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The Moon’s Aura: Week 7

renku_300

Namaskaar!

And wishing all a belated Happy Diwali!

_()_

 

Welcome to the seventh week of rasika —’The Moon’s Aura.’
I’m Kala Ramesh, and I’ll be your guide in this journey in collaborative poetry.

It seems as if we have just started and we are already just two verses from the end!

Lorin,

I read your response about ‘thin clothes’ and ‘mango’ and I agree with you. Being an Indian, who has lived in India all her years – mango (more than a dozen well-known varieties) means summer! But yes – I agree it needn’t be so for the rest of the world.

princess k & Lorin,

I see your reservations about verses 2, 3, 4 and 5 all being about water :)) I see it differently. Everything is connected to everything else in some way, and the more restrictions we place on the ‘sameness’ of verses, the more renku becomes just one bundle of ‘no-no-s.’

Does the mention of ‘sea breeze’ imply ‘water,’ connecting it to ‘fluid’ and ‘snow? And is ‘snow’ related to Sally’s ‘fluid stroke’ or to petrichor? Personally I don’t think so.

Everything is related to every other thing in this world. I have clearly stated that rasika is flexible and it’s more about enjoying this collaborative linked verse than about creating a difficult framework that can make taking part in renku tedious.

So, I leave it at that and we’ll proceed with what we have in hand and, most importantly, enjoy the whole process of writing together!

The moon’s aura
    rasika – the shortest renku ever!

opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura

                      — Laurie Greer

 

in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso

                                      — Sally Biggar

 

hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard

                                            — Sanjuktaa Asopa

 

sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale

                                               — Kashi Reisu

 

her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him

                                  —  Marietta McGregor

 

 

Surprisingly, in spite of both princess k & Lorin claiming that water is a recurrent theme here, even for this verse I received a lot of offers with ‘steam’ ‘water’ ‘sea’ ‘coffee’ and ‘fish’

:))

Still I had some strong contenders for this slot.

her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him

 

 

the heat of the afternoon
stored in your hips

                                 —  Jonathan Alderfer

 

This is indeed a very good verse for the ‘coming of love’ (summer) – do keep it as a pocket verse for your next renku and use it!

 

morning coffee
tales of our horoscopes
brewing in between

                               — Lakshmi Iyer

 

The idea here is good and as an Indian I know the amount of trust we place in astrology and horoscopes! But this is a clear hokku (with a kire – at the end of L1) and it is not a sentence haiku at all.

If you had written this as a sentence … maybe. But I had asked for a 2-line verse and coffee is a liquid – ?

 

how many gifts from those hands
full of brown spots!

                                 — Margherita Petriccione

 

Shows the years of compatible living.

 

 

 

wan smiles exchanged
over daily poached eggs

– Betty Shropshire

 

Nice poignant verse.

 

Yes, I did smile at your offers, Kashi Reisu!

something fishy about
her last husband’s demise

her divorce attorney
is a dream in silk

single again
she decides on a nose job

:))

 

 

searching for his hand
as she falls asleep

Kanjini Devi

 

This is a verse that’s open and I love it. ‘searching for his hand’ – the reasons? Could be because he has deserted her, or is no more or it’s a hint at unrequited love? Offers like these get richer on repeated reading and they really wake you up.

 

 

 

sleeping separately
they dream of each other

                                        — Vasile Moldovan

 

Again, all these verses, above and below, are poignant and rich, lending themselves to various interpretations.

 

 

 

shallots have a twang
of slang for goodbye

                                    — Robert Kingston

 

 

 

in divorce court the stink
of past indiscretions

                                 — Tracy Davidson

.

 

the widow still sleeps
on the left side of the bed

andrew shimield

 

Effective and has much character. Habits die hard!

Ultimately the verse that got this slot:

 

surprise baby shower
at the women’s shelter

 

                                       Chris Patchel

This hits hard; life is not always a bed of roses. Motherhood is a special event and we most often connect it with wedlock, but it needn’t be so. Life isn’t perfect for many and this renku suddenly takes a steep dip into reality. This verse suggests themes of acceptance, bouncing back, seeking and finding the courage to face life and most importantly giving the life she’s carrying inside her a life that’s worth living. These qualities make the verse uplifting. I imagine hugs, and most importantly touch – something that has been a rare commodity during these past 18 months. What a deep verse this is – thank you so much, Chris.

 

The rasika till now:

The Moon’s Aura

—  rasika, the shortest renku ever!

opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura

                                           — Laurie Greer  **sight

 

in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso

                                           — Sally Biggar  **sight

 

hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard

                                         — Sanjuktaa Asopa ** sound and sight

 

 

sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale

                                                — Kashi Reisu ** sound and sight

 

her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him

                         —  Marietta McGregor **smell

 


surprise baby shower
at the women’s shelter

                                     —  Chris Patchel ** touch

 

The schema for ‘The Moon’s Aura’:

 

long – hokku | au mn*

short – wakiku | ns*

long – daisan | wi*

short – ns

long – end su/lv (rainy season)

short – ns/lv

  1. long | sp bl *

ageku | ns *

 

The asterisks show the important verses which remain constant in all renku.

 

***
The requirement for the 7th verse.
Long – 11 to 14 syllable counts

Seasonal verse. Blossom/spring this time.
For a renku this short, it can be any blossom.
Generally, it is only flowering trees that are allowed in longer renku.

Go for a nature verse – or it can be a mix of both nature and people. I leave it to you.
Outdoor or indoor.
Link to the previous verse (# 6) and shift away from the one before that (5th verse.)
Avoid all topics and words that have come before this. Avoid any mention of ‘water’!!

 

For this renku, we will be using this site (http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html) as the source for our season words and images.

The window closes on Sunday 14th November!

Keep a close watch on this space! Meet you next Thursday.

Thanks again for following this renku. As we near the end, you’ll find the verses getting more difficult and trickier too!

 

I’m keenly waiting to read special blossom verses!

Through all this activity don’t forget to have fun!

in haikai spirit,

_kala

 

 

 

The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct

This Post Has 63 Comments

  1. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    —– Chris Patchel

    a lone tulip
    bulb left behind
    stands defiant

  2. little hands
    of the violetera
    outside the theater

    flowering irises
    opening the window
    among the tall grass

  3. Thanks Kala for your kind and constant attention and for the teachings
    Congratulations to the chosen one

    My proposals
    *
    as a good omen
    freesias that trigger
    heavy sneezing
    *
    some warm milk
    looking at the first rose
    of this year
    *
    two antennas
    from the swollen chalice
    of a carnation

  4. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    – Chris Patchel

    the last
    unpicked rose
    opens up completely
    – Betty Shropshire

  5. .
    suddenly
    a purple sky rolls down
    from grandma’s lilac bowl
    .
    i open the crafts book
    to another cross stitched
    peonies
    .

  6. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    — Chris Patchel
    *
    on the drive
    the new BMW
    studded with blossom

  7. .
    .
    are dandelions
    illegal aliens
    or undocumented immigrants?
    .
    someone please
    tell the spring orchid
    that genitals are irrelevant
    .
    posh narcissus
    the only prudent opinion
    on social media
    .
    .

  8. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter Chris Patchel
    *
    in her own room
    a bunch of freshly
    picked daffodils

    *
    gleefully she accepts
    a red orchid
    from her sisters

    *
    most unexpectedly
    the jacarandas bloom
    a month earlier

  9. a cradle of three
    cyclamens
    polishes the sky

    Michelle Beyers
    Copyright © 11/13/21

    a pink heart
    of three cyclamens
    cradles the sky

    Michelle Beyers
    Copyright © 11/13/21

  10. mustard flowers
    powder the paths
    to abortion clinic

    11.11.2021 by wendy © bialek

    *mustard flowers also called Japanese rape flower

  11. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    *
    Chris Patchel
    *
    sparrows take the trail
    of breadcrumbs
    from the violets
    *

    1. …or if it really has to be tweaked to make the difference between ten syllables and the requested 11-14 syllables….

      a few bluebells
      flattened by
      a fleeing faun

  12. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    — Chris Patchel ** touch

    a last spin
    in there daisy wheeled car
    before dark

  13. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    Chris Patchel

    attracted to
    the very blossoms
    that make them ill

    11.11.2021 by wendy © bialek

    11.11.2021 by wendy © bialek

    1. oh no.!!!!! …warning of an uchikoshi alert

      because it backlinks to:

      her perfume
      with its hint of petrichor
      enchants him

      — Marietta McGregor **smell

      changed to:

      healing from
      the very blossoms
      that made them ill

      11. 12. 2021 by wendy © bialek

  14. and if ‘weeps’ brings to mind….a liquid in the form of tears, than:

    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    Chris Patchel

    buddleia
    bends over
    moses-in-the-cradle

    11.12.2021 by wendy © bialek

    1. LOL!!!!!!!
      and i need to keep it on the list!!!

      my bad….please delete the following verses:

      buddleia
      bends over
      moses-in-the-cradle

      11.12.2021 by wendy © bialek

      and:

      buddleia
      sways over
      moses-in-the-cradle

      11.12.2021 by wendy © bialek

      and:

      buddleia
      weeps over
      moses-in-the-cradle

      11.11.2021 by wendy © bialek

      thank you, kala

  15. *
    the hedgehog
    hidden among rocks
    and wild roses

    *

    is it possible
    Phooey is now fuchsia
    in full bloom?

    *

    tiptoeing
    over wisteria
    on the veranda

  16. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    ——Chris Patchel

    falling blossoms
    cover the henna prayers
    on her palms

    cherry blossoms
    bend down to whisper
    a poem in her ear

  17. *
    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    *
    Chris Patchel
    *
    strewn petals
    of the newest
    camellia cultivar
    *

  18. Congratulations, Chris. I liked the petrichor-shower and shower-shelter linking; and the many things this verse carries in just seven words (in me it stirred a vision of Maid, which we have been watching lately).

    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    – Chris Patchel

    between
    the shell holes
    a tiny violet opens

    1. ….and if ‘holes’ are deemed to be too round, given the enso, then:

      between
      the gun emplacements
      a tiny violet opens

    2. Yes, the Maid series was excellent! And it’s what brought the women’s shelter to mind (and also the custody hearing in my other verse offer).

      There is often more than one linking idea present. What most intrigued me was the idea of enchantment vs. mistreatment.

  19. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    ——Chris Patchel

    next door is a vacant lot
    where wildflowers
    volunteer

  20. on a spring walk
    the pram full
    of peach blossom

    her mobile
    charts the wild growth
    of wisteria

    one cherry blossom
    left uncrushed
    by careless feet

  21. they say
    timing is crucial when
    it comes to forsythia
    ******************************
    jacaranda petals
    cover a multitude
    of sins
    *************************
    finding no
    condemnation from
    a jack-in-the-pulpit

  22. they say
    timing is everything
    when it comes to forsythia
    ***************************************
    jacaranda petals
    cover a multitude
    of sins
    **************

  23. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    Chris Patchel

    transplanted
    lady’s slippers live
    in a flower bed

    11.12.2021 by wendy © bialek

  24. Dear Kala, thank you again for sharing your knowledge. It indeed helps broaden perspectives. Below are my offers for this week. I have dared to use a seasonal word (ashok blossoms, mango blossoms, palasha blossoms) that may be very specific to the place I live, India.

    coral flower beads
    mingles with jade leafage
    on an ashok tree

    swelling mango blossoms
    inviting
    the line of bees

    a forest on
    flaming fire
    with palasha blossoms

    Have a lovely day. Enjoy!
    Love and smiles
    Amrutha

  25. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    — Chris Patchel ** touch

    there’s something about
    pip squeaks
    and white petals

    trampled petals
    also have a magic
    about them

    1. Congratulations Chris! And thank you, Kala, for helping us along!

      placing last year’s
      geraniums
      back outside

  26. ” Lorin,
    I read your response about ‘thin clothes’ and ‘mango’ and I agree with you. Being an Indian, who has lived in India all her years – mango (more than a dozen well-known varieties) means summer! But yes – I agree it needn’t be so for the rest of the world. ” (- Kala)

    ” princess k & Lorin,

    I see your reservations about verses 2, 3, 4 and 5 all being about water :)) I see it differently. Everything is connected to everything else in some way, and the more restrictions we place on the ‘sameness’ of verses, the more renku becomes just one bundle of ‘no-no-s.’

    Does the mention of ‘sea breeze’ imply ‘water,’ connecting it to ‘fluid’ and ‘snow? And is ‘snow’ related to Sally’s ‘fluid stroke’ or to petrichor? Personally I don’t think so.

    Everything is related to every other thing in this world. ” -Kala

    (all quoted from the preface/ main page of Week #7 – Lorin )
    ——————————-

    Kala, since you’ve published these statements that involve me in your forward/ main post this week, I will respond here, on the thread.
    .
    “Being an Indian, who has lived in India all her years – mango (more than a dozen well-known varieties) means summer! But yes – I agree it needn’t be so for the rest of the world.” – Kala
    .
    I’m not interested , in this dialogue, in what ‘mango’ might mean for an Indian, for an Australian, for an Eskimo or for anyone in any other part of any other country in the world. I’m only interested in whether or not ‘mango’ is rightfully interpreted as a kigo for summer in this particular renku or not.

    Kala, I’ve seen you teach/preach upon ‘first things’ in the order as we find them in saijiki — ” early spring, mid spring, late spring and all spring.” In those little lectures, your emphasis has been: “When does the thing/ phenomenon first appear?” And in this you’ve been, in fact, following the example of the seasons as given in Japanese saijiki translated to English. For this particular renku you began without a saijiki (or season word list), then in your 3rd week’s preface (after the hokku & wakiku were in place) you announced that we’d be following the ‘500 Essential Season Words’.

    What happened after that? You obviously weren’t following that source for verse #5 because ‘mango’ isn’t even listed in ‘500 Essential Season Words’! (Verse #4 was a ‘no season/ all seasons’ verse despite that the verse you chose had a very wintery feel. ) How could ‘mango’ be a kigo/season word for this renku if it’s not listed in the saijiki/ season word list you stated we’d be following? It’s clear that you “changed horses midstream” about the saijiki/ ‘500 Essential Season Words’, but you did this without advising those of us who were submitting verses that you’d changed your mind.
    .
    “Just felt mentioning summer twice isn’t needed in a verse. ‘thin clothes’ and ‘mango flavoured kisses’ both are strong kigo words for summer. ” – Kala (from your last week’s preface)
    .
    So this was, for me, not only a shock but unfair. The fact is, Kala, you didn’t need to “mention” this at all, and especially on the ‘front page’. I might be the only one (though I doubt it) but I don’t like being ‘spoken down to’ (“mentioning summer twice isn’t needed…” indeed !!! ) I don’t like having a verse displayed in your preface to show others what you see as faults, an example of what not to do, without my permission. This sort of thing (making a negative example of people’s verses on the preface/ main page) hasn’t happened before, to my knowledge, in any THF renku, Verses have been listed as “also liked” , but without derogatory comments added, as you’ve done.
    .
    I don’t disagree that in general we associate mangoes with summer, but being an Australian, I’m aware that the mango season is longer than the 3 months of our summer. November, for Australia, is the last month of spring and there have been mangoes (from up north, of course… these from Queensland) in my local supermarket for two weeks, now. It’s one of the newer varieties, R2E2, developed from the Florida (USA) variety, ‘Kent’, which was imported here in the 1930s. There will be several more varieties available through summer and into autumn.

    But none of that is relevant to what’s at issue here.
    .
    “Being an Indian, who has lived in India all her years – mango (more than a dozen well-known varieties) means summer! ” – Kala (last week)

    “Being an Indian” . . . but more importantly for a THF renku being sabaki for this renku, for which you gave ‘500 Season Words” as the reference list/ saijiki, what right do you have to skip the saijiki/ reference list you instructed us to use ( and which doesn’t even mention ‘mango’ as a kigo/ season word! ) with no warning whatsoever and pronounce to the world that “mango means summer”? !!!

    Being the sabaki (and under the circumstances outlined above) what right have you to claim “mango means summer” and hold up (without my permission) one of my verses as an example of an obvious flaw to be avoided? I find this action of yours presumptuous to the point of outrageous.
    —-
    “princess k & Lorin,
    I see your reservations about verses 2, 3, 4 and 5 all being about water :)) I see it differently. Everything is connected to everything else in some way, and the more restrictions we place on the ‘sameness’ of verses, the more renku becomes just one bundle of ‘no-no-s.’ ” – Kala
    .
    Please don’t lecture to me, Kala. You’re not qualified to do that.

    While it may be true that “everything is connected to everything else in some way”, the basic generator of forward movement in renku is “the shift”: a verse must, in some way, link to the immediately previous verse (for continuity) but it must not link back to the verse before the immediately previous verse in any perceivable way. Ideally, there should be no perceivable links back (the dreaded ‘backlink’) to any of the prior verses , either. (I was under the impression that you were aware of these basics, btw, having been taught by the same people I was)

    On last week’s thread, I referred to the way that, in my view, each verse after Sally’s wakiku linked to other verses via a generic ‘water/ H2O/fluid’ link: Sanjuktaa’s ‘snow’ (frozen water) to the fluidity of ink (rightly), Kashi’s ‘sea’ to the same’ (uchikoshi?) and even Marietta’s ‘petrichor’ (the scent of rain carried from a distance).
    .
    “Does the mention of ‘sea breeze’ imply ‘water,’ connecting it to ‘fluid’ and ‘snow? And is ‘snow’ related to Sally’s ‘fluid stroke’ or to petrichor? ” – Kala

    Yes, the mention of ‘sea breeze’, in my view, certainly does imply water. How could it not? The sea is water. Also, bones of a beached whale, in this verse (in itself, an evocative, well-written verse) would be very close to the sea and possibly visible only at low tide. ‘Sea’ (fluid, liquid, water) links to snow (frozen water) in the wakiku. No problem. There’s supposed to be a link here! But it also links to Sally’s ink brush ‘enso’, via fluid/ water and this is an example of uchikoshi, “return to last but one”.

    The issue begins with Kashi’s verse: ‘sea’ is water and the ink for Sally’s ‘enso’ is a powder mixed with water. Also, ‘sea’ links back to Sally’s ‘fluid’. Uchikoshi .. . there’s no denying it.

    In Sanjuktaa’s verse ‘snow’, being frozen water, links to ‘fluid stroke’ in Sally’s wakiku, the previous verse (as well as to the colour of the enso page, white) and so it should. No return to the hokku (last but one) is evident here. All’s well.

    Marietta’s ‘petrichor’, as noted, is the scent of rain fallen on dry soil, especially clay soils, perhaps. Rain, like sea, is a form of water and the link here, to Kashi’s beach/sea scene, is good, too. Unfortunately, snow, in the uchikoshi, is also a form of water, so we have uchikoshi . . . return to last-but-one, Sanjuktaa’s’s verse.
    .
    Again, I like all of the chosen verses, as verses. They all have good links to their wakiku. It’s the theme of ‘water/ fluid’ running through from verse #2 onward that I find unlike renku.

    And yes, 🙂 In context of all this, I find Chris’s verse (on one level) funny and clever, intentionally so or not. (… but I highly suspect it is intentionally.)

    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    – Chris Patchel

    . . . in “baby shower” (the party, the event) ‘shower’ is a word link (though not a ‘meaning’ link) to Marietta’s ‘petrichor’ (the scent of literal rain falling/ fallen on dry clay/ earth) ‘Shower’ here, doesn’t allude to a rain shower but its meaning derives from ‘rain shower’. That’s how ‘word links’ work. Is the perfectly acceptable word link, ‘shower’, to Marietta’s ‘petrichor’ verse also a link/ uchikoshi to Kashi’s ‘sea’, continuing the theme of water? I think it is.

    ” shower: from “Old English scūr – ‘light fall of rain, hail, etc.’, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch schoer and German Schauer .” – https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=origin+of+shower

    All the verses in themselves are excellent, imo, as are the links between them. It’s the ‘backlinks’ that are unfortunate, beginning with Kashi’s uchikoshi to the fluidity of Japanese/ Chinese ink, continuing the watery theme with Marietta’s ‘petrichor’ (the scent of rain mixed with dry earth) and now (amusingly) with Chris’s wide-awake word link “shower” which, as well as linking nicely to Marietta’s ‘petrichor’, also unavoidably links to all of the preceding verses except the hokku and continues the ‘water/ fluid’ theme.

    The sense of a water/ liquid theme, “running through” this renku . . .as princess k. astutely said . . , is, I believe, unavoidable.

    “What’s done is done and cannot be undone.” (from memory, from the Scottish play’ . . . and I don’t mean ‘Peter Pan’.
    🙂

  27. Beautifully explained Kala and such a lovely verse Chris. Congratulations.
    Here’s my offer:

    just enough shade
    for the bright yellow
    of a wild flow

      1. I think I haven’t had enough coffee. Lol Correction again.

        just enough shade
        for the bright yellow
        of a wild rose

  28. surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    – Chris Patchel

    savory wild rose
    blossoms on each
    kintsugi plate
    – Betty Shropshire

  29. revised:

    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    Chris Patchel

    buddleia
    weeps over
    moses-in-the-cradle

    11.11.2021 by wendy © bialek

  30. in honor
    of the event
    a wreath of flowers

    around the cradle
    a lulaby and
    a wreath of flowers

    the flower of gifts
    fills with its fragrances
    the guest room

  31. again, a perfect choice….kala! i am astounded by your brilliance, and performance as our sabaki!!

    chris many kudos!!!!….just brilliant! love the link of ‘hint’ with ‘surprise’
    and the huge story painted with just a few well chosen words!!!!!
    a very mature and compassionate verse indeed!

    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    Chris Patchel

    buddleia
    sways over
    moses-in-the-cradle

    11.11.2021 by wendy © bialek

  32. Congratulations Chris

    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter

    — Chris Patchel ** touch

    Thank you Kala for including mine in your summing up.

  33. Congratulations, Chris! A strong addition to the raskia, indeed. Thanks, Kala, for the comments and insight. On we go!

    *
    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    *
    Chris Patchel
    *
    dappled fawns
    hidden in a creche
    of dandelion fluff
    *
    dappled fawn emerging
    in a flourish
    of primrose
    *

  34. Quite touching, Chris!

    surprise baby shower
    at the women’s shelter
    – Chris Patchel

    nanny goats’ maaas
    as I tend to the wild rose
    in bloom
    – Betty Shropshire

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