The Renku Sessions: A Better Look – Wrap
Thank you for your title suggestions and comments. As I explained last week, we will be keeping “A Better Look” as the title of this renku. And several of you noted that this would be your choice, independently of any technical considerations.
One “technical” reason that I haven’t mentioned before, about choosing a word or phrase from the first verse (hokku), is that the movement within a renku is forward. Always forward. So, if the title occurs somewhere after the first verse, our attention may be drawn back to the title when we encounter that word or phrase later. And if the title is something that doesn’t appear anywhere in the renku, we will still feel the drag of our expectation that it may be in the next verse as we read along.
All the same, it is possible to use a phrase from later in the renku. And, even if we do not do so, it can be fun to look for phrases that might serve in this way.
Among those you have suggested, I am particularly fond of:
“the scarecrow’s hat”
“rising scent”
“a pail of polliwogs”
“(A Pail of) Pollywogs”
In addition, I find the following phrases potentially resonant as titles:
“cigarette commercial”
“the slow drawl”
“rope tricks”
“solitary goldfish”
“not a scratch”
“chessboards”
“upturned earth”
I had planned to take a complete break for a couple of months at this point. The months of February through the first half of April are a particularly busy time for me in my role as managing editor of The Heron’s Nest. But the comments from several of you about how this feature is a positive creative outlet in a time when it is most needed have caused me to look for a middle way.
What I’ve come up with is a simplified way of keeping this going until I can once again turn my full attention to a new renku session.
Tan-renga is a short linking form, involving two verses, by two poets. Here is some additional information about it: http://www.graceguts.com/essays/introduction-to-tan-renga
As Michael Dylan Welch says in this Graceguts post, “The word “tan” simply means “short,” so a tan-renga is a short renga—just two verses. The two-line capping verse responds to or turns on the three-line starting verse, thus making a new whole, creating something similar to the 1,300-year-old form of waka (known today as tanka). A key technique is to link and shift with each response verse, adding something at a right-angle to the preceding verse, yet still connected, whether emotionally, tonally, or in some other creative way.” (emphasis added)
So, I will offer three lines and invite you to offer candidates for a two-line response verse. I will highlight and comment briefly on some of the offers next week. I will then invite participants to offer three-line verses during the following week, from which I will choose one to begin another round. And we will continue in this way until I am able to devote my full attention to a longer renku (probably in mid-April).
Here is my first three-line offer:
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
John Stevenson
Some of the Silence (1999)
Please use the comments box, below, to enter your two-line “capping” verses. I will review offers that arrive before midnight on Monday, February 2 (New York time zone). On Thursday, February 4, there will be a new posting in which I will comment on some of the two-line “capping” verse offers and issue an invitation for three-line verses we might use for a new round of tan-renga.
Looking forward to seeing your capping verse suggestions!
John
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wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
the second round
of shots
(c) 2/01/2021 by wendy c. bialek
the day they stop
showing pricks on tv
(c) 1/31/2021 by wendy c. bialek
the long overdue
refrigerated trailer
(c) 1/30/3031 by wendy c. bialek
frozen overalls hanging
on the ice-coated clothesline
*
lost penguin
marching in the wind
*
hen-pecked husband
whispering “if only”
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
the demon barber
sharpening his razor
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
later we canmeet
at the pizza food truck
Oops! typo:
later we can meet
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
wayfaring arrows
of robin hood
(c) 1/31/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
updated list
of the living
(c) 1/31/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
applause for a climbing star
who fell in love with the moon
(c) 1/30/2021 by wendy c. bialek
another version:
a climbing star falls
in love with the moon
(c) 1/30/2021 by wendy c. bialek
tendone battuto dal vento che
dice solo
“prossimamente” – john stevenson
–
Come un turista il virus
si ferma in ogni porto
Thank you, John, for offering the tan-renga option as we transition from the latest renku.
.
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
John Stevenson
.
sounds of laughter
from a tavern tent
.
the clear notes
of a lone bugle
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
just a frog and moon
and tabula rasa
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
a frog, a moon
and tabula rasa
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“ coming soon “
John Stevenson
***
crescent moon
can’t wait to see you
geese gliding over
the border wall
*
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
☆
a felt tip hat
fills with change
Very nice, Betty.
Thank you, Ellen!
best endearing smile
of her last days
**
erasing blackboard
for new bore of maths
**
cat looking into bowl
empty and dry
**
all the stars
on cold earth and faces
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
flashing neon sign
wash, fold, dry open
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
☆
your ounce of courage in
190-proof Everclear
wind-beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
my deadpan search
through storefront glass
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
just the glint
of a silvery moon
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
just a raven
singing in the rain
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
solely a lark
frolicking in the dark
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
nothing but a lark
frolicking in the dark
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
John Stevenson
**
**
retrospectives
of dying art forms
**
finding tumbleweed
in nursery rhymes
**
business for a new
red light district
My immense gratitude to John for finding a middle way. I much appreciate his generous heart! I’m already really enjoying tan-renga.
***
I’m posting John’s verse before each of my offerings for the capping verse, for (I’m hopeful) best effect.
***
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
~John Stevenson
*
let the congregation
text “amen”
************
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
~John Stevenson
*
should have made that left turn
at Albuquerque
************
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
~John Stevenson
*
where were you the day
the earth stood still?
oh, Dana .. yes! let the congregation text .. lovely
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
sure-footed mannequins
launch hazmat couture
(c) 1/31/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
. —John Stevenson
…
billowed sails on a
new hope tack
….
ship of state anchored
in a tranquil harbor
…
no flotsam jetsam wreckage
this courageous ship of state
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
—John Stevenson
…
the bough breaks
upon every shore
What a mind swirlinging elixir, John. Thank you for being our muse.
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
—John Stevenson
…
truth be told
it’s here right now
…
laughter in the sun
cotton candy lips
…
in vista vision
a new beginning
…
age of reason
redux
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
*
the shadow play
of a woodpecker
(c) 1/30/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
lonely streets and
wet black boughs
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon “
north wind
ravage the village
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
John Stevenson
.
the street singer’s
Bye Bye Love
.
Ellen Compton
As Ungaretti I wrote
haiku full of love
Come Ungaretti ho scritto
haiku pieni d’amore
bulls are matadors
on planet htrae
*
stars look like porch
lights far away from home
morning sunrise
reddens the sky
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
☆
herd immunity
as if the dying don’t mind
Dear Betty I’m happy to see you here again. I’d worried about you! Pauline
Thank you, Pauline. I removed myself from all social media abruptly but it was necessary. I am much better.
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
*
again glancing up at where
the stars used to be
*
passers by merely extras
in the ongoing dramas
*
foreclosure sign
flapping in the wind
*
breezes play sonatinas
on maple trees
*
help needed sign
on the liquor store window
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
*
nothing for it but the next how-to
video on YouTube
*
killing time with made-up stories
about the passers by
*
killing time telling stories
about the passers by
*
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
wistful for the familiar company
of the office
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
John Stevenson
.
scent of ramen
from the noodle shop
.
Ellen Compton
windswept marquee that
it just says
– “Coming soon”
As a tourist
stops at every port
un usignolo per ramo
in zona rossa
tendone battuto dal vento che
dice solo
“prossimamente”
Impronte di rossetto
sulla mia toilette
tendone battuto dal vento che
dice solo
“prossimamente”
.
John Stevenson
una lettera arriva
sospiro di sollievo
tendone battuto dal vento che
dice solo
“prossimamente”
Il mio specchio s’ abitua
a un’altra ruga
banjo ballad
sailing in the breeze
*
banjo tunes
tacking through the breeze
*
oak tree
kite cemetery
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
the misty moon
comes to mind and yet
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
here and there a play
of light on the banyan
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
here and there glints
of sunset on the banyan
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
-“coming soon”
sazanka
your scent smelled every time i took a sip
*******
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
gloves
me still waiting in the hidden booth
***
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
airport timetable –
all flights delayed
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
a night without you
feels longer
******
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
where does it fly
my comfort butterfly
****
Thank you, John, for devising a fill-in for us, to keep us happily creating until the next full renku.
…
Covid killed
small business
…
boxer wiping blood
from his eyes
…
she cradles
the unborn
…
orange blossom
in her bouquet
maggots swarming
up the Capitol steps
*
hearing the river’s
roar before seeing it
rain-soaked pawns standing
guard on chessboards in the park
*
elephant crossing
on the safari path
wind beaten marquee
saying only
‘coming soon’
.
the memories that stick
those that are gone
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
the movies I remember
those I forget
.
some movies I remember
some I forget
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
*
how we always looked forward
to the previews the most
*
I can’t get this one out of my mind, so I figure that I might as well get it out, just for fun 😉
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
John Stevenson
Some of the Silence (1999)
**********
but who knew
Scarlett had fake ID ?
(and that is why she is gone with the wind and definitely -not- coming soon…)
round trip ticket
for the first swallow
***************************
in the frosty night
a plastic sheet on the geraniums
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
emovies without
a kernel of truth
(c) 1/29/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
proud hands turn pages
of the capitol pop-up book
(c) 1/29/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
John Stevenson
.
next in the queue
at the ramen shop
.
Ellen Compton
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
grafitti on a white wall
the end is near
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
grafitti on a white wall
the end is near
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
*
announcing the latest extension
of the engagement
*
the latest announcement
of an extended engagement
*
an old refrigerator magnet
still saving the date
*
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
John Stevenson
Park visitors delight:
snowy owl arrives
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
John Stevenson
covid pandemic
reopening when?
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
☆
the telltale gold spots
of a monarch chrysalis
☆
theybe goes viral
with a mum’s TikTok
☆
QAnon on
terra firma
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
John Stevenson
Some of the Silence (1999)
*****
line up rush
for the morning show (er)
*****
nurse waiting
for a urine sample
*****
fast and furious
plates fly from the chef
*****
a r.s.v.p letter
without a stamp
*****
A r.s.v.p. letter
without a stamp yet
*****
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
john stevenson
.
a dancing elephant
in the bar room window
.
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
John Stevenson
.
the Dear John letter
floating away
.
new wrinkles
in the model’s cleavage
*
the wedding party
blown away by “I don’t”
*
she wields her scalpel
on his leaky bowel
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
blue silhouette
of us alone
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
yet howling wolf moon
streams I am desire
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
howling wolf moon
streams I desire
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
memory alone echoing
jazz of you on wet black boughs
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
memory alone echoing jazz of you streaming these empty streets
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
memory alone echoing
the jazz of you
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
apparitions on wet black boughs streaming alone these empty streets
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
apparitions on wet black boughs streaming alone these empty streets
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
jazz of you echoing in rain
droplets on wet black boughs
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
jazz of rain droplets on
wet black boughs alone
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
a gull’s cry echoing
in these empty streets
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
violet apparitions streaming
through these empty streets
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
blue apparitions streaming
through these empty streets
Michelle Beyers
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
John Stevenson
.
the sheer abandon
of their pas de deux
.
Marietta McGregor
her parent’s sequel
dose of pfizer vaccine
(c) 1/29/2021 by wendy c. bialek
*
the late sequelae
of covid-19
(c) 1/29/2021 by wendy c. bialek
What a capitol idea! John thanks as always for all you do
*********************
we the people
of a lesser god
*******************
behold
a white horse
*****************.
badip badip
that’s all folks
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
a sun that melts
these imprisoning icicles
(c) 1/29/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
a million metaphors
for kabuki theater
(c) 1/29/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
says only
‘coming soon’
— John Stevenson
another child born
at the refuge camp site
— Carol Jones
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
a quick trailer
for the next mutant
(c) 1/28/2021 by wendy c. bialek
Wendy C. Bialek
January 28, 2021 at 11:16 pm
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
a batman band aid
to cover the ouch
(c) 1/28/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
the black enough ink
dried grinding on his inkstone
(c) 1/28/2021 by wendy c. bialek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYxo0B0msIk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9x7TH1b4ljo
a wind beaten marquee
says only
“coming soon”
*
yet there’s comfort in recalling
Scarlett’s last words
oh, Laurie. Comfort, isn’t there! It works so perfectly ☺
Maxianne
apologies for my confusing syntax in that comment. Not that comfort is not there .. it is there .. that is my intended point ..
“isn’t there” was meant to be an exclamatory tag ..
[sigh]
what a fabulous, fun game! john!
ready to tan-renga!
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
vials of vaccines
promised to reel in virus
(c) 1/28/2021 by wendy c. bialek
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
that Stephen King
has a lot to answer for
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
and as if by magic
the pier disappeared
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
did someone
mention clowns
Brilliant, John!
.
.
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
.
how were we to know
we’d found a real portal
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
*
that ‘On the Beach’ finale
haunts me still
.
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
*
curtains drawn
at the ticket taker’s house
*
left to graffiti artists
to play the role of critics
*
just about dark enough
to see the stars align
*
This is fab, John, thank you.
wind beaten marquee
says only
‘coming soon’
— John Stevenson
veg shop on the corner
selling sprouts half price
— Carol Jones
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
*
watching the street mime
while he waits for the bus
*
her fancy dress wardrobe
consigned to the thrift shop
*
Thank you so much for this, John! Just what I need today.
**
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“Coming soon”
*
forwarding address lost
in the black hole of her handbag
*
a technical knockout
by anyone’s count
*
how fun! thank you for keeping us engaged, John ..
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
when did they shutter
the bowling alley? – Maxianne
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
grandpa’s haberdashery
was just around the corner — Maxianne
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon” – john stevenson
the kids in the back seat
singing, are we there yet? — Maxianne
Love the kids singing! Soundtrack to the dark theatre.
thanks, Laurie 😉
wind beaten marquee
saying only
“coming soon”
john stevenson
purplelightningflash!
penetrating the raven’s moon
Michelle Beyers
question for John. Are we fairly free with syllable count for the two line verse? Thank you.
Yes – “fairly free” – though the length is a factor if it seems to throw the completed tan-renga off balance without appropriate compensation. What is “appropriate compensation?” That is entirely subjective. I don’t know. I just hope I’ll know it if I see it (and know it if I don’t see it).
That explains it well. Hopefully, I haven’t undercompensated purple lightning. Thank you, John!
John,
I have to withdraw my purple lightning verse. I thought it would be too much (actually, I personally love it with your poem) but I wrote it before your verse came up for linkedin and I posted it there in a different format, took it down and put it back up. Anyway thank you for inspiring its current form though I must withdraw.
Thank you, John, for all you do. I look forward to learning all about tanka! ps. truthfully, I always loved the title “A Better Look,” which is why I only offered a subtitle. I you were asking for suggestions but a better look is perfect for hinting of a mosaic multiverse renku😎 Thank you again for sticking with us though we know you are busy🤗