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The Moon’s Aura: Week 5

renku_300

Namaskaar

_()_

Welcome to the fifth week of rasika —  “The Moon’s Aura.”
I’m Kala Ramesh, and I’ll be your guide in this journey in collaborative poetry.

Rasika is a renku of 8 verses, a form I developed in 2014. Rasika meets the need for a shorter version of renku, without sacrificing the aesthetics of this 400-year-old art form that has come to us from Master Basho’s time — the shofu-style of renku, which is essentially anti-thematic.

 

I received plenty of verses and more than 70 % per were of very high standards. Thank you for this overwhelming participation.

 

The poem so far:

opening credits

the moon colorized

by its aura

                                           — Laurie Greer

 

in one fluid stroke

we each draw an enso

                                           — Sally Biggar

 

hush

of the huddled sparrows

as snow comes down hard

                                         — Sanjuktaa Asopa

 

Let’s see the verses which could have easily fitted the 4th place but didn’t, because of a slight deviation from the requirements.

A few are still not clear about sentence haiku. Or you have just picked out a verse which you think might fit the slot – but you have not taken the time to change your haiku (with the kire) into a sentence ku. The kire in renku happens in the space between the verses!

A few have given me a people-oriented verses.  If only you had checked the schema you would have noticed that we are having two love verses coming next!

Renku is a game and we need to be alert! Can you imagine a group of poets sitting together and writing a renku? What interaction and learning goes into the process. It is for these reasons I love renku and feel that all students and practitioners of haikai should take part in renku.

As the renku progresses each week, we might fall into another danger zone—backlinking. For example, when we are on the 4th verse, we cannot link back to the 2nd verse. We need to shift away. Remember that renku, like life, always  goes forward!

If any set of three verses are not sufficiently different, this failing is called konnonbiraki.  The word means ‘double doors’ and refers to the Buddhist altar which opens outwards in both front and back. The problem arises from backlinking. I’ve mentioned this in my comment on one of the verses quoted below.

Another term drawn from Buddhism is ‘distant reincarnation.’ This occurs when an added verse strongly recalls another verse from anywhere in the poem.

All these references make renku highly interesting, isn’t it!

**

“Kala, I have a question about the princess’s lyre verse. I read it as the wind playing the reeds like a musical instrument with a play on the words liar lyre. Is that kind of sly humor or point of view not used in rasika? Of course, I could have misconstrued the verse as well. Thx.”

Clysta

I missed this reading. Rasika is flexible and open to various interpretations. It’s my own inadequacy that I missed seeing it the way you saw it, Clysta.

I loved the ‘lyre’ verse a lot and spent much time mulling over this verse with Sanjukta’s verse, which was ultimately chosen.

 

 

a murmuration blurred
in the golden sunset

                                 Mary

I loved the sound of this verse but we can’t possibly go back to sunset after the moon with the aura and the enso. Renku teaches us to be alert. ‘Awareness’ is important! Maybe with a lot of renku practice like this, we’ll become adept at meditation!

 

 

reading old writings
about global warming

                                        — Vasile Moldovan

 

This is an excellent verse in the ‘ha’ section of the haiku. You are furthering what Sanjukta started about the weather. But I liked the verse I have selected a wee bit better, for reasons given below.

 

 

 

 

in one fluid stroke

we each draw an enso
                                         — Sally Biggar

hush

of the huddled sparrows

as snow comes down hard

                                          — Sanjuktaa Asopa

reading old writings
about global warming

                                     —  Vasile Moldovan

 

The link is good, but do you see, the ‘shift’ isn’t happening?
Looks like you have linked to the waki, with drawing and writing. I had asked for a nature verse, only to help the link and shift. And also remember the next two verses are people verses, so we can’t have this 4th verse with people.  

 

 

lion cubs stalking
their mother’s twitching tail

                                             — Dan Campbell

 

You’ve given us a rich image. But have you considered whether this fits the slot? Hokku with the moon and its aura, the waki with people each drawing an enso, and the daisan with the sparrows huddled together–we cannot have another verse about lion cubs stalking their mother’s twitching tail. Yes?

Shift away!! That’s the secret of renku.

 

gathering across the winds
the sounds of the Plains

                                   — martin gottlieb cohen

I liked this verse a lot for it has sound and that is always welcome. Do keep it as a pocket verse to be used in the next renku.

 

 

I like both your verses, Lorin. But having the moon in the hokku, I’m definitely not taking your first offer:

stars where they should be
on a clear sky night

the sounds of a forest
when nobody listens

 

                                    — Lorin Ford

 

I like this and I’m always partial to trees and forests. But I see the presence of people here.

 

 

 

again the silence
in the tatami room

                                  — Milan Rajkumar

 

This is a good atmospheric verse but do you see the closeness of ‘silence’ to ‘hush’ in the preceding verse and to people drawing an enso together in the last-but-one verse?

This we can call ‘konnonbiraki’ – the ‘double doors’ in the Buddha’s temple. In renku, we have to close the back door and move forward!

 

 

beneath the crust
a restless boil of lava

                                     Keith Evetts

 

This is a good verse for the 2nd section of the renku –  Ha – which encourages expansion and variety in the topics handled. 

 

 

 

another rainbow
dangling on the electric pole

 

                                        — Lakshmi Iyer

What a beauty! A good fun verse! We need such verses to lighten up the renku at times! But I couldn’t take it for we’ve had enough of the sky in hokku. And most importantly the rainbow indicates end-summer or the rainy season. And here I wanted a no-season verse.

 

 

the underground beat
of an earthworm’s five hearts

 

                                           — Jonathan Alderfer

 

This verse is striking. I had to Google to see if earthworms have five hearts! It links most beautifully to Sanjukta’s L3 but we can’t talk of hearts with two love verses coming next!

 

 

 

 

stampeding elephants
emerge from the dust

                                     — Robert Kingston

 

Good and strong image. Keep it as a pocket verse and use it in your next renku!

 

vegetables in the garden
punctured by hail

                                       — Margherita Petriccionear

 

Nice, Margherita–I love the word ‘punctured’ here.
But I wanted a non-seasonal verse and ‘hail’ suggests winter. It’s important to keep the non-season verses free from kigo words because renku needs the interplay of  seasonal and non-seasonal verses.   Our daisan was winter – and if your verse is also winter and we have the next verse coming up with monsoon (end-of-summer rains), then there is no breathing space in between the verses, each based on a season. 

 

 

 

This slot goes to:

sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale

                                                     — Kashi Reisu

Perfect with a 11-syllable count! A full-bodied verse, most musical when read aloud, focusing on the destruction of ocean life. This verse, in combination with the daisan, makes a very strong statement. Kashi’s verse opens new topics – whales, sea winds and bleached. We wonder about the reason for a dead whale on the seashore. What havoc has man done to the natural world. 

Verses 3 & 4 make a very good ‘ha,’ with their intense delineation creating a strong impact.

Variety characterises renku. That’s the beauty and the strength in this collaborative linked form.  

Let’s see all the four verses together: read then slowly and enjoy the shift in the scenes … the variety of topics covered and all the magic happening in the white spaces between the verses.

The Moon’s Aura
                 rasika, the shortest renku ever


opening credits

the moon colorized

by its aura

                                            — Laurie Greer

 

in one fluid stroke

we each draw an enso

                                            — Sally Biggar

 

hush

of the huddled sparrows

as snow comes down hard

                                             — Sanjuktaa Asopa

 

sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale

                                             — Kashi Reisu

 

 

The schema: for The Moon’s Aura

 

long – hokku | au mn*

short – wakiku | ns*

long – daisan | wi*

short – ns

  1. long – end su/lv (rainy season)

short – ns/lv

long | sp bl *

ageku | ns *

 

The asterisks show the important verses which remain constant in all renku.

 

What does the 5th verse hold?

 

the actor’s passion for drama

the architect’s sense of design

the writer’s search for a word

the dancer’s expressive movements
and the film director’s ability to pin that perfect shot

 

To this, add every artist’s search for space . . . with the king of seasons – the monsoon  –  playing its role in all this!

 

Half of the rasika is already over as we enter the love verses against the backdrop of rains! Idyllic?

 

Love in renku is always adult love – allowing all types of sexual behaviour in human beings.

Use your imagination and give us a good love verse!

What are the requirements for the 5th love verse:

  1. long – end su/lv (rainy season)

long verse – between 12 to 14 syllable counts.

Human presence of course!!
Important – the coming of love.
Without using abstract words like ‘love’, ‘passion’ ‘infatuation’ ‘sex’
Give us a verse succinct with things unsaid. Let your imagination run wild :))

 

Of course, link to verse 4 and shift away into your world of love!
Avoid using all the words and images that have been used in the preceding verses.

Use new topics – diversity is the heart of renku.

Don’t use blossom – for verse 7 is a blossom verse!

The window closes on Sunday 31 October.

Keep a close watch on this space! Meet you next Thursday.

Thanks once again for all your lovely 4th position offers.

I’m keenly waiting to read your passionate verses!

Through all this activity don’t forget to have fun!

 

in haikai spirit,

_kala

 

 

 

 

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This Post Has 101 Comments

  1. sea winds whistle through
    
the bleached bones of a whale
                                                 — Kashi Reisu
    still naked
    as they slowly sip
    cooling hot tea

    in the evening lull
    soft moans
    from the parked car

    aroused by morning light
    filtering through the folds
    of her camisole

  2. Congratulations Kashi.

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale
    ~~
    under pandanus
    a handsome young surfer
    shares his ice-cream

    *

    outside the tent
    his and her’s sarongs
    flutter in the breeze

    *

    so deeply relaxed
    when she fans me lying
    on the shared lilo

    *

    ~~~

  3. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale
    ———— Kashi Reisu

    *

    flooded fields
    inhabit the hidden folds
    of your skin

    *

    even in the shade
    I sense the heat
    beneath your robe

  4. Congratulations, Kashi. I loved the image and especially the sound of your verse, the windy ocean being one of my favorite places.
    *
    Was checking recent comments to make sure the two lovers in the late summer rain verses I worked on weren’t duplicated, when I noticed no rain was being mentioned. A mystery. Reading down I saw that the rain is out now. So, being late in the day, I will try to jump in again next week with a two line verse.

  5. gently
    on wet sand
    the first kiss

    last subway
    in the summer storm
    two in love

    your smile
    as a star falls
    on my white hair

  6. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu
    *
    she sighs as he licks
    watermelon sugar
    from her neck
    *
    together
    a baleen scrub and massage
    at afterglow
    *

  7. .
    love letters …
    I try to rearrange
    the blotted words
    .
    warm rain …
    I just leave it to him
    to decide
    .
    drizzle …
    we drench in the heat
    of our past memories

    .

  8. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu
    .
    .
    my sweetfish was huge,
    just tremendous and no one
    gives me credit for it
    .
    at least he knows
    what to do with his hands
    in the sitz bath
    .
    thin clothes
    all the rage
    for a little cuckoo
    .
    .

    1. revised to:
      .
      .
      my sweetfish was huge,
      just tremendous and no one
      gives me kudos for it
      .
      at least he knows
      what to do with his hands
      in the sitz bath
      .
      thin clothes
      all the rage
      for a little cuckoo
      .
      .

  9. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    beyond the reeds
    the taste of salt
    at the small of his back

    Michelle Beyers
    Copyright © 10/31/21

  10. I am out of the renku now, but love it so.

    her slender spine
    graced by a sheer
    silk kimono

    as if it wasn’t
    hot enough before
    our breathless kisses

    we lie together
    laughing
    with the waterfall

  11. Hi Kala

    Thanks for the update, a revision and a new suggestion below.

    humid night
    silk clings irresistibly
    to every curve

    —–

    briefest touch
    of bare skin – in the heat
    a shiver

  12. while it was raining
    I work at home
    on the new herbarium

    in the water
    coming out in the riverbed
    some surviving fish

    in the almost
    ripe wheat field
    freshly fried fidh

  13. Thanks for the clarification, Kala.

    I’ll let my ‘petrichor’ verse stand if I may. After all, the rain may not actually come but be merely hinted in a breeze from far away!

    I’d like to submit an alternative second verse, please.

    our tryst
    segues from cocktails
    to a terrace hot tub

    1. ooops, in case i can’t repeat, ‘through’

      floating like paper dolls
      half-way there
      in nagoshi

      10.30.2021 by wendy © bialek

  14. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale
    —— Kashi Reisu

    *

    after our evening swim
    the taste of salt
    on your lips

  15. kala i wish to pull out this verse:

    how the extreme drought
    drives us to share
    a quick shower

    10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek

    and replace it with one that clearly speaks of aspects of love.

  16. Dear Kala,

    Here’s my humble suggestion.

    in adult love
    all the adjectives
    become restrictive

    All the best,

    RaV

  17. Here are my offers :-
    *
    the lingering
    scent of him
    as she purses her lips
    *
    he’s not too fussed
    her furry friends
    follow his lead
    *
    drawn to his laughter
    across the lawn
    before they lock gaze
    *

  18. Kala,
    I had my submission all ready to send on October 28, then my computer crashed. When I got it back up and running just a few minutes ago I hit “Post Comment.” When I checked the posts to make sure it had posted I read your October 29 post about “no rain.” Yikes! As you can tell that certainly affected my entries, which I have since revised.

    Here is the renku to date and my revised submissions for ha (5th verse):

    hokku
    (1st verse)

    opening credits…
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    — Laurie Greer

    wakiku
    (2nd verse)

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar

    daisan
    (3rd verse)

    hush
    of the huddled sparrows
    as snow comes down hard
    — Sanjuktaa Asopa

    ha
    (4th verse)

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale
    — Kashi Reisu

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    My submissions for ha, (5th verse):

    clothes cling as we embrace,
    anguished tears mingling with sweat

    we embrace
    crumpling to our knees
    in sweltering sorrow

    in a sultry embrace
    our tears taste of sadness

  19. Kashi,
    Your ha (4th verse) submission is so sensual because it beautifully involves the senses of sight, sound, scent, and taste (I can smell and taste the salt in “sea wind”.)

    Here is the renku to date and my submission for ha (5th verse):

    hokku
    (1st verse)

    opening credits…
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    — Laurie Greer

    wakiku
    (2nd verse)

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar

    daisan
    (3rd verse)

    hush
    of the huddled sparrows
    as snow comes down hard
    — Sanjuktaa Asopa

    ha
    (4th verse)

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale
    — Kashi Reisu

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    My submissions for ha, (5th verse):

    clothes cling as we embrace,
    anguished tears mingling with the rain

    embracing
    we crumple to our knees
    in rain-lashed sorrow

    embracing in the rain
    our tears taste of sadness

  20. Following Kala’s message of 29 October ruling out rain (on princess k’s convincing case that we had precipitation in the verses before last), I need to reset. So now:

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    fireworks fade
    beside our first tango
    to this old tune

    in the afterglow
    a touch of red
    on her white sheet

    we curl up
    in each other’s hollows
    cooling off

    1. Thinking further, I must withdraw “in the afterglow/a touch of red/on her white sheet” as it’s too close to the hokku (afterglow — aura, and red and white — colorized). I’ll replace it with the simple:

      ready to risk
      a whole life
      for our summer kiss

  21. drenched coat on
    in office rush hour
    they enjoy scooter ride

    ***
    wet with hum
    they rush from pulley
    to pick kid in cradle
    **
    long towels on heads
    they squeeze extreme
    each with story book

  22. Thanks Kala for taking into consideration my writings and for the information on hail, I didn’t think it was a kigo because here in Italy it can happen practically in any season. I am convinced that following a renku is very useful in the study of haiku, as you rightly suggest.
    Congratulations to Kashi Reisu

    *
    My new proposals
    *
    and while it rains
    his warm breath
    dries my mind
    *
    the rain glues
    her dress on her hips
    with warm caresses
    *
    when he laughs like that
    even the rain
    seems to hold its breath

  23. A lovely verse, Kashi!

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    Kashi Reisu

    Here are several offers from me:
    .

    her perfume
    with its hint of petrichor
    enchants him
    .

    spooning
    in a cloudburst then
    at the jungle bar
    .

  24. My apologies. I don’t know how it happened but this post appears down within other comments and I don’t know how to delete it from there. I’m hoping this time it will appear at the top where a new post should appear.
    .
    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu
    .
    on this sultry night
    in her very husky voice
    ” . . . just purse your lips and blow”

    1. correction of word letter:

      rank weeds by the altar
      where he leaves
      with their best man

      10.29.2021 by wendy © bialek

  25. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    A beautiful verse. I can hear the sound of the sea winds and the visual image is hauntingly beautiful. Congratulations, Kashi! Thank you, Kala, for the insightful commentary🙏

  26. more than
    their allotted wet kisses
    in desert dusk drought

    10.29.2021 by wendy © bialek

    how the extreme drought
    drives us to share
    a quick shower

    10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek

  27. princess k, you do have a valid point.
    I think a summer verse (without the mention of rain) would be better here!!
    Extremely sorry about this change, guys!
    This might be the first (at least for me) where the verses and the path have changed the schema slightly!!
    According to the Japanese saijiki, rains are end summer – so not that wide a deviation – but still :((

    So we go for a summer verse without rains!

  28. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    his wet look
    and bright fangs enough to draw
    any maiden

  29. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu
    .
    our thin clothes
    and the taste of his mango
    flavoured kisses
    .
    cooling off
    with the taste of his mango
    flavoured kisses
    .

  30. What a delight this rasika is turning out to be! Kala’s selection was wonderful as usual and the explanation absolutely clear. I loved Kashi Reisu’s verse, though I thought it had a wintry feel.

    However, let’s move on.

    I am not sure if I’m eligible for the next verse, but here’s my offer all the same.

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale
    — Kashi Reisu

    the taste
    of raindrops on his mouth
    warm as sake

  31. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu
    *
    conjuring from
    the wet spell a magic
    of their own
    *
    nothing between them
    but the slick sheets
    of rain
    *
    just the two of them
    twisting together
    in a slick sheet of rain
    *

  32. the monsoon
    almost drowned out
    by honeymoon noises

    we ignore the monsoon
    with limbs linked
    in a lovers knot

    a rising flood
    of sensations
    from his flexible fingers

  33. Congrats Kashi – love the sound and visuals of this verse:

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu
    .
    .
    Kala – must we include rain in verse 5? Or may we use any end of summer kigo? It seems to me that the monsoon season might be reminiscent of verse 3

    hush
    of the huddled sparrows
    as snow comes down hard

    — Sanjuktaa Asopa

    but instead of “snow comes down hard” we now would have rain coming down hard (albeit a different season, but still – precipitation).

  34. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale
    – Kashi Reisu

    her corseted burlesque
    while beads of sweat
    form on his brow
    – Betty Shropshire

  35. Dear Kala, I am loving this rasika journey. Thank you for your wonderful explanations. As usual, your comments are very helpful. Below are my offers ……

    with her mire river bank
    overflowing wooer
    hastens

    serpentine head
    rushing froth into
    her slopy land

    Looking forward. Enjoy!
    Love and smiles
    Amrutha

  36. drumming rain
    oh my heart skips
    at her siren’ song

    ***
    moonsoon
    a mermaid lured me
    into marriage
    ***

  37. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    as if
    Adam could be present
    without an Eve

  38. interesting conversation between clysta and lorin…about defining… what is and isn’t, human interference:
    (of course, given that, no verse at all could be written without it).
    however, my understanding is that even a ‘negation’ of an image is still a mention, be it an introduction, an infiltration or a full nihilism) of the image.

    that you winked at me.
    the thought about
    finishing this fine dinner
    you have lovingly made for me
    is no longer on my mind

    why the long mention about dinner makes me feel he/she is resenting leaving it behind/ or letting it go….why talk about it at all? wouldn’t his/her quick, interested actions ‘speak’ louder/be more convincing than those words?

    “The lady doth protest too much, methinks” is a line from the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare. It is spoken by Queen Gertrude in response to the insincere overacting of a character in the play within a play created by Prince Hamlet to prove his uncle’s guilt in the murder of his father, the King of Denmark. Wikipedia

  39. Lorin,
    Regarding your comment:
    “the 2nd verse, above, though, is based on the old philosophical enquiry: “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” There is nobody (therefore no human presence) there.”

    My take-away from following Kala’s comments is that your offering relies on familiarity with philosophy, a human pastime. So, there is an indirect human presence in that it is a human story/koan. Like with the human-made lyre. Kashi’s verse clearly stands without a human touch.

    1. Clysta, I don’t think it has anything to do with my comment, which your argument relies on. I think it’s simply down to poor expression on my part.

      the sounds of a forest
      when nobody listens
      .
      The above can be interpreted to mean that someone is present but simply not listening, and that is my mistake. It’d be the same if I wrote “when nobody hears”. It would pass muster, though, if I wrote:

      the sounds of a forest
      when nobody’s there

        1. ” lorin,

          who is there to know/see/ or hear
          when nobody’s there??? ”

          wendy,

          there’s no “who” to know/see/hear
          when nobody’s there

          But does that mean there are no sounds etc. when no-one is there to hear them?

          (These days, there are a lot of camouflaged observance cameras recording sights and sounds in forests, but an observation camera doesn’t count as a “who”.)

          1. i hear your thought and agree that is an interesting response, lorin…
            but what i believe was in question and concern in this original conversation… was having a pure nature verse…

            lol!!!
            to my current knowledge, cameras do not naturally grow-off trees, aren’t they man-made?

          2. sea winds whistle through
            the bleached bones of a whale

            — Kashi Reisu
            .
            on this sultry night
            in her very husky voice
            ” . . . just purse your lips and blow”
            .

          3. sea winds whistle through
            the bleached bones of a whale

            — Kashi Reisu
            .
            on this sultry night
            in her very husky voice
            ” . . . just purse your lips and blow”

        2. lorin,

          who is there to know/see/ or hear
          when nobody’s there??? ” – Wendy C. Bialek
          .
          Nobody is there to know/see/ or hear, Wendy. (I think we agree on that.)
          The issue, it seems , is whether there is human presence in the verse as I wrote it. If there is human presence, someone is there. If not, nobody is there.

          the sounds of a forest
          when nobody listens — Lorin Ford

          Kala comments: ” I like this . . . . But I see the presence of people here.”

          And she’s right: ” when nobody listens” can mean there are any number of people present but they are not listening.

          However, if I’d been clearer and wrote “when nobody’s there” instead, that would mean when there is no human presence.

          No human presence and sometimes even no human artifact as well are common requirements when a sabaki calls for a “nature” verse. Quite what a “pure nature” verse is, I’m not sure but I imagine Kala means no human presence in the verse and also no human artifacts either (boats, planes, kitchens, bottles of hair dye, pins, pens, carpenter’s pencils etc etc etc)

          1. i have read and understand what you have stated, and yet,
            respectfully, lorin, i, simply disagree.

          2. i do agree with your last paragraph, above, lorin!
            but i don’t believe this following verse:

            the sounds of a forest
            when nobody listens — Lorin Ford

            is without human intervention.

  40. ” I like both your verses, Lorin. But having the moon in the hokku, I’m definitely not taking your first offer:

    stars where they should be
    on a clear sky night

    the sounds of a forest
    when nobody listens (— Lorin Ford)

    I like this and I’m always partial to trees and forests. But I see the presence of people here. ”

    Ah, yes, Kala, you’re right. I see how ‘stars’ may link back to ‘moon’ — both are ‘celestial bodies’. the 2nd verse, above, though, is based on the old philosophical enquiry: “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” There is nobody (therefore no human presence) there. Coming back to it, I don’t think it’s a very good verse, but there is , imo, explicitly no human presence.
    .
    re: lyre, lyre
    who can hear the ancient song
    in the withered reeds?

    — princess k

    :”Your verse sounds musical and I love the repetition of ‘lyre lyre’. I had to check if withered reeds is a winter kigo word. Spent a good 30 minutes searching . . . ” – Kala
    It is a winter kigo. Googling ‘Renku Home’ is useless because some online pharmacy company seems to have pirated the url. This url, below , will take you to Higginson’s ‘500 Essential Season Words’, and perhaps save you some time :
    http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html

    – Lorin

    1. Though Kashi’s verse is excellent, imo, it seems to have a winter atmosphere to me, evoked by the combination of bleached whale bones and whistling wind. I feel the icy south wind from Antarctica creep into my own bones.
      ‘Whale’ itself is an “all winter” kigo for Japan. (Higginson, p 277) while “whale- viewing”, according to the same source, is a “common summer activity” in “some seaside resorts” in the USA. (For Australia’s east coast, it’s spring through summer)
      .
      For what it’s worth, which is probably not much: in the case of renku with international participants, a source to allow all participants to be on the same page as far as seasonal reference goes is desirable. Without such a source, seasonal reference (including ‘all seasons/ no season’) becomes debatable, unfortunately.

      1. Forgive me, Lorin, but “whale” doesn’t appear in the saijiki we have been using at http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html
        This was specified in Week 3 as the source we are using for this renku.

        In other saijiki “whale” refers either to the living animal or to whale-watching. I submit that the enduring bones of a dead whale are non-seasonal. Also, the sun bleaches bones, and sea winds are generated when the land heats up more than the sea, at any time, though less often in winter. So some could imagine the opposite of winter if they are determined to find a season.

        1. ah, yes, you’re right, Kashi. I missed the link to the ‘500 Essential Season Words’ posted in week 3. If I hadn’t , I wouldn’t have posted that link for Kala (see a few posts above) after I read that she’d “Spent a good 30 minutes searching .” “to check if withered reeds is a winter kigo” , and she’d found it somewhere other than the ‘500 Essential Season Words’ list.

          It’s quite true that ‘whale’ doesn’t appear in Higginson’s ‘500 Essential Season Words’. My source for that was his book, ‘Haiku World – An International Poetry Almanac.’ (It’s been referred to before in these Renku Sessions)

  41. Dear Kala,
    Your consistency in explaining which verses have no human presence is so helpful to me. A lyre is a human made instrument which fits with your comments about so many of our other verses. I think I get it now.
    And, dear Kashi your vibrant verse takes our senses fully into nature as we now pivot to love verses. This rasika technique helps this newbie to better understand links, shifts and leaps. Thank you both and congratulations to Kashi.

  42. Congratulations, Kashi. Your ‘sea winds/ whale’ verse is evocative and certainly creates an atmosphere.

  43. Thank you so much Kala, for the selection and your kind comment, and thanks too for the compliments of poet friends. It is such an honour that this verse was selected among those offers. It will be very interesting to follow the last four verses as they develop. ❤

  44. Congrats on the great verse Kashi and thank you Kala for the comments on my verse!
    *
    opening an umbrella
    as she begins
    her rain dance
    *
    iguanas watching
    my wife’s Mayan
    rain dance
    *
    iguanas scatter
    once she begins
    her rain dance

  45. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    Kashi Reisu

    rain soaked silk
    clings irresistibly
    to every curve

  46. A phenomenal verse, Kashi! Love the sounds and visuals. Kala, thanks for another insightful and challenging commentary.
    *
    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu
    dancing in the rain
    to the barest hints
    of a love song
    *

  47. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    soaking up
    the shape of him
    with a help of monsoon

    10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek

  48. great pick and commentary kala;
    and kudos goes to a breath-taking verse from Kashi Reisu.

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    how monsoon rains
    transfigure the waves
    of his hair

    10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek

    how the extreme drought
    drives us to share
    a quick shower

    10.28.2021 by wendy © bialek

  49. sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    armed
    with an umbrella
    for our first date

    1. In view of the change to summer. A small amendment for this verse

      armed
      with a parasol
      for our first date

  50. Thank you, Kala; and a fine verse from Kashi Reisu.

    sea winds whistle through
    the bleached bones of a whale

    — Kashi Reisu

    ribs pressed tight
    for our smouldering tango
    in the rain

  51. Congratulations Kashi Reisu. I loved your verse on the first reading.
    Thank you Kala for your words on mine and the clarity on each verse.

    Onwards!

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