The Renku Sessions: A Better Look – Week 15
As we get to the later verses in a renku, the need to avoid topics and images already touched upon makes it more difficult to select new verses. Adding to this the strong preference to include new poets wherever possible amplifies these challenges.
Despite the technical shutdown of the website before our submission deadline, we gathered 87 verse fifteen offers this week, from 21 poets. Michael Henry Lee is our selector and reports as follows:
“My Tai Chi instructor reminds us that: the task before us is, neither difficult, nor impossible, but simply challenging. That was certainly the case for settling on our verse 15 for “A Better Look” Initially may I extend my profound thanks to John Stevenson, for his direction and clarification in the details and of course, all our participants who make this experience possible.
Interestingly enough; as I begin to compile my observations, the Haiku Foundation website is unavailable as of 4:15 PM EST. And with our cutoff date of midnight tonight, perhaps another challenge lays ahead. Most fortunately I made detailed notes of my initial impressions.
Previous contributors provided some especially appealing verses that unfortunately could not be considered in our final selection.
Here are a few of my favorites in that category:
the reef now
white with coral spawn
cued by the moon
Lorin Ford
the short night’s moon
hangs out for a while
with wet beach towels
Lorin Ford
a frog plops
near a manor of
a thousand moons
Michelle Beyers
a smear
of strawberry moon
on the copyright page
Laurie Greer
a clean sheet
of paper and
the pina colada moon.
Wendy Bialek
has the carnival
brought this pink moon
and cotton candy sky
Windy C. Bialek
the cormorant fisher
working by moonlight
out in the bay
Andrew Shimifield
In a foreshortened week here are the contenders from poets not previously included:
taking notes
on the mockingbird’s song
in the spotlight moon
Dana Rapisandi
“Taking notes” supplies a strong link to 14 and perhaps a summer moon with mockingbird. Mockingbirds are definitely a summer bird in most of North America but I was under the impression we were trying to stay away from regional kigo.
the double rainbow
sandwiches
a butter milk moon
Tracey Davidson
A lovey curious image but I didn’t find a very strong link, and the image of a double rainbow with the moon seemed rather improbable
the short night’s moon
poems
in her octopus pot
princess k
Close but not quite what I was looking for
And finally
a lonely goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
Nimi’s verse checks all the boxes. Lonely is a clear link back to verse 14 and goldfish is a summer kigo. One suggestion to make the verse more appealing, at least for me, would be changing “lonely” to “solitary”. I thought “lonely”a bit too anthropomorphic, but John assured me that is not an issue in our renku.
So with that, my selection for week 15 is:
a lonely goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
With Nimi’s permission I would like the final Week 15 Verse to read:
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight”
John speaking again:
Nimi Arora will now be offered the opportunity to select our next verse. Please let me know, Nimi, if you would like to do so. If you prefer not to, I will step in. And, if you decide to do it, you can count on my support.
And now we move on to our sixteenth verse, which is the final verse in the middle section of our renku (the “ha”) and should close us out of that part with a good bang.
Our sixteenth verse should:
- consist of two natural, unforced lines
- constitute a single phrase, without a grammatical break
- contain no seasonal element – also no moon, no love, no blossom
While you are encouraged to find your own fresh images, here are some topic areas we might explore: children, toys, games, prominently foreign words, current events, place names, technology, philosophy, mathematics.
Do not attempt to make your verse a “stand alone” poem. Renku is not a haiku sequence. Think of the sixteenth verse as making a new poem by extending and “turning” the fifteenth verse. Repeat nothing obvious from the first fourteen verses. Be especially careful not to draw our attention back to verse one or verse fourteen.
Here is what we have, so far:
A Better Look
dragonfly…
hovering back
for a better look
John Stevenson
the scarecrow’s hat
skims across the pond
Pauline O’Carolan
moonrise
finds the farm wife
undoing her braids
Ellen Compton
the creak
of the mailbox
Angiola Inglese
rising scent
of bosc pears
wrapped in cellophane
Michelle Beyers
his chiseled chin
and my smooth thighs
Wendy C. Bialek
‘after Picasso
only God’
said Dora Maar
andrew shimield
cat devouring
a bird
Kiti Saarinen
fresh snowfall
fills the tracks
of a thief
Carol Jones
our train chugs into
the station at the ski resort
Maxianne Berger
time was
a cigarette commercial
would feature here
Lorin Ford
the slow drawl
of her favorite cowboy
Marion Clarke
westernizing
the Kama Sutra
with rope tricks
Laurie Greer
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
Please enter your verse offers in the comments box, below. Nimi or I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Monday, December 21 (New York time zone). On Thursday, December 24, there will be a new posting containing the selection for our sixteenth verse and instructions for composition of verse seventeen.
Looking forward to seeing your offers!
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
.
~ Nimi Arora
.
adeste fidelis
and a thousand candles
.
Tonight it’s Christmas Eve for me in Melbourne, Australia. A quiet one. Traditionally, Melbourne has a ‘Carols by Candlelight’ event, attended by thousands (but that’d be crazy this year of the pandemic)
.
My warm wishes to John and to all of the participants in this renku, I wish you all a happy and peaceful Christmas or whatever each of you likes to celebrate at this time of the year.
.
– Lorin
***
solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
——Nimi Arora
.
breakers wash into the harbor
without a care
.
diamond dust settles
on the family tree
Verse 2:
…
Christmas in lockdown
is the last straw
…
Verse 3:
…
London in lockdown
is the final straw
…
Verse 4:
…
hunting whales
in the Southern Ocean
…
Verse 5:
…
hunting whales
in the North Sea
…
all my surrendering
to pink noise
***
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/21/20
the great conjunction breaking up
their lockdown protest
grey into grey
streets without a name
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/20/20
grey into grey
street without a name
***
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/21/20
grey into grey
streets with no name
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/20/20
***
grey into grey
street with no name
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/21/20
***
grey into grey
street without a name
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/21/20
bright illuminations on
emptied streets
*
who sang
“All Alone Am I”?
*
contented lockdown with
my favourite web game
the Fibonacci sequence
exploring the Milky Way
*
automatic voice
at the highway exit
*
hula hoop in space
with saturn rings
*
a woman on the bus
reminds me of my mother
*
from the serving hatch
they come and go flat
*
fathers and sons lined up
the latest Ipad for the exit
*
voices of people on the street
on the day of the vote
*
a running race
through the streets of the historic center
*
from the mega-screen on the waterfront
the rings of saturn
*
in the planetarium room
the light of a cell phone
Sunday worshipper
honking hallelujah
I admire how wolves
take turns howling
*
lone wolf
waiting his turn to howl
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
watching this dewdrop world
through aqueous humour
*
treading this dewdrop world
in aqueous humour
Clysta, I really like this one .. it works on so many levels it’s incredible!
Thank you Maxianne. Nimi’s lovely goldfish image has recurred in my dreams this week.
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight (Nimi Arora)
*
Sneetches with and without
stars on their bellies
Sorry forgot to add my last name when submitting this one!
distorted figures viewed
through the bullseye window
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
texting tales
out of school
*
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
feeling confused
about my pronouns
that plastic patch the size
of two Lone Star states
*
the Pacific Garbage Patch now
the size of two Lone Star states
* *
always another plastic
in the sea
***
that plastic patch the size
of two Lone Star states
*
the Pacific Garbage Patch now
the size of two Lone Star states
*
always another plastic
in the sea
*
beam me up Scotty
and shuffle the deck
abandoned and then
afraid in Webster’s
herons gliding
over a yawning hippo
*
banjo music’s like
drinking spring water from a tap
having no aces
I tell him to fish
the new vaccine
reviving hope
*
this year I hope to see
the planets alignment
*
in my inbox a lot
of unread messages
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
under influence adults
share the space hopper
worse for wear adults race
on space hoppers
Thanks to Michael and Linda, and again, to all who’ve wished me well in my return!
To borrow from an infamous Bush quote involving fish:
we can co-exist
peacefully
proportio divina
≈ 1.618
approximately
1.618
the perfect ratio
could be somewhere
rating the service
on a scale of one to ten
*
twin hearts beat as one
in the sonogram
*
two hearts
brighten the sonogram
*
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
feeling less alone
as they/their/them
*
finding solidarity
with they/their/them
*
adding a line
for they/their/them
*
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
closely aligned planets
shine more brightly
*
I am pleased to announce that Nimi Arora has accepted the opportunity to choose our next verse.
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
. . .
Kudos, Nimi! Such an evocative image. Makes me smile.
* * *
red sun paints fire
on burnt out rooms
–
Pavarotti’s perfect note
sends sound waves through water
–
old pair of wanderlust sandals
wait by the open door
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
late demands
on oil in Guyana
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
.
Nimi Arora
*
the astronaut seals his helmet
ready for blast off
*
self-isolating
after a positive test
*
in jail again
on the Monopoly board
a lonely goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
wire wool clouds
take the shine off
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
how my ripples
leave me behind
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
.
Nimi Arora
*
celebrating
solitude
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
.
Nimi Arora
*
when silence
is listening
solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
.
Nimi Arora
*
the uncharted path
of coronavirus
*
children follow
an empty tin can
all that I am
there on the silvery hilltop
***
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/19/20
and they tell us how
small our world is
and they tell us
our world is small
Well done, Nimi.
.
the green jewel
that is samphire
mime climbing
the border wall
Such a lovely verse Nimi. Thank you Michael for the insightful commentary on your selection process and to John for all his behind-the-scenes assistance to this renku party.
*
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
my inbox overflowing
with phishing emails
Good one, Linda
zither wind in the pines
as an eagle drops a feather
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/18/20
***
sparkling dew seeps
in moss by the cave
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/18/20
***
an eagle circles in
zither wind over the pines
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/18/20
there in the west all I hold dear
in purple neon
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/18/20
oops the west has already been mentioned
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
kids stomping
in wet mud
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
how bright everything seemed
at the fin de siecle
*
Congratulations to Nimi! And thank you to Michael.
***
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
~ Nimi Arora
***
we bury her boardwalk prize
among its predecessors
***
auctioning an antique scale
from Sutter’s Mill
***
they say the neon’s bright
in Wuhan
***
a needle’s point glints
against the atmosphere
***
one tiny prick away
from breathing easier
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
room for muppet twins
among the cramped refugees
*
ttps://www.theguardian.com/world/ng-interactive/2020/jun/29/not-fit-for-a-human-coronavirus-in-coxs-bazar-refugee-camps
boatmen beneath
the wave off Kanagawa
1)all breaking bubbles
in single row
**
2) hands clasped
in tightening affection
**
3) all pebbles
in their rhythm of play
**
4) this hourlong headache
ends in my haiku write
*
lost my book of verses
in rush hour
As always fun to read all the offerings, the commentary and the reasoning for the final choice. Congratulations Nimi.
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
.
Nimi Arora
.
timing the jump
off the merry-go-round
.
a flash of zirconia
in the brass ring
his loss releases
her schadenfreude
***
COVID leaps
between species
***
the child
flushes her prize away
***
the scales
a fraction less
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
Nimi Arora
many covid divisions
around the crystal ball
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
building herd immunity
shot by shot
*
everyone eager for a shot
at herd immunity
*
leaving environmental protection
decimated
*
pristine ANWR
going going…
*
I’m glad you have recovered Matt!!!
******************************************
and now just for fun:
**************************
down in one gulp
of the Green Fairy
all those abandoned
treehouses and magic dragons
rain erasing the chalk
outline on a city street
from Paradise to Hell
is a Michigan day trip
(I think it is about 330 miles from Hell, Michigan to Paradise, Michigan)
Congratulations to Michael Henry for his insightful commentary, and to Nimi for a beautiful image.
…
Verse 1:
…
prick of the syringe
very welcome
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
.
la mer
a bercé mon cœur pour la vie
.
the sea
has rocked my heart for life
beautiful, Lorin!
Thanks, Michelle. Yes, it is beautiful . It’s from Charles Trenet’s ‘La Mer’ (as you most likely know). It’s somehow the song that’s most spot on, emotionally, to my feelings about the sea.
.
https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=la+mer+song
.
Thank you, Lorin. I feel like that song sings my heart soul although I had never heard it before. Pure poetry! I love all the inagery, the silver reflections of la mer!😃
“See (see)
Voyez (voyez)
These white birds (these white birds)
Ces oiseaux blancs (ces oiseaux blancs)
And these rusty houses (la-la-la-la-la-la)
Et ces maisons rouillées (la-la-la-la-la-la)”
*imagery
” I feel like that song sings my heart soul”. – Michelle.
.
Yes, how true that is, for me too, Michelle. How to say it, when it hits home so well? I don’ t know , but that French man did it, a year before I was born. I don’t even speak French and it doesn’t matter one bit, in this case.
.
I agree, Lorin. I put his music on and played it all night till I fell asleep. Such a soothing and pleasant melodious voice like a day a la mer itself…
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
stuff outweighing life
by a matter of gigatons
*
Congratulations Nimi, I enjoyed your verse and read it several times
*
sipping adios and kwa heri
in my alphabet soup
Congratulations, Nimi. An excellent choice by Michael! (Out of curiosity, I looked up ‘goldfish’ in Haiku World, and sure enough, there it is, with its own entry and separate from ‘carp’ (which is also in the ‘all seasons’ category)
.
Thanks , Micheal for mentioning those two of mine (especially the coral spawning . . . it was happening at the time, up off Cairns . . . our summers officially begin on the 1st of December.)
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
persona non grata
in Mar-a-Lago
Thank you, Michael, for the commentary and for appreciating my manor of a thousand moon verse.
Congratulations, Nimi! Onwards and upwards we go!!
eeking out fossils of feathers
and bones in the canyon
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/17/20
***
flint eeking out fossils of
feathers and bones
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/17/20
she sifts flour
hangs the sieve on wall
hitting rock
with his ax
full cat
of house
saffron
on pomander
coming into question
cat’s tail
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
the sparkle bomb bursting on
an unwary porch pirate
*
a slow screen saver with
renewable energy
*
little bubbles drift up
to an empty thought balloon
congrats to Nimi and the goldfish .. and thanks, Michael, for interesting comments .. now to think of some just-for-fun follow-ups ..
congratulations from
the ones who can add
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
mesmerized by the bubbles
aerating the aquarium
*
…and then
there were none
*
what a calm. peaceful green and unique, creative
typography in the new format! glad to see the site
and members back!
*
hi, john, thanks for your continued guidance.
*
great pick(s) and clear, concise commentary, michael h. lee.
(thrilled that you enjoyed my pina colada and pink moon verses. )
*
nimi….what a beautiful verse you have contributed. am looking forward to your
participation of selecting…and commentary.
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
the rush of room-
tempered corona vaccine
*
will seafood allergies
become a corona concern?
*
how many doses
float in that vial ?
It’s been a while, guys! I hope all are healthy and happy! I was in the hospital with pneumonia at the end of November for ten days, which didn’t help. I tested negative for coronavirus twice, yet they still moved me to an isolation room since a family member had tested positive (We are both doing great now!). Surprisingly, my haiku writing and creativity was diminished during and after my stay. I feel I have failed that test of the haiku tradition, à la Shiki et al., yet onward I march! My eyes are still adjusting to the new site, but it’s looking good, and more importantly, this renku is a fun read thus far!
down another road paved
with good intentions
the crowded line of cars
at the food bank
missing three more meals
while waiting at the food bank
the Mercedes idling
at the food bank
the mother fasting
just to feed her kids
El Dorado,
Arkansas
riding the elevator
to the COVID floor
saying goodbye through the glass
of the isolation room
some waves breaking
through the chaos
Glad you are recovered–some great verses here!
stay well–
what a trip…..glad you have returned. hoping your lungs are as strong and clear as your words, Matt.
Thanks, Wendy & Laurie! 2020 has been a wild one. I’m feeling clear and recovered and ready to renku!
Welcome back and I’m glad you are feeling better!
Glad to be back, Dan! Thanks!
Good to hear you’ve recovered and are well now, Matt. (Your story makes me glad I had my flu shots this year!)
Much appreciated, Lorin! I see your renku game is still sharp! I had the flu shot and am eagerly awaiting the covid shot now that I’m paranoid about returning to the hospital anytime soon.
Glad you are feeling better and welcome back to renku.
red, green, and gold fireworks
lights up the sky
.
the dreidel spin
give her gold gelt
.
Enjoyed your commentary and choices Michael Henry. Thank you John for keeping us whole to begin again.
solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
vaccine garlands
decorate planet earth
*
solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
DC soon to be home
for two first pets
*
the country no longer bereft
of first pets
*
a solitary goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
*
Nimi Arora
*
A beautiful choice, Michael Henry! Congratulations, Nimi!
*
endlessly coding
with 1s and 0s
A delightful choice, Michel Henry. A lovely image and fits the bill.
.
Congratulations, Nimi, and to all the poets that had a poem considered for verse fifteen.
Congratulations Nimi, and great commentary Michael. The renku is looking good.
children pointing at toys
in the locked down store
love this one Robert!
Thank you Andrew