re:Virals 467

Welcome to re:Virals, The Haiku Foundation’s weekly commentary feature on some of your favorites among the best contemporary haiku and senryu written in English. This week’s poem, chosen by Amoolya Kamalnath, was:

     
father's day
I asked my mother
for advice
—Ida Wiesenfeld
LEAF issue 4 Summer 2024

Introducing this poem, Amoolya writes:

The first thing that caught my attention in this fine senryu after the humour in it, is ‘asked’, the word in past tense. It reminds me of me and my younger sister seeking Mom with our illness/injuries even though Dad is a doctor!

Opening comment:

To my mind this tiny verse was the best senryu in LEAF #4.

Instantly relatable, in plain words, and requiring little interpretation. Use of the past tense opens up a deeper layer of meaning than would be the case with “I ask…” We are still in the poet’s present with “father’s day,” and to seek advice from one’s mother what to do to mark it, without father being in on the conversation in case a surprise is mooted, is perfectly natural. But as soon as the past is deployed, it suggests that the poet has become accustomed to turning to her mother for advice, rarely or never her father, and perhaps especially for advice about men. The verse is also open to other thoughts, dependent on a reader’s own experiences. Without being told explicitly, we might form a picture of perhaps a remote or overbearing father, or one who dispensed so much advice unasked that his daughter became resistant.

Only on reading this poemlet did I realise that I never asked my father for advice about Mother’s Day (I asked my siblings what they were getting her by way of presents);  and indeed, never once did I ask his advice about women (I asked my stepmother).  Nor did he ever proffer advice on that subject.

Jo McInerney:

Ida Wiesenfeld’s ‘father’s day’ is a challenging poem, open to several interpretations.

Line one sets a context. The reader is placed on a day intended to acknowledge and celebrate fathers.

This can be a difficult occasion – perhaps because of strained relations between generations or because of absence. Death ultimately deprives most of us of the physical presence of our biological fathers; some children never have an opportunity to know theirs. Lines two and three raise the possibility of an absent father. The speaker ‘asked [their] mother /  for advice’.

I initially read this senryu as a tribute to family resilience – in the absence of the father, the child, of whatever age, can turn to the mother. This reading is there, but I don’t think it accounts for the emotional pull of the senryu.

I find the use of the past tense in line two central to whatever reading I arrive at.  ‘father’s day’ occupies the eternal present found in most senryu. We are positioned in the middle of this occasion. From this perspective we then look back at lines two and three for what preceded this event – ‘I asked my mother /  for advice’.  Read in this way, the mother becomes a conciliator, the person to whom the speaker turned to help make peace with their father.

I am left with the feeling that the Father’s Day gathering is not turning out well. I now find an inescapable ruefulness in lines two and three. The advice has not had the desired effect and the presumed ill-feeling between father and child persists.

Read in this way, the senryu is a dramatic enactment of a scene within a family in pain. The first line becomes ironic in a way it unfortunately is for many.

Lakshmi Iyer:

So well perceived and an established fact that Fathers are for advice and Mothers for care and support. And this haiku clearly symbolises that divine perception of the creation.
Kids always look up to their father as a role model as regards in their dressing sense, walking style, conversations, eating habits, etc. Here, the poet clearly shows the absence of father and the child asking mother for advice. Not that mothers aren’t good but somehow this belief and the natural instinct continues.

Each line has its own weight:
Father’s Day – the celebration of manhood, a comfort zone
I asked my mother – who else to rely on when father isn’t there.
for advice – a straight cut statement from the head and heart.

Thank you for bringing out such a simple poem but so deep and poignant.

Leena Anandhi:

I always thought that these days dedicated to Father or Mother exacted celebrations out of everyone irrespective of how anyone felt about their parents. Simplistic or even reductive. This Haiku is effective in that sense. It conveys the distance that is apparent between the father and child. It shows that fearful respect where you want to please your Dad and fearful of choosing something wrong. It also shows the trusty relationship with the mother- Mom cannot go wrong, Mom knows better. Mom knows everybody intimately. It’s a sort of tribute more to Mom. It could have been the Mother’s Day.

Sandip Chauhan:

Understanding Modern Family Dynamics… Ida Wiesenfeld’s haiku evokes a situation similar to that of a friend and her daughter, where the father is absent and plays no part in their lives. The mother assumes both parental roles, guiding and supporting her daughter, and they celebrate occasions like Father’s Day in a way that reflects their unique family bond.

In the haiku, the narrator seeks advice from the mother on Father’s Day, a day traditionally for honoring fathers. This moment highlights the emotional complexities faced by families with non-traditional structures, reflecting a sense of longing or a gap created by the father’s absence, whether due to death, estrangement, or another reason. Turning to the mother for guidance shows how maternal figures often take on roles typically associated with fathers, addressing the void left in the family structure. The haiku thus captures the adaptability required in modern parenting and the changing nature of familial relationships in today’s society.

In sum, Wiesenfeld’s haiku encapsulates complex issues surrounding modern parenting, family structures, and the fluidity of parental roles. It illustrates the diverse ways in which families navigate traditional celebrations and expectations, offering insight into the realities of contemporary family dynamics.

Alan Harvey:

Two interpretations reverberate from this verse. First, the father is absent or out of the picture and the child turns toward their mother for advice. Another possibility, dads can be hard to buy for. They already buy their own toys and don’t need stuff. So you’re forced to ask mom what to get dad for father’s day. You can read this poem as being about an all-too present father or an absent one. There’s the archetypal patriarch who dispenses wisdom. When absent, turn to mother.
As a father myself, all I asked for was a personalized gift like a poem or picture drawn by my children. I was happiest seeing my child’s creativity and sharing in that. But mostly I received a store bought thing.
I would have laughed for joy if I received this haiku for father’s day.

Lakshman Bulusu:

This haiku puts ‘mother’ at the center piece on the occasion of father’s day. The fragment of the haiku (L1) is attached to lines L2 and L3 and is the pivot line. As a life partner of ‘father’, she knows the likes and dislikes of him the best. Though the child or the son or daughter might know the same, it is the mother who knows his world precise ‘by way of heart’. It is the mother’s way of

one word
one world
host
to a host of worlds

that echoes with the hopes and aspirations of her life partner and the children seek advice from her to celebrate father’s day.

Melissa Dennison:

When I first read this I smiled. I enjoyed the humour of these words.

My immediate sense was of a daughter asking her mum for advice about what to buy her dad for father’s day. I can relate to that. Dads are not always easy to buy for. Also our relationship with our fathers can differ from that of our mothers. This could be a generational thing, as my mum was a housewife, as many of her generation were. She was at home with me everyday, whereas dad was at work. Growing up he was a more remote character, not around that much. I don’t think this is that unusual. It can create distance in this relationship, unintentionally, but once there it’s hard to overcome. So, it is natural to talk with mum about gifts for dad on these occasions.

There is a poignancy here then and a sadness alongside the humour, as we should know what would make our parent happy. Family relationships can be complicated and a bit messy.

However, this poem could have a different meaning. Perhaps it’s father’s day and she is asking her mother’s advice about something unconnected. The date could simply be a coincidence, although I am guessing it isn’t.

Nairithi Konduru:

This senryu is the plot of a Disney kids show called Bluey.  In this particular episode, the main character Bluey and her sister Bingo are making Father’s day cards for their father whose name is Bandit, with the help of their mother whose name is Chilli.
Bluey keeps on making card after card, but for each one says, ”It’s not good enough for dad”. But then her mother explained to her that no matter what card they give their father, he will always love them.

I am quite sure that almost everyone has asked their mother about the gift/card they are giving to their father.

John Daleiden—creating ambiguities

Ida Wiesenfeld’s excellent poem contains no season words nor specific references to nature. Written on three lines of 3, 5, and 3 syllables for a total of 11 syllables, without kigo or nature refereces, the poem is an open-ended senyru.

Syntatically, line 1 functions as a fragment followed by the phrase, lines 2-3—a traditional structure for short Japanese verses. Usually, a senyru treats human nature in an ironic or satiric vein.

In America, Father’s day, an early 20th century event, is celebrated annually on the third Sunday in June to honor peoples’ fathers, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society. In other parts of the world this event has different names and cultural implications as well as different dates. Usually, a gift is bestowed on the parent, the father. However, in this poem there is a hesitation on the part of the progeny.

The Line 1 fragment of this senyru sets the scene in a specific time and place with the identifying term, “father’s day”. Line 2 introduces the past-tense verb “asked”, which interjects a period of time passing between the line 1 fragment and the subsequent phrase.

The time disjunction between these lines suggests hesitation on the narrator’s part, which might be caused by several different but unstated senarios. One, is the narrative voice that of a child? Two, is the narrative voice a mature adult so uncertain that a “mother” must be consulted? Three, is the narrative voice that of a male or a female? Or, four, is there a difficult relationship between the narrator’s voice and the father’s?

Perhaps the recipient of the implied gift on a celebration day is a step-parent. Perhaps there is some unexpressed gulf between the two people because of some transgression. This open-ended quality of the poem suggests multiple possible meanings. In this senryu the hesitation—the narrator’s indecision—creates ambiguities about the motivation to “ask” for “advice” before taking action, which results in an ironic or satiric tone in the poem.

Author Ida Wiesenfeld

I was inspired by father’s day when I realized that I always turn to my mother for advice. I look up to her for any opinions especially about my father; from gifts to much needed guidance. I used past tense with “I asked” to highlight being with my father and imply that asking my mother for advice is such a custom that it becomes natural.

Thanks to all who sent commentaries. As the contributor of the commentary reckoned best this week,John has chosen next week’s poem, which you’ll find below. We invite you to write a commentary to it. It may be as long or short, academic or spontaneous, serious or silly, public or personal as you like. All with respect for the poet. Out-takes from the best of these take their place in the THF Archives. Best of all, the chosen commentary’s author gets to pick the next poem.

Anyone can participate. Simply use the re:Virals commentary form below to enter your commentary on the new week’s poem (“Your text”) by the following Tuesday midnight, Eastern US Time Zone, and then press Submit to send your entry. The Submit button will not be available until Name, Email, and Place of Residence fields are filled in. We look forward to seeing your commentary and finding out about your favourite poems!

Poem for commentary:

     
overripe plums—
not ready
to be old
—Carolyn Hall
The Heron's Nest, Vol XXVI, No. 3, September 2024

The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy.

Footnote:

LEAF, editor Ravi Kiran,  where this week’s verse was published, is the journal of Facebook’s The Daily Haiku.  It is a broad-based and inclusive group comprising poets of all abilities, that has grown to a membership—and potential readership—of some 16,700.  To some extent it acts as an incubator for shy and diffident newcomers, many of whom take the road of haiku and eventually see their work published. Over the past couple of years group members have come to account, on the average, for around half of the poems selected by editors of THF’s Haiku Dialogue.  See Scott Mason’s article in THF’s Haiku Bridges, March 2022 for the history of the group (of which I am one of the admins).

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Some comments on the use of the past tense were included in the footnote to re:Virals 457.  I think this week’s senryu is a good example of how a past tense can open up meanings beyond the frame.
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