The Moon’s Aura: Week 3

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1. Thank you so much for the wonderful explaination. I think I’m late, yet, trying one
   .

   winter music
   knock-knock sound within
   the chatter of teeth
   .

   .

2. a line of wolves
   slinks through the snow
   with flickering pink tongues

   the slow groan
   of glaciers
   in winter mountains

   scattering crows
   a geyser explodes
   through packed snow

3. telling who’s who
   from their cacographies
   in frozen dirt

   10.17.2021 by wendy © bialek

4. between flurries
   ice skaters inscribe their dance
   on the pond

5. north winds
   as sandpipers alight
   on shallow water

   Michelle Beyers
   Copyright © 4/17/21 (verse #3)

6. in the vast expanse
   of pale, paler, palest sky
   the first raven’s cry

   Michelle Beyers
   Copyright © 4/17/21 (verse #2)

7. in one fluid stroke
   we each draw an enso
   — Sally Biggar

   twig calligraphy
   flourishes under
   the frozen pond

   10.17.2021 by wendy © bialek

   1. correction:

      twig calligraphy
      flourishes in
      the frozen pond

      10.17.2021 by wendy © bialek

8. Congratulations Sally! That was lovely!
   .
   offer #1

   frosty dawn
   when bird calls splinter
   the air
   .

9. i see now how perfectly… sally’s verse fits into this renku! great choice, kala!
   congrats, sally!!!! so glad you re-offered this enso-exquisite verse!!!

   in one fluid stroke
   we each draw an enso
   — Sally Biggar

   a cardinal alights
   the frost-covered
   pine candle

   10.17.2021 by wendy © bialek

   1. correction:

      cardinal alights
      on the frost-covered
      candle

      10.17.2021 by wendy © bialek

10. in the morning
    the freshly caught fish
    already frozen
    ***
    the radicchio
    begins to hood
    at the first frosts
    ***
    an ant
    fights the frost
    by walking on my pc

11. .
    .
    lyre, lyre
    who can hear the ancient song
    in the withered reeds?
    .
    birdie birdie birdie*
    drifting
    o’er a snowbank
    .
    even the bashō
    prefers the cardinal’s ego
    to the chatter of snow
    .
    .

    * imitative cardinal song

    1. nice, princess k!

       1. Thanks Michelle!

12. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar

    Offer#3
    hush
    of the huddled sparrows
    as snow comes down hard

13. koi pond
    just the sound
    of fish playing

    Kirifusuma
    the foghorn blows
    away the blues

14. Congratulations, Sally, on your lovely verse.
    *
    swaying firs
    stand tall
    in the cold wind
    *
    withered grass
    lies cold and still
    on frozen ground
    *
    blowing snow
    piles high
    against the barn wall

15. Congratulations, Sally!

    Some interesting and informative discussion here. Thank you Kala and all!

    opening credits…
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    — Laurie Greer

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    —- Sally Biggar

    wings whir
    as the sand piper flock
    lifts off a spit

    .

    withered lotus leaves
    rattle a symphony
    of marsh music
    .

    frost
    knitting rainbows
    into an empty cobweb
    .

16. Kala—The renku is already looking wonderful. Thanks for your mentorship!

    Here are my proposals for verse 3:

    under the spruce
    the yearling studies
    his first snowstorm

    in the winter field
    the jackrabbit finds
    the year’s last dandelion

    at the first frost
    winter stars descend
    onto each blade of grass

17. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    – Sally Biggar

    *

    the raven’s breath
    blesses the frigid air
    with a croak

    *

    a woodpecker drums
    the frozen forest
    to attention

18. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    —- Sally Biggar

    *

    the meadow
    still humming
    under a snow drift

19. cold winds
    deliver leaves
    to unknown destinations

20. hushed stillness
    now that the waterfall
    is frozen

21. Congratulations, Sally! And many thanks, Kala !

    here and there
    on the barbed wire
    ice fog

    on the branches
    colorless
    frost in the morning

22. Great selection, Kala! Congrats Sally! I loved that verse.

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    –Sally Biggar

    Offer #1:
    a small mitten
    by the roadside
    gathering snow

    ***

    #2
    at the retreat
    a cup of fog
    with a dash of sleet

23. ice fills the expanse
    from one river bank
    to another

    1. Drat, ‘one’ – out with this verse 🙁

24. the chiaroscuro
    of a snowy owl sweeping
    cloud to cloud

    Michelle Beyers
    (verse #2)
    Copyright © 4/15/21

    1. scratch this one. chiarscuro won’t work with what the hokku and wakiku set up. back to the drawingboard.

25. cold crow’s
    sudden landing with drenched wings
    by roadside fire

    **
    2) cold sparrows
    in their wintry bed
    of frozen zone
    **

    ice thawless
    only for isolation
    until next spring

26. Just to clarify … taken from John Carley’s essay: Introduction to Renku.

    Daisan (third verse)

    Daisan is a break-away verse. While hokku and daisan might read as a unit, with daisan the sequence begins to unfold.

    Links between daisan and wakiku will tend to be more free than that between wakiku and hokku, while tone, setting and narrative perspective can all be expected to differ markedly from the initial pair.

    Daisan are expected to open outward – to be both germinal and unfinished, suggestive of multiple possibilities.

    John Carley
    Taken from his essay:
    https://poetrysociety.org.nz/affiliates/haiku-nz/haiku-poems-articles/archived-articles/introduction-to-renku/

    Hope it’s clear.
    Please stay away from enso and rounds – we’ve had that in the hokku and wakiku.
    Yes, Lorin, renku is a linked verse form – no denying that :))

    But let the link here be more open. Plus it’s a 8-verse renku and we need to cover a huge ground. Let us not stick to ensos and rounds and all that has been done in the first two verses.

    Thanks all.
    _()_

    1. Thank you for clarifying, Kala. Renku writing seems to be like an unfolding dance of some kind. I appreciate all that I am learning from you and everyone here🙏

    2. Yes, that’s it, Kala. The link between hokku and wakiku are traditionally very close, obvious links or “call & response”, while the daisan must not only link to the wakiku (and to the wakiku only!) it must also turn away from the hokku-wakiku pair.

       “Links between daisan and wakiku will tend to be more free than that between wakiku and hokku, . . . ” – JEC

27. a high-five goal
    straight into the net
    on the ice rink

    ***

    new resolutions
    as the clock ticks
    to another year

    ***
    a sweat builds up
    swatting that irksome
    winter fly

    ***

28. Lovely verse, Sally!
    …
    pendulous icicles
    on the fir trees’
    branches
    …
    the silence
    of horizontal drifting
    snowflakes
    …
    the sandpiper
    minimised heat loss
    by hopping

29. My offers for daisan :-

    *
    the silent drop
    of snowflakes
    in the stir of dawn

    *
    the accelerating splashes
    as wild ducks
    take off
    *

    the scatter
    of snail shell chips
    among fallen leaves

30. frost tipped reeds
    broken and unbroken
    at the water’s edge

    1. I love this!!!

       1. Thank you, Jayashree.

31. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura

    Laurie Greer
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    Sally Biggar

    a crow sweeps the pale
    sky taking with him
    stillness of iced pines

    Michelle Beyers
    Copyright © 4/15/21

    1. I don’t know if the word “pale” presents a problem in linking by its opposite to the multicoloured moon in the hokku, so perhaps I should take the word pale out altogether. It seems like Higginson talks about opposites as a way to link and I don’t want to do that with the hokku here.

       1. a crow sweeps the sky
          taking with him
          stillness of iced pines

          Michelle Beyers
          (verse #1)
          Copyright © 4/15/21

32. sparkling white
    and naked expanse
    fallen leaves

33. squeals
    of a rusty weather vane
    pointing north

    (“north wind”)

34. hushed stillness
    of the snowscape
    come the morning

    1. deep stillness
       of the snowscape
       come the morning

35. Kala, thank you again for the detailed explanation. Helps high time. You have a way to make challenges look easy for a learner 🙂 Here are my offers.

    a cold wind
    cracking and bleeding
    the silver oak skin

    a coconut palm
    enjoying long swing
    on a short day

    gorgeous cold mums
    side hugging
    one another in turns

    Enjoy!!!
    Love and Smiles
    Amrutha

    1. 🙂 I always want to laugh when I go to the ‘500 Essential Season Words’ and read “cold mums”. I think only an American could possibly come up with that translation, the reason being that although Americans refer to their mothers as ‘mums’ they spell the word ‘moms’.

       I know that ‘mums’ is supposed to be a short term for chrysanthemums, but to me it’s absurdly distracting.

36. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar
    *
    coming into land
    a duck skids to a halt
    on the frozen lake

    1. Lovely! I can see it as I read.

37. or:
    chuff of bison
    as they paw at
    the rime covered plain
    – Betty Shropshire

    1. Please ignore this one as it links to the hokku I’m afraid. 🤷‍♀️

38. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar
    •
    the chuff
    of bison as they paw
    through rime ice
    – Betty Shropshire

39. mandarin ducks
    modelling
    their winter plumage

    the fall of an icicle
    pierces
    the sand pipers peace

    a sea cucumber
    sees off trespassers
    with anal teeth

40. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    Sally Biggar
    *
    newly lopsided
    crystals of snow
    cuddle closer
    *
    a murrelet
    arches its wings
    in the cold night
    *
    north winds shred
    deserted nests into
    future padding

    1. please correct #2 to:

       an ancient murrelet
       arches its wings
       in the cold night

       1. just read the later post about avoidinding circles so changing arches to atretches. also ‘ancient murrelet’ is the name of the species.

          an ancient murrelet
          stretches its wings
          in the cold night

41. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    .
    .
    .
    #3
    flowers out of season
    returning to the
    barren land

    1. Maybe I should say:

       flowers out of season
       returning
       in the barrens

42. a quilt of leaves
    icing the curves
    of the river

43. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    .
    .
    .
    #2
    in a quiet lake
    a waterfowl dives
    into itself

44. Lovely verse Sally

    snowing the world
    into a brilliant
    white cocoon
    **********************
    loss of perspective
    proportionate to
    the depth of snow
    ************************
    a cardinal pecks
    his reflection in
    the frozen bird bath

45. Great selections – hokku and wakiku. Congratulations!

    opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    .
    .
    .
    #1
    frost trimming
    along the edges
    of a shrivelled leaf

46. ice crystals
    needle the edges
    of an old pond

    1. edit-
       ice crystals
       needle the edge
       of an old pond

47. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar

    a creak
    from the icicle
    laden branch

48. #3
    snow sparkles
    in the midnight whorl
    of incandescent stars

    1. …or if that #3 is held to be too close to the hokku scene:

       how useful
       is the oyster’s pearl
       to any other species

49. If we are allowed/required to link in some way to the waki, rather than as specified having no link whatsoever even to the waki, I’d amend my #1 to read:

    the whirl
    of fallen leaves
    at the wind’s whim

50. the cracked AAAH
    of a cold carrion crow
    perched on a post

51. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura

    Laurie Greer

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    Sally Biggar
    .
    cold carp
    at the bottom of the pond
    barely moving (#3, Lorin)
    .

52. This is turning out to be beautiful. Congratulations Laurie and Sally. Thank you Kala for your explanation. I’m really enjoying this. Here’s my offering:

    at the lake
    bobbing silhouettes
    of wild ducks

53. Kala, I’ve just now seen this part of your instructions, above, that I must’ve skipped over before:
    .
    “No link whatsoever with the hokku or even the waki, I would add. ” -Kala
    .

    I’m having trouble understanding the second part of that second/ added statement. It makes no sense at all to me.

    Will you explain, please? I’ve always been under the impression (and was told explicitly by John Carley) that the daisan must link to the wakiku in some way or another, while avoiding any link whatsoever to the hokku.

54. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura

    Laurie Greer
    .
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    Sally Biggar
    .
    a winter fly
    claims the kitchen window
    and won’t budge
    .

    .

    1. or (a variation of #2, above)
       .
       a winter fly
       sticks to the kitchen window
       and won’t let go
       .

55. Congratulations Laurie and Sally – great verses to start the rasika!

    Thanks Kala for you detailed explanations – very helpful. I do have one question: To my way of thinking, the word “enso” is a foreign word, and would seem to be contrary to your directive of no foreign words in the jo movement of the rasika. Regardless, the verse is chosen, and an excellent start to the rasika.

    1. That’s interesting, princess k. Personally, I’m not sure whether ‘enso’ (in the sense used by Sally, here) is a foreign word or has officially become a loan word in the English language. ‘Haiku’, for instance, is now an EL loan word (not a ‘foreign word’), as are ‘tsunami’, ’emoji’, ‘shiatsu’ and ‘Zen’ . . . and many more Japanese words.
       .
       I’ve done a quick online dictionary source, but can’t find anything. Perhaps in this instance (in context of ‘renku’) we might consider it a loan word?

       1. You make a great point Lorin, but I think what I was really after was how to define a “foreign” word (I should have been explicit with my question) – is it simply a word in a language other than English (or whatever language the rasika is being written), does it include loan words, words that are obscure (and therefore must be researched/explained to be understood), and what about portmanteau? I really don’t like to get weighed down by rules, but my curiosity is piqued, and most likely each sabaki will have their own preferences.

          1. Yes, Princess, it’s an interesting point you raise, when does a foreign word become a loan word and, inevitably, “who sez?”. 🙂 🙂 🙂
             I’d say a foreign word becomes a loan word when it’s first included in one of the big English language (in our case) dictionaries. Even then, there’s English, American English, Australian English, Indian English etc. so “which dictionary?” can sometimes be problematic.
             .

56. opening credits
    the moon colorized
    by its aura

    – Laurie Greer
    ,

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso

    – Sally Biggar
    .
    silently
    drips from the eaves
    become icicles

57. Oh my goodness . . . what a delightful surprise! There were many wonderful offerings, Kala, so I know your decision was a difficult one, which makes the honor of having my verse chosen so special. Thank you. In a week or so I will jump back in just for the fun of it. As Laurie has pointed out, It’s hard to resist playing. Thank you to everyone who has congratulated me.
    Sally

58. Congratulations, Sally. An inspired verse. 🙂
    .
    (and thanks, Kala, for mentioning one of mine)

59. Congratulations, Sally.
    .
    cold sparrows
    hunker down
    in the burning bush

60. Wow, well done Sally – I can see how your verse makes an excellent buttress to the hokku! Thank you, Kala, for your continuing insightful guidance _()_

61. whispering swirls
    of fallen leaves
    at the whim of the wind

62. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar
    *
    the snap of an icicle
    from the sea lion’s
    whiskers
    *

63. One more question, Kala.
    Regarding the first line of Sally’s verse, can we include verses with water?

    1. I don’t see why not, Carol. 🙂 We do need to link somehow to the 2nd verse. It’s the one before that, the hokku, (that Sally links to) that we must avoid linking to.

       1. Thanks Lorin.
          I have read your post above, refering to not linking in anyway to the wakiku, this is why I asked the question. I too was going to add a verse with ‘pond’ also, so with the mention of ‘fluid’ thought I’d ask first.
          An analysis too far 🙂

          1. Ah, I get it now, Carol. Do go ahead and use ‘pond’ if you want to. I suppose we’ll find out later what Kala means by not linking to the wakiku. To my knowledge, there are only two verses that aren’t absolutely required to link to the immediately previous verse: the hokku (being the first verse, the hokku has nothing to link to) and the ageku. According to the sabaki’s judgement & directions, the ageku may or may not link to its previous verse.
             .
             To my knowledge, the daisan is the first verse that must both link (to the wakiku) and shift (from the hokku). Though linking to the wakiku in some way or another, the daisan turns away from the hokku-wakiku pair.

             1. Its a tricky job to get such a short session just right, and an enjoyable one to participate in.
                I’ve just read Kala’spost above also.

                Thanks Lorin and Kala.

64. Dear Mrs Kala,

    thank you for your appreciation. Here is my new proposal:

    on the fresh snow
    the sparrows’ steps
    in search of food

    while it’s snowing
    even the gerbages become
    immaculate

    covered with snow
    the chrysanthemums
    fall asleep

    1. I love this one, Vasile!
       .
       while it’s snowing
       even the gerbages become
       immaculate
       .
       I’d advise that you change the spelling to “garbage” and “become”:
       .
       while it’s snowing
       even the garbage becomes
       immaculate

       1. I like this one also, but would it be considered a ‘purely nature image’ as Kala has requested?
          Could the image of ‘garbage’ give the impression of human presence?

          1. Hmmm, yes, Carol, you’re right, there. It’s a combination of nature and human presence. I must say,it seems I’ve overlooked Kala’s request for a “pure nature image”. (I’m not at all sure what a ‘pure nature’ image is though. If I say “It’s a calm sea” how pure is that? It’s nature, but nature sifted through my consciousness and perspective.
             Ah, well, we’ll just have to wait and see what Kala means.

             1. I think it’s a case of wait and see, and learn.
                I can see the need for the leap within such a short poem, while keeping an eye on the link element.
                I must say it’s a good read, so far 🙂

65. in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar

    bare bones
    of a scarecrow
    through the threadbare coat

66. Hello Kala,

    Thanks for moderating this rasika renku. Your explanations and instructions have been clear and precise. I have always been a very solitary writer, but I am finding this collaborative process to be exciting, daunting — and fun!

    Here are three of my daisan attempts:

    hokku

    opening credits…
    the moon colorized
    by its aura
    — Laurie Greer

    wakiku

    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    — Sally Biggar

    daisan
    ◌
    cold wind swishes through
    sandy winter grass
    while plovers rest
    ◌
    crow’s black beak
    drips spearflower berries
    like blood on the snow
    ◌
    wild ducks skim lightly
    past reeds poking through
    paper-thin ice

67. Congratulations Sally. Nice choice Kala and thank you for the guidance.

68. blackened branch
    the jackdaw blinks
    as the first flake falls

69. howl of the wind through
    endless snow clad mountains

    1. edit-

       howl of the wind
       through endless
       snow clad mauntains

70. Sally, congratulations. All of your verses were so on point. For some of us enso also ties to the weather phenomenon that creates the El Niño and La Niña climates on the western shores of North America. So for me another circle of delight. https://www.climate.gov/news-features/blogs/enso/october-2021-enso-update-la-ni%C3%B1a-here

    Kala your explications are so very helpful and lucid. Thank you. Rasika is a good learning tool and fun.

    1. Clysta, the ‘El Niño–Southern Oscillation’ affects Australia, too . . in fact the whole of the Pacific Ocean and any country with shores in or along the Pacific. We thence have wet or dry years, depending on whether it’s a El Nino or a La Nina) . It’s short form is always written/ printed in capitals: ENSO, which distinguishes it from ‘enso’, which is a Japanese word and may be an EL loan word.

       1. Thanks for the broader picture Lorin. Acronyms can make languages inclusive or exclusive depending on perspective and connotation.

          1. True, Clysta. 🙂

71. Congratulations Sally, I think I get it, but maybe not!! Anyway, here goes…

    at the ice wall
    a small white feather
    falls out of night

72. Very nice, Sally!
    •
    in one fluid stroke
    we each draw an enso
    – Sally Biggar
    •
    a north wind
    sharpens the pinnacles
    of hoodoos
    – Betty Shropshire

73. Congratulations Sally and Kala!

    the gliding hawk seeks
    fur or feathered movement
    down below

74. wild ducks gathering
    in open water
    below the falls

75. Congratulations, Sally! I love the way these two verses work together.
    And many thanks, Kala, for the detailed comments and instructions. I love the link & leap–and even more, the leap–
    Hope it’s OK if I send a couple of things. Can’t bear to miss another week.

76. Hi Kala
    Should we be inside or outside with our verses?

    1. Let this one be purely nature in its imagery. No human presence, more so because the hokku and wakiku have strong human references.

       I would like an outdoor scene.
       Sorry if it wasn’t clear.

       1. Thank you, Kala.
          My fault, rushing, again.

77. Congratulations, Sally a wonderful verse, A great choice, Kala.
    Thankyou for commenting on one of mine, I’ll keep it safe.

78. I have a question. A winter kigo appealing to me as it would pick up on the word “enso” is “first sun.” Is this kigo alright to use for the next verse or is it too close to the image of moon somehow in hokku? Thank you🙏

    1. The daisan is a BREAK AWAY Verse.
       Why would you want to link to a round again?
       No more suns/moons/cirlces/ ensos!

       1. ahhhhh and here I thought I was supposed to link somehow and shift. Thank you, Kayla🙏

          1. Thank you for asking this question! I was thinking about round things too!

          2. by the way, my name is Kala :))

             I thought I had said in my notes, it’s a break-away verse?

             1. thank you, Kayla. You were clear that it’s a break away. I think I am just used to trying to link to the previous verse. Now if I can remember no cut, I am ready to play🙏

             2. oops I apologize, Kala. please forgive me for mispelling your name! ☺️

       2. “The daisan is a BREAK AWAY Verse.” – Kala (Yes, I agree. – Lorin)
          .
          “Why would you want to link to a round (thing) again?” – Kala (Fair enough question, answer or reproof. 🙂 )
          .
          “I thought I had said in my notes, it’s a break-away verse?” – Kala

          Yes, you did, Kala, and you know you did, but I don’t think you’d want to give the impression that for the ‘breakaway verse’, verse #3, no link at all is required. A link is required. What’s essential is what you’ve stated up top:
          .
          “. . . we must absolutely ensure that C does not link at all with A. And this verse, the daisan, is the first time such an opportunity arises.” – Kala (The opportunity to both link and shift.)
          .
          So yes, Michelle, you need to link to verse #2, the wakiku, but in no way whatsoever should you also link to the hokku, verse #1. The daisan must ‘turn away’ completely from the hokku. It’s the first verse that demonstrates both link (to the immediately previous verse) and shift (from the last-but-one verse).

          1. Thank you, Lorin and Kala. Back to the drawingboard. This is such an artform and it is a tightrope walk but fun to learn. Thank you both!

          2. Just to clarify … taken from John Carley’s essay: Introduction to Renku.

             Daisan (third verse)

             Daisan is a break-away verse. While hokku and daisan might read as a unit, with daisan the sequence begins to unfold.

             Links between daisan and wakiku will tend to be more free than that between wakiku and hokku, while tone, setting and narrative perspective can all be expected to differ markedly from the initial pair.

             Daisan are expected to open outward – to be both germinal and unfinished, suggestive of multiple possibilities.

             John Carley
             Taken from his essay:
             https://poetrysociety.org.nz/affiliates/haiku-nz/haiku-poems-articles/archived-articles/introduction-to-renku/

             Hope it’s clear.
             Please stay away from enso and rounds – we’ve had that in the hokku and wakiku.
             Yes, Lorin, renku is a linked verse form – no denying that :))

             But let the link here be more open. Plus it’s a 8-verse renku and we need to cover a huge ground. Let us not stick to ensos and rounds and all that has been done in the first two verses.

             Thanks all.
             _()_

             1. Thank you🙏

79. Congratulations to Sally! I love the drawing verse! Thank you, Kayla, for commenting on mine. I am learning a lot. I see how it goes back to hokku now. Onwards and upwards to the next verse😎

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