The Moon’s Aura: Week 5
Namaskaar
_()_
Welcome to the fifth week of rasika — “The Moon’s Aura.”
I’m Kala Ramesh, and I’ll be your guide in this journey in collaborative poetry.
Rasika is a renku of 8 verses, a form I developed in 2014. Rasika meets the need for a shorter version of renku, without sacrificing the aesthetics of this 400-year-old art form that has come to us from Master Basho’s time — the shofu-style of renku, which is essentially anti-thematic.
I received plenty of verses and more than 70 % per were of very high standards. Thank you for this overwhelming participation.
The poem so far:
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
Let’s see the verses which could have easily fitted the 4th place but didn’t, because of a slight deviation from the requirements.
A few are still not clear about sentence haiku. Or you have just picked out a verse which you think might fit the slot – but you have not taken the time to change your haiku (with the kire) into a sentence ku. The kire in renku happens in the space between the verses!
A few have given me a people-oriented verses. If only you had checked the schema you would have noticed that we are having two love verses coming next!
Renku is a game and we need to be alert! Can you imagine a group of poets sitting together and writing a renku? What interaction and learning goes into the process. It is for these reasons I love renku and feel that all students and practitioners of haikai should take part in renku.
As the renku progresses each week, we might fall into another danger zone—backlinking. For example, when we are on the 4th verse, we cannot link back to the 2nd verse. We need to shift away. Remember that renku, like life, always goes forward!
If any set of three verses are not sufficiently different, this failing is called konnonbiraki. The word means ‘double doors’ and refers to the Buddhist altar which opens outwards in both front and back. The problem arises from backlinking. I’ve mentioned this in my comment on one of the verses quoted below.
Another term drawn from Buddhism is ‘distant reincarnation.’ This occurs when an added verse strongly recalls another verse from anywhere in the poem.
All these references make renku highly interesting, isn’t it!
**
“Kala, I have a question about the princess’s lyre verse. I read it as the wind playing the reeds like a musical instrument with a play on the words liar lyre. Is that kind of sly humor or point of view not used in rasika? Of course, I could have misconstrued the verse as well. Thx.”
Clysta
I missed this reading. Rasika is flexible and open to various interpretations. It’s my own inadequacy that I missed seeing it the way you saw it, Clysta.
I loved the ‘lyre’ verse a lot and spent much time mulling over this verse with Sanjukta’s verse, which was ultimately chosen.
a murmuration blurred
in the golden sunset
Mary
I loved the sound of this verse but we can’t possibly go back to sunset after the moon with the aura and the enso. Renku teaches us to be alert. ‘Awareness’ is important! Maybe with a lot of renku practice like this, we’ll become adept at meditation!
reading old writings
about global warming
— Vasile Moldovan
This is an excellent verse in the ‘ha’ section of the haiku. You are furthering what Sanjukta started about the weather. But I liked the verse I have selected a wee bit better, for reasons given below.
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
reading old writings
about global warming
— Vasile Moldovan
The link is good, but do you see, the ‘shift’ isn’t happening?
Looks like you have linked to the waki, with drawing and writing. I had asked for a nature verse, only to help the link and shift. And also remember the next two verses are people verses, so we can’t have this 4th verse with people.
lion cubs stalking
their mother’s twitching tail
— Dan Campbell
You’ve given us a rich image. But have you considered whether this fits the slot? Hokku with the moon and its aura, the waki with people each drawing an enso, and the daisan with the sparrows huddled together–we cannot have another verse about lion cubs stalking their mother’s twitching tail. Yes?
Shift away!! That’s the secret of renku.
gathering across the winds
the sounds of the Plains
— martin gottlieb cohen
I liked this verse a lot for it has sound and that is always welcome. Do keep it as a pocket verse to be used in the next renku.
I like both your verses, Lorin. But having the moon in the hokku, I’m definitely not taking your first offer:
stars where they should be
on a clear sky night
the sounds of a forest
when nobody listens
— Lorin Ford
I like this and I’m always partial to trees and forests. But I see the presence of people here.
again the silence
in the tatami room
— Milan Rajkumar
This is a good atmospheric verse but do you see the closeness of ‘silence’ to ‘hush’ in the preceding verse and to people drawing an enso together in the last-but-one verse?
This we can call ‘konnonbiraki’ – the ‘double doors’ in the Buddha’s temple. In renku, we have to close the back door and move forward!
beneath the crust
a restless boil of lava
Keith Evetts
This is a good verse for the 2nd section of the renku – Ha – which encourages expansion and variety in the topics handled.
another rainbow
dangling on the electric pole
— Lakshmi Iyer
What a beauty! A good fun verse! We need such verses to lighten up the renku at times! But I couldn’t take it for we’ve had enough of the sky in hokku. And most importantly the rainbow indicates end-summer or the rainy season. And here I wanted a no-season verse.
the underground beat
of an earthworm’s five hearts
— Jonathan Alderfer
This verse is striking. I had to Google to see if earthworms have five hearts! It links most beautifully to Sanjukta’s L3 but we can’t talk of hearts with two love verses coming next!
stampeding elephants
emerge from the dust
— Robert Kingston
Good and strong image. Keep it as a pocket verse and use it in your next renku!
vegetables in the garden
punctured by hail
— Margherita Petriccionear
Nice, Margherita–I love the word ‘punctured’ here.
But I wanted a non-seasonal verse and ‘hail’ suggests winter. It’s important to keep the non-season verses free from kigo words because renku needs the interplay of seasonal and non-seasonal verses. Our daisan was winter – and if your verse is also winter and we have the next verse coming up with monsoon (end-of-summer rains), then there is no breathing space in between the verses, each based on a season.
This slot goes to:
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
Perfect with a 11-syllable count! A full-bodied verse, most musical when read aloud, focusing on the destruction of ocean life. This verse, in combination with the daisan, makes a very strong statement. Kashi’s verse opens new topics – whales, sea winds and bleached. We wonder about the reason for a dead whale on the seashore. What havoc has man done to the natural world.
Verses 3 & 4 make a very good ‘ha,’ with their intense delineation creating a strong impact.
Variety characterises renku. That’s the beauty and the strength in this collaborative linked form.
Let’s see all the four verses together: read then slowly and enjoy the shift in the scenes … the variety of topics covered and all the magic happening in the white spaces between the verses.
The Moon’s Aura
rasika, the shortest renku ever
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
The schema: for The Moon’s Aura
long – hokku | au mn*
short – wakiku | ns*
long – daisan | wi*
short – ns
- long – end su/lv (rainy season)
short – ns/lv
long | sp bl *
ageku | ns *
The asterisks show the important verses which remain constant in all renku.
What does the 5th verse hold?
the actor’s passion for drama
the architect’s sense of design
the writer’s search for a word
the dancer’s expressive movements
and the film director’s ability to pin that perfect shot
To this, add every artist’s search for space . . . with the king of seasons – the monsoon – playing its role in all this!
Half of the rasika is already over as we enter the love verses against the backdrop of rains! Idyllic?
Love in renku is always adult love – allowing all types of sexual behaviour in human beings.
Use your imagination and give us a good love verse!
What are the requirements for the 5th love verse:
- long – end su/lv (rainy season)
long verse – between 12 to 14 syllable counts.
Human presence of course!!
Important – the coming of love.
Without using abstract words like ‘love’, ‘passion’ ‘infatuation’ ‘sex’
Give us a verse succinct with things unsaid. Let your imagination run wild :))
Of course, link to verse 4 and shift away into your world of love!
Avoid using all the words and images that have been used in the preceding verses.
Use new topics – diversity is the heart of renku.
Don’t use blossom – for verse 7 is a blossom verse!
The window closes on Sunday 31 October.
Keep a close watch on this space! Meet you next Thursday.
Thanks once again for all your lovely 4th position offers.
I’m keenly waiting to read your passionate verses!
Through all this activity don’t forget to have fun!
in haikai spirit,
_kala
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sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
still naked
as they slowly sip
cooling hot tea
in the evening lull
soft moans
from the parked car
aroused by morning light
filtering through the folds
of her camisole
Congratulations Kashi.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
~~
under pandanus
a handsome young surfer
shares his ice-cream
*
outside the tent
his and her’s sarongs
flutter in the breeze
*
so deeply relaxed
when she fans me lying
on the shared lilo
*
~~~
their soft sighs
drowned
by the fan
Firdaus Parvez: I simply love this one!
love this!
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
———— Kashi Reisu
*
flooded fields
inhabit the hidden folds
of your skin
*
even in the shade
I sense the heat
beneath your robe
Congratulations, Kashi. I loved the image and especially the sound of your verse, the windy ocean being one of my favorite places.
*
Was checking recent comments to make sure the two lovers in the late summer rain verses I worked on weren’t duplicated, when I noticed no rain was being mentioned. A mystery. Reading down I saw that the rain is out now. So, being late in the day, I will try to jump in again next week with a two line verse.
gently
on wet sand
the first kiss
last subway
in the summer storm
two in love
your smile
as a star falls
on my white hair
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
*
she sighs as he licks
watermelon sugar
from her neck
*
together
a baleen scrub and massage
at afterglow
*
.
love letters …
I try to rearrange
the blotted words
.
warm rain …
I just leave it to him
to decide
.
drizzle …
we drench in the heat
of our past memories
.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
.
.
my sweetfish was huge,
just tremendous and no one
gives me credit for it
.
at least he knows
what to do with his hands
in the sitz bath
.
thin clothes
all the rage
for a little cuckoo
.
.
revised to:
.
.
my sweetfish was huge,
just tremendous and no one
gives me kudos for it
.
at least he knows
what to do with his hands
in the sitz bath
.
thin clothes
all the rage
for a little cuckoo
.
.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
beyond the reeds
the taste of salt
at the small of his back
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 10/31/21
I am out of the renku now, but love it so.
her slender spine
graced by a sheer
silk kimono
as if it wasn’t
hot enough before
our breathless kisses
we lie together
laughing
with the waterfall
rolling through
a summer meadow
into each other
Oops – “through” can’t be repeated…🤔
rolling out
of a summer meadow
into each other
the thrill
of an illicit kiss
behind the waterfall
Hi Kala
Thanks for the update, a revision and a new suggestion below.
humid night
silk clings irresistibly
to every curve
—–
briefest touch
of bare skin – in the heat
a shiver
while it was raining
I work at home
on the new herbarium
in the water
coming out in the riverbed
some surviving fish
in the almost
ripe wheat field
freshly fried fidh
Sorry! A made a mistake. The last line is
freshly fried poppies
they touch
one another
in the evening’s lull
Thanks for the clarification, Kala.
I’ll let my ‘petrichor’ verse stand if I may. After all, the rain may not actually come but be merely hinted in a breeze from far away!
I’d like to submit an alternative second verse, please.
our tryst
segues from cocktails
to a terrace hot tub
my replacement:
floating like paper dolls
half-way through
nagoshi
10.30.2021 by wendy © bialek
ooops, in case i can’t repeat, ‘through’
floating like paper dolls
half-way there
in nagoshi
10.30.2021 by wendy © bialek
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
—— Kashi Reisu
*
after our evening swim
the taste of salt
on your lips
kala i wish to pull out this verse:
how the extreme drought
drives us to share
a quick shower
10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek
and replace it with one that clearly speaks of aspects of love.
romance
unforgettable first touch
like electric current sting me
Nani Mariani
first love in school
he writes poetry
and auctioned off by the teacher
Nani Mariani
different continent
It does not matter
held by father to the altar
Nani Mariani
Dear Kala,
Here’s my humble suggestion.
in adult love
all the adjectives
become restrictive
All the best,
RaV
On second thoughts, one more try.
the patter of rain
soundproofs
a torrent of kisses
edited:
rank weeds by the altar
where he left
with their best man
10.29.2021 by wendy © bialek
a skinny dip
in the quarry
their first date
kigo: swimming
Here are my offers :-
*
the lingering
scent of him
as she purses her lips
*
he’s not too fussed
her furry friends
follow his lead
*
drawn to his laughter
across the lawn
before they lock gaze
*
Kala,
I had my submission all ready to send on October 28, then my computer crashed. When I got it back up and running just a few minutes ago I hit “Post Comment.” When I checked the posts to make sure it had posted I read your October 29 post about “no rain.” Yikes! As you can tell that certainly affected my entries, which I have since revised.
Here is the renku to date and my revised submissions for ha (5th verse):
hokku
(1st verse)
opening credits…
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
wakiku
(2nd verse)
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
daisan
(3rd verse)
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
ha
(4th verse)
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My submissions for ha, (5th verse):
◌
clothes cling as we embrace,
anguished tears mingling with sweat
◌
we embrace
crumpling to our knees
in sweltering sorrow
◌
in a sultry embrace
our tears taste of sadness
rumor has it
his summer lover
is a mermaid
Kashi,
Your ha (4th verse) submission is so sensual because it beautifully involves the senses of sight, sound, scent, and taste (I can smell and taste the salt in “sea wind”.)
Here is the renku to date and my submission for ha (5th verse):
hokku
(1st verse)
opening credits…
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
wakiku
(2nd verse)
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
daisan
(3rd verse)
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
ha
(4th verse)
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My submissions for ha, (5th verse):
◌
clothes cling as we embrace,
anguished tears mingling with the rain
◌
embracing
we crumple to our knees
in rain-lashed sorrow
◌
embracing in the rain
our tears taste of sadness
Following Kala’s message of 29 October ruling out rain (on princess k’s convincing case that we had precipitation in the verses before last), I need to reset. So now:
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
—
fireworks fade
beside our first tango
to this old tune
—
in the afterglow
a touch of red
on her white sheet
—
we curl up
in each other’s hollows
cooling off
Thinking further, I must withdraw “in the afterglow/a touch of red/on her white sheet” as it’s too close to the hokku (afterglow — aura, and red and white — colorized). I’ll replace it with the simple:
ready to risk
a whole life
for our summer kiss
drenched coat on
in office rush hour
they enjoy scooter ride
***
wet with hum
they rush from pulley
to pick kid in cradle
**
long towels on heads
they squeeze extreme
each with story book
Thanks Kala for taking into consideration my writings and for the information on hail, I didn’t think it was a kigo because here in Italy it can happen practically in any season. I am convinced that following a renku is very useful in the study of haiku, as you rightly suggest.
Congratulations to Kashi Reisu
*
My new proposals
*
and while it rains
his warm breath
dries my mind
*
the rain glues
her dress on her hips
with warm caresses
*
when he laughs like that
even the rain
seems to hold its breath
an evening’s lull
infused by their
fakhar perfume
A lovely verse, Kashi!
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
Kashi Reisu
…
Here are several offers from me:
.
her perfume
with its hint of petrichor
enchants him
.
spooning
in a cloudburst then
at the jungle bar
.
Thank you Kala, I’m learning so much. Congrats, Kashi!
My apologies. I don’t know how it happened but this post appears down within other comments and I don’t know how to delete it from there. I’m hoping this time it will appear at the top where a new post should appear.
.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
.
on this sultry night
in her very husky voice
” . . . just purse your lips and blow”
rank weeds by the alter
where he leaves
with their best man
10.29.2021 by wendy © bialek
correction of word letter:
rank weeds by the altar
where he leaves
with their best man
10.29.2021 by wendy © bialek
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
A beautiful verse. I can hear the sound of the sea winds and the visual image is hauntingly beautiful. Congratulations, Kashi! Thank you, Kala, for the insightful commentary🙏
more than
their allotted wet kisses
in desert dusk drought
10.29.2021 by wendy © bialek
how the extreme drought
drives us to share
a quick shower
10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek
princess k, you do have a valid point.
I think a summer verse (without the mention of rain) would be better here!!
Extremely sorry about this change, guys!
This might be the first (at least for me) where the verses and the path have changed the schema slightly!!
According to the Japanese saijiki, rains are end summer – so not that wide a deviation – but still :((
So we go for a summer verse without rains!
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
his wet look
and bright fangs enough to draw
any maiden
Or
his wet look
and bright smile enough to sink
any maiden
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
.
our thin clothes
and the taste of his mango
flavoured kisses
.
cooling off
with the taste of his mango
flavoured kisses
.
What a delight this rasika is turning out to be! Kala’s selection was wonderful as usual and the explanation absolutely clear. I loved Kashi Reisu’s verse, though I thought it had a wintry feel.
However, let’s move on.
I am not sure if I’m eligible for the next verse, but here’s my offer all the same.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
the taste
of raindrops on his mouth
warm as sake
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
*
conjuring from
the wet spell a magic
of their own
*
nothing between them
but the slick sheets
of rain
*
just the two of them
twisting together
in a slick sheet of rain
*
oops–make that last one a shorter:
*
the two of them twisting
together in slick sheets
of rain
*
the monsoon
almost drowned out
by honeymoon noises
we ignore the monsoon
with limbs linked
in a lovers knot
a rising flood
of sensations
from his flexible fingers
moonsoon cocoon
we caress each other’s
goosebumps
Congrats Kashi – love the sound and visuals of this verse:
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
.
.
Kala – must we include rain in verse 5? Or may we use any end of summer kigo? It seems to me that the monsoon season might be reminiscent of verse 3
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
but instead of “snow comes down hard” we now would have rain coming down hard (albeit a different season, but still – precipitation).
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
– Kashi Reisu
•
her corseted burlesque
while beads of sweat
form on his brow
– Betty Shropshire
her shy smile
as she prepares to steam
my eggplant
Dear Kala, I am loving this rasika journey. Thank you for your wonderful explanations. As usual, your comments are very helpful. Below are my offers ……
with her mire river bank
overflowing wooer
hastens
serpentine head
rushing froth into
her slopy land
Looking forward. Enjoy!
Love and smiles
Amrutha
singing in the rain
wearing nothing
but our slickers
Goodness me, Michael !!! 🙂
( not the Gene Kelly version, then. 🙂 )
drumming rain
oh my heart skips
at her siren’ song
***
moonsoon
a mermaid lured me
into marriage
***
they elope
to a room
at a caravanserai
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
as if
Adam could be present
without an Eve
Love this Robert!
Thank you Princess K
interesting conversation between clysta and lorin…about defining… what is and isn’t, human interference:
(of course, given that, no verse at all could be written without it).
however, my understanding is that even a ‘negation’ of an image is still a mention, be it an introduction, an infiltration or a full nihilism) of the image.
that you winked at me.
the thought about
finishing this fine dinner
you have lovingly made for me
is no longer on my mind
why the long mention about dinner makes me feel he/she is resenting leaving it behind/ or letting it go….why talk about it at all? wouldn’t his/her quick, interested actions ‘speak’ louder/be more convincing than those words?
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks” is a line from the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare. It is spoken by Queen Gertrude in response to the insincere overacting of a character in the play within a play created by Prince Hamlet to prove his uncle’s guilt in the murder of his father, the King of Denmark. Wikipedia
Lorin,
Regarding your comment:
“the 2nd verse, above, though, is based on the old philosophical enquiry: “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” There is nobody (therefore no human presence) there.”
My take-away from following Kala’s comments is that your offering relies on familiarity with philosophy, a human pastime. So, there is an indirect human presence in that it is a human story/koan. Like with the human-made lyre. Kashi’s verse clearly stands without a human touch.
Clysta, I don’t think it has anything to do with my comment, which your argument relies on. I think it’s simply down to poor expression on my part.
the sounds of a forest
when nobody listens
.
The above can be interpreted to mean that someone is present but simply not listening, and that is my mistake. It’d be the same if I wrote “when nobody hears”. It would pass muster, though, if I wrote:
the sounds of a forest
when nobody’s there
lorin,
who is there to know/see/ or hear
when nobody’s there???
” lorin,
who is there to know/see/ or hear
when nobody’s there??? ”
wendy,
there’s no “who” to know/see/hear
when nobody’s there
But does that mean there are no sounds etc. when no-one is there to hear them?
(These days, there are a lot of camouflaged observance cameras recording sights and sounds in forests, but an observation camera doesn’t count as a “who”.)
i hear your thought and agree that is an interesting response, lorin…
but what i believe was in question and concern in this original conversation… was having a pure nature verse…
lol!!!
to my current knowledge, cameras do not naturally grow-off trees, aren’t they man-made?
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
.
on this sultry night
in her very husky voice
” . . . just purse your lips and blow”
.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
.
on this sultry night
in her very husky voice
” . . . just purse your lips and blow”
”
lorin,
who is there to know/see/ or hear
when nobody’s there??? ” – Wendy C. Bialek
.
Nobody is there to know/see/ or hear, Wendy. (I think we agree on that.)
The issue, it seems , is whether there is human presence in the verse as I wrote it. If there is human presence, someone is there. If not, nobody is there.
the sounds of a forest
when nobody listens — Lorin Ford
Kala comments: ” I like this . . . . But I see the presence of people here.”
And she’s right: ” when nobody listens” can mean there are any number of people present but they are not listening.
However, if I’d been clearer and wrote “when nobody’s there” instead, that would mean when there is no human presence.
No human presence and sometimes even no human artifact as well are common requirements when a sabaki calls for a “nature” verse. Quite what a “pure nature” verse is, I’m not sure but I imagine Kala means no human presence in the verse and also no human artifacts either (boats, planes, kitchens, bottles of hair dye, pins, pens, carpenter’s pencils etc etc etc)
i have read and understand what you have stated, and yet,
respectfully, lorin, i, simply disagree.
i do agree with your last paragraph, above, lorin!
but i don’t believe this following verse:
the sounds of a forest
when nobody listens — Lorin Ford
is without human intervention.
i believe there is the presence of human observation.
i will be reading this article to see/test further my beliefs:
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/science-theory-observation/
” I like both your verses, Lorin. But having the moon in the hokku, I’m definitely not taking your first offer:
stars where they should be
on a clear sky night
the sounds of a forest
when nobody listens (— Lorin Ford)
I like this and I’m always partial to trees and forests. But I see the presence of people here. ”
Ah, yes, Kala, you’re right. I see how ‘stars’ may link back to ‘moon’ — both are ‘celestial bodies’. the 2nd verse, above, though, is based on the old philosophical enquiry: “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” There is nobody (therefore no human presence) there. Coming back to it, I don’t think it’s a very good verse, but there is , imo, explicitly no human presence.
.
re: lyre, lyre
who can hear the ancient song
in the withered reeds?
— princess k
:”Your verse sounds musical and I love the repetition of ‘lyre lyre’. I had to check if withered reeds is a winter kigo word. Spent a good 30 minutes searching . . . ” – Kala
It is a winter kigo. Googling ‘Renku Home’ is useless because some online pharmacy company seems to have pirated the url. This url, below , will take you to Higginson’s ‘500 Essential Season Words’, and perhaps save you some time :
http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html
– Lorin
Though Kashi’s verse is excellent, imo, it seems to have a winter atmosphere to me, evoked by the combination of bleached whale bones and whistling wind. I feel the icy south wind from Antarctica creep into my own bones.
‘Whale’ itself is an “all winter” kigo for Japan. (Higginson, p 277) while “whale- viewing”, according to the same source, is a “common summer activity” in “some seaside resorts” in the USA. (For Australia’s east coast, it’s spring through summer)
.
For what it’s worth, which is probably not much: in the case of renku with international participants, a source to allow all participants to be on the same page as far as seasonal reference goes is desirable. Without such a source, seasonal reference (including ‘all seasons/ no season’) becomes debatable, unfortunately.
Forgive me, Lorin, but “whale” doesn’t appear in the saijiki we have been using at http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html
This was specified in Week 3 as the source we are using for this renku.
In other saijiki “whale” refers either to the living animal or to whale-watching. I submit that the enduring bones of a dead whale are non-seasonal. Also, the sun bleaches bones, and sea winds are generated when the land heats up more than the sea, at any time, though less often in winter. So some could imagine the opposite of winter if they are determined to find a season.
ah, yes, you’re right, Kashi. I missed the link to the ‘500 Essential Season Words’ posted in week 3. If I hadn’t , I wouldn’t have posted that link for Kala (see a few posts above) after I read that she’d “Spent a good 30 minutes searching .” “to check if withered reeds is a winter kigo” , and she’d found it somewhere other than the ‘500 Essential Season Words’ list.
It’s quite true that ‘whale’ doesn’t appear in Higginson’s ‘500 Essential Season Words’. My source for that was his book, ‘Haiku World – An International Poetry Almanac.’ (It’s been referred to before in these Renku Sessions)
Dear Kala,
Your consistency in explaining which verses have no human presence is so helpful to me. A lyre is a human made instrument which fits with your comments about so many of our other verses. I think I get it now.
And, dear Kashi your vibrant verse takes our senses fully into nature as we now pivot to love verses. This rasika technique helps this newbie to better understand links, shifts and leaps. Thank you both and congratulations to Kashi.
Congratulations, Kashi. Your ‘sea winds/ whale’ verse is evocative and certainly creates an atmosphere.
Thank you so much Kala, for the selection and your kind comment, and thanks too for the compliments of poet friends. It is such an honour that this verse was selected among those offers. It will be very interesting to follow the last four verses as they develop. ❤
Congrats on the great verse Kashi and thank you Kala for the comments on my verse!
*
opening an umbrella
as she begins
her rain dance
*
iguanas watching
my wife’s Mayan
rain dance
*
iguanas scatter
once she begins
her rain dance
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
Kashi Reisu
rain soaked silk
clings irresistibly
to every curve
A phenomenal verse, Kashi! Love the sounds and visuals. Kala, thanks for another insightful and challenging commentary.
*
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
dancing in the rain
to the barest hints
of a love song
*
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
soaking up
the shape of him
with a help of monsoon
10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek
or ? :
soaking up
the shape of them
with a help of monsoon
10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek
great pick and commentary kala;
and kudos goes to a breath-taking verse from Kashi Reisu.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
how monsoon rains
transfigure the waves
of his hair
10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek
how the extreme drought
drives us to share
a quick shower
10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek
#2
clasped together
in the afterglow
our juices flow
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
armed
with an umbrella
for our first date
In view of the change to summer. A small amendment for this verse
armed
with a parasol
for our first date
Congratulations, Kashi, a wonderful verse.
Thank you, Kala; and a fine verse from Kashi Reisu.
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
— Kashi Reisu
—
ribs pressed tight
for our smouldering tango
in the rain
Congratulations Kashi Reisu. I loved your verse on the first reading.
Thank you Kala for your words on mine and the clarity on each verse.
Onwards!
An delightful, image-filled verse, Kashi.