The Renku Sessions: A Better Look – Week 16
A generous 146 verse offerings this time, from 28 poets. Nimi Arora makes the selection for verse sixteen and reports as follows:
“I have to start with saying that I appreciate the task of choosing that one verse all the more, having attempted it this once, as I loved so many and really struggled to choose one. Thanks to John Stevenson for his guidance and patience through the process.
One of my favourites is Peggy Hale Bilbro’s
timing the jump
off the merry-go-round
And then there’s Robert Kingston’s
children pointing at toys
in the locked down store
which connects to the previous verse and connects with the emotions many of us are struggling with these days.
Also, Ellen Compton with her beautiful wordplay in
having no aces
I tell him to fish
And then there is this one, the one I finally picked for its vivid images and amazing possibilities and, as John helped me understand – ‘a pretty direct link from “moonlight” to “red sun”’
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson”
John speaking again:
Jackie Maugh Robinson will now be offered the opportunity to select our next verse. Please let me know, Jackie, if you would like to do so. If you prefer not to, I will step in. And, if you decide to do it, you can count on my support.
I know that some of our experienced renku partners will see that the ruin of rooms in the new verse can be considered a back-link to “house” in verse fourteen. And perhaps that “paints” is somewhat reminiscent of the arts-related images in verses six and seven. I support its selection, even in the face of these considerations. Partly, this is because it feels bold to depart knowingly from the rules once in a while and partly because Jackie’s verse has just the sort of cauterizing effect that I hoped for in concluding the middle (ha) section of our renku.
And now we move on to our seventeenth verse, which is the opening verse in the third and final section of our renku (the “kyu”). Of the kyu, Professor Shinku Fukuda said, “This part should be written calmly and pleasantly. Here, again, we can say ‘we write in a suit and a tie [or other formal attire].”
Our seventeenth verse should:
- consist of three natural, unforced lines
- constitute a single phrase, without a grammatical break
- contain no seasonal element – also no moon, no love, no blossom
Do not attempt to make your verse a “stand alone” poem. Renku is not a haiku sequence. Think of the seventeenth verse as making a new poem by extending and “turning” the sixeenth verse. Repeat nothing obvious from the first fifteen verses. Be especially careful not to draw our attention back to verse one or verse fifteen.
Here is what we have, so far:
A Better Look
dragonfly…
hovering back
for a better look
John Stevenson
the scarecrow’s hat
skims across the pond
Pauline O’Carolan
moonrise
finds the farm wife
undoing her braids
Ellen Compton
the creak
of the mailbox
Angiola Inglese
rising scent
of bosc pears
wrapped in cellophane
Michelle Beyers
his chiseled chin
and my smooth thighs
Wendy C. Bialek
‘after Picasso
only God’
said Dora Maar
andrew shimield
cat devouring
a bird
Kiti Saarinen
fresh snowfall
fills the tracks
of a thief
Carol Jones
our train chugs into
the station at the ski resort
Maxianne Berger
time was
a cigarette commercial
would feature here
Lorin Ford
the slow drawl
of her favorite cowboy
Marion Clarke
westernizing
the Kama Sutra
with rope tricks
Laurie Greer
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
Please enter your verse offers in the comments box, below. Jackie or I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Monday, December 28 (New York time zone). On Thursday, December 31, there will be a new posting containing the selection for our seventeenth verse and instructions for composition of verse eighteen.
Looking forward to seeing your offers!
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/
This Post Has 113 Comments
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*
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms (Jackie Maugh Robinson)
*
declaring it
was Mrs. Peacock
with a candlestick
Congrats to Nimi on a fine selection.
*
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms (Jackie Maugh Robinson)
*
happy hour
now
a zoom call
I see that my lines included a color and that is a no-no for this verse. Oops! Too bad because I really liked the first version! So here is my revised offering:
contemplating
another pattern for the
bathroom tile
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
on the bridal path
clumps of mud make mountains
for termites
Would that be “bridle path”, Robert?
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight — Nimi Arora
.
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms —Jackie Maugh Robinson
.
fast forward
to the miracle
of banksia seedlings
.
. . . how it all begins again (Banksias are just one example, the most obvious one)
.
“All Banksia exhibit serotiny to some extent. Most retain all of their seed until release is triggered by fire, but a few species release a small amount of seed spontaneously. Serotiny is achieved through the mechanism of thick, woody follicles, which are held tightly closed by resin. Seeds retained in follicles are protected from granivores and the heat of bushfire, and remain viable for around ten years. Follicles require a critical heat in order to melt the resin, so that the follicles may begin opening; . . .”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecology_of_Banksia
p.s.
.
In case anyone asks : Some citizens of the USA might prefer the hyphenated version, “fast-forward”, to “fast forward” . This is probably because the Merriam-Webster dictionary has adopted that version. However, there are many dictionaries which will show that my local (and preferred) version is not incorrect.
The nineteenth verse will be the blossom verse for this renku. A good idea, therefore, to avoid any sort of plant or vegetation images in this seventeenth verse.
So no seedlings before blossoms, then. 🙂 It seemed such good idea. Ok, John, got it.
Well, ya’ never know., exceptions, as we see, are made 🙂
. . . and (duh!) I somehow miscounted, which led me to believe that the blossom verse was next, whereas of course any blossom verse would commit ‘return to last-but one’ if last-but-one had a seedling or any plant reference.
not a scratch
on the baby
grand piano
Please do not include named colors in your verse 17 offers. We have named colors in the two previous verses (gold and red).
oops. Thanks, John. Back to the old drawing board😉
how vast and vibrant
the earth in blue sky
and white cloud
***
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/28/20
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
***
a dandy
greeting the neighbourhood
lobster pet in tow
***
behind the stroller
testing the neighbourhood’s
acoustic
***
burl wood
dream from last night
leads the tenon
***
in the mail
a congratulations letter
and a plan
***
hurrying
between well-worn covers
nana’ slow cook recipes
***
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
sorting rags
for quilts
and rugs
*
Congrats, Jackie, on your very vivid verse!
***
‘red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms’
~ Jackie Maugh Robinson
***
a sudden blush
on his formerly
ashen face
***
looking cool
in powder blue
with a white bow tie
***
the light
through the curtains
looks colored blue
***
how peaceful
since those neighbors
moved away
***
laying out
a labyrinth
for walking meditation
Verse 9:
…
the statue
‘lifts her lamp
beside the golden door’
…
Verse 10
…
it is a great honour
for athletes
to carry the torch
Just realised ‘golden’ door relates back to ‘goldfish’. Sorry!
Verse 9 (substitute):
…
the statue’s torch
symbolises
hope and freedom
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
*
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
given the award
they go
to the gallery
Oh Carmen, Very clever! So, Nimi, do you prefer The Art House or The New York Gallery of Chinese Art?
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
*
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
Jackie, have you tried out “burnt-out” instead?”
What a great question, Carmen!
.
Yes, I knew it would be a conventional choice to hyphenate the phrase. But for a few exceptions, you will see little punctuation and even less capitalization in my poetry. For me It is about aesthetics of the layout. The less interrupting the flow of words, the greater their appeal.
.
the fullness of a page
all but empty
tiny poem
.
More than you asked for. I hope you don’t mind my sharing.
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
——Jackie Maugh Robinson
.
smiling blue fox
laughs as
the world floats by
.
the road home
starts by the willow
where the water speaks
barns look
tiny in a
parachute
barns look
tiny from a
parachute
*
the first responder
welcomes a work transfer
to parks and rec
*
the 911
responder lands
a park docent job
living abroad
and missing that
sweet southern drawl
*
the ight touch
of tannin
in my Beaujolais
oops!
.
the light touch
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
.
Jackie Maugh Robinson
.
between charred trees
the miracle of green
banksia seedlings
.
dot the charred forest
.
please ignore the extra one-line bit at the bottom, above. Duh.
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
fantasia without a theme
in the improv
amphitheater
*
fantasia discovering its theme
in the ad-hoc
amphitheater
*
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
*
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
around the bathtub
scented candles
dance their shadows
*
the glass blower
seems to draw iridescence
from the air itself
Love them both, Maxianne–both beautiful. Thanks!
thnx, Laurie ☺ received my book about Sam Herman as a holiday gift .. so am thusly inspired ..
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
refreshing the planet
with a host
of new species
*
hope I’m not belaboring this; very taken with the article and the turning point in the poem!
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
technology heralds
an explosion
of new species
*
the welcome
explosion
of cryptic species
*
welcoming
cryptic species
to the fold
*
ttps://www.theguardian.com/environment/2020/dec/25/discovery-of-cryptic-species-shows-earth-is-even-more-biologically-diverse-aoe
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
freeing the spirit
through a break
in the fourth wall
*
front porches
are banjo
concert halls
*
stars are
a fallen angel’s
porch light
After receiving valuable feedback from John regarding my concerns, I’d like to offer some guidance to you who have already posted ** and to those who have yet to do so.
.
**If you feel this pertains to your writes thus far, please feel free to offer new verses.
.
Just a reminder that this verse marks the movement from the middle (ha) to the ending section (kyu) in our renku and this should be evident through a strong change of tone, featuring pleasant, optimistic and serene images. My verse, which concludes the ha, features the aftermath of a disaster but it also contains an image of unexpected beauty and transformed vision. (Thank you, John!) In linking to it, please consider relating to something other than disaster since images of loss, illness, injustice, grief and the like are not what is needed in order to establish that we are moving on to the closing section of our renku.
train sleeper car
with the toilet
next to the bed
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
the hobo’s code
guides our way
through the city
at night earth
lights rumble
in a distant town
***
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/25/20
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
——Jackie Maugh Robinson
.
iron benches
replaced with beds
in the orangerie
.
the wind tells
a complicated story
to the very blue sky
Jonathan, really like the iron benches becoming beds. The orangerie is a brilliant link and shift! Chapeau!
Thank you, Marianne. I meant to reply to your earlier comment about the duilián qualities of the previous two verses. Very insightful and a learning experience for me.
Maxianne, sorry. Autocorrect messed with your name.
LOL .. am used to that, Jonathan .. so no never mind 😉
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
a cup of tea
with a new friend leads to
a meetup at dawn
*
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
(Jackie Maugh Robinson)
*
blackout
the uninvited phantom
ruins the scenery
*
charcoal sketches
all rolled up
in a tube
*
water drips
amplifying
the acoustic
*
Thanks! Beautiful selection and explanations. Can’t wait to read the following !
no wheelchairs
In grandpa’s black
and white photos
probably too many parts of houses already, but this is only for fun 😉
**
newspapers
where the door used to be
become rubble too
mining
stained glass
for precious metals
*
DIY projects
not always
a disaster
*
cured
of his mania
for do-it-yourself
*
son’s bedroom
is an airport
for paper planes
*
bedrooms, backyards
and barnlofts shrink
over the years
the defending Grand Master
plays through
her exhaustion
*
ignoring
the warning signs
of chronic fatigue
*
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
*
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
making the natural next move
from checkers
to chess
*
the flash-in-the-pan
career
of the average
chess prodigy
*
Congratulations Jackie and thank you Nimi and John.
*
kites flying above
barbed wire in the
refugee camp
Much obliged Dan. Happy Holidays
Nice one, Dan.
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
end game
played out
on moscow ceiling
hope all who celebrate holidays have done and will do it responsibly….with only spreading joy!
.
i’m a little late, in congrats!
suffering from migraine-producing juniper allergies in az.
.
thank you, john and nimi for bringing this intense image into our renku.
.
and thank you. jackie for creating it.
.
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
end game
played out
on a ceiling
sorry about your allergies Wendy, take care and keep your guard up … and, I guess, juniper allergies means no slow gin in your New Year toddies …. clysta
thanks for your warm concerns, clysta!
now, i hadn’t known a juniper connection with gin.
that may explain my passing out in my mid-teens from one sip
of gin at a new year’s eve party, i slept through the loud noise makers
and the descent of the times square ball.
*
LOL!!! the only drinks we have are vir-gin.
*
wishing you many haiku moments in 2021!
well, i typed in sloe but i guess the machines are flexing their muscles in this year of living dangerously
or perhaps Wendy, since the databases ‘know all’ the machine slowed the sloe gin just for you. My apologies if I offended. your vir ‘gin’ is a keeper.
I’m pleased it spoke to you, Wendy.
**
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
**
in lab coats
they search though the debris
for new church windows
lift forward
this life despite
impediments
**
2) quick rub
of handkerchief on
sweating neck
**
3) handy sketch
of paint brush
on oil smeared wall
**
4) beginning
of a new novel
on the tiny mound
5) point out your hand
on thief jumping
over the wall
signs of life emerge
from fertile
empty spaces
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
.
Jackie Maugh Robinson
.
a decade on
the valley still studded
with brick chimneys
.
brick chimneys
still stud the landscape
a decade on
.
the memory
of stale cigar smoke
lingers still
.
.
Hi Lorin
Thanks for the link. A wonderful read.
Brought to mind a programme I listened to, Christmas eve, BBC radio 4, Something Understood – hope in an age of adversity-
How so many find inspiration, joy and light in times of darkness by lighting that one candle.
Best wishes, now, and for the future.
Carol x
Thanks, Carol. I found the program you mention and there’s some really lovely music included, as well as wise thoughts and poetry.
Thanks for taking the time to seek this out. Programmes such as this fan
the flames of creativity in my mind . . . and doesn’t that fan have to work overtime 🙂
have a peaceful and creative new year
season’s greetings to all.
~
exhausted
but together we must
carry on
~
wildlife decimated
yet today there’s signs
of hope
~
conspiracies
from under the bed
forever convincing
~
untold
their dark secrets
ravished by flames
Verse 1:
…
we toast
marshmallows
and tell tall tales
…
Verse 2:
…
say kind words
and so good deeds
before bedtime
…
Verse 3:
…
scraping wallpaper
and finding
hidden treasure
…
Verse 4:
…
three chimneys
were all that remained
of his other life
…
Verse 5:
…
there is nothing
more frightening
than a man with a gun
…
Verse 6:
…
oh to go to sleep
until we wake
in 2021!
…
Verse 7:
…
the Chinese flag
raised high
over the Pacific
…
Verse 8:
…
shinrin-yoku
is perfect
for the weary and stressed
say kind words
and so good deeds
before bedtime
Hey Pauline,
.
Just so I have this right: Is “so” in line two a typo? Did you intend it to read, “and do good deeds” ??
Oh yes! Do good deeds!
I’ve discovered that this is fun! Thanks, John, for your guidance for us beginners.
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
…….
contemplating
another color for the
orange wall
…..
sun hat
at just the right angle hides
her chick lit novel
……
wondering if
blackened marshmallows
will ruin the s’mores
O no Peggy.
.
The only thing that could ruin any recipe containing chocolate is beets. Can’t abide ‘em.
I totally agree! In fact I like my marshmallows just short of blackened! 😄
Congratulations, Jackie and an interesting choice, Nimi and John. The image (red sun seeming to “paint fire” on the “burnt out rooms”) is stunningly real to me, , since I’ve witnessed this effect of a red sun casting a red glow on black, charred timber, of both forest trees and people’s homes. (I believe the effect has to do with particles of ash in the air cancelling out the blue spectrum. )
.
I have to say, though, that such an image with ‘red sun’ or ‘red moon’ instantly evokes the bushfire season which is generally considered to be summer in Australia. However I doubt that ‘bushfire/ wildfire’ is in any Japanese or USA saijiki list. (‘bushfire’ = USA ‘wildfire’ and not USA ‘brushfire’ )
.
I left a ‘Happy Christmas’ message on last week’s thread…somehow forgot that it was too late
https://thehaikufoundation.org/the-renku-sessions-a-better-look-week-15/
so I’ll simply copy it to here:
.
” December 24, 2020 at 4:43 am
.
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
.
~ Nimi Arora
.
adeste fidelis
and a thousand candles
.
Tonight it’s Christmas Eve for me in Melbourne, Australia. A quiet one. Traditionally, Melbourne has a ‘Carols by Candlelight’ event, attended by thousands (but that’d be crazy this year of the pandemic)
.
My warm wishes to John and to all of the participants in this renku, I wish you all a happy and peaceful Christmas or whatever each of you likes to celebrate at this time of the year.”
.
.
Thank you Lorin. Yes. I was envisioning casualties, not only of the wildfires across so many of our states this past season, but the devastating tragedy of massive bushfires in your homeland. I live in Las Vegas, Nevada and we experienced days and days of red sunlight. On a windy walk, I saw normally white pampas grass fronds that looked exactly like flaming torches.
.
Your adeste fidelis verse is beautiful. I love your poetry.
.
Happy Christmas and a healthy and peaceful new year. —J
Jackie, yes, I surmised that you’d actually experienced that weird ‘red sunlight’ effect. The image in your verse is striking. And (yikes!) that pampas grass on fire is so typical of the spotfires that are caused by flying sparks from the original fire, which can be miles away.
quiet Christmas Eves are the best. Happy New Year, Lorin!!
Thanks, Michelle, and a Happy New Year to you, too. 🙂
Well chosen, Nimi! Congratulations Jackie on a stunning verse. And thank you Nimi for noticing my haiku. I think we are all ready to jump off this eternal Covid lockdown merry-go-round.
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
cups rimmed
with intricate curlicues
ready for the kiln
Nice one, Maxianne!
thanks, Peggy ☺
I love it!
Thnx 🙂
Congratulations Nimi and Jackie!
*
catching
the falling glass
just inches from floor
*
Merry Christmas!
Thanks Debbie. Happy Christmas.
Merry Christmas 🎁🎄☮️
and A Happy New Year to
you all!
Merry Christmas from Australia!
…
Well chosen, Nimi, and a great verse, Jackie. Looking forward to trying to link and shift once the festivities are over.
…
We are so lucky where I am. Cricket match in the street, other neighbours hosting friends, my man and me drinking champagne while he cooks duck a l’orange.
…
My very best to all of you doing it tough! Please keep safe and healthy.
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
the oven packed
with half-baked
tarts
*
Well done and congratulations to, Nimi, on your selection, and Jackie for your chosen vibrant verse.
Maxianne, I enjoyed reading your thoughts, interesting, and something to read up on.
Have a wonderful festive holiday, everyone 🙂
Nice work Nimi. I too enjoyed all your choices. Jackie, congratulations on a vibrant 15th verse:
*
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
above the aurora
meteors backbeat
with the Sàmi
*
the song-chant joiks
of the Sàmi people
fill the air
*
Thanks Clysta. Your verses sent me on an expedition to find the Sàmi people in the Nordic regions they inhabit and Joiks they chant. A fascinating travelogue on Wikipedia.
thank you Jackie, glad you followed up. I was thinking of reindeer when i wrote it and the people who cooperate with them… always interesting what elements of other cultures embed in ours.
Lovely verses, Clysta. The New York Time (online) ran a series of photos of the Sami, their reindeer, and the aurora borealis. Your verses really spoke to me.
perhaps that was what inspired me. thx Ellen and glad you appreciated.
Nimi, Haikudos for hosting and I’m truly grateful you felt my verse merited your selection.
.
Thank you Carol, for your kind words. Looking forward to the next session.
May we all stay safe in the coming months. Write on!
congrats to Jackie Maugh Robinson .. I love the colourfulness of this verse .. and I enjoyed Nimi Arora’s other choices, too ☺
although not technically a match-match, I can’t help but think of Chinese duilián couplets in seeing the two consecutive verses with their similar syntax and antithetical content:
*
a solitary goldfish glitters in moonlight
red sun paints fire on burnt out rooms
*
okay, admittedly far-fetched, but the *feeling* of duilián is there .. night/ day, cool/ heat .. “feeling” ..
shall try to come up with some follow-up, for fun ☺ thanks, John, for keeping us going, and Jackie, enjoy the fun of choosing!
Thank you, Maxianne. While not familiar with the Chinese reference, I quite like finding contrasting, and/or “contradicting” images in poems and tend to use the technique liberally in mine.
Jackie, that is an approach I’d never thought of .. must try it .. when I first learned of duilián from a Chinese poet in our local haiku group, he gave the example, then very current, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ..
oops–
I guess a mythic bird is still a bird. And “a” creature is too close to a solitary goldfish.
Maybe:
*
cornered shadows
contemplate
a next move
*
calm shadows
contemplate
a next move
*
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
Jackie Maugh Robinson
*
a cornered Phoenix
contemplates
a next move
*
Congratulations, Jackie! And well chosen, Nimi.
Happy holidays to all, and stay safe!