The Renku Sessions: A Better Look – Week 17
Verse offerings totaled 93 this time, from 22 poets. Jackie Maugh Robinson is our selector and here is her report:
“Choosing among these verses has been one of the most satisfying experiences of my time writing poetry. I learned so much thanks to John’s generous and patient guidance. This acknowledgement would not be complete without expressing the admiration for and inspiration from the work of the lovely members of this community. Bless you one and all.
My favorites of this week’s verses are:
I don’t know what lies beneath the knotty, almost grotesque, aging burl tree bark. But a dream of its lumber rebuilding the ruins of a home, using ancient woodworking techniques quite caught my imagination. Lovely Sandra.
burl wood
dream from last night
leads the tenon
Sandra St-Laurent
And my choice for verse seventeen is this exquisite image. Is it an unfathomably untouched survivor of some disastrous event? The music will go on. As will my memory of Tracy’s poem. Thank you for sharing it with us.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
Tracy Davidson
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
For two years I belonged to an improv troupe. The first rule of improvisation is: no matter what an acting partner tosses in your lap, your response is some form of, “yes, and…” You “Never say NO” (deny/contradict). To do so stops the scene action’s forward movement.
On the contrary, renku poets are presented with exclusionary guidelines. In the seventeenth verse we’re asked to eschew various elements from previous verses: roads, parts of houses, food and critters. To be mindful of what’s to come. This time, no seasons, moon, love, blossoms (vegetation), art or colors. This seventeenth verse begins the kyu section which changes tone and should feature pleasant, optimistic and serene images and move away from disaster, darkness and drama.
I’m emphasizing all this to say that many of you wrote verses that happened to contain some of the above exclusions. But because they were just downright wondermous anyway, I include some of them below in a group I title:
Yes, and…
fast forward
to the miracle
of banksia seedlings
Lorin Ford
the light touch
of tannin
in my Beaujolais
Ellen Compton
cups rimmed
with intricate curlicues
ready for the kiln
Maxianne Berger
signs of life emerge
from fertile.
empty spaces
Carol Jones
the oven packed
with half-baked
tarts
Laurie Greer
catching
the falling glass
just inches from floor
Debbie Feller
we toast
marshmallows
and tell tall tales
Pauline O’Carolan
kites flying above
barbed wire in the
refugee camp
Dan Campbell
contemplating
another color for the
orange wall
Peggy Hale Bilbro
in lab coats
they search through the debris
for new church windows
Alfred Booth
above the aurora
meteors backbeat
with the Sàmi
Clysta Seney
how peaceful
since those neighbors
moved away
Dana Rapisardi
the road home
starts by the willow
where the water speaks
Johnathan Alderfer”
John speaking again:
Tracy Davidson will now be offered the opportunity to select our next verse. Please let me know, Tracy, if you would like to do so. If you prefer not to, I will step in. And, if you decide to do it, you can count on my support.
And now we move on to our eighteenth verse, which is the first of three spring verses that will conclude our renku.
Our eighteenth verse should:
- consist of two natural, unforced lines
- constitute a single phrase, without a grammatical break
- contain a spring seasonal reference (kigo) – but not a blossom (which will be required in the next verse)
Do not attempt to make your verse a “stand alone” poem. Renku is not a haiku sequence. Think of the eighteenth verse as making a new poem by extending and “turning” the seventeenth verse. Repeat nothing obvious from the first sixteen verses. Be especially careful not to draw our attention back to verse one or verse sixteen.
Here is what we have, so far:
A Better Look
dragonfly…
hovering back
for a better look
John Stevenson
the scarecrow’s hat
skims across the pond
Pauline O’Carolan
moonrise
finds the farm wife
undoing her braids
Ellen Compton
the creak
of the mailbox
Angiola Inglese
rising scent
of bosc pears
wrapped in cellophane
Michelle Beyers
his chiseled chin
and my smooth thighs
Wendy C. Bialek
‘after Picasso
only God’
said Dora Maar
andrew shimield
cat devouring
a bird
Kiti Saarinen
fresh snowfall
fills the tracks
of a thief
Carol Jones
our train chugs into
the station at the ski resort
Maxianne Berger
time was
a cigarette commercial
would feature here
Lorin Ford
the slow drawl
of her favorite cowboy
Marion Clarke
westernizing
the Kama Sutra
with rope tricks
Laurie Greer
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
Tracy Davidson
Please enter your verse offers in the comments box, below. Tracy or I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Monday, January 4 (New York time zone). On Thursday, January 7, there will be a new posting containing the selection for our eighteenth verse and instructions for composition of verse nineteen.
Looking forward to seeing your offers!
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/
This Post Has 73 Comments
Comments are closed.
the papoose falls
asleep on the swing
spring rain erasing
Little Leaguers’ smiles
Oops. My apologies! We are in the closing movement, and the erased smiles are a downer. How about
.
spring training puts the smile
on a Little Leaguer’s face
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
——Tracy Davidson
.
a fighting kite performs
under a balcony of clouds
.
and now the wind
is just the wind
meant to write:
.
fighting kites perform
under a balcony of clouds
*
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
candelabra lit
for the early robin
*
or:
*
candelabra lit
for spring equinox
*
my child’s crayoned heart
stands by the metronome
humming of bee
on the budding fragrance
***
2) swinging parrot
on nodding buds in morn
3) fast breeze
on the stay of serenading toy
reflections of a paper lantern
high above the clouds
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 1/4/21
I’ve still got song
of an April morning in May
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 1/2/21
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
the planes of the Delta kite
battered with flexing
*
playing too hard
with the multi-plane kite
*
too many ways to play hard
with the multi-plane
Thank you to Jackie for picking my verse, and to everyone else for their lovely comments about it.
Alas, I didn’t have time to join in this week. But have been enjoying this renku challenge very much.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
kites at play
in the balmy breeze
*
not one to soft pedal
the first balmy breeze
*
oops–scratch the second one–
no need to start with another “not.” or another “one” after the solitary goldfish.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
Tracy Davidson
*
gentle gather
of gosari for bibimbap
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
Tracy Davidson
*
children in concert
conduct bubble wands
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
Tracy Davidson
.
our postman’s helmet
vs swooping magpies
.
or
.
our postman’s helmet
versus swooping magpies
.
https://www.bicyclenetwork.com.au/tips-resources/know-how/magpie-madness/
.
Laughing at the advice in this article, Lorin. Thanks for providing it. I’ve only lived in So. California and Las Vegas, Nevada and there it’s the mockingbirds you need to beware of. My springer spaniel had the kind of coat that produced what I call feathers. Those on her head were targets for the mockers who used the fur for nest-making. The first thing the poor girl did when we let her out in the small back yard was duck! One day I went out to check on her and there she was, I swear, smiling with regal smugness.. She was positioned Sphinx like on the grass, paws crossed over a former mockingbird. Sadly, there was less singing in the trees that Spring.
I love this story about your mockingbirds, Jacqui. I’ve read about them, but had no idea they’d pluck fur from a live animal to line their nests with! That’s very cheeky. (I’d like to see a bird plucking fur from my cat!) How miserable for your spaniel until he/ she found a solution, which is a talent Spaniels have in their ancestry, as they were bred as bird hunting dogs. Hopefully, the other mockingbirds learned the lesson.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
balmy breeze transposed
for a fiddle head quartet
*
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
demonstrating his forte
with a pair of bubble wands
*
taking the measure
of a fiddle head fern
*
taking a bow
with the fiddle head ferns
*
four hands guide the kite
in the first balmy breeze
*
still too cold
to scarify the lawn
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
**
Tracy Davidson
*
seeds planted
in the ploughed field
*
skylark song
hangs in the air
only bare footprints
of a tea picker
Maybe not, ‘tracks’
And a few more following
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
-Tracy Davidson
*
last season’s treasures
composting
*
entire closets
awaiting the purge
*
purging
the clothing baskets
*
Happy new year everyone!
What a fun way to start the new year to start thinking about spring time 😉 Thank you so much for noticing and commenting my burl wood dream- I feel honoured! I read all comment and it does- help me- to have a better look (no pun intended) at the whole process 😉 Well, you made my day! Congratulations for the selected verse- beautiful start. Let’s see what other treasures will emerge for the last stretch!
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano — Tracy Davidson
*
yellow wax
on the rock skis
*
t-shirts
and skis
*
fresh smell
of thawing poop
*
muddy trails
becoming an obstacle course
*
muddy Monet
on my calves
*
With the mention of ‘her writer’s retreat’
is any mention of books/library to be avoided?
Yes, Carol. It would be preferable to avoid book- related images at this point. In a longer renku, the question can be “have there been enough verses since the last reference (to books/writing in this instance). But with a total of twenty verses, we will want to try for something new in every verse (aside from material that creates the link with each previous verse).
Thank you.
a striking display
of billowing bedclothes
children search for eight-leaf
clovers at Chernobyl
*
children search for glowing
clovers at Chernobyl
*
pupusa picnics
at La Libertad
Congratulations to Tracy for a fine verse, and to Jackie for choosing it. Thank you, Jackie, for mentioning my verse in the ‘Yes, and…’ section.
…
A happy and healthy 2021 to all, especially to the poets from lands stricken by Covid.
…
Verse 1:
…
still cold
as we listen to the stream
…
Verse 2:
…
treading lightly
over thin ice
…
Verse 3:
…
ploughing (plowing) deep grooves
in the earth
…
Verse 4:
…
tranquil newborn
in his cradle
…
Verse 5:
…
soul music
sung by a frog
…
Verse 6:
…
singing forte
in the lingering day
…
Verse 7:
…
serene setting
for outdoor opera
…
Verse 8:
…
tranquility
shattered by applause
…
Verse 9:
…
an avalanche
only metres away
…
Verse 10:
…
child and kite
dance in the wind
Yay Tracy! What a grand verse! And thank you Jackie, for including my offering in the “Yes, and”. Happy New Year !
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
**
Tracy Davidson
**
lambs in matching sweaters
bouncy bouncy bounce
**
the kindergartners singing
♪ Rain Rain Go Away ♪
**
Congratulations, Tracy!
Happy New Year to everyone here!!
the sweet song
of leaves in the wind
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 1/2/21
the sweet song
of butterflies in the wind
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 1/2/21
I kind of miss
my lily pad days
*
the sweet morning calls
of songs in flight
sweet morning sounds
of songs in flight
Congrats to Tracy on a verse really wondrous in its link to verse 16 and its movement forward! Also thanks to Jackie for deeming one of my offerings worthy of note.
***
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
~Tracy Davidson
***
finding his keys
where the snow bank was
***
patter of the rain
in sixteenth notes
***
the brightening tone
of the new grass
***
the kite’s taut string
twanging softly
not a scratched
on the baby
grand piano
•Tracy Davidson
••••
untouchable
in plain sight
Monalisa’s smile
Nani Mariani, Melbourne
Thank you Jackie Maugh Robinson for including my lines in your “Yes, and…” selection.
**
Congratulations Tracey Davidson for saving the baby grand; the pianist I am had a hard time diverging from your lovely inspiration. Here are my proposals for your consideration.
**
**
ice melts
below a kingfisher’s branch
**
fog over lake ice
lulls the full moon’s beacon
**
a thousand tsuru
take flight in morning mist
Well done Jackie and Tracy. Beautiful work.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
Tracy Davidson
.
powder blue eggs
nestled in down
.
fresh grass cut
and soft elastoplast
.
elastoplast and
‘mummy kiss it better’
.
mummy
kiss it better
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano (Tracy Davidson)
*
carrying home
a pail of pollywogs
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
Tracy Davidson
*
just a reflection
of sleeping buddha
.
https://i.etsystatic.com/22611874/r/il/3fa1a4/2553292584/il_1140xN.2553292584_iihu.jpg
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
Tracy Davidson
*
raised him since infancy
and now he raises her
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X0_eaY_c4Q
Congrats Tracy and thank you Jackie and John and happy new year to all.
*
butterflies weaving over the lawn
with no flight plan
what a grand verse selection to move the renku forward and welcome in a new year. congrats Tracy. thanks for the mention of my verse Jackie. wishing poets everywhere a healthy and hopeful 2021.
clysta
Congratulations, Tracey and a nice choice, Jackie. I thought this verse spot was a difficult one to fill, and I think you’ve hit the right note with this verse:
.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano — Tracy Davidson
.
Also, it’s cheering to see my verse on your list despite that (as I saw in retrospect) it was impossible, considering this verse spot is uchikoshi to the upcoming flower verse. I’m reminded that we need to be looking forward to where the renku is going quite as much if not more than we look for the dreaded ‘backlink’. 🙂
.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
“who?” and “ha!”
notes a kookaburra fledgling
.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
——Tracy Davidson
.
waterfalls polishing
the mountain granite
.
the sound of the forest floor
lifting up
just enough shade
beneath emerging leaves
Perfect choice for the next verse! Kudos to Tracy, and to Jackie for selecting it. I was also pleased to see that you paused on my verse in your ‘yes, but…’ list. Below are my offerings for verse 18. It is getting harder and harder to avoid all the no-nos!
.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
Tracy Davidson
.
broken branches
poke through the spring mist
.
humming along
with the first mosquito
.
falling again
for the same April Fool joke
.
spring cleaning turns up
my son’s stash
.
spring cleaning turns up
my old harmonica
Hopeful New Year to all My Poetry Friends / Nice verse Tracy
******************************************************************************
strains of happy birthday
escape from a balloon
some hopeful offerings for the new year
.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
——Tracy Davidson
.
a soft haze erases
our imperfections
.
muddy sandals
washed clean in the rain
To our sabaki and all our contributors–my thanks for your shared creativity and all good wishes for a better year to come. See you next year!
congrats to Tracy and the piano .. lovely verse ☺ .. and thanks to Jackie for wise comments, and also for pausing on one of my offerings .. The constraints are becoming more and more restrictive .. shall think a while and offer something .. for fun .. but in the meantime, thank you, John, for keeping us going, and to this lovely gathering of poetically-minded friends, a happy celebration of the end of [groan] 2020 .. and may 2021 be kind to us all!
Just joining in the fun:
.
soap bubbles pop new notes
onto the band’s sheet music
.
tuneful wind chimes
accompany a lamb’s baa
.
sure the shamrocks dance
to a tin whistle air
.
Here’s to a healthy, happy new year.
Oops, looks like it doesn’t bode wool for the little lamb since verse fifteen has already floated a goldfish!
“Oops, looks like it doesn’t bode wool for the little lamb since verse fifteen has already floated a goldfish!” – Jackie
.
Hmmm, I’m not so sure about that, Jackie. There’s a big difference between a fish in a bowl and a mammal. There seem to be 6 kinds of animal beings in renku: 1. humans ,2. other land mammals (eg. lambs, tigers etc), 3. fish, 4. birds, 5. frogs (& etc. eg. lizards, snakes, alligators etc) and 6. insects.
.
We do have a cat and a bird in verse # 8
.
cat devouring
a bird — Kiti Saarinen
.
It’s a long way back, though. I wouldn’t have thought a “lamb” so much later would be an issue.
.
What I’d really appreciate is John’s view on this issue, both in particular and in general.
Me too, Lorin! Searching for choices, I began to feel like a partially blindfolded scavenger hunter in a “find the items” puzzle. But it was fun.
Me too, Lorin! Searching for choices, I began to feel like a partially blindfolded scavenger hunter in a “find the items” puzzle. But such fun.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
well-tuned
kite in wind harmonies
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
the itch of hives
from fresh abalone
*
just itching for the feel
of a fresh blade of grass
*
peeling the lid from a smooth
Easter mocktail
*
oops–forgot about the “fresh snowfall”
revisions:
*
the itch of hives from slightly
off abalone
*
just itching for the feel
of a tender blade of grass
*
oops to “smooth” too.
maybe:
*
peeling the lid from an Easter mocktail
debut
*
sorry!
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
Tracy Davidson
*
kite braced by
bamboo chop sticks
*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87NIC35Psw8
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
Maypole dance growing wilder
as the mud hardens
*
improvising fresh steps
around the Maypole mud
*
the Maypole dance off to as
dizzying start
*
oops–errant a.
Last one should be:
*
the maypole dance off to a
dizzying start
*
excellent pick! and interesting commentary from jackie! and thank you for guidance, john.
.
congrats! tracy! i love your grand piano verse. how perfectly it follows jackie’s verse!
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
.
Tracy Davidson
basket-weave pattern
criss-cross saved eggs
correction:
basket-weave pattern
criss-crosses saved eggs
.
basket-weave pattern
criss-crosses speckless eggs
.
may the new year
of 2021
be speckless!
Congratulations, Tracy! Lovely verse, with many ways to take us ahead. Thank you, Jackie, for your thoughts and I am glad you enjoyed my tarts!
Also: a happy and healthy new year to all!
*
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
*
Tracy Davidson
*
forgetting the words
to the Maypole song
*
A marvellous choice Jackie, enjoyed reading your thoughts on the considered verses, and congratulations Tracy a wonderful verse.
Thankyou, Jackie for placing my verse in the line up, always a thrill to see.
Look forward to reading all the forthcoming verses.
Have Happy Healthy and Poetic New Year, everyone.