in the ‘bunyip verse’
Hi Marshall, I hope this adds the mystery my earlier one lacked:
.
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
.
.
the only witness
an old mirror
streaked in silver
Hmmmm, came back to this and wonder if it is better reversed:
.
an old mirror
streaked in silver
the only witness
yeah, Mary, we could come back to this one again later -but here, “mirror” too close to “glasswing”
watching the beat
of her newborn’s heart
through the fontanelle
watching the beat
of her newborn’s heart
through its fontanelle
wow, Judt, this catches the fragility of our new creature with grace as well as feeling -butterfly’s wings have four chambers just like our hearts -will reread this one as well just for the shiver it gives me, thanks
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar- USA
—
today’s weather
brought to you with the sound
of rolling dice
—
– Lorin
how can the weather compete with a gypsy, Lorin, rolling from the bottom of the deck!
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar- USA
—
a gypsy’s forecast
uttered to the sound
of rolling dice
—
– Lorin
hey, Lorin, i really like this version -we go inside for the forecast and we hear rolling dice -what a cast! -thank-you, keeping this one in the round -“uttered” is perfect
Thanks for liking it, Marshall. I’d been worried that the link from butterfly to dice might be too obscure.
—
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect
—
– Lorin
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
—
behind the scenes
the sound
of rolling dice
—
– Lorin
or singular scene:
—
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
–Karen Cesar
—
behind the scene
the sound
of rolling dice
—
– Lorin
sealed with pitch pine….
from mother to daughter
the burden basket
-Patrick
“basket” in such a dour verse, Patrick, too close for me to “net” -but also not ready for ‘burdens’ until after the first 18
Congrats, Karen! The glasswing is a fascinating creature. Wonderful choice, Marshall.
*
panoramic views
of the harbor
from Lady Liberty’s crown
Maureen, I love how your verse zooms from Karen Cesar’s marvelous and delicate glasswing to the panoramic views from the Statue of Liberty.
Thank you so much, Carmen! Very kind of you. I had hoped to link to the transparency of the butterfly’s wings, as well as to the sense of wonderment one would experience in such a creature’s presence. Looking forward to more of your verses. Take care.
thanks, Maureen -yes, and yours is delightfully shifting our focus as well -will keep this one for further consideration too -thanks again
Thank you for your kind words, Marshall. I am glad to hear that this verse is worthy of consideration.
smooth stones
and sparkling geodes
line the sill
nice response, Agnes -just that in my style of leading, “hoop” is too close to the last word of the previous link, “net”
like this, Agnes -the items on the sill form a sort of unsaid ‘collection’ -“sparkling geodes” may be too close to “glasswing” but I ‘ll keep this one around and look at it again, later -thanks
with a whoosh
the winning basketball
through the hoop
hi again, Shrikaanth -even with ‘no particular season’ we want to avoid a ’cause and effect’ structure to our links
3rd line, Mary needs a particular item, aspect or quality that assumes mystery, Mary -even though the mysterious is unknown, the third line feels like a letdown –
I’m really loving working with Karen’s rich verse:
.
an old mirror
streaked in silver
and mystery
3rd line, Mary needs a particular item, aspect or quality that assumes mystery, Mary -even though the mysterious is unknown, the third line feels like a letdown
so close up
I study the gold flecks
in my dentist’s eyes
so close up
I study the gold flecks
in the dentist’s eyes
good ‘mise-en-scene’, Mary, but i find the second and third lines a bit awkward in diction and don’t know what i could do to improve them
second place
at the pageant
for a blemish
interesting play upon imperfection, steve -but not quite in the spirit of ‘wabi-sabi’ where the ‘imperfection’ would be a positive quality and not something that would place you second
sitting all day
with a single cloud
in the sky
still too close (10 verses) to repeat “day” from the hokku, steve
*lovely Karen Cesar*
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
*
the parade out of sight
but still the beat
of the drum
great ‘connection’ of the “handle” to drumsticks, steve -want to give people who haven’t had a verse in more of a chance -but as this, there’s just too many ‘the’s
Congrats for having your fine poem chosen, Karen
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
an off-shore breeze
swirling clouds
into the whitecaps
glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net
*
an off-shore breeze
swirling clouds
into the whitecaps
hello again, Marietta -this is an accomplished ‘trompe-d’oeil’ but i’m still wary it has too much of a ’cause-and-effect’ structure to it
Congratulations, Karen Cesar, on a beautiful verse. What a beautiful image you’ve created.
.
pulling a thread
from the hem
her sweater unravels
nice touch, Mary -i’ll keep this one around for awhile, thanks
The word “loose” could also be included. Either way works for me.
pulling a thread
from the hem
her sweater unravels
.
or
.
pulling a loose thread
from the hem
her sweater unravels
hunting ducks
in the reeds
with a camera
has a seasonal feel to it paul, even if specifically it wasn’t ‘in season’ at the time
But hunting with camera has no season.
buddleia in bloom
the bees hum
as they work
sounds like a flower, paul -that will be in verse 17
the town
hauled away
by a coal train
love the “by a coal train”, paul, but i think we need another element that links better with the glasswing to include it here -or maybe even something particular from the town
Hmm. Ill try again.
brightly
the Big Dipper
shows the way north
here, Paul, i think “brightly” is redundant – but i can’t think of a whole new first line just yet -or maybe it just needs another element
Not a problem, Marshall — depends on your perspective. Certainly some nights the stars are faint, dim. And, I thought to vary the parts of speech … not a previous adverb to begin a stanza.
happy hour
finds us together again
watching the news
hey, Michael Henry -i think the link here would be quite tenuous
so, happy enough, but maybe some irony too, Michael Henry -but i think the link here would be quite tenuous
the clamdigger
starts her rake
beside the siphon
interesting, Paul, to have such a strong physical activity in a ‘no season’ link -concerned that there would be a season when you wouldn’t rake for clams though
There is no clamming season. Not in Maine which I know, or Oregon per the Net. Regulated only by a license for commercial digging (free for individuals), and the tides.
Some Japanese saijiki list “shellfish” as in autumn, but Japan is not the basis here as I understand it. It is “all-year.”
a collection
of pre-Columbian art
in an antique vitrine
hello there, Paul -this is usuable, though so early, definitely look at this one again later, thanks
with the server down
i now find time
for the kids
welcome back, Shrikaanth -even with ‘no particular season’ we want to avoid a ’cause and effect’ structure to our links
Ok Marshall will try something else