The New Renku Session
After a short hiatus, The Renku Sessions returns to The Haiku Foundation. I am John Stevenson and I will be your guide for a twelve-verse renku, in which we will compose one verse per week until completion. A longer session, with a different leader, is being planned to follow this one.
Renku is a kind of game for poets, through which a collaborative poem is created. Succeeding verses are written by different contributors. Throughout the entire work, each new verse connects in some way with the one preceding it but with no others. A renku is not narrative in nature. Rather, it has been likened to traveling down a winding river, in which we know where we have been and which way we must turn to follow the river, but not yet where or in which direction we will have to turn next.
I will aim to make this session enjoyable for both new and experienced renku partners. Rather than laying all of the rules before you at once, a nearly impossible task and surely a way to discourage newcomers, I will give you a few requirements for each verse and leave it at that. My hope is that this will be fun and will encourage you to want to do it again. Subsequent practice will always yield new lessons. But, first, it has to be fun.
I now begin by asking you to submit offers for the starting verse (hokku). Here are the requirements:
- a three-line poem of seventeen syllables or less
- an image that suggests autumn (for poets in the northern hemisphere) or spring (for poets in the southern hemisphere)
- a two-part structure – two different images, separated by punctuation (a comma, dash, ellipsis, etc.) or by a line break that clearly indicates a break in narrative structure
Please enter your verse offers in the comments box, below. I will be reviewing these offers until midnight on Tuesday, November 19 (New York time zone). On Thursday, November 21, there will be a new posting containing my selection for our opening verse, some discussion of other appreciated offers, and instructions for composing the second verse.
I look forward to seeing your offers!
John
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silence
sparkles through
drop on leaf
sniffing . . .
a lingering scent
of faded roses
All Saints’ Eve
outside the hospice window
a Cheshire cat
***
swift nightfall
moving to the roost sites
urban birds
***
a get-together
tangy taste of liqueur
in November
candle lit lantern
tucked in the corner
spiders refuge
.
neither rhyme nor reason
out of the lion’s mouth
wild asters
.
(Leonid meteor shower)
bending and flexing
with the gale –
fresh cobweb
strange city
in a drifting fog
the bell rings
***
cold wind
on the pebbled yard
a frayed lotus leaf
***
a cart track
faint lantern light
wobbles
autumn evening
she hums the tune of
forgotten words
early fog
the shire horse snorts
a greeting
or…
.
morning fog
the shire horse greets us
with a snort
Your second verse has a gentle sensory image, Marion.
Pleased you like it, Carol.
golden leaf
we follow a path
into the forest
a map, and a flag…
we ENTER
the corn maze
autumn clarity
a leaf falls in
the looking pond
late afternoon
the beechwood
blazes
or maybe
.
late afternoon
the beechwood
ablaze
Hi Carol,
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I wonder about ‘beechwood’ being the opening line? It feels so emotive and powerful for anyone who knows and loves them. 🙂
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BEECHWOOD
Beechwood is the wood from any of ten species of beech trees.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beech
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I wondered if “the late afternoon” could be the second line, possibly followed by ‘ablaze’ as the the third line?
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Just thinking out aloud. 🙂
Hi Alan
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I think that’s an excellent revision, for me, it adds to the colours and warmth. A comforting indoor and outdoor effect.
Thankyou.
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Thanks for the link also, I’ll be investigating further as this is of interest.
Keep cosy
Carol
revision.
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Beechwood
the late afternoon
ablaze
Hi Carol,
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I love this! 🙂
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Beechwood
the late afternoon
ablaze
.
Carol Jones
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🙂
Thankyou for your input, Alan, it is always appreciated.
Oh, lovely!
Thankyou, Marion. The leaves are dropping and falling a little, now, but still lovely.
migrating geese. . .
the weight of dark clouds
lifted
mountain moon
every tree
a bonsai
.
wendy c. bialek
az usa
mother tongue
under the persimmon tree
whistling dixie
geronimo!
heels over head
into the old pond
unsipped nectar
hung for hummers
sweetens the compost
.
wendy c. bialek
az usa
autumn light
a few leaves drift
in the pool
bank of leaves . . .
the head doe anxious
as a human goes by
smoke of wood-
the white heart
of chicory
**********
shorter days-
in a crock pot
the last lemon
************
bare garden
that silence of wind
among the birches
Beautiful, all three…loved them!
Thank you ,Anita 🙂
early morning fog—
the sounds of a city
awakening
silver birch peel…
her finger tip cut
shrivelled white
harvest festival –
seniors by the busload
come to taste the wine
.
– Lorin
naked branches
their sweet green songs
turn to mulch
fallen leaves
the path i take
unclear
chiaroscuro …
a lone Scots pine
in swirling mist
fall wind
spinning the gold
of pine needles
*
call of wild geese
chairs gone
from the porch
*
first frost
the sparkle
of stemware
*
muscat grapes –
eating sun rays
one by one
***
autumn moon –
young smiles again
in our garden
***
how slight
the cement in the fog!
october dawn
sna – packle – op
acorns blanket
the circle drive
*************
snap crackle pop
a blanket of acorns atop
the circle drive
My apologies Jim I missed reading your acorn entry before posting mine
the crow
drops an acorn
on my head
plonk, ka-plonk . . .
tonight’s frog ensemble
assembles
.
– Lorin
or maybe
.
plonk, ka-plonk . . .
one by one tonight’s
frog ensemble
.
– Lorin
windstorm
the falling twigs
of a crow’s nest
a hint of pink
on straggly twigs
garden ginko
empty wasp nests
now mausoleums
for the wind
wendy c. bialek
az, usa
warm sun
stirs swelling buds,
this alchemy
threads of mist
wild geese
in flight
.
leaf burn
beneath the decay
the seed
indoor game
my quill more on renku
autumn’s pride
racing leaves . . .
Papa’s blackthorn stick
still in the porch
empty fruit bowl
a memory flavoured
by russet apples
mist lifting
that hazy moon
becomes a sun
*
autumn leaves
she sets out in
her tawny jacket
forest path
how red that falling leaf
and another…and another!
umber, sienna, ochre
we begin to season
our canvases
Okay, I ought to have checked the spelling… it seems ‘canvases’ is primarily the US spelling and ‘canvasses’ is the UK version (which I ought to have used–but then I’m Irish! 🙂 )
And we canvas politicians, or is it egg? I think both egg and paint are involved in and on canvas, and politicians. 😉
Tempera, tempera — remembering the John Prescott incident! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Ah, lovely John, unfairly persecuted by certain newspapers. I never got to meet him while renga poet-in-residence at Hull, although I met Alan Johnson, former Home Secretary who wrote a verse himself, by himself! 🙂
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But I did know a transgender woman, when she worked at Boots, who was friends with John Prescott’s wife. She saw her later, and John was cautious, until his wife said she’s a lovely person, and not political. John Prescott, from another person I knew, swam for charity every single day despite sometimes being exhausted by work, and nasty newspapers. He also had an open house every week he could at home, until the newspaper houndings got too much. So he’s not the villain so successfully portrayed by certain newspapers.
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It’s amazing what egg can do in painting, and if I don’t wash scrambled egg pans ASAP. 🙂
Autumn is such an inspirational season for artists and writers, alike.
Lovely verse, Marion.
Thank you, Carol. Yes, a colourful and inspirational season indeed.
Thanks for you comments, Alan (I can’t add any more to the post) Yes, the media has a lot to answer for.
Hi Marion,
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It was wonderful, through renga, that I saw one very senior politician more than once, who contributed not only a renga verse (himself) but answered a plea for help, written down on our renga sheets at Hull Central Library. So renga really is a community activity!
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Enjoying your renku verses very much, as I am with everyone else! 🙂
remaining insects…
Kafka’s new audience
eat up the pages
.
Alan Summers
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Kigo for late autumn: remaining insects
Insects still left over, nokoru mushi 残る虫
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Choice of ‘eat up’ rather than ‘eats up’ deliberate.
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Plus a literary allusion. 🙂
Wow – brilliant! In the interest of learning, would you mind explaining your deliberate choice of phrasing in the third line?
Hi PK! 🙂
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re:
“Wow – brilliant! In the interest of learning, would you mind explaining your deliberate choice of phrasing in the third line?”
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remaining insects…
Kafka’s new audience
eat up the pages
.
Alan Summers
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Grammatically it should be ‘eats’, isn’t that right? As the ‘audience’ eats up the pages. But that would deny the saying ‘to eat up everything’ as in believe everything without factchecking etc…
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4. verb To believe unquestioningly that something is true. A noun or pronoun can be used between “eat” and “up.”
I told them that I like this stupid school, and they totally ate it up—I guess I’m a pretty good actress.
https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/eat+something+up
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And Kafka is famous for bringing to our attention the devious bureaucracy that can occur not only in government and its institutions, but across big corporate organisations, and even other areas in society. So I’m hinting that we “eat up the pages” of newspapers and other media that have an ulterior motive.
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But it’s also just a pun, and ‘hai’ means humour, and we have insects that eat paper, and we eat up paper, or more likely today, eat up what appears on our electronic device screens. 🙂
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It might be too devious for this kind of renga as well! 😉
remaining insects…
Kafka’s new audience
eat up the pages
.
Alan Summers
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Nicely done, Alan. A really humorous bringing together of the classical Japanese seasonal reference and Kafka’s surreal novel ,The Metamorphosis, and a clever double meaning : insects (such as silverfishes and cockroaches) literally eating away at the paper pages of the book and the new audience metaphorically doing the same.
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“Grammatically it should be ‘eats’, isn’t that right? As the ‘audience’ eats up the pages. But that would deny the saying ‘to eat up everything’ as in believe everything without factchecking etc… ” Alan
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Yes, it should be ‘eats up’, as you say, simply because ‘audience’, like ‘money’, is an uncountable noun and uncountable nouns take plural verbs.
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I don’t believe having ‘eats’ would deny the saying you refer to. Having ‘eat’ instead of ‘eats’ doesn’t do anything but distract attention away from the intended, metaphor-based saying by shouting, “Grammo!”. You’d be far better off using “eat”, in my view.
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– Lorin
Duh! How did that last sentence happen?
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correction:
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” You’d be far better off using “eats”, in my view.”
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– Lorin
Cheers Lorin,
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Okay, the ‘eats’ version. 🙂
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remaining insects…
Kafka’s new audience
eats up the pages
.
Alan Summers
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It makes me think that possibly Kafka and the audience are now long gone, and thus even a living audience is blind to the machinations that Mr Orwell and Mr Kafka warned us about so long ago.
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Alan
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Thanks Alan and Lorin for your comments. One of the things I love about this forum is the opportunity to learn from experienced/published haijin. You could substitute “devoured every word” or “eats up the yellowed pages” (yellow journalism), but I think it is a fabulous ku as is.
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Alan – another question if I might. You said, “It might be too devious for this kind of renga as well!”. Why would it be to devious for this kind of renga? And what type of renga would it be more suited for?
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Hi PK! 🙂
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Not devious in the sinister sense, or as sinister means ‘left’ perhaps it’s too ‘left field’? 🙂
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I’ve taken part in a number of New Junicho renga, both online, and as a renga poet-in-residence in Devon, England: https://area17.blogspot.com/2012/03/renga-days-with-alan-summers-and-jann.html
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It was where we could really experiment, both with seasoned haiku and/or renga/renku writers, and general public. In fact I included one verse that was purely a visual martial arts display by a young boy! I was also the very first person to have British Sign Language (and possibly in the world too) renga which played out in a packed out theatre, very exciting! 🙂
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Kafka wrote about the machinations of bureaucracy and how devious it could be, so it was partly tongue in cheek. 🙂
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Here’s a modern Japanese renku model that we tried for the first time:
http://www.hsa-haiku.org/frogpond/2013-issue36-2/renku.html
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Or you could have two different types of audience — of insects and men?! 🙂
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remaining insects…
Kafka’s new audiences
eat up the pages
Hi Marion! 🙂
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And of course humans carry lots of symbiotic creatures from our eyelashes to internal workings! 🙂
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First version:
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remaining insects…
Kafka’s new audience
eat up the pages
.
Alan Summers
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Second verse re ‘eats’
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remaining insects…
Kafka’s new audience
eats up the pages
.
Alan Summers
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Third version with Marion’s help so it’s ‘audiences’ “plural” hence ‘eat’ is now correct, I hope! 🙂
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remaining insects…
Kafka’s new audiences
eat up the pages
.
Alan Summers
with thanks to Marion Clarke! 🙂
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And of course Kafka will be read by utterly different audiences hundreds of years from now, from AI, new or evolved insects, augmented humans, Martians etc…! 🙂
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Thanks Marion!!! 🙂
morning glory
seedpod bursts—the bitter
sweet sixteen
wendy c. bialek
az, usa
we still don’t know what caused a high school boy
on the early morning of his sixteenth birthday
to fire a hand-gun on his classmates and then himself
(in yet another shooting) inside a California
school a few days ago.
wind across the field…
new dance moves picked
from a scarecrow
moonrise
a basket of persimmons
ripening on the porch
Hi John, thanks for doing this again.
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autumn deepens
a crow becomes one
with the night
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I know this verse doesn’t tick all the boxes as a hokku but I’d like to dedicate it to the memory of Paul MacNeil, among all the other things a regular contributor to Renku Sessions
such sad news….and a fitting tribute to Paul. Polona.
Oh! A beautiful tribute to Paul, Polona. He will certainly be missed.
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marion
A walk can take you
back centuries – or just to
the local drug store
nest building –
a flash now and then
of something green
nest building –
a flash now and then
of something blue
a stone Buddha
on a stone lotus . . .
autumn drizzle
maples stretching
across the river waves —
sunshine seeps through
fattening
by the day –
iris buds
Hmm, stay away from flowers?
the way it moves –
half rusted leaf
on the wind
falling colors
tree waiting for plumage
autumn’s axes
morning sun
pokes through whimpering leaves
autumn chill
carved pumpkins –
here come the neighbours
in strange masks
.
. . .an autumn one, for fun. 🙂
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– Lorin
… and yet, these days Halloween is celebrated where I am, in spring. And Christmas has always been in December and Easter has always been in autumn for me (weird, I know, with all those bunnies and eggs it certainly doesn’t work symbolically for that time of year.)
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– Lorin
dandelion puffs –
the kettle on the boil
welcomes blow-ins
.
– Lorin
dandelion puffs –
a kettle on the boil
welcomes blow-ins
.
– Lorin
Joyful thanks that you’re bring9ing renku back, John.
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dandelion puffs –
the kettle on the boil
to welcome blow-ins
.
– Lorin
smoky town
bush fires
eating the heat
nancy liddle
australia
ah, Nancy. . . bushfires (USA ‘wildfires’) used to indicate summer. That was then. Now it is any and all seasons. Or, like war, is its own season.
.
– Lorin
hi Lori,
yes we are inundated with fires atm and our prime minister is a denier
too sad
Lorin – sorry for the misspelling 🙂
mountain retreat–
a bull elk bugles
to its herd
*rutting season in autumn
the rustle of lunaria…
fawns
shedding their dapples
falling leaf…
no colour
in the cadet’s cheeks
lingering still
in the misty air,
a quail’s call
Good to ‘see’ you, John!
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grinning pumpkins –
a very large array
points to the stars
– Betty Shropshire
harvested field –
a scarecrow greets us
with open hands
howling wind
shedding the last leaves —
squirrel’s nest
impermanence…
a mandala of leaves
under the big oak
mother-of-pearl morning —
everywhere spiders’ webs
beaded with dew
I love this image Susan.
Thank you, Karen
leaf litter…
each day the stronger pull
of gravity
muntjac deer
a little more red
in the trees
cooler and cooler
red maples with a hint
of woodsmoke
sky in veil –
raindrops parting
river reunites
autumn colors . . .
a deer takes break
on the achromic shadow
shorter days
comings and goings in the dark
of night
Remembrance Day. . .
in straight line formation
cormorants
Welcome back John and thanks for volunteering to lead another renku session.
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a bottle of red
thanksgiving dinner
with mother-in-law
.
spring winds
clouds shape-changing
the sky
The green-tailed towhee
comes to feed on garden seed,
he won’t stay long.
touring her garden
with my grandmother
pink damask roses
a boy and his dad
pumping bass yabbies
estuary low tide
*
late salmon run
the local pier
fills with seal watchers
*
frozen teeth, bones–
where finches once flew
an ax cuts the air
scent of jasmine
after the shortest rain
a cup of coffee
Nuky Kristijono
Indonesia
thinning leaves
the hairs on my head
too few to number
Grandmas
persimmon pudding
Autumn Memory