The Renku Sessions: 12 Tones – Musical Chairs, Week 9
Welcome to THF’s Renku Sessions. I’m Lorin Ford, acting as sabaki/ guide for this renku.
***
The 8th verse: nature’s way
***
Musical Chairs – a Junicho Renku
musical chairs
a handful
of hot chestnuts
– Keith Evetts
the one left standing
chats up the scarecrow
– Clysta
a road sign
points in the direction
of the Monument
– John Daleiden
are we
there yet?
– Curt Linderman
winter moon
dripping from
the shelter tent
– Fatma Zohra Habis
a warm cup of tea
for the newcomer
– Hla Yin Mon
ready
with a love potion
just in case
– Laurie Greer
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
***
“the silk robe opens” as, in my experience, silk robes tend to do: suddenly and without any warning. These are Chinese or Japanese style robes. Yes, there are silk ties inside which are supposed to keep the robe closed, but it doesn’t take much for these ties to become loose. A wind gust could easily do it. Here, it is as if the woman in the robe (it’s usually a woman, but doesn’t have to be) is suddenly undressed to naked-at-the-front by the spring gust. Consider the texture of silk: the smooth, cool feel of it against our skin. Nature (in the form of a first spring gust) would of course not have a plan or scheme such as the human speaker in Laurie’s previous verse quite humorously has, but the scene alludes to a possible image of sexual love, and does this without blatancy or bawdiness. We humans can plan (as in Laurie’s superb and comical verse) but Nature has its ways, too. In my view, this is a brilliant ‘Spring love’ verse that links well to Laurie’s verse, leaving what the wind reveals to the imagination.
Well done indeed, princess k !
***
This Week’s Short List , as promised (in no particular order)
your wild golden hair
a spring sunrise – Harrison
the spring wind sweeps
our sweet nothings away – Wendy C. Bialek
young lovers stargazing
with the frogs frogs frogs – Orense
with our first kiss
I forget the spring rain – Tracy Davidson
the young man’s fancy
needs a little guidance – Dick Pettit
***
Our 9th verse will be a 3-line Spring verse (not a love verse) that links in some way to princess k’s verse. This will be our final Spring verse. There are many, many Spring topics. Avoid flowers/ blossoms for this verse. The flower/blossom verse will be in the ageku, the final verse of this renku, verse 12.
***
The submission deadlines will be Sundays, midnight Eastern US time.
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
Comments (200)
Comments are closed.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens —-– princess k
the first white
of a snowdrop
a glimmer of you
wren notes
dawn stippling your skin
spring rainfall
back and forth
the sway of tulips
beneath your steps
this one was written on a sticky note before the deadline….but i had lost it. but i just found it stuck….would you believe……to my bathrobe. i know it is not able to be included as a candidate for this last spring verse, and so it is a not ever -yet-to-be selected verse, and i welcome anyone’s comments here:
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens —-– princess k
far from the festival
a Madeline doll brings
blessed joy joy joy
Wendy, I had a good belly laugh!😂 Thank you! :)
It brought me joy joy joy to read it! 🥰
Hello Friends,
I am well. We evacuated and returned. By the grace of God, our home and our church was spared. But other places we frequented and love did not. I have the deepest empathy for those who have been gravely impacted by the fires in Southern California. I live by the Eaton Fire. I work by the Palisades Fire. Each day was pins and needles… “do we go?”, “do we stay?”, “this place burned to the ground”, “this family’s home is gone,” and endless thoughts and emotions….
I know I have missed the deadline. But I offer this in homage of my Eaton Canyon, Pasadena, and Altadena friends and neighbors.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
from the ashes
sprouting grasses and forbs
recolonize the earth
Diana Ming Jeong
Diana, thank you for the update and it sure is good to hear from you!
Thank you Dan! It’s good to be back! I hope all is well with you!
Diana (and all Angelenos/Pasadenans and all within breathing distance of fires),
Please mask-up!!!!
i pray for you all there….please take care….you all are not out of the woods, yet!
What a wonderful tribute poem/verse, thank you for posting and sharing this with your update!
Relieved to hear from you!!!!
Diana…so happy to hear from you and that you are alright! I agree, it is a wonderful poem and tribute!
madeleine,
hope what ever has kept you down in health and spirit goes away soon.
do take care….so you can show us that wonderful talent of doing outstanding verses like the ones that have been published in former renku.
Thank you Wendy! Feeling much better! I so appreciate your words of encouragement! 🥰
Thank you Madeleine! I hope you are feeling better! ❤️
Thank you Diana! I am feeling much better!🥰 I am glad you are back!
Thank you Wendy!!! I have missed being here. 💗
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
snakes hidden
in young grasses
tie themselves into knots
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens – princess k
thunder rumbles
over rooftops
in the village
a closed gate
secludes the herb garden
for all residents
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
from an upstairs window
a stream of bubbles
and giggles
the balloon seller’s
colourful wares
tugging at their tether
the front door bangs
behind my children
and their kite
What a great verse from princess K!
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
I pick up
an empty mussel
filled with moonlight
how smooth
the white interior
of this shell
the green wink
of sea glass
from the shore
Marion, the verse still needs to be a Spring verse. AS far as I can tell, your verses here don’t have a particular season. An empty mussel in the moonlight could (for me) be Summer. Autumn or Spring (who’d be out by the sea in winter, even if there was a full moon an it was a clear night?
I like this verse a lot:
the green wink
of sea glass
from the shore
but it doesn’t have a clear seasonal reference, which this verse spot has to have.
Hi Lorin, I was trying to reflect the kigo “beach combing” without mentioning the word, but perhaps I’ve tried so hard that I’ve disguised it! lol
Yeah, Marion, ‘beach combing’, to me , happens all year around but especially Spring through Summer to Autumn . It may depend on geography.?
Is “beach combing a “kigo”or seasonal reference where you are?
This one seems to be the view of someone out in a boat, looking back to the shore,
Hi Lorin (if you spot this!) Aren’t we supposed to use the 500 seasonal words? (Oops, apologies, I mistakenly referred to it as a kigo!) I was sure beach combing was listed as a spring word. In any case, no it’s not a seasonal word where I am as you’ll find people picking up shells, driftwood and sea glass all year round here because of the mild, temperate climate on the north-east coast of Ireland. Regarding the last line, I had ‘shoreline’ in my draft which is where I typically beach comb (I live just around the corner from the lough shore) and somehow dropped it 🙄 Anyway…we’ve moved on now.
I like this one, also, Marion. When I have the time to visit the coast I look for sea glass. I have a few samples, also, there was a time it was made into glassware, I have two nice tumblers with a green hue.
Also, some chunks in the raw, but smooth around the edges, a bit like me :)
That glassware sounds lovely, Carol. I love beach combing and am fortunate to be able to do it regularly. I also take unusual pieces of driftwood for the garden. Hahaha love your description—probably apt for me too! 😜
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens – princess k
in equal beauty
she and the skylark
sing
a flame flickers
in the lantern
as she walks
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
spring-like words
circulating
online
spring-like thoughts
shared online
in zoom rooms
interesting pattern of triplets:
“him him him” wendy c bialek, week 7
“frogs frogs frogs” orense, week 8
“pumps, pumps, pumps” john daleiden, week 9
“more more more” pamela garry, week 9
“frogs frogs frogs” coloring book, arden stewart, 2022
“frogs frogs frogs” youtube song video, the bigsby show, 2008
amazing amazing amazing!
Well observed, Rob. I have to say I wasn’t aware of previous instances of ” frogs frogs frogs” but that’s ok and I’m not surprised. The language belongs to everyone. A bouncing ball can make the sound of “boeing boeing boeing” .
We focus on this particular renku.
And that, of course, means that , if Orense comes up with a good spring verse, with the frogs in the 3rd line, linking to princess’s spring verse, then that’s the only verse in this renku that will have that kind of repetition.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess K
I carved a heart
when I pass by
I feel the willow’s pulse
Fatma Zohra Habis
“I’ve just now read Keith’s piece on kigo and thoroughly recommend it.” — Lorin
Thank you, Lorin! I take heart from that.
Just now, 12 January, we have mist in Thames Ditton to last all this frosty day. We have mists above moist land in spring, and mist above the lakes in autumn, and fishing in a summer dawn I often saw mist. Another example of how a rigid approach to kigo/approved season words in haiku can sometimes lead to absurdities comprehensible only to those who follow the haiku scriptures… But there we go.
Thank you Keith for your words of wisdom…the mist appearing in different seasons in your area sounds lovely…
Thank you Lorin for highlighting Keith’s discussion on kigo. So worthwhile for me! Thank you Keith.
“We have mists above moist land in spring, and mist above the lakes in autumn, and fishing in a summer dawn I often saw mist.” – Keith
Well, you live not far from a river, don’t you? :-)
A big one, too. (a river that many poets have composed ‘long poetry’ on) I still like Keats’s “season of mist and mellow fruitfulness” and we know he was referring to Autumn, not Spring.. I recall someone wrote a bawdy verse about a Queen involved in a sexual act in a boat on that river.
I dare anyone to declare that ‘mist’ has to be a spring seasonal reference just because they’ve found it in a short saijiki.
Gabi Greve has indeed brought us an understanding of kigo (Japanese season words, which vary from where one is in Japan) It’s part of our education and worth knowing.:
https://worldkigodatabase.blogspot.com/2005/06/fog-mist-haze-and-more.html
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
***
wax museum
melting these winter legs
a hair at a time
*
squeezing
fresh zest
on the nature morte
*
a birdsong
rising from the window
then my phone
*
Sorry change to my verse:
It should read
morning mist
covering
the nature morte
…making changes to the verse
the day lingers
supping
on chicken soup
the day lingers
a little longer
supping on chicken soup
the day lingers
supping
before bed
the day lingers
a little longer supping
before bed
supping
on chicken soup
as the day lingers
-princess k
end of snow
exchanging yukata
for festival clothes
first thaw
branch bends to reveal
her lost scarf
barely spring
dog prances in snow
chasing shadows
late snowfall
cardinals in the dogwood
dog in bird tracks
Kathleen, I enjoyed both the “end of snow” and “barely spring” verses, as they are very unique. I am intrigued and want to find out more about “yukata”. I have a vivid image of “dog prances in snow”, making me smile.
“end of snow
exchanging yukata
for festival clothes”
Kathleen Decker
“barely spring
dog prances in snow
chasing shadows”
Kathleen Decker
Madeleine, I would like you to stop posting in relation to anyone’s yet-to-be-accepted verses for the rest of this renku, please. Enough!
I understand…will do, Lorin.
Kathleen, the thinking is commendably creative, and the link to the season ref ‘barely spring’ engagingly haikai, but all of these verses have cuts/grammatical breaks. This is contrary to Lorin’s guidance on all verses that follow the hokku. Three of them are in telegraphese and might benefit from articles? I wonder whether some revisions to make them flow might help their prospects?
Yep! I’ve had such a day that disallowed me to come on & comment, so I’m grateful that Keith has spoken on the issue of “the cut” in a renku. I know I’ve mentioned the issue over and over again during this one renku. How long does it take to understand that a haiku has a cut:
old pond–
a frog jumps into
the sound of water – Basho
prowler alert
out the creeping coprosma
. . . the cat -Lorin (and the cut in that one isn’t marked, it comes after “alert”. The dot .arkers are just for suspense.
It’s not really difficult
and a hokku has a cut:
musical chairs
a handful
of hot chestnuts – Keith Evetts
But none of the other verses of a renku (any renku!) has a cut, whether marked or nor marked, whether a two-line verse or a 3-line verse.
Think about it.
Kathleen, many of us are used to writing verses in a cut way…at least in my case. Earlier in the renku sessions Lorin suggested I use a preposition to correct an accidental cut of mine.)
If I may add a preposition to your beautiful verse
first thaw
as a branch bends
to reveal her scarf
Employing Keith’s suggestion of using an article (and if I may take the liberty of switching lines. )
exchanging yukata
for festival clothes
at the end of snow
Putting all three lines, (or two, depending) momentarily together into one line helps me ensure there are no cuts… Kathleen, you’re doing great and it’s always a joy to read your renku.
” If I may add a preposition to your beautiful verse
first thaw
as a branch bends
to reveal her scarf ” – Madeleine (who else? !!! It seems she just can’t help herself)
Here we have a glaringly overt and ridiculous personification: a branch that has a deliberate plan to do something and a purpose that it acts on.
Instead of advising others, Madeleine, try paying some closer attention to your own verses.
Lorin, it was her own scarf that had been caught on a tree branch and hidden by snowfall until “first thaw” …lo and behold there was her scarf on the branch. Friends have helped me with writing haiku/renku… I was passing it along.
Kathleen, your verses here all have a cut. The “end of snow” doesn’t (and can’t!) exchange yukata or anything else.
Similarly, Madeleine’s
the day lingers
supping
on chicken soup
shows clearly that she shouldn’t be commenting on others’ verses because she’s still having trouble understanding that the ‘cut’ applies on;y to the hokku in a renku. .The day can’t linger while it is supping on chicken soup. That’s absurd.
Try to think before you post, Madeleine. This is basic.
re: “Lorin, it was her own scarf that had been caught on a tree branch and hidden by snowfall until “first thaw” …lo and behold there was her scarf on the branch. ” – Madeleine
I can imagine and believe that. However “a branch bends to reveal her scarf” shows that the branch has a motive (to bend in such a way as to reveal the scarf)
“Friends have helped me with writing haiku/renku… I was passing it along.” – Madeleine
Well, these friends of yours, no doubt with good intentions, have either mislead you or you haven’t understood them.
“I can imagine and believe that. However “a branch bends to reveal her scarf” shows that the branch has a motive (to bend in such a way as to reveal the scarf)” LF
…exactly what lends that touch of magic, that many of us sense trees possess…they are absolutely fascinating. My friends are brilliant…it’s me.
Lorin, line 2 was meant to imply that “they” or “she” or “I” were supping–not the day. I do realize “a cut” applies only to hokku, the first verse in a renku.
In Kathleen’s poem, they are putting on their festival clothes at the end of the snow. When the verse is corrected, then the “exchange of yukata” with “end of snow”, will be avoided.
I realize that I have accidentally written cuts in some of my verses in this week’s session and previous sessions..it’s from my habit of writing haiku with cuts. I will be more careful in the future.
all day long
the covert songs
of the tea pickers
This is interesting, Carol. I wish we had more time to talk. Tea leaf picking can be in all seasons except winter. I don’t know why their songs might have to be covert.
I know you must be very busy at this point within the presentation of the renku, Lorin.
I use covert as something that, was, undercover. Maybe the wrong word here :)
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens – princess k
she gathers
young green plants
in a basket
mellifluous chirps,
hoots, and croaks
fill the evening air
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
*
a simple anklet
of seaweed
completes her ensemble
*
he attains
a new tranquillity
upon ordination
*
feeling like
a caterpillar emerging
from hibernation
shelter from the rain
under a fern frond
tiny snail
magnolia cups
overflow
with rain
empty streets
tap tap tap
on my umbrella
a line
of colourful tee’s
their first airing
polka dots
ladybirds
on my window
unfurling
from winter slumber
fern frond
pigeons
stop for lunch
outside the cafe
buying
suncream
in preparation
first walk
on the canal
bright coloured clothing
an army
of frogs gather
at the pond
But do some other-than-frogs, Carol, as I’m hoping to have a verse with Orense’s ‘frogs frogs frogs’, still, as well as 2nd verse which will also link to Princess’s verse.
Write as many 3-line Spring verses as you can in response to :
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens (– princess k)
(But no more frogs! No tadpoles. Not toads, no amphibians )
If this is your preference, Lorin, for a verse by, Orence and his/her frogs, that’s fine. I see no reason to post any more verses.
Carol, I have offered Orense to write a verse with that 3-frog piece at the end (of a 3-line verse)
She had it in last week’s .short list and I’d listed it on the short list (a short list that had been requested) I offered the option to have two verses for this spot, to keep things fair enough.
It seems fair enough to me, under these circumstances, for everyone else to avoid frogs.
But please don’t think there’s no reason for you (& everyone else) to continue posting verses that link to princess’s verse. There will be, I hope, (a) a good verse by Orense with the frogs linking to princess’s verse and (b) good spring verses by you and others (without frogs! ) to link to princess’s verse.l
Forget about Orense’s verse, Carol. Focus on the spring verses that you write, linking to princess’s verse.
So, Orense got there first with the frog/s. That leaves many spring topics for many a 3-line verses that link to princess’s verse.
Saying there was no need to post more verses, on my part, Lorin, it was a Sunday evening, and like Marion, I too, am not that good with the required time zone. If it seemed anything else, my apologies.
Many thanks for your response.
I hope you will be rewarded by your required verse via, Orence.
Carol, I do understand that there are issues re time. I, too, have to look up the USA time zones. There’s no way around it. My time is AEST (Australian Eastern Standard Time) which is nowhere near the time in the relative South of America. ( I am clumsy, so I just google
” what time is it now in American Eastern Standard time”)
Congratulations, princess k. Your verse is delicate and fresh and fits well within the renku verse. Well done.
A lovely choice, Lorin.
first spring gusto
and the silk robe opens
-princess k
kimono
mended for the Doll Festival
along with Grandma’s dolls
first day of the horse
shivers in her kimono
first thaw
kimono repair
the scraps become
festival dolls
(But now that I’ve written it, I wonder if “kimono ” is too close to silk robe. I’m happy with haiku anyway.)
Hi Kathleen…will leave that decision to Lorin… I wanted to let you know how delightful and intriguing your second verse is.
“kimono
mended for the Doll Festival
along with Grandma’s dolls”
Kathleen P. Decker
Thank you, Madeleine, for your kind and encouraging comments!
My pleasure, Kathleen :)
Yes, Kathleen, robes and kimonos are a tad too close. Often kimonos are referred to as robes these days, too.
Kathleen , yes ‘kimono’ is to close to silk robe. That you recognise this shows you’re on the right road to renku.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens – princess k
fiddlehead ferns
sway back and forth
in the forest
in a stall the mare
switches her horsetail
and eats an apple
um, John, what other tail would a mare have to switch than a horse’s tail?
in a stall the mare
switches her tail
and eats an apple
?
But I suspect there’s more to this, perhaps plants named ‘horsetail’ or ye olde teenage hairdo.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
loosening pigtails
gather the sunlight
over dappled skin
the lost chick
finding a niche
of pink folds
seedpods
the sudden burst
of a rain-shower
Joanna Ashwell
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
*
princess k
*
reinventing the pinwheel
with more bells
and whistles
*
gathering tranquility
along with thyme
and sage
*
Laurie, I love these verses, especially…
“reinventing the pinwheel
with more bells
and whistles”
Laurie Greer
Madeleine, can you explain why you love these verses by Laurie? It is so easy to say we love a verse/ certain verses, but it means more if we indicate why we love them.
These two verses wouldn’t be verses by Laurie I would call my favourites, the reason being mainly the implied “I am” before a present continuous verb. Using one of Laurie’s examples : The person/ ‘speaker’ is saying, for instance :
” I am blowing a bubble just to see it pop.”
Of course, Lorin, although I must admit I’d prefer to leave Laurie’s wonderful poem open to interpretation.
blowing a bubble
just to see it
pop
Laurie Greer
my bubble pops
as I see
my mistake
Laurie Greer
(The second was also humorous. )
I had thought that because of the implied “I am” in Laurie’s verse, it wouldn’t even be an issue because of the very fact that it’s “implied”. ( Don’t many haiku/renku verses have subjects and verbs that are implied?)
I love this poem because as a child I never wanted my bubbles to pop right away, as I enjoyed watching them sail through the air. The child in Laurie’s poem waited precisely for the time that the bubble would pop, hoping it would pop right away…It made me smile:)
I love Laurie’s poem because it allowed me to take a trip down memory lane, envisioning my children, (even myself) very young again, running along the breeze, beside a myriad of bubbles…her verse is light and airy and it brought joy to my morning. (Because of a different time zone, it was morning when I read it!:)
*Laurie’s verse is a favorite of mine
What you need to understand most of all, Madeleine, is that we are trying to write a renku, a collaborative enterprise with a particular leader, the guide, the sabaki ,the bitch or whatever you want to call the role. What verses you love or you hate in themselves is irrelevant. We are not writing haiku. We are writing linked verses (apart from the hokku)
If you say you love a completed haiku, that’s fine. If you say you love an accepted verse in the completed renku, that’s fine.
If you want to comment on a yet -to- be part of a completed renku, that’s a different thing altogether. Excuse my straightforwardness, but you are not helping prospective contributors, but misleading them.
Lorin, I will refrain from making any more comments concerning verses yet to be part- of – a completed renku… I don’t want to put any one off who has been posting for a while as well as any newer poets who are thinking of joining. I don’t in any way want to offend you and I support you in all your creative endeavors taking place in this amazing renku. I am happy you took on the role of sabaki as so many of us want to share our renku verses. I had intended on posting this yesterday but I have not been feeling well.
or : “I am reinventing the pinwheel with more bells and whistles”.
Not, in my view, an example of Laurie’s better verses.
Laurie’s verse, “reinventing the pinwheel…” is brilliant. The next two lines are enchanting, (and a delightful double meaning. )
…very much a favorite of mine.
You just can’t help yourself, can you, Madeleine? It’s people like you who, unintentionally or otherwise, make THF Renku difficult so that many who potentially might be contributors might shy away., not understanding how a renku relies on collaboration , with a guide / sabaki / Fuhrer who calls the shots.
So please, I beg of you : just shut up! Write & post your verses, but just shut up otherwise. I’ve had enough of you, Madeleine.
.
This does not mean don’t post your own verses. It means I want you to refrain from comments (positive or negative) on anyone’s yet-to-be selected verses. for this renku. session.
Is that clear enough?
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
*
princess k
*
blowing a bubble
just to see it pop
*
blowing a bubble
just so it can pop
*
the brief tattoo of my face
on the skin of a bubble
*
oops–3 lines
*
my bubble pops
as I see
my mistake
*
blowing a bubble
just to see it
pop
*
my face briefly tattooed
on the skin
of a bubble
*
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
bugs come out
out of crevices
and folds
picking up litter
as she combs the beach
for more more more
I love these, Pamela…especially your second verse.
“picking up litter
as she combs the beach
for more more more”
Pamela Garry
Thanks Madeleine! I was inspired by John Daleiden‘s verse:
the swing rises
as the child
pumps, pumps, pumps
Your welcome, Pamela…we learn so much from each other:)
…learning so much from each other in this renku community of gifted writers…I am grateful to be here.
Again, Madeleine, you love someone’s verse. This time , who is picking up litter? She? or perhaps I ?
“picking up litter
as she combs the beach
for more more more”
Pamela Garry
Lorin, from what I understand, these questions are more easily left to interpretation. In Pamela’s wonderful verse, it could be either “She” or “I”, depending on the reader’s preference. It brought back memories of coastal cleanups with my family and a keen image of a neighbor who would pick up trash on his daily walks.
That Pamela takes the time to care for the environment speaks volumes.
No. Madeleine. Excuse my bluntness but I don’t want a wafty “she”/ “he”/ “they” picking up litter as she combs the beach.
When the time comes, and you’ve taken on the role of sabaki/ guide, you can assert whatever you wish,. Just try to accept that you won’t be getting the last word here, unless I happen to agree with you.
Lorin, my intention was not to have the last word… You asked me why I love Pamela’s verse and I responded to your question as well as I was able. I am quite appreciative of your gems of knowledge and find it’s been a great help in my understanding of renku…Being aware of my limitations, I know without a doubt, I could never fill the role of sabaki.
But it seems to me you “love” any verse that captures your fancy.
I have (thank goodness!) taken on the role of sabaki for a renku in which the contributors (some of them quite well-known in haiku circles) did not assume they had the right to instruct me, in the manner that you instruct me here:
“Lorin, from what I understand, these questions are more easily left to interpretation. In Pamela’s wonderful verse, it could be either “She” or “I”, depending on the reader’s preference…. (etc)
Who do you think you are? !!! The overlord of THF renku? Well then, point me to the online renku in which you have (successfully) acted as sabaki. That might be a beginning.
(Strange that I can’t find any renku that you’ve taken the role of sabaki for in the THF Renku Archives.)
“Lorin, from what I understand, these questions are more easily left to interpretation. In Pamela’s wonderful verse, it could be either “She” or “I”, depending on the reader’s preference. ” – madeleine kavanagh
Are you my tutor, madeleine?
What if I don’t want a verse ” left open to interpretation” , as in your ‘she’ or I’ example?
“….This time , who is picking up litter? She? or perhaps I ?…” (LF) Lorin, you asked me my opinion on Pamela’s verse…that is the only reason I answered….please excuse my clumsiness as I am responding in the role of an ignorant student of renku, but someone who nonetheless is infatuated with every part of renku and someone who waits to find gems in the layers of verses posted here. (Yes, I can’t help it, they all “…capture my fancy….”) Not in my wildest dreams would I ever consider myself a sabaki and I know full well, I could never be. I am in awe of your knowledge of renku, your gift as a sabaki and poet and I am grateful when you shed light on any aspect of this great craft. I apologize for anytime I have offended you…it was not my intention. I have a great respect for you and all sabaki here, the volunteers at THF and poets who publish here… I haven’t been feeling very well, off and on since Christmas…I will be away from my computer for a couple of days.
lingering day
as they sup on chicken soup
before bedtime
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
princess k
Lorin, I like this double spring verse suggestion…a very creative endeavor!
first spring gust
and her silk robe opens
princess k
lingering day
as they sup on chicken soup
at closing
lingering day
as the farmer
calls them to roost
I mistakenly typed “her” silk robe in my entry above:
*first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
princess k
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens – princess k
the kite rises
and plunges
in the wind
the swing rises
as the child
pumps, pumps, pumps
how many worms
will satisfy
the many baby birds?
her chest
full of dolls
for the festival
a butterfly
rests
on her right shoulder
my first sneeze
it’s that time of year
again
slowly
the ice thaws
on the pond’s surface
no respite
for the frogs
in the pond
frog spawn
necklaces
strung across the pond
dangling
by a thread
the caterpillar risks it
inside the leaf
the grubs are ok
outside its another story
the incessant
clamour
of fledglings
another twig
is woven
into the nest
giving the room
a good
airing
at last
folding jumpers
to put away
feeling the wind
in my hair
hat free
meeting friends
sitting outside
the cafe
around my pots
there’s a whole lot
of buzzin’ going on
a queen wasp
searching
for a home
trying
to give up chocolate
for lent
donating
last year’s woollen
to the thrift store
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
seeing red
graffiti on the rocks
where parting geese touch down
to a little girl
losing track of time
as birds enter clouds
a little girl
hears all the voices
playing in the willow
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
swirls of wakame
form the frog
on a fisherman’s basket
wakame=all spring kigo, a kind of seaweed
frog= https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog_(fastening)
fisherman’s basket= https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creel_(basket)
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens – princess k
Santa Ana winds
scatter live embers
on a warm night
Since:
The Santa Ana winds are dry, powerful winds that blow down the mountains toward the Southern California coast. The region sees about 10 Santa Ana wind events a year on average, typically occurring from fall into January. When conditions are dry, as they are right now, these winds can become a severe fire hazard.
i ask lorin.
by just adding the season word for spring, “warm” as john has done here…..(IMO) would not make it a spring verse…..since this particular wind, comes from fall to january in California.
Though the poem is a wonderful poem, about the terrifying events
happening now in the usa, where diana calls her home, and madeleine calls her home state…..and so many other poets, Kathabella Wilson and Michael Lester, etc….friends, and sabaki Patricia i know have/had their homes.
Just want to say….madeleine….if i lived as close as you do to these fires….i would be unable to sleep and going bonkers with anxiety attacks and would want to reach out to talk with people, too! (i felt this way….when covid first hit)
Lorin,
i can understand the amount of stress there can be, taking on the role of sabaki. When members need to be reminded of the rules you set,
and everything feels out of control and it’s hard to know if a member is co-operating, helping or blocking the goals you set. How you are concerned about new members not learning how to do it right, when they are getting compliments from members that might reinforce the “the wrong messages” to them….how they might take on bad habits, before you can get there to straighten them out.
How easily, a fun activity and creative verses can turn into an unending prison sentence.
please pardon me, john….for using your verse above, which i know you wrote with compassion for the people now experiencing such loss in their lives…..but that is what great poetry does…..it gets people to feel.
in this case, it’s pain and compassion for other people’s pain….and you can only know it…..when you’ve been there before.
Thank you always for your kindness, compassion and perspective …and Wendy for reaching out in your peaceful way…I hope that Diana, her family and pets are safe. I wish the same for my poet friend…all who are living in LA…to all those here who have family members, friends and ties to Los Angeles…praying for them and for peace.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
to a rising carp’s
gasp
for clean air
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
to a rising carp’s
gasp
for crisp air
edited:
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
a rising carp’s
gasp
for crisp air
Yes, Wendy,
a rising carp’s
gasp
for crisp air
is a much better verse than the versions that tag your verses onto princess’s verse, making a 5 line verse. We link and shift in renku, but we don’t tag on.
edited:
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
a rising carp’s
gasp
for clean air
I posted this a bit earlier in the day ( my day, probably someone else’s night)
“Lorin Ford
“January 9, 2025 at 6:33 pm
Orense, I wonder if you might consider composing, then posting, a few new and varied verses containing your “frogs frogs frogs” for this last ‘Spring’ verse? Connecting, in some way, to princess’s verse?
No promises, but I was taken by the repetitive sound of your frog voices. How true a chorus of many frog voices is in country areas, and especially (in my experience) in the early evening..” – Lorin
—
I still like that idea a lot, but it occurred to me that it might come across as favoritism. Since then, a faraway voice seems to have offered a solution the problem. This is what I now propose:
If Orense is willing & able to write 3 new verses that contain ” the frogs frogs frogs ” and also link to
“first spring gust
and the silk robe opens” – princess k
I’d happy to have two actual spring verses sharing verse 9, one by Orense ( a new one), containing “frogs frogs frogs” and linking to princess’s verse, and another spring verse (by someone else) also linking to princess’s verse (not to Orence’s verse)
It would look something like this:
“first spring gust
and the silk robe opens”
link (a) link (b)
” L1 …. ??? “L1 …… ?
L2 … ??? ” L2 …..?
L3 “the frogs frogs frogs” ” L3 …. ?
(Orense) (the person who wrote the verse)
===
It’s unusual, perhaps, but a faraway voice keeps on telling me that this sort of thing has been done before in renku, so no worries. (The faraway voice seems much like the voice of the sabaki who once told me his mother had a Ouija board.)
If we could do this well enough, everyone will have the choice to write a verse to link to (a) Orense’s successful new verse (with “frogs, frogs frogs”, in it) and/or to write a link/links to that of (b) the as yet unknown successful new verse by the yet unknown contributor. Either or both! Everyone can have a go at this (except Orense and whomever writes the (b) verse.)
The following verse, verse 10 will still be a short, non-seasonal verse, one way or the other.
—
I’ll be interested in all comments and opinions regarding this proposal. (and questions, if I haven’t been clear enough.)
Well, it didn’t let me use spacing.
one verse here ……………………………………………………………………………another verse here
(Orence’s new verse
with the frogs) —————————————-(a second verse linking to princess’s verse,here)
etc.
Thank goodness for the mother who paid attention to the Ouija board! So wonderful to wake up this wintry morning in Connecticut USA to your creative spirit Lorin! This is only my third Renku, and I have untethered faith that this is a great way to go go go!!!
Pamela, that was John E, Carley’s mother, who he said has a Ouija board (I have no reason to disbelieve what he said.)
J.E.C. disliked cats (unlike me: I have always appreciated cats. I also like T.S, Elliot’s works, which involve cats. I sent J.E.C,. “My Cat Geoffrey ” by Christopher Smart to him. J.E.C. admitted that ‘My Cat Geoffrey ‘ ( Christopher Smart’s extremely spiritual poem about his cat, who’d adopted him in the asylum his family had dumped him in) was an excellent poem.
J.E.C,. appreciated that poem.
( I won that one. :-), anyway. )
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
to the rising peeps
of frog
frog frog
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
to the rising peeps
of frogs
frogs frogs
The verse should “link to” princess k’s verse,, Wendy, not continue her verse so that the result is a 5 line run-on verse.
lorin….is this what you mean?
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
no longer shy
the rising peeps
of frogs frogs frogs
you do know lorin, i am writing about about spring peepers here,
they go quickly quiet at the sudden sound of foot steps….so it is said, they turn shy.
Yes, Wendy: I mean you should write a new verse that links to
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——-– princess k
…and not to add lines to princess’s or whatever verse you’re meant to be linking to. We don’t want any 5 line verses, ie
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
very much as
I’d expected
it would
(not a serious verse, just an example of a 5 line verse made by tagging
—
“you do know lorin, i am writing about about spring peepers here,. . . ”
A frog by any other name is still a frog. Spring peepers wouldn’t make it in this case, as I’ve asked Orense to write a frog verse (as you know, Wendy) There will be only one frog verse.
Wendy, you can’t have a frog verse here. I think you’ve misunderstood (not deliberately stooped to plagiarism)
To Wendy and All: I apologize if I’ve confused anyone. I probably have. My excuse? The heat!
My idea was: (a) linking to princess’s spring verse this time (not Laurie’s previous verse) , Orense, you could write 1 to 3 or 4 verses with your ” frogs frogs frogs ” in it ( from your verse that was in last week’s “short list”, written in response to Laurie’s verse) (The sound is great, and frogs are kigo!) and post these new verses, which will link, in some way, to princess’s verse as we usually link to the previously selected verse.
This verse/ these verses of yours, Orense, would be 3-line verses, spring verses but not love verses.
I’m requesting 1 to 3 or 4 spring verses containing “frogs frogs frogs” from Orense. (I have no idea, Orense, whether you are male or female. And you don’t have to say if you don’t want to.)
Orense, if you agree, you can submit up to 3 or 4 3-line verses containing your “frogs frogs frogs” . (To everyone: frogs, of course, are a spring reference and kigo. Before Basho, frogs in renku and haiku were of the “froggy goes a-wooing” type. (I kid you not) After Basho, frogs are frogs, and in my experience , quite lovely to listen to if one is close to grassy fields or inland water.
And (b) everyone who wishes to do so can of course write their own verses to link to princess’s verses as usual. Just leave frogs to Orense. Your verses would also be 3 line spring verses, but not love verses. I would select one in the end, as usual.
( 3 -line, spring verses without frogs in them for everyone except Orense, please. Frogs are spring kigo, but Orense got there first )
There are many spring possibilities. Orense was first to use the frogs and I’m asking her now if she’d keep the frogs but have them in some new verse/verses, this time not related to love. This is our final Spring verse, but it is not a Spring love verse. We move on.)
Ideally, the resulting 2 chosen verses (one by Orense and one by whomever) would appear on the one line on each side of the page but I don’t think that can happen here. (I don’t know how to make it so here… so frustrating!) so I will probably just add (a) and (b) or verse 1 and verse 2 to show that there are two valid verses for this last Spring spot.
I believe this has been done before. (I’ll try to answer any queries,)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmOV_FYaWV0
Thank you for that Wendy:) Now I’ll never get it out of my head ;)lol
Lorin as:
Frogs are most visible in the spring when they emerge from hibernation to mate and lay eggs. should this topic not be considered for the same reason you used to object to Venus?
Please, respectfully, explain your answer for clarification
Wendy, I believe the difference is love verses relate to human “love” exclusively, so all the animal mating and birthing going on in spring is not in conflict with the previous love verses whereas a Goddess presiding over human love would be.
i had thought so! thanks for kindly, answering, lorin.
I jumped in unprompted :) perhaps Lorin has a different reasoning, or additional reasons.
oooops, orense, i jumped in too soon and confused you with lorin.
Yes, Wendy, Orence is right. Renku “love” verses are about adult human “love”. The sounds frogs make may be mating calls, but a verse featuring frog calls is not,, in itself, a love verse.
thank you lorin, just wanted to make sure.
“Wendy, I believe the difference is love verses relate to human “love” exclusively, …” Orense
Yep, that’s correct.
Wemdy, you can write about seeing a tortoise on a tortoise on a rock and it doesn’t count as a love verse.
Wendy, I don’t know the answer.
I do know, though, that frogs ‘sing’ across paddocks as well as by water at night and this can happen from Spring through Summer and into Autumn (in Gippsland, here in Australia) I also recall frog sounds down by the creek in a beach-side suburb, when I was young, Frogs like it to be cool and damp.
I have no idea what frogs (a-wooing or not) have to do with the star we call Venus.
If we call something “Venus” , we evoke the ancient Roman Goddess of love. But I have 2nd thoughts about that star. If we don’t use the word ‘Venus’ (or venereal etc) and simply refer to the “evening star” (the first star we see as night draws in) then I think that’s ok.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evening_Star#:~:text=*%20The%20planet%20Venus%20when%20it%20appears,in%20the%20west%20(evening%20sky)%20after%20sunset.
Lorin, loving this verse you have chosen for the spring/love verse!
Congrats! Princess K on your lovely verse, perfect for this spot.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens——–– princess k
I agree, Wendy: it’s a beaut! :-)
8
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
9
washing rocks
and the first drops of rain
sting their faces
a regrettable dearth
of realistic art
in the whole exhibition
Mrs Collingwood-Hurst
diplomatically exclaims
on the View
most regrettable
wearing such a dress
at an April Meet
Dick, re: since we have : “and the silk robe opens”, it would be better if you used, for instance, “as” in place of your “and” for this verse:
washing rocks
and the first drops of rain
sting their faces
to
washing rocks
as the first drops of rain
sting their faces
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens – princess k
#
pheasants strut
across the desert trail
at sunset
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
kite
this way
and that
yellow butterfly
its new wings
in the sun
warming waters
and my sail
fills anew
kite frolics
this way
and that
yellow butterfly
flutters its new wings
in the sun
his kite string
suddenly
taut
sunshine
on the last frost
dazzles the eyes
baby birds
cheep non-stop
with beaks spread wide
young sweet fish
find their way
into fresh water
Wow princess k! And, wow Lorin, for picking this one!
Indeed! Wows all around. Thank you both for keeping things fresh.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
*
princess k
*
tadpoles
letting out
their legs
*
haze
re-drapes
the caryatid
*
the caryatid
draped
in haze
*
Love the tadpoles letting out their legs!
Congratulations princess k! A beautiful choice for this spot.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
purple butterfly
like a folded
billet-doux
Orense, I wonder if you might consider composing, then posting, a few new and varied verses containing your “frogs frogs frogs” for this last ‘Spring’ verse? Connecting, in some way, to princess’s verse?
No promises, but I was taken by the repetitive sound of your frog voices. How true a chorus of many frog voices is in country areas, and especially (in my experience) in the early evening..
Sure thank you for the opportunity Lorin. As I composed this verse I thought it would probably be best suited as a three liner :) Having two verses would make for an interesting structure. Here are a few attempts, let me know if you need more options and if you envision something more minimalist or weighted.
evening star
just in time for
the frogs frogs frogs
sometimes
I”m lonely with
the frogs frogs frogs
tadpoles
dancing to
frogs frogs frogs
tadpoles
dancing to frogs
frogs frogs
frogs
calling to
frogs frogs frogs
frogs
calling to frogs
frogs frogs
riverbank
ripples of frogs
frogs frogs
a grand
ovation of frogs
frogs frogs
from the riverbank
a grand ovation of
frogs frogs frogs
oops just saw you said 3 to 4 verses oh well too late to change it but several are just different layout options :)
ah, Orense, you can post more verses if you’d like to. I didn’t mean strictly 3 or 4. It could be a few. Or several, even. :-) Not too late, until midnight US EST is upon us. Just make sure you keep the frogs frogs frogs.
I like this one best, on first look, Orense,
evening star
just in time for
the frogs frogs frogs
and yet (dammit!) the evening star is Venus! (in Australia, anyway) Associated with love.
Try some more. You have time. I’ll certainly consider them all.
One way or another, ” the frogs frogs frogs” is yours.
( I like the sounds of frogs in the night, memorable to me from the fields and rivers of East Gippsland (Aust.) I had a haiku re banjo frogs published, somewhere, years ago now. )
See my general post later, above. (I blame the heat)
Yes, I thought Venus would be a faint enough echo to constitute a subtle link to the preceding verse, but I guess since the antepenultimate verse is a love verse it could be construed as kannonbiraki.
first star
just in time for
the frogs frogs frogs
don’t know how you feel about a line ending with an article but it could balance the lines and create anticipation.
first star
just in time for the
frogs frogs frogs
or after last verse’s reveal perhaps some mystery with a covering up
evening mist
just in time for the
frogs frogs frogs
or I could add some texture to link with silk
ribbons of mist
just in time for the
frogs frogs frogs
through
ribbons of mist
frogs frogs frogs
These are my immediate reactions I’ll think on it some more.:)
One problem might be that mist on its own is a kigo for autumn, giving two (conflicting) kigo in the verse (if Lorin is going to be strict).
‘evening haze,’ however, is spring and might be an alternative? Then again, ‘ribbons’ is a nice link and ‘just in time’ is nice but what goes between ribbons and frogs?
Or how about something sunsetty? Scarlet might link sweetly to the last verse…
scarlet skies / just in time / for frogs frogs frogs
Don’t mind me: just passing through!
Hi Keith!
I don’t mind at all, thank you for your input :) As I understand it mist is more commonly associated with spring, fog with autumn unless specified. With kigo it is not so much the thing in itself that signals the season but the specific word or combination of words used to describe it. This is taken from the world kigo database website
“Fog and mist are well known phenomen, mostly during the whole year, but seasonally special in some areas. The Japanese kigo are well defined, but their translation in English might not bring the same familiar seasonal ring.
As a general rule, the Japanese words kasumi and oboro are haze and mist of spring, whereas kiri is the fog of autumn and winter.”
https://worldkigodatabase.blogspot.com/2005/06/fog-mist-haze-and-more.html?m=1
I thought mist could provide a link to the previous verse through Sao-hime a deity associated with spring who wears a white robe of mist. Admittedly it is subtle :)
another spring kigo could be fun juxtaposed with the previous verse
sleeves of mist : kasumi no tamoto 霞の袂
through
sleeves of mist
frogs frogs frogs
Orense: I’d just refer you to ‘mist’ in the kiyose specified for this renku, http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html. It’s precisely to keep contributors on the same page that we aren’t using a range of kiyose/saijiki, such as Gabi Greve’s site or the yuki teikei society’s list of American kigo…
There are advantages to using just the one work of reference for an instructional renku. But it does also, yet again, show up the limitations of classical kigo especially in an international framework. I’ve commented on kigo lately: https://thehaikufoundation.org/revirals-466/#kigo Your thoughts may differ – be glad to hear them (via another channel e.g. the re:Virals submission form.)
“if lorin is strict”
Keith, orense , etc.
seems to me, lorin has allowed certain picks from the 500 essential japanese….!
which allows ‘mist’ to be used if it is used with the word ‘spring’=spring mist
Using spring with mist would indeed clear it up but I didn’t want to repeat spring which is used in the previous verse and I did not intend it as being the seasonal marker since frog should provide seasonal clarity.
Keith maybe I’m blind (I am tired:) ) but I don’t see mist listed for autumn, I do see fog though. Could you point me to which part of the list you reference?
I’ll take a look at the virals you mention. I do have thoughts on kigo, it may take me some time to get them in order though :)
Under Spring – – The Heavens:
“haze (kasumi, all spring). For spring mist, use ‘spring mist’. (‘Mist’ alone is autumn.)”
HTH
understandable, orense
i have great faith that you will work this out in time
and you will be very satisfied with the results!
Ah I see it now. I agree that common reference points are useful, such as this condensed list of kigo, but sources have mistakes sometimes or perhaps misleading statements. This is such a case in my opinion which is why it is no coincidence it is not listed under autumn. Perhaps they meant that since there is potential for confusion with autumn’s fog it is better to specify spring to use it as a kigo. I don’t think that is necessary personally but I would respect that point of view. Stating that mist is an autumn kigo however is not true in my opinion.
Yeah, I prefer “first star”.
Where I am, depending on season, I see Venus rise in the south and in the evening, moving down the sky in the North. There is an old Wesleyan church & “Model Sunday School”(heritage listed, so not allowed to be knocked down) opposite me . In the Northern sky, Venus can be seen going down on the right side of the Model Sunday School for some time, then it appears on left side of these buildings.
It’s not faint, here.
“Orense: I’d just refer you to ‘mist’ in the kiyose specified for this renku, http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html. It’s precisely to keep contributors on the same page that we aren’t using a range of kiyose/saijiki, …” -Keith
Yes, Keith is right. I suggested ‘the 500 Essential Season Words’ simply because it’s easy to find and can help keep everyone on the same page for this online renku. I also liked the sensibility of the authors in using the term ‘season words’ rather than ‘kigo’ in the title. There are too many non-Japanese people prancing about declaring this & that are kigo.
Nothing is perfect. I will continue to insist that, while a foal (very young horse) can be a season word or kigo, a pony cannot be a kigo/ season word. This is simply because a pony is a small breed of horse of any age, not a young horse. There are Polish ponies that pull sleighs along, Timor ponies, Shetland ponies etc.etc. etc. Both small , large and extra large ( draught) horses begin as foals , whether colt or filly. Pony is not a season word or kigo any more than draught horse is. (and “draught” is not a misspelling)
I’ve just now read Keith’s piece on kigo and thoroughly recommend it.:
https://thehaikufoundation.org/revirals-466/#kigo
(There are some people (in my experience over the past several years) prancing around declaring that this is a kigo and that is a kigo with the view of collating a nation-wide saijiki. ( I will not say which nation, but it is not the British Islands, not the Americas and definitely not Australia or New Zealand.) The positive part of this might be that more focus on local things will be listed, for that nation.)
For a renku composed at The Haiku Foundation, we can and do have participants from many different regions of this world, though typically, there are more from the USA .
Ps Orense, Keith has a point about ‘mist’ .
There are varieties of mists.
“Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss’d cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease, . . ”
by Guess Who. And no prizes for guessing the give-away title. It’s not Spring poem. But if “mellow fruitfulness” was missing, the season wouldn’t be clear.
Similarly, I think “mist”, alone, in renku or haiku needs something more to guide the reader to the poet’s intended season
Congratulations, princess! I love your verse. Thanks again, Lorin for a wonderful selection.
*
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
*
princess k
*
the gondola
tips
for a dizzying view
*
the panoramic view
woven into the panels
of the balloon
*
closing his eyes
as the balloon lifts
through the turbulence
*
his eyes widen
as the balloon lifts
through the turbulence
*
Congratulations, princess! I love your verse. Thanks again, Lorin for a wonderful selection.
*
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
*
princess k
*
the gondola
tips
for a dizzying view
*
the panoramic view
woven into the panels
of the balloon
*
closing his eyes
as the balloon lifts
through the turbulence
*
his eyes widen
as the balloon lifts
through the turbulence
*
NOTE: gondola is one name for the basket of a hot-air balloon
“NOTE: gondola is one name for the basket of a hot-air balloon” – Laurie
No doubt that’s true, Laurie, and also it’s the name for the hanging chair things on a ski-lift or a Ferris Wheel, but I’d lay odds that the majority of English speakers would , when seeing the word ‘gondola’, would imagine the well-known Venetian boats. ( “‘O sole mio . . . ” )
Lorin…very lovely and light verses on the short list!
(I am sorry for the fragment of my response to princess k’s amazing verse…I pressed “post comment” too fast…. meant to reply at the bottom…which I did.)
Congratulations, princess k, on a wonderful verse! Another great selection, Lorin!
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
barely spring
and frostiness
melts away
cats in love
yowl on a fence
in the garden
baby birds
beg to be fed
in the nest
a butterfly
circles and
recircles
from birds
or some maidens
a twittering
Congratulations princess k and thank you Lorin
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens – princess k
those tadpoles,
yes, they look like
commas in a poem
tadpoles resting
in the shadow
of a lily
old frogs
fondly remember
their tadpoles days
some princes
fondly remember
their tadpole days
No lilies, Dan. It’s a flower! (One is blooming in a water pot in my back yard. The two before it collapsed in the heat) But you could have a lily pad., somehow,
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess K
boards creaking
in the early light
patterns of rain
That’s interesting, John: a ‘pivot’ line at the centre. (I’ll need a night’s sleep before I can make much sense, though)
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess K
first pulse
the toadstool
hardens
I realise I repeated ‘first’ so:
warm pulse
the toadstool
hardens
But you have a break (or ‘cut’) there, John.
warm pulse (<<<<< this is where the cut/break is)
the toadstool
hardens
Princess got around the issue of cut/ break with an "and" but you can't really do the same thing.
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
princess k, this is a marvelous verse.
it is written in the style of the masters
in the time of medieval japan; it feels
just like a translation from then.
what an evocative image.
especially the “and”, which makes the
verse even more perfect.
lorin you have outdone yourself, master
sabaki. such a wise and fine choice.
you have brought fine art into this week’s renku.
and thank you for the short list, also tastefully chosen.
my compliments to those included there.
So very well-stated Rob. Every word. I am enjoying following along and learning from everyone.
I’m NOT a master sabaki. Rob. I’ve worked with two master sabaki, the two John’s : the late John Carley, and THF’s John Stevenson, without whom we would not be involved in this renku today. (John posts these, every week, after I mail them to him.)
I’m not a bad reader though (in English, only) Thanks for the compliment, anyway.
I agree with you that this verse by princess k has a classic feel to it. It has, to my mind, the feeling of a possible scene from a Noh play, or from a classic Japanese book such as ‘The Tale of Genji ‘, which I do have, in English translation..
I certainly feel lucky that princess k posted it for us, as it works so well as a link to the previous and opens (excuse the unavoidable pun) the way to our next verse, the 3-line Spring verse. The 3-line Spring verse is our final spring verse. Link well to princess’s verse!
hi lorin, what i was attempting to convey
was your masterful choice. it brought your
renku back to classical times in the company
of the japanese masters. so again, well done,
you and princess k.
Many thanks, Rob. :-)
well said rob….couldn’t say it better!
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess K
watching each day
to see if
the seed leaves open
cleaning out
last year’s
decay
first spring gust
and the silk robe opens
– princess k
.
after
the thunderstorm –
butterflies
.
Well done Princess K! Beautiful imagery.
And I must say as I live in Pasadena, Ca, that this is bittersweet, as our community is devastated by the Eaton Fire. How I hate the Santa Ana’s and how I wish for a simple spring gust.
Diana, this fire was all over our TV news yesterday evening (AEST) What the cameras showed was certainly devastating (and scary!) To me, it all looked like a raging Australian bushfire (which I have seen, too close, long ago) but happening in a city, not the bush. The photography showed images from hell!
I wish you and yours safety, above all.
Stay safe, Diana!
oh diana,
these are not the pretty pictures we expect and associate with a place of beauty. my heart goes out to all that have lost their sense of community,
housing and safety. glad that you are able to post, and still write verses.
Dear Diana, I am holding you in my heart with many others.
Oh wow! What a surprise – you’ve really made my day Lorin! Thank you – it is an honor to have my verse selected. I’ll bow out of submitting any more verses but will follow the renku through to the end, and look forward to reading everyone’s contributions.
Delighted for you princess k, an enchanting verse that works so well with Laurie’s contribution to the renku. Lorin, thank you for this refreshing addition and for your read at the top. And thank you for your clear vision, steering expertly this renku adventure.
Well done to the poets on the short list…such lovely and light verses!
Princess, I feel lucky that you posted it. Perfect for the spot!