The Moon’s Aura: Week 6
Namaskaar!
And wishing all of you a Very Happy Diwali!
_()_
Welcome to the sixth week of rasika —”The Moon’s Aura”
I’m Kala Ramesh, and I’ll be your guide for this journey in collaborative poetry.
Rasika is a renku of 8 verses, a form I developed in 2014. Rasika meets the need for a shorter version of renku, without sacrificing on the aesthetics of this 400-year-old art form that has come to us from Master Bashō’s time — the shofu-style of renku, which is essentially anti-thematic.
I think this rasika is shaping really well, though.
The moon’s aura
rasika – the shortest renku ever!
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
The schema for “The Moon’s Aura”:
long – hokku | au mn*
short – wakiku | ns*
long – daisan | wi*
short – ns
long – end su/lv (rainy season)
- short – ns/lv
long | sp bl *
ageku | ns *
The asterisks show the important verses which remain constant in all renku.
***
This time I expected fewer candidates for it was a tough slot!
I was pleasantly surprised to see so many offers once again, this week. Let’s see what we have in store for the ‘coming of love’!
First dealing with certain points that have been raised:
Going back to verse 4. It does sound like a winter verse and coming just after the daisan, it resonates with that wintry verse. But when I chose it, I felt verse 4 was not based on a season and that it was simply a solid nature verse. Having to juggle many rules in renku, we do sometimes slip! The best part of a live renku is that the interaction and feedback is immediate and it’s easier for the sabaki to steer away from these pitfalls.
**
For what it’s worth, which is probably not much: in the case of renku with international participants, a source to allow all participants to be on the same page as far as seasonal reference goes is desirable. Without such a source, seasonal reference (including ‘all seasons/ no season’) becomes debatable, unfortunately.
— Lorin Ford
Thanks Lorin, yes, point noted.
**
For the information on hail, I didn’t think it was a kigo because here in Italy it can happen practically in any season.
— Margherita Petriccione.
Point noted, Margherita.
But I think kigo words are based on when a certain change is discernible for the first time in our day-to-day living. For example: butterflies are seen throughout the year, but they are seen for the first time in spring. So, butterfly is a spring kigo. The rest of the time, we say “winter butterflies” and so on.
I remember having read about this in the initial years of my coming into haikai, but I really don’t know if this way of reasoning still stands. Take the moon for instance. In Japanese saijiki, the moon is an autumn kigo by default. In India, we can’t see the moon much during the monsoon, because for two months the skies are filled with grey heavy clouds. In summer, we have the sky filled with low cotton clouds and in winter, with snow falling, perhaps the moon is not very prominent. But in the clear skies of autumn, the moon is often quite conspicuous. This is my own reasoning, but do mull it over for yourself.
**
Kala – must we include rain in verse 5? Or may we use any end of summer kigo? It seems to me that the monsoon season might be reminiscent of verse 3.
— princess k
Yes, you do have a valid point.
I think a summer verse (without the mention of rain) would be better as the 5th verse, so we will go for a summer verse without rains! Extremely sorry about this change. This may be the first time, at least for me, where the verses have induced a slight change in the schema.
**
Since we had two sets of submissions for this slot I gave both the same weight when considering which really fitted this slot well.
**
Let’s see the verses which might have fitted the 5th place but didn’t, because of a slight deviation from the requirements.
the thrill
of an illicit kiss
behind the waterfall
— Marion Clarke
I did like this verse but felt the link was weak, taking off from “the bleached bones of a whale,” “the thrill” hardly linked.
the lingering
scent of him
as she purses her lips
— Kanjini Devi
Nice, but there is no hint of the required season here.
after our evening swim
the taste of salt
on your lips
— Jonathan Alderfer
A good love verse but it’s a bit too close to the previous verse with its L 1 ”sea winds whistle through”.
as if
Adam could be present
without an Eve
— Robert Kingston
Of course I agree with you totally! There is no season here and it was clearly stated that this 5th slot is an end summer/rainy season.
opening an umbrella
as she begins
her rain dance
— Dan Campbell
Nice … I can visualize this – but there is no hint that this is a ‘love’ verse.
rain soaked silk
clings irresistibly
to every curve
— Helene Guojah
Nice, Helena. I can sort of see the male gaze here, but I’m looking at the presence of two people coming together – the ‘coming of love’ for this verse.
humid night
silk clings irresistibly
to every curve
— Helene Guojah
Even in this revised version I had the same problem – I couldn’t see it as a ‘love’ verse.
ribs pressed tight
for our smouldering tango
in the rain
— Keith Evetts
Nice one.
ready to risk
a whole life
for our summer kiss
— Keith Evetts
I definitely like this revised verse, Keith. I like the mention of the season here – I did debate long over this verse for the ‘coming of love’ 5th verse. In renku, there is a custom that the season word could be mentioned once in the whole renku and the mention of ‘summer’ here gives a nice feel to this verse.
rumor has it
his summer lover
is a mermaid
— Christopher Patchel
I did like this verse too – very imaginative but the ‘mermaid’ being situated on L3 made the shift almost negligible because verse 4 (previous verse) was all about the sea.
their soft sighs
drowned
by the fan
— Firdaus Parvez
Very nice and I like the ‘fan’ and the way this situates the poem indoors after those two outdoor nature scenes. I had left this requirement open, because the ‘coming of love’ could be an outdoor scene too. The reasons I couldn’t take this verse were:
- it’s just 7 syllables (the long verses read well if they are between 12 and 14 syllables)
- in longer renku, like the Kasen (with 36 verses) we have three love verses and this verse reads like the middle and not the ‘coming of love’.
on this sultry night
in her very husky voice
“. . . just purse your lips and blow”
— Lorin Ford
I loved this verse when I first read it – summer, love – all there! But the word ‘blow’ coming as the last word, took me back to Kashi’s ‘sea winds whistle through.’
our thin clothes
and the taste of his mango
flavoured kisses
— Lorin Ford
Sensuous, Lorin. Just felt mentioning summer twice isn’t needed in a verse. ‘thin clothes’ and ‘mango flavoured kisses’ both are strong kigo words for summer.
the taste
of raindrops on his mouth
warm as sake
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
Sanjuktaa, you’ve introduced the sense of taste and touch. Most subtly linked to the preceding verse. Yes, what would the taste be like when ‘sea winds whistle through the bleached bones of a whale’? Just felt one poet can’t have two verses in an eight-verse renku!
as if it wasn’t
hot enough before
our breathless kisses
— Kashi Reisu
This is a strong love verse situated in summer! Except for the fact, Kashi, that you can’t link to your own verse … otherwise an exceptionally well-linked candidate.
This candidate takes the 5th slot:
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
Went through all the verses – many times and, ultimately, I came back to this verse, for these various reasons –
It brought in new topics.
The smell of earth is more pronounced than rain in the word ‘petrichor.’
A clear ‘coming of love’ scene depicted here.
The link is strong … when the wind blows through – you get the scent.
What scent? Her perfume. Here it shifts most gracefully to a love verse.
I was also seeing the variety in the senses employed. (I’ve given it along with the verses, below)
Other Considerations:
Montage is another bit of film-world jargon. The dictionary defines it as “the technique of selecting, editing, and piecing together separate sections of film to form a continuous whole.” Isn’t this what we do when employing link and shift in our poems, piecing together and juxtaposing words and images rather than film ‘shots’?
Linkage through scent.
In his book Renku Reckoner, John Carley describes the three tiers of linkage: word/object, core or content, and scent.
Basho places his own contribution to the development of linking technique uppermost—scent linkage or nioizuke. Nioizuke evokes a much more tenuous set of associations which are nowhere specified in the text itself … The reader is obliged to engage with the poem as an active interpreter.
Scent links rely on connotations, in the same way that a flower might be conjured by its perfume.
As Carley explains,
“According to Bashō’s followers, Bashō said he used this word (scent) to mean a link that operates without references to verbal or logical similarities, links that are impossible to predict, and rely primarily on mood, intuition and instinctive feeling. Scent links ultimately allowed Bashō to link in ways that assumed that renku can attain a condition close to that of music.”
Here is the poem so far, marked with the senses too!
The Moon’s Aura
rasika, the shortest renku ever!
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer **sight
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar **sight
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa ** sound and sight
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu ** sound and sight
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor **smell
The requirement for the 6th verse.
Short – 10 to 12 syllable counts
Love – showing years of togetherness | death | separation
Non-seasonal
Human presence of course!
Indoors scene.
Link to the previous verse (# 5) and shift away from the one before that (4th verse.)
Avoid all topics and words that have come before this.
Be careful of ‘konnonbiraki’ – double doors
Don’t use blossom – for verse 7 is a blossom verse!
The window closes on Sunday 7th November!
Keep a close watch on this space! Meet you next Thursday.
Thanks once again for all your lovely 5th position offers and some tricky corners to navigate!
I’m keenly waiting to read your 2nd love verse!
Through all this activity don’t forget to have fun!
in haikai spirit,
_kala
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This Post Has 102 Comments
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little hands
of the violetera
outside the theater
flowering irises
opening the window
among the tall grass
white hooded woman
the painting is still in the same place
Nani Mariani
Congratulations, Marietta. Your verse truly is enchanting.
*
his worn hat gathers dust
on the entryway hook
*
shoulders of dark suits
turning grey with dust
your flood of tears
leaves behind a mountain lake
*
the heat of the afternoon
stored in your hips
revised:
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
my new love ‘ku read
to an opened bottle
11.07.2021 by wendy © bialek
kala….hope your holidays were hevenly!
please- nix this one above if it reverts back to verse 4.
correction:
heavenly
waking up I wonder
why do you look at me from a photo
smile at me from a photo
while I’m wearing your shirt
surprise baby shower
at the women’s shelter
Trying one
.
morning coffee
tales of our horoscopes
brewing inbetween
.
their last month home theatre
that was his last kiss
***
his same photo in home bed
sterile womb her end
**
last kiss and life in garden
losing her job
nil replies suggest it’s
all over now baby blue
*
grief stricken, the farmer’s wife
finds strength to carry on
*
cobwebbed shutters close
on decades of devotion
~~~
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor **smell
after Avignon
each kiss turned to stone
smoothing the years
from the dusty bottle
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
– Marietta McGregor
•
joint bank account gone poof
and even the dog
– Betty Shropshire
love it! betty!
the party is suddenly getting fun!
Thanks, Wendy..was .almost a good one…maybe I can figure out a humorous revision.
betty….many years have passed for me and…..i can finally laugh at it. (though…a dog, was not in the picture)
thought you were making it up….
so sorry, if this is still fresh for you!
Sheesh, Wendy…no, it was made up! I am tired from a day of volunteering and leading a canyon tour to pictographs (after a 2yr hiatus) so poorly explained my thoughts on revising…no worries!
Poof…well, shucks…likely too close to blow so nevermind this one
betty….you still have a minumum of 10 syl’s. without it.
but if you want to retain the meter….perhaps a word to describe the dog????
i really think it is a worthy one!
correction:
minimum of 10 syl
she pours my coffee
while calling me cabron
lol!, dan,
from head-to-toe massages
to pain in the neck
11.06.2021 by wendy © bialek
again that smile
in the dusty photo
yes, i even saw a photo in your first one, maurice!
first verse, (that is)
thanks
our window’s steam
from boiling water
11.06.2021 by wendy © bialek
oooops!
our window’s steam
from simmering eggs
11.06.2021 by wendy © bialek
revised to:
our windows steam
from simmering eggs
11.06.2021 by wendy © bialek
Congratulations Marietta and thank you Kala.
*
two shadows
holding each other up
*
his serenades now
end with a wheeze
Thanks, Dan!
how it goes from the kiss
to the thinker
11.06.2021 by wendy © bialek
how it’s gone from the kiss
to the thinker
11.06.2021 by wendy © bialek
together they seem
more brothers than old spouses
***
how long now we weed together
the vegetables garden ?
***
how many gifts from those hands
full of brown spots!
Lovely, once again, Marietta!
•
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
– Marietta McGregor
•
wan smiles exchanged
over daily poached eggs
– Betty Shropshire
Thanks Betty! Lovely to play with you after a while, here in this renku. Cheers!
laughter in their old bed
those intimate creaks
Another verse of loveliness from Marietta. All the five verses have favoured beauty over humour. Now, I feel liberated to have renkai fun in the last verse before serious blossom and the ageku:
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
*
something fishy about
her last husband’s demise
*
her divorce attorney
is a dream in silk
*
single again
she decides on a nose job
Thank you, Kashi! Have fun!
becoming the man
behind the dusty glass
*
coffee and cake turns out
to be their last meal
*
searching for his hand
as she falls asleep
*
his shirts and shoes neatly
set aside for the bin
*
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
his deliberate joke
timed with my booster jab
11.05.2021 by wendy © bialek
and to add to the fun:
from sex in the city
to the good doctor
11.05.2021 by wendy © bialek
an imprint on her hand
sign of farewell kiss
all love survived
in a sweet memory
sleeping separately
they dream of each other
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
*
— Marietta McGregor
*
hoping the planchette can smooth
the transition
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor **smell
splitting the swan shaped towels
into white and black piles
Thank you Ann Smith for the idea.
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor **smell
shallots have a twang
of slang for goodbye
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
folding sheets together
in a double kiss
they never mention
Sleeping Beauty’s bedsocks
happy-ever-afters
just castles in the air
Lovely contribution, Marietta
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
——— Marietta McGregor
*
head over heels
now bitter over sweet
Thank you, Jonathan!
she sings their special song
to his empty chair
the priest smells stale whiskey
on the widow’s breath
in divorce court the stink
of past indiscretions
Congratulations, Marietta – a mellifluous verse.
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
—
re-reading our prenup
she never could spell
—
I make our morning coffees
while she feigns sleep
—
our kids sniff
when we cuddle on the sofa
Thanks very much, Keith!
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
*
— Marietta McGregor
*
the lifetime of tricks
in that magic djinn bottle
*
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
*
— Marietta McGregor
*
mutual wishes made each
both master and djinn
*
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
no room for him
on the milk soaked sheets
after three days on strike
he cooks her dinner
it took a week of silence
for her to be heard
Thanks Kala, in fact the saijiki itself is already complicated, extending it to an international conference, like this one, requires a special attention that I recognize I did not have. Your words are always clarifying.
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
*
the widow still sleeps
on the left side of the bed
” our thin clothes
and the taste of his mango
flavoured kisses
— Lorin Ford
Sensuous, Lorin. Just felt mentioning summer twice isn’t needed in a verse. ‘thin clothes’ and ‘mango flavoured kisses’ both are strong kigo words for summer. ” – Kala
.
“mentioning summer twice isn’t needed in a verse”
It may not be wanted by any particular person acting as sabaki, Kala, and I accept that but let’s not get “not needed” confused with “not wanted” . They’re not synonyms.
I believe in this case the kigo is not ‘mango’ but ‘thin clothes’, so mango is a secondary, supporting season word. If you don’t like that, you’re welcome to your opinion but don’t imagine it’s more than an opinion.
By which saijiki is ‘mango’ a summer kigo, anyway, Kala? A kigo is not a kigo until it’s listed in a saijiki, though it may be a local seasonal reference or an offered ‘season word’. (In haiku, we use both, as well as kigo) I thought you’d given the ‘500 Essential Season Words’ as the saijiki for this renku? Mangoes are not mentioned in the ‘500 Essential Season Words” and not even in Higginson’s larger, print version, ‘Haiku World’.
Here in Australia, mangoes grow in the top end — Queensland and the Northern Territory, mainly, and there are several varieties. You’d have to name the variety to pinpoint a season, and that’d probably be the time when a particular variety first became available. ‘Mango’ alone isn’t sufficient to pinpoint the part of the season even if we generally associate them with summer.
“The main types grown in Australia are Kensington Pride, Calypso, R2E2, Honey Gold and Keitt. Each variety has its own season, most notably Kensington Pride (September to February), Calypso (September to March) and R2E2 (October to February). This delicious fruit is thus so popular in every Australian household! ”
https://www.orchardtech.com.au/mango-season-underway-in-australia/
September is the first month of spring, this side of the equator, October the second, February the 2nd month of summer and March the first month of autumn! Choose your season. Those months would be be approximately reversed for the Northern Hemisphere.
I believe that ‘thin clothes’ is the more logical kigo for summer around the world, and what’s more relevant is that it’s listed in the saijiki you’ve stated we’d be following.
http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html?source=post_page#SUMMER–HUMANITY
Nevertheless, for a long renku (20 or more verses) I wouldn’t even consider using both ‘thin clothes’ and ‘mango’ in a verse , simply because that would be hogging seasonal references, which would be inconsiderate. But In the world’s shortest renku, with a total of only 8 verses, there is no risk of anyone running out of kigo or seasonal references, is there?
For the information on hail, I didn’t think it was a kigo because here in Italy it can happen practically in any season.
— Margherita Petriccione.
.
Ah, Margherita, what’s a kigo and what’s not is something only editors of saijiki may declare in Japan. For the rest of the world, they’re mostly just translations. But when making a renku with people from all over the world, from many differing climates, we need access to a saijiki/ season word list, that we all can follow, otherwise it’s not fair. Nothing is perfect, and there are some mis-translations in Higginson’s ‘500 Essential Season Words’, but it’s online and it’s free, so it’s an excellent resource for this kind of remote, online composition.
http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html?source=post_page
Some short comments re linking, below. – Lorin
.
“Here is the poem so far, marked with the senses too! ” – Kala
The Moon’s Aura
rasika, the shortest renku ever!
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer **sight- Kala ( Hokku – art & action, reference to the film industry – Lorin)
.
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar **sight – Kala ( Link #1 – shape of moon / shape of enso. Link#2- visual art, one colorized, the other black ink , fluid – involving H20- on white paper. – L)
.
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa ** sound and sight – Kala (Link #1 -snow /white — enso is drawn in black ink on white page. Link #2 ink (fluid) / snow (frozen fluid) H2O – L)
.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu ** sound and sight ( Link #1 – bleached bones / white snow. Link#2 – sea and snow both involve H20, water, one fluid, the other frozen – L )
.
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
.
— Marietta McGregor **smell (Link #1 – petrichor, the scent of rain : water, liquid, fluid H20, as it falls on and mixes with dry soil / sea (liquid H20 ) – L
.
Petrichor (/ˈpɛtrɪkɔːr/) is the earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petrichor
—
Of the current 5 verses, the 4 verses following the hokku are involved with H20. So far, water could be a theme running through the renku!
As an American friend of mine who passed away some years ago used to say, “Just saying. “
Interesting comments, Lorin. I guess you could say that the scent of petrichor caused by increased humidity in advance of a rain event is indeed due to the presence of H2O, even if in that water is in vapour/gaseous form and invisible to the human eye. Farmers say they smell the rain coming well before it falls.
Sorry, an extra ‘in’ crept in!
“the presence of H2O, even if that water is in vapour/gaseous form”
Hi Marietta 🙂
“Farmers say they smell the rain coming well before it falls.” – Marietta
They can / We can! 🙂
Might it be that the scent of rain hitting and mingling with dry earth, even a long way away, rises into the atmosphere and wafts along in the direction of where the noses are and the rain will eventually come?
That’s my best guess anyway. (Though certainly not expressed as well as a meteorologist might express it.)
You have raised a very valid point, Lorin. I had been wondering about the running theme of water…
kala,
i see now, my verses containing an ‘urn’ need to be pulled out, as they may revert back to ‘bleached bones’ in Kashi’s verse #4.
left from the wrinkled sheet
the old couple’s warmth
Apologies, I did not mean to highlight the last word. New to this. Hope it does not read too much like a poem:
left from the wrinkled sheet
the old couple’s warmth
Hope this does not bring into play, konnonbiraki, with them together.
Martin, that’s Kannonbiraki, the goddess Kannon’s shrines which have the doors that open each way.
http://www.aisf.or.jp/~jaanus/deta/k/kannonbirakitobira.htm
Thank you for your concern Lorin, and thank you for the Saijiki’s suggestion which I will cherish
Forgive me, Congratulations Marietta McGregor on your interesting verse and background on the word
“petrichor”!
Thank you very much, Martin.
kala,
since we have ‘her’ and ‘him’ does that mean we should.t have ‘she’ and ‘his’?
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
she reads new love ‘ku
to an opened heart-shaped urn
11.04.2021 by wendy © bialek
correction:
shouldn’t
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
my new love ‘ku read
to an opened heart-shaped urn
11.04.2021 by wendy © bialek
Congratulations, Marietta. Ah, that scientific name for a thing given by an Australian. 🙂
Thank you, Lorin.
congrats, marietta!
i love your down to earth love verse!
thanks, kala, for all your educational comments and analysis.
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
— Marietta McGregor
she carries his
pubic hair in a locket
11.04.2021 by wendy © bialek
Thank you, Wendy.
in a suit and tie
for his custody hearing
or:
what to wear
for the custody hearing
spicing it up
with bit of viagra
Or
a bit of viagra
brings back the magic
I’m really enjoying the selections so far. Thanks all.
still keeping it fun . . .
the pastor’s pool boy
makes it a ménage à trois
(Good fodder in real life stories.)
Beautiful verse Marietta. Thank you Kala for all your insightful comments.
*
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
*
— Marietta McGregor
*
still their preference
for tea black afterwards
*
still their preference
for sugared tea afterwards
Thanks very much, Carole.
Happy Diwali, Kala and all! What a lovely surprise to wake up to this grey Canberra morning. So pleased to have my verse selected from a strong group.
I think everyone loves the smell of petrichor. It was a remarkable Australian scientist, Isabel (Joy) Bear, who first chemically analysed this odour and gave it the name. Joy worked until her eighties, and died just this year in April.
https://blog.csiro.au/vale-joy-bear/
However, the distinctive earthy scent had been known long before Joy’s work, and was actually captured as a perfume called mitti attar by artisans in Kannauj, Uttar Pradesh, India, as it still is today.
https://www.hindustantimes.com/more-lifestyle/mitti-attar-take-home-that-lush-smell-of-the-first-rain-trapped-in-a-bottle/story-rekOv9uFRO4g5pzDIW41dK.html
Happy Diwali to our friends.
Congratulations Marietta. A worthy verse.
Dear Kala
Thank you for the feedback and for commenting on my offering.
Not that it matters now, but when composing my verse I had summer in mind. To recall the story of A&E were they not in the garden of the forbidden fruit? I’m afraid I recall little else of the bible section.
Onwards!
Thank you, Robert.
a romance ghost pepper hot/
these past four decades
just to tidy this up as it was posted from my phone:
***********************************************************
a romance ghost pepper hot
these past four decades
********************************
the bittersweet taste of
“for better for worse”
Apologies! my poor proof reading – should read as follows
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
– Marietta McGregor
—
sharing warmth
together in the bath tub
her perfume
the its hint of petrichor
enchants him
– Marietta McGregor
—
sharing warmth
together in the bath tub
Thanks for mentioning my verse, Kala. I was so focused on avoiding rain, completely forgot about a summer kigo! Congrats, Marietta for a beautiful love verse _()_
Thanks very much, Kanjini.
Dear Kala, Happy Deepavali!
Thank you for spreading light with your comments.
My bad and ignorance, I could not find a comment that could lead me to mistakes/shortcomings in my previous offers. I understand it is hard to expect comments from you on all the offers. I highly appreciate your effort in doing your best. Thank you.
Here are my offers …
all the sugar on her
savored by him
her heaving bosoms
pillows his driven head
Enjoy! Have a lovely time.
Love and Smiles
Amrutha
a waft of lemon grass
lingering amid the sarongs
Congratulations, Marietta! What a wonderful verse, in such a challenging slot. And thanks, Kala, for all your careful reading and explaining–what insight into the form and the process and so much else. Will be rereading these comments for some time to come.
*
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
*
— Marietta McGregor
*
retesting each love spell
in their endless grimoire
*
Thank you so much, Laurie!
This reads beautifully. Congratulations Marietta.
My offer:
playfully pointing out
her new age spot
their late night game
of finding new age spots
Thank you, Firdaus.