The Moon’s Aura: Week 4
Namaskaar
_()_
Welcome to the fourth week of rasika — The Moon’s Aura. I’m Kala Ramesh, and I’m leading this journey in collaborative poetry.
A few of you have been calling me Kayla, Karla – I’m just Kala :))
Rasika is a renku of 8 verses, a form I developed in 2014. Rasika meets the need for a shorter version of renku, without sacrificing on the aesthetics of this 400-year-old art form that has come to us from Master Basho’s time — the shofu-style of renku, which is essentially anti-thematic.
The schema: for The Moon’s Aura
- long – hokku | au mn*
- short – wakiku | ns*
- long – daisan | wi*
- short – ns
- 5. long – end su/lv (rainy season)
- short – ns/lv
- long | sp bl *
- ageku | ns *
The asterisks show the important verses which remain constant in all renku.
Rasika is a good form for composing online because it moves more quickly than the longer renku, while also following the jo-ha-kyu (beginning-development-rapid closure) pattern of traditional renku.
In rasika, jo-ha-kyu are:
jo: the introduction in the two first verses – hokku and wakiku.
ha – the expansion, comprised of verses 3, 4, 5 & 6.
kyu – the rapid closure in verses 7 & 8.
In renku we don’t link to our own verse. And since Rasika is just an 8-verse renku,
I don’t see any one poet having more than one verse included! But everyone can keep trying, for it’s good to practice!
To begin with, there are two ways of going about the verses in renku.
- By degachi; – competing for each verse.
- By hizaokuri – by turns.
In my experience it often works best to make some combination of the two.
In Rasika, we’ll go mainly by ‘degachi’ since it is a very short renku and judging from
the many hokku, waki and daisan candidates offered, we might have many poets offering poems for each slot!
We have entered ha – in rasika, the expansion phase begins with daisan, our third verse.
Now let’s read a few of the stanzas sent for daisan.
the snap of an icicle
from the sea lion’s
whiskers
— Laurie Greer
Oh! I love this candidate, Laurie. There’s drama here. But, you’ve grabbed a very important verse and position in the renku – the hokku, so I had to let go of this verse!
**
bare bones
of a scarecrow
through the threadbare coat
— Robert Kingston
A nature verse without human presence. The scarecrow is a proper season word for autumn. Maybe the poet was giving us a picture of a scarecrow as seen in the winter months. ‘Bare bones’ suggests winter … like bare branches. But frankly speaking, with both ‘bare bones’ and ‘threadbare coat’ it looked like this verse was trying too hard to fit into winter!
**
scattering crows
a geyser explodes
through packed snow
— Kashi Reisu
This was in my shortlisted verses from the beginning. I thought drawing an enso was a compact act and this image of scattering crows provided a good contrast.
**
between flurries
ice skaters inscribe their dance
on the pond
— Billie Dee
Vivid and nicely worded, but has human presence. I specifically asked for a nature verse for daisan.
**
cold sparrows
in their wintry bed
of frozen zone
— Radhamani Sarma
Here there are 3 winter references – ‘cold’ ‘wintry’ and ‘frozen’. We need to be very careful about seasonal references.
**
in the vast expanse
of pale, paler, palest sky
the first raven’s cry
— Michelle Beyers
Nice image and it sounded good when I read it aloud!
**
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
twig calligraphy
flourishes in
the frozen pond
— Wendy C. Bialek
The word ‘calligraphy’ is close to ‘enso’. Enso is what calligraphy artists also practice.
**
koi pond
just the sound
of fish playing
— Mona Bedi
This is a haiku. I can see a clear cut after L 1. Remember – only the hokku is a haiku as we know it – with a ‘cut’ and ‘cut-marker’. All other verses in any renku are sentence haiku.
**
hushed stillness
now that the waterfall
is frozen
— Chris Patchel
I liked this verse. It is layered and a good, rounded stanza.
**
withered grass
lies cold and still
on frozen ground
— Debbie Scheving
Nice but see the three seasonal references here? I’ve always held the view that writing renku gives good practice for understanding how haiku should be written.
**
lyre, lyre
who can hear the ancient song
in the withered reeds?
— princess k
Your verse sounds musical and I love the repetition of ‘lyre lyre’. I had to check if withered reeds is a winter kigo word. Spent a good 30 minutes searching and found that in The Tale of Genji – (written by Shikibu Murasaki, also known as Lady Murasaki.) there is a verse referring to ‘withered reeds’ as a winter seasonal reference.
This verse was not chosen because there is a human reference–the lyre needs a musician to play it!
**
in the morning
the freshly caught fish
already frozen
— Margherita Petriccione
The word ‘morning’ gave a good sense of the night having passed and this stanza opens out the renku in a nice way. I love the repetition of sounds coming from ‘freshly’ ‘fish’ and ‘frozen’. But still, I see it as a human verse.
**
The winning stanza goes to Sanjuktaa Asopa
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
Congratulations, Sanjuktaa!
In rasika, with daisan, we begin the second section – ha. Ha is for expansion and going deeper. This verse not only cuts away from the hokku and waki admirably, but leads the reader straight into the hardship animals and birds face during winter. No human presence and a strong season-based verse. It has a beautiful rhythm because of the ‘h’ and ‘s’ sounds.
So let’s see what we have so far:
The Moon’s Aura
rasika, an 8-verse renku
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
The requirements for our next slot: the 4th verse.
The schema: for The Moon’s Aura
- long – hokku | au mn*
- short – wakiku | ns*
- long – daisan | wi*
- short – ns
For the 4th verse, the requirements are:
Let this one be a nature verse again. No human presence, because the love verses are coming next!
A 2-line verse, without a cut.
Between 10 and 12 syllable counts.
No season.
No link whatsoever with the hokku or the waki.
Move away from all those images and words in the previous 3 verses.
Link & shift: link to daisan but shift away from waki completely. I suggest that you write out all three previous verses and then attempt the fourth – otherwise you may tend to forget what has gone before.
A real challenge, yes, but one which can be rewarding too! It’s time for you to tap your memory and create a solid nature verse.
The window closes on Sunday 24 October.
Keep a close watch on this space! Meet you next Thursday.
Thanks once again for all your lovely daisan offers.
Keenly waiting to read your 4th verse.
Through all this maze don’t forget to have fun!
with palms pressed in gratitude,
_kala
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This Post Has 91 Comments
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Thanks. I’ve found out how
to expand it
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
soft pine winds
through the plains
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 10/25/21 (verse three)
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
sun tipped wing of the
eagle arcs the canyon
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 10/25/21 (verse #2)
Sanjuktaa, I greatly enjoyed your verse and the struggle to concoct a prelude to the upcoming love verse. So much to pack into this 8-verse Rasika!
Betty
Thank you Betty!
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
– Sanjuktaa Asopa
•
nit picking baboons
while away the hours
– Betty Shropshire
This is in a type size too small and too faint
to read. Can it not go back to what it was ?
Hi Dick, I use my phone mostly so this may not apply but, for me, when having issues such as yours, it’s because an update or restart is needed. Could be your browser or, I dunno, a system update is needed.
Best of luck as no one else seems to be struggling with text size and readability.
Thank you very much Kala for your attention to my verse
This encourages me to come up with new proposals:
*
vegetables in the garden
punctured by hail
*
on the mountains
the hint of a clearing
*
a wild fig engulfs the rock
in its folds
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
– Sanjuktaa Asopa
•
one female baboon
grooms her brother
– Betty Shropshire
revising to:
industrious baboons
nit picking again
.
.
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
.
.
merlins and UFOs
do not follow the rules of hawking
.
the moral climate meets
newton’s third law
.
immunity
as natural as breathing
.
.
Congratulations Sanjuktaa. Beautiful verse. This is turning out so well.
Hers my offer Kala :
.
only the burble
of a distant waterfall
Congratulations, Sanjuktaa!
…
diamonds are formed
in the mantle of the earth
…
a relentless sea
consumes the escarpment
…
Cumbre Vieja erupts
and lava covers the island
Well done, Sanjuktaa!
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
.
a follow-the-leader dash
of cottonwool scuts
.
every branch of a poinciana
wreathed in epiphytes
.
flowstone drapes a cavern
with the patience of water
.
Love your second verse, Marietta, a beautiful image, colourful.
volcanic lava devours
the rugged landscape
*
head-to-tail, an echidna train
crosses the road
*
throughout the calm valley
the tinkle of cowbells
~~~
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
– Sanjuktaa Asopa
•
a big ape coolly surveys
his morning fare
– Betty Shropshire
from the low sky
the patter of thin rain
————————————–
on a cactus leaf
lightness of the cobweb
the elephants sense
an impending quake
the afternoon sky
tufting through birch trees
10.21.2021 by wendy © bialek
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
*
in red rock canyon
lizards hustle to hide
*
high desert cockroach
cornered by a roadrunner
*
old saguaro limbs loom
to shade what comes its way
*
the hedgerow fills
with birdsong
.
catkins dangling
from birch branches
.
ripened crabapples
decorate its tree
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
Beautiful imagery! Congratulations, Sanjukta😊
Thank you michelle!
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
the boom of colliding
starbursting galaxies
Michelle Beyers
Copyright © 10/23/21
nodding jasmine
on idol’s head of quick move
**
its own falling feather
pecked by crow
**
torn kite pulled by wind
landed on dustbin
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
***
a mistle thrush guards berries
on the holly
mountain pines
dark against the stars
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
*
beneath the ocean
the boom of whale song
revise to:
deep in the ocean
the boom of whale song
a jumble of twigs
drifts downstream
sea winds whistle through
the bleached bones of a whale
*
a cacophony of monkeys
where the lion walks
*
a bower adorned with trinkets
is his life’s work
… the bower bird, in case some human presence may be suspected!
Just for the fun of playing. . .
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
******
flames leaping
from one sequoia to another
******
suddenly the firestorm
changes direction
******
will this be the fire
that kills the sequoias
Thx princess k. for your comments. my takeaway on how to keep human activity out of a verse. — avoid human made objects. more doors to perception opening so will keep asking.
a dusting of clouds
coats mingus mountain
10.21.2021 by wendy © bialek
Congratulations, Sanjuktaa! I relate strongly to your snowy image. I live in the Northeastern corner of the US; soon snow will begin falling here. When it does all the sounds get muffled by the snow as it accumulates. You’ve wonderfully captured that quietness, and sense of drawing in.
Sally
Dear Kala,
Here’s my offer.
an approaching storm
deepens the night’s scents
With warm regards,
RaV
#3
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
finally
everything is back to normal
Nani Mariani
The Moon’s Aura
rasika, an 8-verse renku
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
stampeding elephants
emerge from the dust
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjuktaa Asopa
Nice work, Sanjuktaa! I am impressed at how you managed to evoke the quiet sounds of winter.
My submissions for the fourth verse:
◌
stomach churning and ears twitching
the fox circles
◌
a light breeze brushes back
the slender leaves
◌
a lone leaf dances
on the fallen poplar trunk
Paul Brassard
Glad you liked, Paul! Thanks!
Dear Kala,
I love your detailed comments. Shows absolute path if one seeks.
Highly appreciate the time and effort taken to choose from the lot many. Absolutely hard.
Below are my offers :
************************************
the sensuous silver breasts
of a flowing stream
the lily lifts its head
in a muddy pond
**************************************
Have a lovely time!
Love and Smiles
Amrutha
a monkey
jumps from tree to tree
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
the underground beat
of an earthworm’s five hearts
clouds come and go
without a thought
distant mountains
slide into the ultraviolet
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
*
— Sanjukta Asopa
*
a clouded leopard stretches
to still higher heights
*
an explosion of feathers
with the fox’s pounce
the softness of her belly
nuzzled by cubs
swallowed up and spat out
in pyroclastic flow
Congratulations, Sanjuktaa
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
The alliteration of the letter h is almost onomatopoeic , very mellifluous (it is stuck somewhere in the back of my mind that the letter h is often a “silent” letter, so that probably colors my reading of your verse).
The Moon’s Aura
rasika, an 8-verse renku
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
******
another rainbow
dangling on the electric pole
**
night stars
alight the mountain path
**
shadows take turn
to sleep in the silhouette
**
twin bear cubs snore
in spite of everything
just the eagle’s wingtips
shivering in thermals
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
—
beneath the crust
a restless boil of lava
Love this verse, Keith! It works on so many levels.
Sally
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
wild bear
looking among the trees
**
hop hop
birds jump from branch to branch
Nani Mariani
Beautiful…
Congratulations dear Sanjukta Asopa!!
Congrats Sanjuktaa!!!
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
*
— Sanjukta Asopa
*
a gust of wind
from the far east
*
the bamboo groves
whisper near the shrine
*
again the silence
in the tatami room
wild wind mostly
through whistling hoodoos
***
the shining of eyes
in the cave’s damp echo
***
a fox pup yaps
at his mom’s lick
***
lonely wolf pup found
in a mummified sleep
***
Beautiful, Sanjuktaa! Thank you, Kala _()_
*
the rush of high tide
in a mangrove swamp
*
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
.
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
.
#1
stars where they should be
on a clear sky night
.
#2
the sounds of a forest
when nobody listens
.
#3
hoof falls of brumbies
beyond the high plains shack
.
ps, re #3, in case anyone doesn’t notice the lower case b in ‘brumbies’ I am not referring to a rugby football team. 🙂
Kala, I’m revising #3 to:
.
#3
hoof beats of brumbies
beyond the high plains shack
…
Lorin
Congratulations, Sanjukta. An evocative verse, and the stepping of “hush”, “huddled” and “hard” works for me. 🙂
I see the link to the wakiku as “snow” linking to the white paper within and outside the wakiku’s completed enso.
.
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
do my congrats go to Sanjuktaa Asopa or Sanjukta Asopa?
what a wonderfully written winter-descripted verse!
so very well picked by kala and perfect for this renku!
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
by S. Asopa
a kitten pounces
at its own shadow
10.21.2021 by wendy © bialek
well-preserved
woolly mammoth bones
The Moon’s Aura
rasika, an 8-verse renku
opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura
— Laurie Greer
in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso
— Sally Biggar
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
an injured fox
peers back at itself
the open mouth
of Mt Aso
Just realised the open connection to the hokku of my verse 2
Hence my change to
at some point
the fly’s entrance
Congratulations Sanjuktaa and thank you Kala for the educational comments
*
lion cubs stalking
their mother’s twitching tail
*
crows congregating
in an oak tree’s shade
*
only huskies smile
when pulling a sled
Please ignore the crow and huskies verses, they are seasonal I believe
*
a garden snail following
another snail’s trail
*
bats and black cats
wishing upon falling stars
one grizzly bear
versus another
Make that:
grizzly bear
versus grizzly bear
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
*
a storm tide floods
the river’s mouth
Thank you for your wisdom Kala.
Congratulations Sanjuktaa! Such a lovely verse.
Congratulations Sanjukta
*************************************
history repeating
itself in the wind
*********************
the mark of grizzly
high on the tree
*********************
stillness deeper
with every inch
Awesome verse Sanjukta.. and great guidance by Kala
sudden flutter
a fledgling leaves the nest
Or
dappled sunlight
dancing shadows of leaves
shell clusters
across the forest floor
the plague stricks all the earth
from one end to the other
Spectacular news
from there Mars and Saturn
reading old writings
about global warming
gathering across the winds
the Plains never dies
revising…
gathering across the winds
the sounds of the Plains
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
*
— Sanjukta Asopa
*
the great heron stalks
the creek bank alone
*
Congratulations, Sanjuktaa, a beautiful verse, well done. A great choice Kala.
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
— Sanjukta Asopa
Such a strong verse!!
a murmuration blurred
in the golden sunset
a murmuration sinks
into the sunset
a murmuration swoops
out of the sunset
Thank you, Kala! It comes as a complete surprise! I am absolutely thrilled to get in! The credit goes to you because your explanation of the requirements for Daisan was so clear that I realised I was going in a wrong direction (implied human presence) with my first two offers and then tried to break away with my third one. Thanks a lot!
a she-wolf calls out
to the blue of dawn
Kala, I have a question about the princess’s lyre verse. I read it as the wind playing the reeds like a musical instrument with a play on the words liar lyre. Is that kind of sly humor or point of view not used in rasika? Of course, I could have misconstrued the verse as well. Thx.
Congratulations Sanjukta! You express such a complete image in your beautifully quiet verse. I see now how my cuddling snow crystals attempt lacks the life your verse conveys. Well done. Again Kala your explanations of what, how and why deepen my appreciation for rasika as a learning medium.
Thank you so much Clysta!
My reading of Princess K’s verse was similar to yours. An interesting one!
Thank you Clysta and Sanjuktaa for your close reading of my verse
.
lyre, lyre
who can hear the ancient song
in the withered reeds?
.
Multiple readings of any verse are common, as we all bring our own biases, backgrounds, and perspectives to any interpretation, and I often write (intentionally) ambiguous verses, as I enjoy a bit of challenge in both the writing and interpretation of a verse.
.
Indeed your reading of the verse is the one that many will take away, the withered reeds acting as a kind of aeolian harp played by the wind. Another takeaway might be that the lyre is a reference to the lyrebird. Lyrebirds are ancient Australian animals dating back to about 15 million years ago most notable for their superb ability to mimic natural and artificial sounds from their environment. Yet another take away, picked up by Clysta, is the allusion to the old ditty “Liar, liar, pants on fire…”. Consider that I wrote the 3 verses as a sequence (although with the intention that any of the 3 could stand as a follow-up to the preceding rasika verse), and re-read the 3 verses with multiple interpretations:
.
.
lyre, lyre
who can hear the ancient song
in the withered reeds?
.
birdie birdie birdie*
drifting
o’er a snowbank
.
even the bashō
prefers the cardinal’s ego
to the chatter of snow
.
.
* imitative cardinal song
.
.
BTW, the 3rd verse is an allusion to a Chinese poem by Bai Juyi, translated as a hokku by R.H. Blyth:
.
Evening rain;
The bashō
Speaks of it first.
.
.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment on my verse.
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
*
— Sanjukta Asopa
*
Congratulations, Sanjukta! A beautiful, vivid verse that carries the rasika well to its next step. Kala: wonderful commentaries and explanations, as always. Even from my sideline, this is most exciting!
*
hush
of the huddled sparrows
as snow comes down hard
*
— Sanjukta Asopa
*
a pile of sticks
for strengthening the nest
*
Thanks a lot Laurie!
I thought your verse was superb!
he renga feature was in large type. Now it is in
a tiny & faint one, and for me impossible to read.
Can it revert to what it was ?
Dick,
There has been no change in the format on this end. Perhaps you can enlarge it on your device?