The Renku Sessions: A Better Look – Week 14
We generated 136 verse fourteen offers this week, from 21 poets. Laurie Greer is our selector and reports as follows:
“First, let me say that I always find the double-requirement verses almost paralyzingly difficult—especially with all the other constraints and in only two lines! So kudos to all who met the challenge. Second, as I went through the offerings, I found that each new submission cast the others in a different light, so my list of favorites was constantly changing. What this also shows is that whether your verses are mentioned or not, every single one affected the final selection and, thus, the entire poem.
For our Verse 14 I was ideally looking for something that transcends the physical side of love, which seems amply and well represented. Something along the lines of Wendy’s “Buddha Beach,” and Michelle’s Buddha references, perhaps. Also hoped to move on from purely human contexts and activities with a little nature.
I loved the language of many of these, including, but not limited to Maxianne’s “bubble butts” and “canoodling,” Lorin’s “tanned derrières” and “bloke in budgie smugglers,” Dan’s “cotton candy smile,” and Jonathan Alderfer’s “cerulean sea/ salted.” Also fun was Carol’s “verse fourteen,” which recalls the date of Valentine’s Day, and Pauline’s rich “circumnavigation of the flesh” and the allusion to the first couple in “naked together in the perfumed garden.” Wendy efficiently hit the requirements with “our ‘make love not war’/ matching tanks still fit,” and “tank” has a nice pun with the military vehicle, but we already have an article of clothing and a train.
Among the many appealing candidates:
distant thunder coming
from the master suite
Michael Henry Lee
“Master” is compelling with a bondage resonance in keeping with “rope,” as well as multiple senses of “coming”; but it perhaps focuses too much on the physical side of love, already covered in #6 and 13.
Which is also true of Jonathan’s vivid and tasty:
licking the salt
from your tan lines
Jonathan Alderfer
Though “lines” has multiple possibilities with text and illustration and, as John pointed out, this would make the first appearance of a second-person reference in the poem.
beyond the bonds
of holy matrimony
and
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
The first one is intriguing indeed: what is “beyond” the marriage? This moves us into new, undefined ground, a place of exploration and discovery, though perhaps the “holy” recalls the God of the Dora Maar verse. Also—it lacks a summer kigo.
With “writer’s retreat” we have a strong link to the Kama Sutra as a book and the verse also writes the next chapter of the relationship. Time has definitely moved on here—and it could signal a rupture between the couple or it could mean widowhood, with the marriage passing into the afterlife of memory.
not only the sand
that scorches
Tracy Davidson
Suggestive; we feel several kinds of heat: passion and summer sun in a concise, vivid verse also full of tactile sensations—though is scratchy sand too close to the scratchiness of #6?
splitting the bamboo
beneath a silk tree
and
the heat they share now
is just the weather
Dana Rapisardi
I love the direct tie to the Kama Sutra in the first one, and also find it just a beautiful image. The “silk” definitely smooths the earlier roughhousing.
The second one also dials down the passion well, while maintaining a strong sense of togetherness.
a Thai massage under
a thatched roof on the beach
Dan Campbell
I love the pun with Thai/tie, and the hands-on approach of the massage, which skillfully avoids mentioning more body parts. But still perhaps a little too exclusively physical.
naps have replaced
picnics in the shade
Dan Campbell
This one subtly reflects the changes in a long-term relationship as the couple goes from passion to a quieter companionship, and the “shade” nicely turns down the heat. There’s also a nice extra in the touch of gentle humor about the mellowing of age. I’m only concerned that the nap recalls the imminent bedtime of the farmer’s wife, though bedtime is not the same as sleep!
a fiddler crab
plays nero’s love letters
princess k
I liked the range of references here, the multiple possibilities of “fiddler,” and the natural setting. But Nero echoes earlier proper names
tying the knot
two brides in rainbow dresses
Linda Weir
Definitely strong! It has an arresting image and nice development of romantic love, with a twist on June brides as well as June as Pride Month. But I’m afraid the “dresses” repeats an article of clothing from the scarecrow’s hat.
I kept going around with several of these, and making a final decision was very difficult. Ultimately, I went with:
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
Along with the reasons mentioned above, this one has a lot of depth and a powerful haunting effect. It got me started imagining stories about the couple and the house, and I think it offers many ways to link and move ahead.
Thanks so much to John and to all contributors for this wonderful experience.”
John speaking again:
Michael Henry Lee will now be offered the opportunity to select our next verse. Please let me know, Michael Henry, if you would like to do so.
And now we move on to our fifteenth verse..
Our fifteenth verse should:
- consist of three natural, unforced lines
- constitute a single phrase, without a grammatical break
- register clearly as a summer moon verse
Renku convention says that the moon is considered to be an autumn image unless it is clearly indicated to be set in a different season. So, you will need to include the moon or moonlight and a summer season word or phrase (kigo).
Do not attempt to make your verse a “stand alone” poem. Renku is not a haiku sequence. Think of the fifteenth verse as making a new poem when added to the fourteenth verse. Repeat nothing obvious from the first thirteen verses. Be especially careful not to draw our attention back to verse one or verse thirteen.
Here is what we have, so far:
A Better Look
dragonfly…
hovering back
for a better look
John Stevenson
the scarecrow’s hat
skims across the pond
Pauline O’Carolan
moonrise
finds the farm wife
undoing her braids
Ellen Compton
the creak
of the mailbox
Angiola Inglese
rising scent
of bosc pears
wrapped in cellophane
Michelle Beyers
his chiseled chin
and my smooth thighs
Wendy C. Bialek
‘after Picasso
only God’
said Dora Maar
andrew shimield
cat devouring
a bird
Kiti Saarinen
fresh snowfall
fills the tracks
of a thief
Carol Jones
our train chugs into
the station at the ski resort
Maxianne Berger
time was
a cigarette commercial
would feature here
Lorin Ford
the slow drawl
of her favorite cowboy
Marion Clarke
westernizing
the Kama Sutra
with rope tricks
Laurie Greer
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
Please enter your verse offers in the comments box, below. Michael Henry or I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Monday, December 7 (New York time zone). On Thursday, December 10, there will be a new posting containing the selection for our fifteenth verse and instructions for composition of verse sixteen.
Looking forward to seeing your offers!
John
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/code-of-conduct/
This Post Has 115 Comments
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moonbeams
incandescent
through my papers
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/7/20
moon drops
on my
moonseed papers
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/7/20
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
prompted by the buck moon
to ask which pronoun
is preferred
*
sweating the pronouns
under a waning
buck moon
*
first full moon
opens the coral reef
spawning partay!
I had similar thoughts after the weekend’s spawning event on the Great Barrier Reef. Great TV coverage of an amazing and much needed event.
Lovely verse, Fern.
in the moonlight
on my hand
a mantis
************
on a summer evening
full moon
on the calm sea
a swan pirouettes
near a manor of
a thousand moons
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/6/20
a frog plops
near a manor of
a thousand moons
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/6/20
walking along
the shore and talking
to the moon
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
cicadas still singing
late into the evening
as the moon rises
*
the cormorant fisher
working by moonlight
out in the bay
*
the lilies close up
as the moon rises
over the trees
moonlight
ricochets off grandpa’s
moonshine still
(moonshine is made in summer because corn is in season)
moonbeams light
up my garden
for hungry rabbits
*
a stray summer
moon following
me home
*
a midnight
swan dive into
a full moon
Verse 1:
…
escaping the heat
by sleeping outside
under the moon
…
Verse 2:
…
battle-weary soldiers
march away
while the moon burns
…
Verse 3:
…
taking off my thin clothes
to dance alone
when the moon sails high
…
Verse 4:
…
high school students
escape to the beach
until moonlight sends them home
crescent moon
on the curve
of a crabs claw
edit typo-
.
crescent moon
on the curve
of a crab’s claw
Love this one Carol –
.
crescent moon
on the curve
of a crab’s claw
.
The constellation Cancer was the backdrop to the Sun’s most northerly position in the sky (the summer solstice) in ancient times.
Thank you, princess , glad you like this verse, and thank you also for the information,
I had no idea this was so, something I will be remembering.
moonlight
ripples the shell
of a half eaten crab
Congrats to Michael. I feel you really packed a lot in just seven words! And thanks to Laurie for considering a few of my verses worthy of note. (Can’t deny it’s a bit gratifying to know we contributors make the final decision difficult!)
***
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
***
~ Michael Henry Lee
***
taking notes
on a mockingbird’s song
in the spotlight moon
***
there’s no escape
from a toad orchestra
the moon’s conducting
***
enjoying a breather
beneath the moon
till a skunk drops by
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
.
— Michael Henry Lee
.
the reef now
white with coral spawn
cued by the moon
.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2020-12-03/great-barrier-reef-coral-spawning-ready/12933880
.
( It always happens sometime in early December, which is the first month of Summer in the Southern hemisphere. )
Nice, Lorin
a clean sheet
of paper &
the pina colada moon
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
.
Michael Henry Lee
.
through
sheer curtains
a half-moon
the moon and i
take turns sipping a
pina colada smoothie
https://copykat.com/pina-colada-smoothie/
has the carnival
brought this pink neon moon
and cotton candy sky?
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat (Michael Henry Lee)
*
solstice night
watching the moon
surrender to the clouds
full moon perched
like a balloon upon
the sailboat’s mast
Congratulations to Michael on this lovely verse. And thank you to Laurie for your thoughtful commentary on your selection process.
*
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat (Michael Henry Lee)
*
moonlight comes and goes
so swiftly on the sarsen stones
this solstice night
a metaphor
rising out of summer
pal her moon
***
her last chapter
of novel with facelift
of moon shine in summer beach
****
driving
into the rounded beauty
of cool moon
Love the last one Radhamani –
.
driving
into the rounded beauty
of cool moon
.
my red moon
parchment
on fire
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/5/20
.
the moon
at full stop
oh the heat!
.
the short night’s moon
poems
in her octopus pot
.
the octopus
cruising abbey road
in search of the moon
.
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
.
under cover
an alien lifeforms
passes the moon
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
… Michael Henry Lee
.
leaving
the harvest moon
to count sheep
has the carnival
brought this pink moon
and cotton candy sky?
“carnival” is the summer kigo here,
not “pink moon”
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
–
Michael Henry Lee
.
the short night’s moon
hangs out for a while
with wet beach towels
.
Whoops. We have “moonrise” + farm wife
.
revised to:
.
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
.
a red alert
is spelled out plainly
by the bushfire moon
.
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
–
Michael Henry Lee
.
a red alert
spelled out by the rising
bushfire moon
.
lonely goldfish
glitters
in moonlight
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
the moon swelling
with the paperbacks
in the humid heat wave
*
red moon
pages on fire
between us
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
A likeable verse, but it seems to evoke a love ( or relationship) vs and it’s my understanding that
this is purely a moon vs, with the usual renku requirements of link and shift
thank you, Michael. It’s hard to get love out of my head😉
especially in a moon verse
revision…
*
red moon
my soul’s
pages on fire
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
oops I guess that last revision goes back to God unless God is the devil.😉I will think of something else.
kanpai
julesajo’ob. That’s Yukatec Maya for Cheers😍
The header below the renku banner says ‘more love, as we move forward’ ?
So just a summer moon verse, then, no lovey dovey stuff.
I know, Carol. Life has a way of worming into fastwriting freewriting verses😊
Nowt wrong with that, Michelle, lets just go for it 🙂 🙂
thanks, Carol😉
on the last session, John S. writes, “Renku has specified locations for certain topics. There are designated moon verses and blossom verses. These images should not occur in our current verse.
.
I am providing this information to help those who hope to offer a verse that can actually be used as our fourteenth. But I do not offer it in order to discourage you from having fun and sharing verses that, for one reason or another, cannot be selected. In fact, I’ve very much enjoyed some of these verses and I consider them an important part of the “party” ethos of renku. Keep them coming!”
john, as Renku maser’s direction seemed clear to moi unless i am mistaken. 3 line summer moon verse with a l ink and shift An additional response is above my “pay” grade
Congratulations Michael on a lovely verse, and thank you Laurie for your considered remarks and enthusiasm. I look forward to reading everyone’s summer moon verses.
migrating moon
pulls at my
reflection
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
migrating moon
pulls at my
pages
*
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
revision..
migrating moon
pulling at my
pages
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
*
migrating moon
pulling at my
reflection
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
the recipe for a sundae
topped
with the strawberry moon
*
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
a smear
of strawberry moon
on the copyright page
*
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
a dusting of moonlight
on the shelf
of beach reads
*
the double rainbow
sandwiches
a buttermilk moon
*
cloud peaks
almost touching the moon
with his mohawk
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
capturing impressions
of moonlight
with a plume of dune grass
*
how moonlight cools
the heat
of the attic workroom
*
pages and pages
of the moon
at high tide
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
dancing pages and
pages of the full
thunder moon
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
***
dancing pages and
pages of the full
Buck moon
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
***
dancing pages and
pages of the full
thunder moon
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
***
dancing pages and
pages of the full
Hay moon
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 12/4/20
*the july moon is known by Full Buck, Full Thunder, and Full Hay
I wonder what the July moon names would be in El Salvador? Or even Chile, South Africa,Tahiti, New Zealand or Australia ?
Some moon names are exclusive to the USA, having been adopted from moon names of the First Peoples of North America. Others are exclusive to the Northern hemisphere.
.
“SOUTH
.
Arab maps still showed the south on top and the north below but by the 13th century Europe had re-established the natural order of the universe.
According to the rules of that order, dictated by God, north was up and south was down. . . .
In the south, rivers ran backward, summers were cold, day was night and the devil was God. The sky was black, empty. All the stars had fled north. ”
.
– from ‘MIRRORS’ by Eduardo Galeano (an author well worth reading)
“According to the rules of that order, dictated by God, north was up and south was down. . . .
In the south, rivers ran backward, summers were cold, day was night and the devil was God. The sky was black, empty. All the stars had fled north. ””
Sounds like my kind of book. There are days when I have quite a bit of sympathy for the devil if God has anything to do with the big Nor’easter 14″ on the way..I wish north was south. Wouldn’t mind being in Australia about now.😉
.
I’m researching moon names. I found thos list. I didn’t know the Chinese name for July is Full Ghost Moon. interesting. https://www.lunarphasepro.com/full-moon-names/
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
.
— Michael Henry Lee
.
the reef now
white with coral spawn
cued by the moon
.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2020-12-03/great-barrier-reef-coral-spawning-ready/12933880
.
( It always happens sometime in early December, which is the first month of Summer in the Southern hemisphere. )
Sorry! I don’t know why my ‘moon/ reef’ verse showed up here and not at the top of the thread.
nice Michelle.
thank you, princess k😊
Congratulations, Michael Henry, on a fine verse. Looking forward to your perspectives as a selector next week. Laurie, I enjoyed your commentary very much. It was very difficult combining summer and love in two lines, though Michael Henry certainly managed it. Thank you for mentioning a couple of mine.
…
Pauline
i ask the cool moon
to hold my place
in this savoury book
correction:
the cooling moon
holds my place
in this savoury book
sudden showers
on a coaching moon
and tell all book
sudden showers
on a coaching moon
and the tell-all book
finding a muse
between the tide lines
and the strawberry moon
*
finding a muse where
the sea tide spins
the strawberry moon into gold
*
echoed by the sliver
of a summer moon
‘less is more’
‘less is more’
echoed by
the windy moon
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
… Michael Henry Lee
.
leaving the moon
to the Queen of the Night’s
bloom
.
only the moon
and the cereus’s
one-night-bloom
i love the quietude of the secobd one, Carole!
second
Thanks for commenting, Michelle.
😊
The blossom verse in this renku will be number 19. We cannot include any blossom images until we reach that verse.
Oops. Thanks John.
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
.
Michael Henry Lee
*
half moon and
twirling wind chimes
witness best selling words
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
again tonight
the moon on the roof
sunbathing
*
the day moon
pretends to read
a beach novel
Wow–that second one: I love it!
Oops–I meant the first one, the sunbathing
takin’ it to the max!
i second that emotion!
the ooops roof
is tops in my book
two!
LOL!!!!
thanks, Laurie .. thanks, Wendy .. have long been fascinated by the fact that moonlight is actually sunlight ..
“. have long been fascinated by the fact that moonlight is actually sunlight ..”- Maxianne
.
🙂 … one might even say that moonlight is “second hand sunlight”. (not very romantic, though)
Love these Maxianne.
Congratulations, Michael, and well selected, Laurie. Michael’s verse ( subtly, beautifully) shifts completely in mood from its maeku. ‘Their’ becomes ‘her’, so I suspect that ‘he’ is now out of the picture entirely. Peace and reflection are evoked as “their” summer house becomes “her” writer’s retreat. The ties are broken and she has her “room of one’s own”. The gate to a moon verse is open.
congrats to Michael .. and just to say, wish I had a writer’s retreat, too 😉
thanks, Laurie, for insightful comments .. glad the language of my “bubble butts” appealed to you 😉 .. to set the record straight, however, the “canoodling” is Marion’s ..
am looking forward to the moons that we’ll see emerging from the summer house .. maybe even one or two from me, just for fun ☺
happy writing and happy reading!
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
spending the advance
on a week at the beach
with a view of the moon
*
another character
disappears into the haze
on a moonlit night
well done!…. carol
🙂 thanks Chic
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
deep in her own
drama
under the sturgeon moon
*
Thank you Laurie, I enjoyed reading your comments on the selections and congratulations Michael!
Thanks, Dan! You certainly gave me a lot to think about. Much appreciate your energy and range!
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
*
Michael Henry Lee
*
fishing for compliments
on her fairy tales
under the sturgeon moon
*
blushing bright
as the strawberry moon
when she misses the typo
*
So much fun to be doing this again! Michael–you will be a wonderful selector.
Thanks, everyone!
Thank you much Laurie and John what a pleasant surprise!!! Yes i would enjoy the opportunity to select the next verse. It always is a learning experience and far more intensive than some might imagine. As usual i will rely on John as the final learned filter for any of my perspective selections. This is a real gas, and i thoroughly enjoy participating in each an every renku event. A tip oft he hat to the best single source ( in my opinion) of an all things related haiku resource: The Haiku Foundation
ooops….correction
john, thanks again, for delivering another chapter of renku guidance.
*
laurie….a masterful undertaking! precise commentaries, leading to a mature pick…that places a perfect groundwork for our summer moon verse.
*
michael….congrats for making a true to life verse…adding great value to our renku and a marvelous transition to the moon.
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
*
chapter completed
by the calm evening’s
moonlight
one tint chosen
to paint the hazy moon
en plein air
Congratulations Michael.
Nice choice and commentary Laurie.
john, thanks again, for delivering another chapter of renku guidance.
*
lori….a masterful undertaking! precise commentaries, leading to a mature pick…that places a perfect groundwork for our summer moon verse.
*
michael….congrats for making a true to life verse…adding great value to our renku and a marvelous transition to the moon.
their summer house now
her writer’s retreat
Michael Henry Lee
*
chapter completed
by the calm evening’s
moonlight
Thank you, Laurie, for your rich commentary of all the selected verses. Congratulations to Michael! A writer’s retreat opens possibilities and a new direction for the renku that now finally gets to see the light of the moon. yaay!
Congratulations, Michael Henry. A well chosen verse, Laurie, I enjoyed reading your insightful comments. and thankyou for the mention of my ‘verse fourteen’ appreciated.
.
Look forward, as usual, to reading all the verses to come.