The Renku Sessions: A Better Look – Week 18
There were 105 offers for verse eighteen, from 22 poets. This is Tracy Davidson’s first renku, which explains her reluctance to take on the task of selecting the eighteenth verse. So, I have taken up that challenge.
First, here are a few of the promising verses from poets already included in our renku:
spring training puts the smile
on a Little Leaguer’s face
Ellen Compton
I’m not certain how widespread the baseball images of “spring training” and “Little Leaguer” may be. Perhaps these are primarily confined to the US. But the tone is just right for our closing section (kyu).
taking a bow
with the fiddlehead ferns
Laurie Greer
The whimsical tone of this verse is also welcome. And the homophonic fun with a “bow” is infectious.
just enough shade
beneath emerging leaves
Carol Jones
Budding leaves might be considered to force a rather close link with the blossom verse that comes next. On the other hand, the guaranteed linkage frees us to go absolutely anywhere with our blossom offers.
seeds planted
in the ploughed field
andrew shimield
A very solid offering and it has the extra lightness of an end rhyme with the poet’s name.
soul music
sung by a frog
Pauline O’Carolan
Also, neatly harmonic in tone.
And here are some verses from poets not currently included – from which I will be making a final selection:
carrying home
a pail of pollywogs
Linda Weir
We have “house” in verse fourteen but this can be easily fixed. The link is with “baby” and offers the humorous prospect of a “baby grand” growing up to be a simply “grand piano.” Also, I see a resemblance between written musical notes and pollywogs. And there is the linkage of carrying a pail and carrying a tune.
powder blue eggs
nestled in down
Carole Harrison
The tone is right and the image is clear but also openly non-specific. For me, it does revisit the bosc pears wrapped in cellophane (verse five). And we do have a non-specific “bird,” in verse eight.
a thousand tsuru
take flight in morning mist
Alfred Booth
Lovely, if somewhat imaginary. We already have our “foreign word” verse (number thirteen – Kama Sutra) but we could easily change “tsuru” to “cranes.” Also, “a thousand” tends to take me back, by contrast, to “solitary” in verse fifteen.
the brightening tone
of the new grass
Dana Rapisardi
Optimistic and forward looking. The migration of “tone” from a musical to a visual quality is interesting. And perhaps it would inspire a blossom verse that focuses on scent.
This verse is very nearly my final choice but I am concerned that the all but stated “green” of this grass takes us back to the “red sun” of verse sixteen. In renku, special care is taken to avoid any easily perceived linkage between a current verse and either the hokku or the last-but-one verse (verse sixteen, for verse eighteen).
My selection for verse eighteen is:
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
Linda Weir
Linda Weir will now be offered the opportunity to select our next verse. Please let me know, Linda, if you would like to do so. If you prefer not to, I will step in. And, if you decide to do it, you can count on my support.
And now we move on to our nineteenth verse, the blossom verse. This is a cherry blossom in Japanese renku. But, for our purposes, it can be cherry blossoms or any other blossom that is clearly a feature of spring.
Our nineteenth verse should:
• consist of three natural, unforced lines
• constitute a single phrase, without a grammatical break
• contain a spring blossom reference (kigo)
Do not attempt to make your verse a “stand alone” poem. Renku is not a haiku sequence. Think of the nineteenth verse as making a new poem by extending and “turning” the eighteenth verse. Repeat nothing obvious from the first seventeen verses. Be especially careful not to draw our attention back to verse one or verse seventeen.
Here is what we have, so far:
A Better Look
dragonfly…
hovering back
for a better look
John Stevenson
the scarecrow’s hat
skims across the pond
Pauline O’Carolan
moonrise
finds the farm wife
undoing her braids
Ellen Compton
the creak
of the mailbox
Angiola Inglese
rising scent
of bosc pears
wrapped in cellophane
Michelle Beyers
his chiseled chin
and my smooth thighs
Wendy C. Bialek
‘after Picasso
only God’
said Dora Maar
andrew shimield
cat devouring
a bird
Kiti Saarinen
fresh snowfall
fills the tracks
of a thief
Carol Jones
our train chugs into
the station at the ski resort
Maxianne Berger
time was
a cigarette commercial
would feature here
Lorin Ford
the slow drawl
of her favorite cowboy
Marion Clarke
westernizing
the Kama Sutra
with rope tricks
Laurie Greer
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
Tracy Davidson
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
Linda Weir
Please enter your verse offers in the comments box, below. Linda or I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Monday, January 11 (New York time zone). On Thursday, January 14, there will be a new posting containing the selection for our nineteenth verse and instructions for composition of verse twenty.
Looking forward to seeing your offers!
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/
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carrying a pail
of pollywogs
.
Linda Weir
.
mountain cherry
worth seeing to walk
up and down
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
.
Linda Weir
.
skateboarders
go by plum trees
in a swirl
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
blossom drifting
into a spiral
of morning mist
Oh I’ve missed a lot-love your pail of pollywogs, Linda!
marion
all the jasmine
in the apple
of her eye
**
knitting fragrance
of rose on
a single thread
Haikudos, Linda! Nice use of whimsical alliteration in your verse.
.
blossoms
softly contradict
their gnarled branches
.
blossoms
emerge from buds
to grace the day
.
wind tossed blossoms
gather and separate
on zen garden sand
in the major bear
seven petals
of clematis
***************************
on the coastal road
the magnolia blossoms
suddenly
**************************
with this rain
so far away
the bee and the lilac
rain,
everywhere
Cherry blossoms
*****************************
if only I could
see flourish again
her peony ….
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
——Linda Weir
.
will-o’-the-wisp
blossoms
follow us home
carrying a pail
of pollywogs –Linda Weir
.
on a wet bough
apricot blossoms
arranged just so
.
(with a nod to E.P. )
.
on a black bough
apricot blossoms
placed just so
*
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
saucer magnolia
overflowing
with blossoms
*
a splash
of cherry petals
in the saucer magnolia
*
her withered hand
blossoms
with wisteria
*
the slither
of his hips
over mountain cherry
*
wiggling
and giggling
through peach blossom
Congrats, Linda.
before church
we go out
to gather up fiddleheads
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
Linda Weir
**
fresh crushed pigment
to honor
the year’s first blossoms
**
they gather
spring blossoms
into honey
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
——Linda Weir
.
pink blossom boats
race across
the rippled water
.
sakura petals
shower down
on lucky umbrellas
sakura petals
jump from mountain
to mountain
.
sakura petals
flutter
in the air
.
how the breeze
scattered petals jump off
cherry tree tops
Verse 5:
…
it rains
and apple blossom
drips from my trees
blossoms
under the cherry tree
leapfrog
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano — Tracy Davidson
.
carrying a pail
of pollywogs — Linda Weir
.
this year too
sakura buds open
days earlier
.
(There is a company in Japan that maps when the sakura blossom where, each year. It’s pretty clear that the trend is, little by little, year by year, earlier and earlier. )
.
(I’m not certain whether the kyu section of a renku is the “Don’t mention global warming or even hint at it” section. I know it wouldn’t do for the jo section.)
Good instincts, Lorin. The ha is the place for current events, politics, conflict, illness and other topics that would involve intense emotion. The kyu is, like the jo, comparatively formal and restrained in tone.
John,
Thank you very much for considering my verse as a potential segue in this interesting collaborative work called Renku. New to this endeavor for the last two weeks, I realize it is almost impossible to join in at the last minute and pen successful verses. It is a great joy for me that both weeks mine have come up for consideration.
Thank you for your brief overview of my words, as well as those of the others poets selected—they give me valuable insight concerning how they reflect and interact with past verses, which in the next Renku Session I will follow closely.
Alfred
Welcome, Alfred. Glad to have you in the game!
Oh, not sure if we need to avoid “ing” ending (repeat from the last verse). If so, then my propositions should read as follow
magnolias
triggers
a first sneeze
*
playmates
wiggle their nose
at the blossom trees
*
smell of magnolias
awakes
new allergies
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
(Linda Weir)
*
magnolias
triggering
a first sneeze
*
nose wiggling
from the smell
of blossom trees
*
smell of magnolias
awakening
new allergies
*
carrying a pail
of pollywogs — Linda Weir
*
we toast the blossom
in the park
with warm sake
wild blossom
freckles
the hedgerow
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
~Linda Weir
cherry blossoms
drift and float on
the water
dogwood blossoms
sprinkled on chessboards
in the park
peach blossoms
by outhouses are bigger
than saucers
❤️❤️Congratulations Dear Linda ❤️❤️
••••
bloom colorful bloom
a sprig of red tucked in my ear
Nani Mariani – Melbourne
.
.
in the east
a cherry
blossoms
.
her song pouch* full
of unsung
cherries
.
phantom limbs blossom
amidst a rash
of selfies**
.
fingertips
have an ear for
cherry blossoms
.
in the forbidden zone
a cherry blossoms
freely
.
.
*A song pouch was a container usually tied to the main pillar of a poet’s house into which scraps of poems were dropped. It also refers to the balloon-like throat of the frog. (Robin Gill – Cherry Blossom Epiphany)
.
**Cherry blossoms were the symbols of Kamikaze fighters during World War II. (Faye Aoyagi)
.
.
love the song pouch; never heard of it before–thanks!
also love your last one about freedom. Well done!
Thanks for your kind words Laurie. If you are not familiar with Robin Gill, he is a very engaging and informative writer/translator, considered a ‘maverick’ within the field of Western studies on Edo-period poetry. Portions of his books are available for free on google books – check it out – highly recommended. Fay Aoyagi has a blog – Blue Willow Haiku World – also highly recommended.
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
.
Linda Weir
.
memories
of peach blossom
in the old orchard
.
tumbling
in star magnolias
on my birthday
.
star magnolias
tumble down
the slope
.
a tumble
of star magnolias
on the grass
.
magnolias
cart-wheel
down the slope
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano — Tracy Davidson
.
carrying a pail
of pollywogs — Linda Weir
.
a breeze
brings the tang of coastal
tea tree blossom
.
Coastal Tea Tree :
.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leptospermum_laevigatum
.
Some dogs climbing ancient coastal tea trees at Seaford, Victoria :
.
https://puppytales.com.au/seaford-foreshore-reserve/
Good one, Lorin. Love the tea trees.
Thanks, Ellen. 🙂
Love the polywogs , Linda! That verse makes me smile!
blossoms fall
onto the swaying swing
creaking in the wind
opossum strolling
across carpets
of dogwood blossoms
cherry blossom holds
the toddlers
attention
Aghh, I knew I was hasty in posting when I did.
***
Revising my third offering:
***
dogwood branches
bearing
stationary butterflies
the funnel in the flask
brimming
with blossoms
*
blossoms eager
for the wind
to test their mettle
*
blossoms breaking
each other’s
fall
*
blossoms seeking
their own levels
together
*
Congratulations Linda.
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
surprised
by daffodils
at the waters edge
blossoms
all the way
down
*
blossoms filling
in every blank
on the bucket list
*
Oops–filling no good.
*
blossoms satisfying
every blank
on the bucket list
*
the planter filled
with blossoms fallen
from the tuliptree
John, can we name a fruit tree in the verse? We have a pear in the poem.
That’s a great question, Ellen. We certainly can’t use a blossoming pear tree. But this is the blossom verse and cherry blossoms are the tradition here. We can possibly use a spring blossom other that a flowering tree – that is just my preference (and something I believe that Bill Higginson used to prefer).
“We can possibly use a spring blossom other that a flowering tree – that is just my preference . . . ” – John
.
John, at first I had the (quite wrong!) impression that you’d asked for a ‘flower’ verse. Many flowers bloom in spring (including the buttercups I used in my first go at this verse) but only certain trees and shrubs blossom. Once, it was only the flowers of stoned fruit that we called blossoms. Then, we added the trees that have pips in the fruit, like apples, like pears (and like tea trees) and then other trees, shrubs and vines that have seed pods, like wattle, like gourds, like wisteria, like camellias and etc.. I believe this should be noted, because:
.
if a spring blossom is called for, then, rightfully, everyone should be offering ‘blossom’ verses of some kind and not buttercups (as I did), daffodils, daisies, lilies etc. If you’d specified the more general ‘spring flower’ verse, then we could have anything that flowers in spring. But only blossoms blossom. Roses and irises and daffodils and lotuses don’t blossom; they bloom.
.
If we’re all to be on the same page, we all need to remember that not every flower is a blossom, let alone a cherry blossom (whether fruiting or ornamental)
Wonderful pollywogs, Linda ☺ .. and here, for fun ..
*
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
the metamorphosis
of plain-jane bulbs
into daffodils
John, I realize you prefer tree blossoms .. but when I map my verse onto a tree, well, the language of it seems so generic ..
**
the metamorphosis
of buds on the branches
into blossoms
**
so am sort of wondering .. it might only be because this verse I’ve presented is, well, generic .. [sigh] ..
renku is hard, but some one has to do it!
*
the metamorphosis
of plain-jane bulbs
into daffodils – Maxianne Berger
*
*
I think your original verse is fabulous Maxianne – you should trust your inner poetic voice – write what you feel and it will resonate with your audience.
That being said, I would like to suggest a one word change in your original verse, which I think would give it an added dimension, if you are open to it?
thanks, Princess K. Of course I’m open ☺
Nevermind Maxianne. On further consideration my suggestion was ill-conceived.
*
the metamorphosis
of plain-jane bulbs
into daffodils – Maxianne Berger
*
Perfect!
Linda, applause for your verse’s selection! It brought back a memory more than a half century old. Wandering around a lake with an older cousin, we came upon a pool in some rocks. It was filled with little black wriggling things, nothing like I’d ever seen before. “Pollywogs!” my cousin cried, leaving an impression my aging brain so far hasn’t erased. And to John, so close! My grass verse’s link-back to verse 16 escaped my examination against all the preceding verses, but just getting this close to final selection feels like an accomplishment to me. I shall try, try again!
***
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
~Linda Weir
***
a check mark beside
‘cherry blossom festival’
on my bucket list
***
the sweet possibility
in every blossom
on the plum tree
***
dogwoods bearing
stationary
butterflies
Congratulations Linda and thank you John
*
biking through
a blizzard of falling
cherry blossoms
*
biking
under falling
blossoms
over the arches
wisteria blossoms droop
close to her head
~~~
weeks later
the hawthorne blossom
still delights
While we can consider a range of blossom images, I do prefer that we work with the image of a blossoming tree – cherry, plum, peach, dogwood, magnolia, etc.
.
The blossom image should be the central focus of the verse rather than a prop for some other image. The blossom should be literal rather than “something like a blossom.”
.
In Japanese renku, to simply say “blossom” is sufficient because, if nothing different is specified, it is presumed that this means “cherry blossom.” The general significance of this image is the touchingly transient quality of something incredibly beautiful and the shared awareness of this quality by many people.
I have no idea if these are disqualified due to connections to previous verses, but I offer them up anyway. Thank you John for guiding us through this process and for your comments on the selections. I have learned so much and continue to learn as we go.
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
Linda Weir
.
forsythia
popping out
against the frost
.
early daffodils
serve up a teaspoon
of late snow
.
gathering irises
before the late frost
snatches them
.
an old postcard
of the cherry blossom festival
hand colored
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano — Tracy Davidson
.
carrying a pail
of pollywogs — Linda Weir
.
between puddles
the sunshine yellow
of buttercups
.
Pollywogs was a new one for me, Linda! Tadpoles where I come from. Wonderful how the English language varies so much, even here in Australia there are differences in word use and pronunciation between the States. I like your verse very much and am enjoying trying to link and shift. I’m glad you will take on the sabaki role fr this week’s selection; it’s really enlightening.
…
Thank you for mentioning my frog, John. There are lots of them around my place as we’ve had bounteous summer rain.
…
Verse 1:
…
they roll
down the hill
into a pile of blossom
…
Verse 2:
…
up on the hill
the cherry trees
shake their blossom
…
Verse 3:
…
branches of the crabapple tree
burdened
by blossom
…
Verse 4:
…
jacaranda petals
are just a lilac shade
of purple
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
.
Linda Weir
.
will I win
the prize for longest
daisy chain?
.
the prize
for longest
daisy chain
the jelly jar
of snowdrops
on my supper tray
cherry blossom
branches off
center in glass frog
also:
cherry blossom
off center
in glass frog
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
the muscari
jumps
its hardiness zone
*
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
jump starting
the garden
with forced narcissus
*
Congratulations Linda – an interesting turn in the renku, and thanks John, for your commentary.
.
.
jack
or is that jill
in the pulpit?
.
frenching
a prince
in lady slippers
.
a nose
gay
with cherry blossom
.
the poetic genius
emigrates
to a lily pad
.
.
congratulations Linda, Nicely done
********************************************
their painting
the roses red at
the white house
************************
crocus
pushing up either side
of the path
********************
almond blossoms
on a carton
of milk substitute
their painting
the roses red at
the white house (Michael)
.
Ah, yes, Michael! 🙂 Spot on! : There is has certainly been something of the presence of Lewis Carrol’s Red Queen at the White House in recent times.
.
“When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen’s “off with her head!”
Remember what the dormouse said;
“FEED YOUR HEAD” ”
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIyMBuM5AVw&list=RDjIyMBuM5AVw&start_radio=1&t=0
Jefferson Airplane the first concert i attended and first LP purchased way back when i was 17
The Airplane was awesome the best example of San Francisco acid rock. I saw them again the next year at 18
🙂 🙂 🙂 Wow!
.
Seems we’re on the same page, then, Michael.
Such a lovely surprise to see my verse selected. Thank you John for choosing it and for explaining the slight modification to remove the back link you noted. I would be happy to select for next week. Such fun to see the poem evolve over the weeks of our journey together.
Congratulations, Linda.
.
John, although I’m familiar enough with American (USA) culture to know the relation of “Little Leaguers” to baseball, l needed to search for the word “pollywogs”, and have learned something new. I wonder if I’m the only one?
.
polliwog
/ˈpɒlɪwɒɡ/
Learn to pronounce
noun
plural noun: pollywogs
1.
dialect•North American
a tadpole.
2.
informal•North American
a new sailor, especially one crossing the equator for the first time.
.
Origin
late Middle English (earlier as pollywiggle ): from poll in the sense ‘head’ + the verb wiggle.
.
( I’m not unfamiliar with tadpoles. 🙂 )
Lorin – You are very likely not alone on this as tadpole is much more common in usage, with pollywog being more informal and old fashioned.
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
tulips tailing off
as the columbine
come on
*
johnny jump ups
in the cherry blossom
nosegay
I love this one, Wendy! Johnny jump ups are a joyous flower, and perfect with “nosegay.” Also a neat way to get the jumping of a frog in the verse.
thanks, laurie! you totally got it!
*
and i enjoyed your “split-corona daffodils”
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
the unexhausted
display of double
cherry blossoms
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
nothing to fear
in the split-corona
daffodils
*
containers of tulips
absorbing
the cold
*
wolf’s bane
hiding
in aconitum’s clothing
*
congratulations Linda. a very delightful image. thank you John for clarifying the linkages in your comments. i missed so many linkages, including Linda’s. will be only reading the rest of this renku as untangling from previous verses and creating llnkages is something that needs more study. appreciate seeing these verses come alive in real time by accomplished renku poets. huzzah THF.
Dear Clysta (and everyone),
You are, of course, free to participant as a reader only or as a reader and poet, offering verses. There are no penalties for offering verses that, for one reason or another, cannot ultimately be used. One function of a renku, as I see it, is to stimulate creativity. And this can be served by the production of work that can be used either within the renku itself or later, in some other venue or capacity. That’s the long way of saying follow along as a reader but also please let us see your inspirations as they come to you!
thank you John…will do. 🙏🏻
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
crocuses
fading into
flowering onions
*
thanks, john for making this fun selection and all the enlightening commentary.
*
congrats to linda….and thank you for the fun pollywog verse!
.
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
.
Linda Weir
*
the widening
necklace
of plum blossom petals
I know we’ve had a ‘foreign word’ but these are so lovely when arranged just so.
kokedama snowdrops
sway gently
in the breeze
Congratulations, Linda a delightful image, and a marvellous choice, John, I enjoyed reading all your comments.
Thankyou for commenting on one of mine.
Great verse, Linda. Congratulations!
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
one round
garden of
grandiflorabunda
oops–
the rounded
beds of
grandiflorabunda
*
or
rounding out
gardens with
grandiflorabunda
*
to avoid repeat appearances of something solitary
Thanks, John, for your always astute and illuminating comments–and for including one of mine. Congratulations, Linda–a lovely verse with tons of potential!
*
carrying a pail
of pollywogs
*
Linda Weir
*
they both drink in
the beauty
of a hybrid tea rose
*
inheriting heirloom roses
better known
as antiques
*
heirloom roses
aka
antiques
*