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The Moon’s Aura: Week 3

renku_300

Hi everybody,

Namaskaar
_()_

Welcome to the third week of rasika renku —  The Moon’s Aura.
I’m Kala Ramesh, and I’m leading this journey in collaborative poetry.

Rasika, a renku of 8 verses, was developed by me in 2014. This version is based on the need to have a shorter version of renku, without sacrificing on the aesthetics of this 400-year-old art form that has come to us from Master Basho’s time — the shofu-style of renku which is essentially anti-thematic.

It’s a good form for composing online because it moves quicker than the longer renku, while also following the jo-ha-kyu, beginning-development-rapid closure, pattern of traditional renku.

 

Moon’s Aura – a rasika renku with Kala Ramesh.

62 renkujin made approximately 129 offers for the waki-second verse (thank you with a huge thumbs-up!) We had two poets submitting late so I’ve not included their poems or their names. Sorry.

I already like the way this rasika is taking shape! With the hokku and wakiku forming a strong bond, a good and interesting opening is established and this poem is already looking like a winner!

The beauty of a trip (in real life, for some) can be the unplanned and exciting twists – all renku trips offer you this choice! Doesn’t that sound exciting? To me it does and that is what steers me again and again to renku. Yes, one can say, the schema is already outlined – so where is the surprise? The surprise lies in the route we take, which comes from participants entrenched in different cultures and thought processes.

With so many beautiful offers for this slot and the task of picking just one was overwhelming! And, I again found many, many verses very close to love! There were other very good offers but they were an outside scene. I had specifically asked for an indoor scene for this slot. Some other offers were very good, but they all read like haiku to me, with a ‘cut’. We need a sentence stanza here. That is important.

 

Brief comments on my favourites and why certain verses could not be added:

ochre hand prints
blown on a cave wall
                                   Carol Jones

Nice one. Keep it as a pocket verse for the next renku you take part in. We have the hokku using the word ‘colorized’ so I feel stating a colour here ‘orchre handprints’ isn’t working well.

 

together on the bonnet
of our battered car

                                  Firdaus Parwez

This verse creates a good happy mood – but to me it is a bit too close to the two love verses coming on the 5th and 6th slots.

 

 

counting ceiling tiles
in the Emergency Room
                                        Dan Campbell

Dan, this is good. Keep it as a pocket verse and use it in another renku. I couldn’t select it because it doesn’t buttress the chosen hokku that well.

 

 

 

the theatre door reveals
another new world
                               Joshua St. Claire    

 

Very nice verse, in my opinion, and I could be wrong, your L 2 is showing a huge divide and isn’t buttressing the hokku. The waki needs to stay close to the hokku – making the beginning strong and effective.

 

 

auntie’s seance voice
at least an octave lower
                                Marietta McGregor

Nice verse, Mariette. I had to look up ‘séance voice’ and I feel it’s best to avoid foreign words in the first movement in a renku.

Each renku has three movements:

jo – first part – simple and the participating poets create friendly spaces
ha – the middle part – using foreign words and going intense.
kyu – rapid closure, where you don’t linger.

 

 

the puppy follows me
around the house
                           Jayashree Maniyil

This was a strong contender to be a wakiku. But my only reservation was who is that ‘me’ at the beginning of a renku? This can come later and will do very well in some other slot, I felt.

 

 

 

dipping the guache brush
we begin to paint the scene

                                            Michelle Beyers

I don’t know how to express it – but your word ‘scene’ goes back to hokku. Yes, a waki should buttress the hokku, but not take the images or refer to the images, that’s already written about in the previous verse.

 

 

 

lonesome…
just the trilling of crickets

                                            Mona Bedi

 

What you have given me is a verse with a kireji (cut marker) which in ELH is a punctuation. You must have forgotten – but only the hokku shows a ‘cut’ in the whole renku. All the others are without a ‘cut’ which means they are sentence haiku.

 

 

 

shadows of branches
flicker across the window

                                       Andrew Shimield

 

This is a good contestant for waki. It’s an indoor scene and we are looking out seeing the moon in the hokku, when suddenly the shadows of branches flicker across the window. Just that I like the other verse I have chosen for the waki position better.

 

in the light of a candle
the shadows of chess pieces

                                          Vasile Moldovan

 

Lovely verse. The hokku is all about ‘the light’ so I felt the waki should be away from the ‘light’ angle!

 

 

 

the sable brush hovers
over crimson

                                   Billie Dee

 

I like the way this verse adds a vibrant colour to the moon!

 

 

Grandma’s crescent-shaped
cookie cutter shines

                                      Lorin Ford

I love this verse – the sounds of ‘sh’ and ‘ca’ are excellent here and I debated a lot over this verse for waki.

 

 

In many ways, all the above-mentioned offers pull my imagination in mysterious ways, but (after much internal debate) the one I ultimately fell for is Sally Biggar’s waki:

 

in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso                    

                                 Sally Biggar

 

Simple and direct and these lines buttress the hokku so snugly. I’ve been keeping an eye on this verse for the last one week and when Sally submitted it again, I couldn’t help but agree with her that this two-line (11 syllable count) verse is the verse for waki.

 

So we have:

 

            The Moon’s Auro

                              rasika: 8-verse renku

 

opening credits
the moon colorized
by its aura

                                            Laurie Greer

in one fluid stroke
we each draw an enso

                                            Sally Biggar

 

Look at the way these two verses written by two different poets buttress each other and make the hokku and the waki come together so beautifully. What a brilliant beginning!

Does a cut happen in renku (as it does in haiku) and, if yes, how? We all know in haiku the *cut* (known as the *kire*) happens between two images. Hold your breath … the cut happens in renku also, but it happens in the white space between two verses! Sheer magic, isn’t it? You will notice how with each additional verse our understanding keeps changing as we proceed on our journey.

 

Again a reminder: to check the schema:

Schema

  1. long – hokku | au mn
  2. short – wakiku | ns
  3. long – daisan | wi (current verse)
  4. short – ns
    5. long – end su/lv (rainy season)
  5. short – ns/lv
  6. long | sp bl
  7. ageku | ns

 

We have a blossom verse and love verses coming closely below, so remember to stay away from these subjects.

 

What is the role & function of the daisan (verse #3):

If the purpose of the wakiku was to closely support and buttress the hokku, it is now the daisan’s job to break away from what has come before. The core process in renku is link-and-shift: link to the preceding verse (we know this already), but equally important is to shift away from the verse before that.

In any three consecutive verses A-B-C, A links with B, B links with C, but we must absolutely ensure that C does not link at all with A. And this verse, the daisan, is the first time such an opportunity arises to test if we understand this *rule*, and if you do, it would make your participation much more fun and challenging!

 

The link to my introduction on 30th September, for those who have missed it.

Rasika: Week 1

 

Important to note: The link and shift is strong in rasika, and the shifts can be wide, since it is not a 36-verse structure of Kasen, which can afford to have small shifts. So shall we say we’ll be following (to coin a new phrase) – link and leap!

 

The daisan is also called the break-away verse!

So BREAK AWAY!

Use your imagination – Basho spoke about using imagination, and renku gives you the scope and breadth to do just that!

 

Rasika Schema:

  1. long – hokku | autumn moon*
  2. short – wakiku | non-seasonal*
  3. long – daisan | winter*

 

Seasonal words – kigo: we are using an on-line source for this purpose in our current renku:
(
http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html)

 

For daisan, the requirements are:

 

Let this one be purely nature in its imagery. No human presence, more so because the hokku and wakiku have strong human references.

A 3-line verse, without a cut.

Between 12 and 14 syllable counts.

Winter season.

No link whatsoever with the hokku or even the waki, I would add.
Move away from all those images and words in the previous 2 verses.

Remember the 3rd verse ‘daisan’ is a break-away verse in renku.

 

A challenge, yes, but one which can be rewarding too! It’s time for some adventure.

The window closes on Sunday 17 October.

 

Keep a close watch on this space! Meet you next Thursday.

Thanks once again for all your lovely waki offers.

Keenly waiting to read your daisan.
Through all this maze don’t forget to have fun!

with palms pressed in gratitude,
_kala

 

 

 

 

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This Post Has 128 Comments

  1. Thank you so much for the wonderful explaination. I think I’m late, yet, trying one
    .

    winter music
    knock-knock sound within
    the chatter of teeth
    .

    .

  2. a line of wolves
    slinks through the snow
    with flickering pink tongues

    the slow groan
    of glaciers
    in winter mountains

    scattering crows
    a geyser explodes
    through packed snow

  3. in the vast expanse
    of pale, paler, palest sky
    the first raven’s cry

    Michelle Beyers
    Copyright © 4/17/21 (verse #2)

  4. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar

    twig calligraphy
    flourishes under
    the frozen pond

    10.17.2021 by wendy © bialek

  5. i see now how perfectly… sally’s verse fits into this renku! great choice, kala!
    congrats, sally!!!! so glad you re-offered this enso-exquisite verse!!!

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar

    a cardinal alights
    the frost-covered
    pine candle

    10.17.2021 by wendy © bialek

  6. in the morning
    the freshly caught fish
    already frozen
    ***
    the radicchio
    begins to hood
    at the first frosts
    ***
    an ant
    fights the frost
    by walking on my pc

  7. .
    .
    lyre, lyre
    who can hear the ancient song
    in the withered reeds?
    .
    birdie birdie birdie*
    drifting
    o’er a snowbank
    .
    even the bashō
    prefers the cardinal’s ego
    to the chatter of snow
    .
    .

    * imitative cardinal song

  8. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar

    Offer#3
    hush
    of the huddled sparrows
    as snow comes down hard

  9. Congratulations, Sally, on your lovely verse.
    *
    swaying firs
    stand tall
    in the cold wind
    *
    withered grass
    lies cold and still
    on frozen ground
    *
    blowing snow
    piles high
    against the barn wall

  10. Congratulations, Sally!

    Some interesting and informative discussion here. Thank you Kala and all!

    opening credits…
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    — Laurie Greer

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    —- Sally Biggar

    wings whir
    as the sand piper flock
    lifts off a spit

    .

    withered lotus leaves
    rattle a symphony
    of marsh music
    .

    frost
    knitting rainbows
    into an empty cobweb
    .

  11. Kala—The renku is already looking wonderful. Thanks for your mentorship!

    Here are my proposals for verse 3:

    under the spruce
    the yearling studies
    his first snowstorm

    in the winter field
    the jackrabbit finds
    the year’s last dandelion

    at the first frost
    winter stars descend
    onto each blade of grass

  12. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    – Sally Biggar

    *

    the raven’s breath
    blesses the frigid air
    with a croak

    *

    a woodpecker drums
    the frozen forest
    to attention

  13. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    —- Sally Biggar

    *

    the meadow
    still humming
    under a snow drift

  14. Congratulations, Sally! And many thanks, Kala !

    here and there
    on the barbed wire
    ice fog

    on the branches
    colorless
    frost in the morning

  15. Great selection, Kala! Congrats Sally! I loved that verse.

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    –Sally Biggar

    Offer #1:
    a small mitten
    by the roadside
    gathering snow

    ***

    #2
    at the retreat
    a cup of fog
    with a dash of sleet

  16. the chiaroscuro
    of a snowy owl sweeping
    cloud to cloud

    Michelle Beyers
    (verse #2)
    Copyright © 4/15/21

    1. scratch this one. chiarscuro won’t work with what the hokku and wakiku set up. back to the drawingboard.

  17. Just to clarify … taken from John Carley’s essay: Introduction to Renku.

    Daisan (third verse)

    Daisan is a break-away verse. While hokku and daisan might read as a unit, with daisan the sequence begins to unfold.

    Links between daisan and wakiku will tend to be more free than that between wakiku and hokku, while tone, setting and narrative perspective can all be expected to differ markedly from the initial pair.

    Daisan are expected to open outward – to be both germinal and unfinished, suggestive of multiple possibilities.

    John Carley
    Taken from his essay:
    https://poetrysociety.org.nz/affiliates/haiku-nz/haiku-poems-articles/archived-articles/introduction-to-renku/

    Hope it’s clear.
    Please stay away from enso and rounds – we’ve had that in the hokku and wakiku.
    Yes, Lorin, renku is a linked verse form – no denying that :))

    But let the link here be more open. Plus it’s a 8-verse renku and we need to cover a huge ground. Let us not stick to ensos and rounds and all that has been done in the first two verses.

    Thanks all.
    _()_

    1. Thank you for clarifying, Kala. Renku writing seems to be like an unfolding dance of some kind. I appreciate all that I am learning from you and everyone here🙏

    2. Yes, that’s it, Kala. The link between hokku and wakiku are traditionally very close, obvious links or “call & response”, while the daisan must not only link to the wakiku (and to the wakiku only!) it must also turn away from the hokku-wakiku pair.

      “Links between daisan and wakiku will tend to be more free than that between wakiku and hokku, . . . ” – JEC

  18. Lovely verse, Sally!

    pendulous icicles
    on the fir trees’
    branches

    the silence
    of horizontal drifting
    snowflakes

    the sandpiper
    minimised heat loss
    by hopping

  19. My offers for daisan :-

    *
    the silent drop
    of snowflakes
    in the stir of dawn

    *
    the accelerating splashes
    as wild ducks
    take off
    *

    the scatter
    of snail shell chips
    among fallen leaves

  20. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura

    Laurie Greer
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    Sally Biggar

    a crow sweeps the pale
    sky taking with him
    stillness of iced pines

    Michelle Beyers
    Copyright © 4/15/21

    1. I don’t know if the word “pale” presents a problem in linking by its opposite to the multicoloured moon in the hokku, so perhaps I should take the word pale out altogether. It seems like Higginson talks about opposites as a way to link and I don’t want to do that with the hokku here.

      1. a crow sweeps the sky
        taking with him
        stillness of iced pines

        Michelle Beyers
        (verse #1)
        Copyright © 4/15/21

  21. Kala, thank you again for the detailed explanation. Helps high time. You have a way to make challenges look easy for a learner 🙂 Here are my offers.

    a cold wind
    cracking and bleeding
    the silver oak skin

    a coconut palm
    enjoying long swing
    on a short day

    gorgeous cold mums
    side hugging
    one another in turns

    Enjoy!!!
    Love and Smiles
    Amrutha

    1. 🙂 I always want to laugh when I go to the ‘500 Essential Season Words’ and read “cold mums”. I think only an American could possibly come up with that translation, the reason being that although Americans refer to their mothers as ‘mums’ they spell the word ‘moms’.

      I know that ‘mums’ is supposed to be a short term for chrysanthemums, but to me it’s absurdly distracting.

  22. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar
    *
    coming into land
    a duck skids to a halt
    on the frozen lake

  23. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar

    the chuff
    of bison as they paw
    through rime ice
    – Betty Shropshire

  24. mandarin ducks
    modelling
    their winter plumage

    the fall of an icicle
    pierces
    the sand pipers peace

    a sea cucumber
    sees off trespassers
    with anal teeth

  25. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    Sally Biggar
    *
    newly lopsided
    crystals of snow
    cuddle closer
    *
    a murrelet
    arches its wings
    in the cold night
    *
    north winds shred
    deserted nests into
    future padding

      1. just read the later post about avoidinding circles so changing arches to atretches. also ‘ancient murrelet’ is the name of the species.

        an ancient murrelet
        stretches its wings
        in the cold night

  26. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    .
    .
    .
    #3
    flowers out of season
    returning to the
    barren land

  27. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    .
    .
    .
    #2
    in a quiet lake
    a waterfowl dives
    into itself

  28. Lovely verse Sally

    snowing the world
    into a brilliant
    white cocoon
    **********************
    loss of perspective
    proportionate to
    the depth of snow
    ************************
    a cardinal pecks
    his reflection in
    the frozen bird bath

  29. Great selections – hokku and wakiku. Congratulations!

    opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    .
    .
    .
    #1
    frost trimming
    along the edges
    of a shrivelled leaf

    1. …or if that #3 is held to be too close to the hokku scene:

      how useful
      is the oyster’s pearl
      to any other species

  30. If we are allowed/required to link in some way to the waki, rather than as specified having no link whatsoever even to the waki, I’d amend my #1 to read:

    the whirl
    of fallen leaves
    at the wind’s whim

  31. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura

    Laurie Greer

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    Sally Biggar
    .
    cold carp
    at the bottom of the pond
    barely moving (#3, Lorin)
    .

  32. This is turning out to be beautiful. Congratulations Laurie and Sally. Thank you Kala for your explanation. I’m really enjoying this. Here’s my offering:

    at the lake
    bobbing silhouettes
    of wild ducks

  33. Kala, I’ve just now seen this part of your instructions, above, that I must’ve skipped over before:
    .
    “No link whatsoever with the hokku or even the waki, I would add. ” -Kala
    .

    I’m having trouble understanding the second part of that second/ added statement. It makes no sense at all to me.

    Will you explain, please? I’ve always been under the impression (and was told explicitly by John Carley) that the daisan must link to the wakiku in some way or another, while avoiding any link whatsoever to the hokku.

  34. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura

    Laurie Greer
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    Sally Biggar
    .
    a winter fly
    claims the kitchen window
    and won’t budge
    .

    .

  35. Congratulations Laurie and Sally – great verses to start the rasika!

    Thanks Kala for you detailed explanations – very helpful. I do have one question: To my way of thinking, the word “enso” is a foreign word, and would seem to be contrary to your directive of no foreign words in the jo movement of the rasika. Regardless, the verse is chosen, and an excellent start to the rasika.

    1. That’s interesting, princess k. Personally, I’m not sure whether ‘enso’ (in the sense used by Sally, here) is a foreign word or has officially become a loan word in the English language. ‘Haiku’, for instance, is now an EL loan word (not a ‘foreign word’), as are ‘tsunami’, ’emoji’, ‘shiatsu’ and ‘Zen’ . . . and many more Japanese words.
      .
      I’ve done a quick online dictionary source, but can’t find anything. Perhaps in this instance (in context of ‘renku’) we might consider it a loan word?

      1. You make a great point Lorin, but I think what I was really after was how to define a “foreign” word (I should have been explicit with my question) – is it simply a word in a language other than English (or whatever language the rasika is being written), does it include loan words, words that are obscure (and therefore must be researched/explained to be understood), and what about portmanteau? I really don’t like to get weighed down by rules, but my curiosity is piqued, and most likely each sabaki will have their own preferences.

        1. Yes, Princess, it’s an interesting point you raise, when does a foreign word become a loan word and, inevitably, “who sez?”. 🙂 🙂 🙂
          I’d say a foreign word becomes a loan word when it’s first included in one of the big English language (in our case) dictionaries. Even then, there’s English, American English, Australian English, Indian English etc. so “which dictionary?” can sometimes be problematic.
          .

  36. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura

    – Laurie Greer
    ,

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    – Sally Biggar
    .
    silently
    drips from the eaves
    become icicles

  37. Oh my goodness . . . what a delightful surprise! There were many wonderful offerings, Kala, so I know your decision was a difficult one, which makes the honor of having my verse chosen so special. Thank you. In a week or so I will jump back in just for the fun of it. As Laurie has pointed out, It’s hard to resist playing. Thank you to everyone who has congratulated me.
    Sally

  38. Wow, well done Sally – I can see how your verse makes an excellent buttress to the hokku! Thank you, Kala, for your continuing insightful guidance _()_

  39. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar
    *
    the snap of an icicle
    from the sea lion’s
    whiskers
    *

    1. I don’t see why not, Carol. 🙂 We do need to link somehow to the 2nd verse. It’s the one before that, the hokku, (that Sally links to) that we must avoid linking to.

      1. Thanks Lorin.
        I have read your post above, refering to not linking in anyway to the wakiku, this is why I asked the question. I too was going to add a verse with ‘pond’ also, so with the mention of ‘fluid’ thought I’d ask first.
        An analysis too far 🙂

        1. Ah, I get it now, Carol. Do go ahead and use ‘pond’ if you want to. I suppose we’ll find out later what Kala means by not linking to the wakiku. To my knowledge, there are only two verses that aren’t absolutely required to link to the immediately previous verse: the hokku (being the first verse, the hokku has nothing to link to) and the ageku. According to the sabaki’s judgement & directions, the ageku may or may not link to its previous verse.
          .
          To my knowledge, the daisan is the first verse that must both link (to the wakiku) and shift (from the hokku). Though linking to the wakiku in some way or another, the daisan turns away from the hokku-wakiku pair.

          1. Its a tricky job to get such a short session just right, and an enjoyable one to participate in.
            I’ve just read Kala’spost above also.

            Thanks Lorin and Kala.

  40. Dear Mrs Kala,

    thank you for your appreciation. Here is my new proposal:

    on the fresh snow
    the sparrows’ steps
    in search of food

    while it’s snowing
    even the gerbages become
    immaculate

    covered with snow
    the chrysanthemums
    fall asleep

    1. I love this one, Vasile!
      .
      while it’s snowing
      even the gerbages become
      immaculate
      .
      I’d advise that you change the spelling to “garbage” and “become”:
      .
      while it’s snowing
      even the garbage becomes
      immaculate

      1. I like this one also, but would it be considered a ‘purely nature image’ as Kala has requested?
        Could the image of ‘garbage’ give the impression of human presence?

        1. Hmmm, yes, Carol, you’re right, there. It’s a combination of nature and human presence. I must say,it seems I’ve overlooked Kala’s request for a “pure nature image”. (I’m not at all sure what a ‘pure nature’ image is though. If I say “It’s a calm sea” how pure is that? It’s nature, but nature sifted through my consciousness and perspective.
          Ah, well, we’ll just have to wait and see what Kala means.

          1. I think it’s a case of wait and see, and learn.
            I can see the need for the leap within such a short poem, while keeping an eye on the link element.
            I must say it’s a good read, so far 🙂

  41. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar

    bare bones
    of a scarecrow
    through the threadbare coat

  42. Hello Kala,

    Thanks for moderating this rasika renku. Your explanations and instructions have been clear and precise. I have always been a very solitary writer, but I am finding this collaborative process to be exciting, daunting — and fun!

    Here are three of my daisan attempts:

    hokku

    opening credits…
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    — Laurie Greer

    wakiku

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar

    daisan

    cold wind swishes through
    sandy winter grass
    while plovers rest

    crow’s black beak
    drips spearflower berries
    like blood on the snow

    wild ducks skim lightly
    past reeds poking through
    paper-thin ice

    1. Clysta, the ‘El Niño–Southern Oscillation’ affects Australia, too . . in fact the whole of the Pacific Ocean and any country with shores in or along the Pacific. We thence have wet or dry years, depending on whether it’s a El Nino or a La Nina) . It’s short form is always written/ printed in capitals: ENSO, which distinguishes it from ‘enso’, which is a Japanese word and may be an EL loan word.

      1. Thanks for the broader picture Lorin. Acronyms can make languages inclusive or exclusive depending on perspective and connotation.

  43. Congratulations Sally, I think I get it, but maybe not!! Anyway, here goes…

    at the ice wall
    a small white feather
    falls out of night

  44. Very nice, Sally!

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar

    a north wind
    sharpens the pinnacles
    of hoodoos
    – Betty Shropshire

  45. Congratulations, Sally! I love the way these two verses work together.
    And many thanks, Kala, for the detailed comments and instructions. I love the link & leap–and even more, the leap–
    Hope it’s OK if I send a couple of things. Can’t bear to miss another week.

    1. Let this one be purely nature in its imagery. No human presence, more so because the hokku and wakiku have strong human references.

      I would like an outdoor scene.
      Sorry if it wasn’t clear.

  46. Congratulations, Sally a wonderful verse, A great choice, Kala.
    Thankyou for commenting on one of mine, I’ll keep it safe.

  47. I have a question. A winter kigo appealing to me as it would pick up on the word “enso” is “first sun.” Is this kigo alright to use for the next verse or is it too close to the image of moon somehow in hokku? Thank you🙏

    1. The daisan is a BREAK AWAY Verse.
      Why would you want to link to a round again?
      No more suns/moons/cirlces/ ensos!

          1. thank you, Kayla. You were clear that it’s a break away. I think I am just used to trying to link to the previous verse. Now if I can remember no cut, I am ready to play🙏

      1. “The daisan is a BREAK AWAY Verse.” – Kala (Yes, I agree. – Lorin)
        .
        “Why would you want to link to a round (thing) again?” – Kala (Fair enough question, answer or reproof. 🙂 )
        .
        “I thought I had said in my notes, it’s a break-away verse?” – Kala

        Yes, you did, Kala, and you know you did, but I don’t think you’d want to give the impression that for the ‘breakaway verse’, verse #3, no link at all is required. A link is required. What’s essential is what you’ve stated up top:
        .
        “. . . we must absolutely ensure that C does not link at all with A. And this verse, the daisan, is the first time such an opportunity arises.” – Kala (The opportunity to both link and shift.)
        .
        So yes, Michelle, you need to link to verse #2, the wakiku, but
        in no way whatsoever should you also link to the hokku, verse #1. The daisan must ‘turn away’ completely from the hokku. It’s the first verse that demonstrates both link (to the immediately previous verse) and shift (from the last-but-one verse).

        1. Thank you, Lorin and Kala. Back to the drawingboard. This is such an artform and it is a tightrope walk but fun to learn. Thank you both!

        2. Just to clarify … taken from John Carley’s essay: Introduction to Renku.

          Daisan (third verse)

          Daisan is a break-away verse. While hokku and daisan might read as a unit, with daisan the sequence begins to unfold.

          Links between daisan and wakiku will tend to be more free than that between wakiku and hokku, while tone, setting and narrative perspective can all be expected to differ markedly from the initial pair.

          Daisan are expected to open outward – to be both germinal and unfinished, suggestive of multiple possibilities.

          John Carley
          Taken from his essay:
          https://poetrysociety.org.nz/affiliates/haiku-nz/haiku-poems-articles/archived-articles/introduction-to-renku/

          Hope it’s clear.
          Please stay away from enso and rounds – we’ve had that in the hokku and wakiku.
          Yes, Lorin, renku is a linked verse form – no denying that :))

          But let the link here be more open. Plus it’s a 8-verse renku and we need to cover a huge ground. Let us not stick to ensos and rounds and all that has been done in the first two verses.

          Thanks all.
          _()_

  48. Congratulations to Sally! I love the drawing verse! Thank you, Kayla, for commenting on mine. I am learning a lot. I see how it goes back to hokku now. Onwards and upwards to the next verse😎

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