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The Renku Sessions: Triparshva — call for daisan

renku_300

Welcome to the third Renku Session. I’m Linda Papanicolaou, and I’ll be leading this journey in collaborative poetry. Triparshva is a 22-verse form developed by Norman Darlington in 2005. It’s a good form for composing online because it moves more quickly than the 36-verse kasen, while also following the jo-ha-kyu (beginning-development-rapid closure) pattern of traditional renku. So whether you’re new to renku, or simply want to keep your skills honed, you’re especially encouraged to join us.

Our Renku So Far: 

The Call for Wakiku received more than thirty submissions. Although we’re moving on hope you’ll revisit the submissions and enjoy the range of ideas everyone has brought to the renku.  The thread also includes a thought-provoking discussion initiated by Chris on the ambiguity and ways of reading the hokku.  On Facebook, Norman has just shared the url to an interesting conversation between Donald Keene and Haruo Shirane about ambiguity in a hokku by Basho.  Quoting Shirane, “the art of haiku. . . elicits different kinds of interpretations and also forces the reader to jump across. It’s kind of like a lightning-rod effect. You jump between the two parts of the haiku, trying to bring them together.”  The analogy also applies to linking in renku.  Within the hokku this jump occurs across the cut between fragment and phrase,  but from here on our verses will be uncut and the jumps will be across the double spaces between verses.  Distance may be greater or less, depending on the particular form of the renku, which side we’re on, and the pacing of the flow.

John Carley has stipulated that the wakiku is “constructed to provide a sense of “closure” or “completion”. The offerings for this slot in our triparshva achieved this to varying degrees. Some tucked in quite closely to the hokku; others leaped pretty far from it, while others complemented the hokku with additional detail of setting, time of day, weather, other senses or the inclusion of people or animals.  I’ll be talking more about the craft of linking in weeks to come; meanwhile, the verse we’ll use as our wakiku is Barbara Kaufmann’s, Here it is, paired with the hokku:

a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
~Lynne Rees

under a canvas tent
the snap of a breeze
~Barbara Kaufmann

Line 1 expands on the hokku, giving us the context that this formally-set table in in a tent. It might be a largecaterer’s canopy, or less predicatably it may be a camp, a safari, an explorers’ expedition, or even a military campaign. Line 2, then,  creates the quick sharp sound of tent flap in a breeze. So the verse complements the hokku while also bringing in its own shot of energy to the renku, and gives our daisan hopefuls plenty to work with. Thank you, Barbara, and everyone who participated.

The Daisan:

The third of our opening verses is the first true renku verse in that it involves both linking and shifting, which are key concepts of renku. Briefly, each new verse (the tsukeku) links to its preceding verse (the maeku) while moving away with the verse prior to that one (the uchikoshi). In other words, the daisan links to the wakiku and avoids repetition to the hokku. In composing your offers, please review the hokku/wakiku pairing above.  These are your maeku and uchikoshi.    Link to the maeku (Barbara’s verse) while shifting away from the uchikoshi (Lynne’s verse). Other specifications for the daisan are

  • It must be a three-line verse without kire or cut (a little hard at first if you’re accustomed to cutting in haiku).
  • According to our triparshva template, it will be non-seasonal (cross check your saijiki to make sure you haven’t inadvertently included a season reference).
  • Link to the wakiku while not mirroring themes or topics in the hokku (no images of  dining, dishes, fruit or other foods, or colors).
  • Remember that we’re still in the jo as you brainstorm, so no edgy, negative or unpleasant topics just yet.
  • Since the hokku and wakiku were “non-person” verses, make this one a “person” verse.

How to Submit:

All verse positions in this renku will be degachi. Please post your offers in the Comments section below. Let’s have an upper limit of 3 per participant. Calls for submissions will remain open for one week, at the end of which I’ll collect everyone’s ideas, consider each and choose the one that best serves the renku.

The call for daisan will remain open until Monday, July 13, 2015 at midnight (EDT).

Resources:  

  • If you’re just joining us, please take a moment to review my introductory post.
  • For a discussion of the hokkuwakiku and daisan in renku, see John Carley, “Renku: Beginnings and Endings” in Simply Haiku 2.1, January-February 2004).
  • For linking and shifting, two very useful online resources are
    • Tadashi Shôkan Kondô and William J. Higginson, “Link and Shift: A Practical Guide to Renku Composition” at Renku Home (2005)
    • “Introduction to Renku by John Carley,” 2009, rpt. New Zealand Poetry Society (scroll down to the section “Link, Shift & Separation”).
  • This renku will follow a schema by Norman Darlington. The layout for a Summer Triparshva may be found by reading down the second column from the right.
  • If you don’t already have a favorite saijiki (season word list), here are a few of my favorites that are readily available online:
    • Kenkichi Yamamoto, “The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words,” tr. Kris Kondo and William J. Higginson, online at Renku Home (2000, updated 2005).
    • ” The Yuki Teikei Season Word List”, online at Yuki Teikei Haiku Society, 1997.
    • World Kigo Database, ed. Gabi Greve,  also includes links to a number of regional kigo lists and saijiki.

 

 

 

This Post Has 78 Comments

  1. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    *
    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    **
    clearing out
    mother’s bedroom
    we alternate memories

  2. Hi everyone,
    *
    A little late to the party – love these first two verses!
    *
    a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    *
    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    **
    clearing out
    mother’s bedroom
    we alternate stories

  3. Congratulations, Barbara. A wonderful verse. 🙂
    *
    the cowboy
    blows the day’s dust
    from his harmonica

  4. under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    — Barbara Kaufmann
    +++
    crosses over
    tundra
    and me
    — Betty Shropshire

  5. Hello – I’m jumping in late but loving the selections so far. As a beginner, I love learning from everyone and welcome correction. My Daisan offerings:
    *
    her mother
    quickly fills the room
    with L’air du temps
    *
    in the drumming circle
    the lingering smell
    of sweet grass
    *
    the guitarist
    slowly tucks his cigarette
    between the strings

  6. .
    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze*
    ~Barbara Kaufmann
    .
    .
    pulling tight
    the halyard
    as we make our way
    .
    .
    closing the lid
    as the buskar
    ends his day
    .
    .
    putting words
    into the hand
    of the Mummenschanz
    .
    .
    (* perhaps it is my inexperience with linked form, but I found it very difficult to form an adequate candidate for the 3rd verse that did not begin (repeat) with “the” article)
    .

  7. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    *
    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    *

    in the tiny studio
    oil paint drips
    from her easel

    *

    the dog whisperer
    satisfied with
    her efforts

    *

    astonished eyes
    as the glass blower’s
    creation evolves

  8. .
    a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees
    .
    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann
    .
    .
    lengthening the queue
    the roar
    of motorbikes
    .
    .
    on the bumpy trail
    snaking
    this way and that
    .
    .
    he passes
    a yawn around
    the table
    .
    – Brendon Kent

  9. Offer # 3:
    .

    a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees
    .

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann
    .
    passersby stop
    to applaud a subway
    saxophone player
    – Karen

    1. … and I thought you’d be too young for that, Jen. 🙂 (unlike me!) Definitely a blast from the past!
      Wow, how interesting that camels cropped up in offers for the daisan, one way or another. 🙂

      cheers,

      Lorin

  10. * just in case the repitition of *snap is a no-no 🙂

    whilst over in Giza
    tourists take selfies
    watched by the Sphinx

  11. ok, I’m withdrawing this one because of the reference to summer in the implied ‘circus’ … thanks, Betty, for putting me on the path to that discovery. 🙂

    1.

    before he leaps
    through the fiery hoops
    the old tiger yawns
    —-

    …and I’m substituting this new one for consideration instead:


    a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann

    1.
    cowboys and indians
    caught in the act
    with grandfather’s pipe
    —-
    (well, I did have “caught red-handed” until I remembered that red is a colour… & the colour of cherries, no less. Duh! 🙂

    – Lorin

    1. Hi Loren,
      .
      I agree that a reference to “circus” suggests summer.
      .
      My first offer :
      .
      On second thought, my first thought:
      .
      with a flourish
      the ringmaster announces
      the next act
      – Karen
      .
      could/should be altered to:
      .
      with a flourish
      the emcee announces
      the next act
      .
      I try not to change offers once they are submitted, although even with the above offer, I I did rearrange the order.
      .
      Cheers,
      .
      Karen
      .
      PS I really liked your “paparazzi” verse. 🙂

      1. Hi Karen,
        yes, of course, your ‘ringmaster’ ku , too! 🙂 The change to “emcee” is what I’d call an elegant solution to the problem of the inferred summer. Good stuff!

        cheers,

        Lorin

  12. #2
    .

    a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees
    .
    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann
    .
    the curator
    chooses a painting
    for the collection
    – Karen

  13. opening te map
    in front of the traveller
    a new crossroads

    ***

    in the open air
    the audience listen to
    the silence

    ***

    in no time
    the old windmill starts
    to crush again

  14. under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    — Barbara Kaufman
    ==
    whispers
    serendipity
    to me
    — Betty Shropshire

  15. under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    — Barbara Kaufman
    ==
    it’s midnight
    at the oasis so
    can you hear me now
    — Betty Shropshire

  16. Oops, came with no spaces. Here again my offer for the daisan
    —-

    a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann


    the tinkle
    of her carefree laughter
    blows me away
    ~Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy

  17. My offer for the daisan

    a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann

    the tinkle
    of her carefree laughter
    blows me away
    ~Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy

  18. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann

    3.
    in evening’s hush
    the goat girl
    plays her dulcimer

    – Lorin

  19. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann

    2.
    on vacation
    there’s no escaping
    the paparazzi

    – Lorin

  20. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann

    1.
    before he leaps
    through the fiery hoops
    the old tiger yawns
    —-

    – Lorin

    1. ps. Linda has called for ‘a person’ verse. Can this tiger be a person? I’m claiming that he is.

      “What is changing, however, is the notion that personhood is not something that one is simply born into by virtue of their species, or something that’s dependent on one’s level of sociopolitical engagement. Rather, it’s something that comes about by virtue of the presence of certain cognitive, psychological and emotional capacities.”

      http://io9.com/5961226/when-does-an-animal-count-as-a-person

      – Lorin

      1. Hi Lorin!
        I like your reasoning but my paranoia advised checking for kigo. World Kigo Database has tiger and tiger dance listed so I’m thinking maybe not such a good idea.
        Betty

        1. Hi Betty, . . . hmmm, WKDB has ‘tiger’ in relation to two things: 1, Chinese Astrology (the tear of the Tiger, etc. ) and 2, an Indian Tiger Dance. As well, tiger (the animal) is cited under ‘related words’ as:

          “***** Tiger, a non-seasonal topic
          Animal. ”

          At one stage, Gabi Greve was quite evangelistic about obtaining “regional kigo” from anyone who would think them up. Kala Ramesh had students inventing ‘kigo’ as part of their classroom projects, see ‘Haiku in India’:
          http://ahundredgourds.com/ahg23/feature01.html

          kigo, though, as Japanese coded references to season, were not kigo until they were included in an official Japanese saijiki/ dictionary, accompanied by at least one haiku and the saijiki compilerss were the authorities. All of the older kigo had a hon’i, which is something like “poetic essence/ heart meaning” and that guided the tone of how these kigo were used. (hon’i , or rather the lack of the ‘official’ or understood meaning and tone of the kigo, ‘frog’, is why Basho’s ‘old pond’ haiku was such a shocker. 🙂
          —-
          Modern saijiki contain thousands of kigo,compared with the hundreds in Basho’s time. .. ‘air conditioner’, for instance, is in Japanese saijiki as a summer reference, but it has no coded meaning, no hon’i.

          Especially when composing a renku with international participants, a sabaki needs to make sure we’re all on the same page as far as seasonal references go, so one or two accessible saijiki are usually given for reference. But just how forensic we need to be is debatable.

          I recommend John Carley’s essay, ‘What Price Kigo?’ in his book, Renku Reckoner. An earlier version of this essay is available to read in ‘A Hundred Gourds’ 2:1 December 2012:
          http://ahundredgourds.com/ahg21/exposition01.html

          … and after all that, 🙂 …though ‘tiger’ is not a kigo or seasonal reference, according to at least one USA season word list, ‘circus’ is:

          A Dictionary of Haiku
          Classified by Season Words with Traditional and Modern Methods
          — Jane Reichhold

          http://www.ahapoetry.com/aadoh/adofinde.htm

          SUMMER Occasions: circus
          —-

          … and that does make sense to me. Most traditional, travelling circuses work the rounds in summer, at least in Europe, the UK, the USA and Australia & NZ. So my ‘tiger’ verse is most likely ineligible after all, not because of the tiger, but because of the implied context, ‘circus’, being a summer reference.

          cheers,

          Lorin

          All this is good

          1. Interesting conversation. Tiger may be only an academic thing for discussion (because of “circus”).

            Dear Lorin, not to rain on things, but . . .

            I question that a tiger can present a ‘people’ use … mostly reserved for humans. BUT your verse does strongly imply a Lion or Tiger Trainer. A way out? The Man in the spotlight who commands the animals for the trick. The band plays a Tah Dah!

            Some animals in and of themselves have a season. “Deer” for example. In the US, I see them in all seasons, perhaps especially in late Spring when the does have to feed the fawn(s). But the Japanese deer kigo is winter for the rut and hunting season… IN JAPAN. A stag bugling. Both of these, rut and hunting, depending on where you live, can be late fall in an actual time but the kigo is governed by Japanese meaning. Deer hunting season in warmer areas can be even early fall.

            Animals not native to Japan tend to be “no season.”
            – Paul

          2. “… the kigo is governed by Japanese meaning.” – Paul

            “Animals not native to Japan tend to be “no season.”” – Paul

            Sure, in Japan. Once upon a time, Japan … (or more precisely one or two places in Japan upon which kigo for the whole nation were determined by authorities)… was the centre of the known universe, to the Japanese.

            But I’m right behind John Carley when he says that in this day & age, renku is not a Japanese form of poetry, but a form of poetry that arose in Japan.

            And to me, animals in captivity, wherever they may be & native or not to the country of any particular renku or haiku writer, should be “all seasons”/”no particular season”.

            ‘circus’ may or may not be in the big Japanese saijiki, but it certainly suggests summer for most ‘Western’ (& ‘Southern’) countries, whether implied or stated.

            Anyway, I’ve withdrawn the ku. 🙂

            – Lorin

  21. Thanks for posting that reference, Karen. John did have a succinct way of explaining things, didn’t he?

  22. 3rd offer:

    a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann

    even on safari
    there’s no escaping
    the paparazzi

    – Lorin

    1. I’ll retract this one, too, and come back & start again with another 3 when my head is less fuzzy. 🙂 (Maybe I should say, “if”, rather than “when”)

      – Lorin

  23. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann

    our guide has kindly
    written it on the map:
    Here Be Tigers

    – Lorin

    1. I’m retracting this one, too. .. “someone’s name” on each plate in the hokku indicates, most likely, place cards with names written or printed upon them, so it’s likely that any mention of written or printed words returns to the hokku and would be ineligible for the daisan…and quite possibly for the rest of the renku.

      – Lorin

  24. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann

    since we’re not camels,
    let’s have another round
    of Sunshine

    P-)

    – Lorin

    1. On consideration, I was far too quick to post these offers. Sorry to be a nuisance, but I’m retracting this one because of the name ‘Sunshine’. It’s a brand name for a beer, but in retrospect, I think all proper nouns are frowned upon in the ‘jo’ section.

      – Lorin

      1. Huh, I kinda liked the reference to sunshine (the one basking me now). Maybe with the little brother s this offer has possibilities? No matter, I love the openness.

        1. Hey, Phil, thanks for your very generous comment. 🙂 I think I might save this one for another time.

          It was intended to be a tribute, with this in mind:

          if this were desert
          you would be a camel
          Master Horse!

          – John E. Carley (on one of the ’53 Stations of the Tokaido’ by Ando Hiroshige)

          but was a tad too obscure. 🙂

          Here’s the Griffin Inn, his local watering hole:

          http://www.rossendalebrewery.co.uk/

          and here’s his favourite tipple:

          http://www.rossendalebrewery.co.uk/Our_Beers.php#bookmark%20top%20page

          cheers, Lorin

          (click on the last beer tap on the right)

          – Lorin

          1. Just incidentally, for my own suasion, I wrote my three candidates before Lorin posted this quote of John’s haiku. I used variously camels and horses . . .
            – Paul

          2. How better to replenish one’s salts after a hard day’s labor in the sun. . .
            .
            Love the links!
            .

  25. “Cut…
    Is an implied comma considered a cut? I am confused as to how that may factor when one attempts to phrase a submission without a cut.
    Anyone?
    –Betty”
    .
    Hi Betty,
    .
    Hope this helps …
    .
    🙂 Karen
    .

    See this article from:
    .
    http://www.poetrysociety.org.nz/renkubycarley
    .
    “It’s not the Cut, it’s the Turn7

    .

    Japanese renku verses use all sorts of pauses, parataxis, caesurae, and punctuation devices (which, in that language, appear as utterances which are vocalised/subvocalised, and consequently count as ‘words’ in terms of scansion, etc). The vast majority of the ‘rules’ which apply to their use are those of any poetry in any language: grace, balance, variety. In sum, deliberate, conscious and considered application in order to deliver precise phonic and/or semantic effects.

    .

    The nature of renku does impose two particular sets of considerations though – which are not ‘rules’ but simply an aspect of technique. One is the fact that renku abhors impediments to its forward momentum. Not only can it not tolerate refrains and themes, it can’t really cope with being strongly referred back to anything beyond the verse immediately preceding.

    .

    So in the sequence A:B:C it’s not a problem if A&B use verses which pause markedly, or if B&C use some other form of mirror syntax. The problem arises when A&C employ identical devices: the reader doesn’t just move on from B to C, on arrival at C they experience the “wait a minute, haven’t I just seen that a bit back” experience which fractures the reading and breaks the spell.

    .

    The second renku-specific issue is that of juxtaposition / toriawase / conceptual movement / white space / coming & going (c.f) Doho. Wherein lies the principal artspace? In fact Basho and his pals had this bottomed more than 300 years ago. They realised that, with the advancement of theories such as `nioizuke’ (‘scent link’, see Linking and Reasoning below ), they were essentially using the same types of creative tension between verses as would otherwise exist within a typical bi-partite hokku (haiku). As a consequence, if one’s renku verses continually contain a stong internal turn this is going to shatter the dynamic of having the principal creative tension between the verses.

    .

    Hence the maxim: it is not the pause which makes the cut, it is the turn.

    .

    All sorts of things flow from these considerations. One is that renku verses may certainly pause in terms of syntax. Another is that renku verses can tolerate a degree of turn. In fact the occasional one can tolerate a lot of turn, a haiku-like degree of turn, if you are really good and know what you are trying to achieve (for instance how you intend to pick up the deliberately interrupted momentum).

    .

    The truth is that the problem here lies with haiku technique, not with renku at all. There is any amount of writing out there which mistakes a pause in syntax for some sort magic creational device. Again Basho had it in one. He remarked: “just because a poem uses a kireji (cutting word) doesn’t mean that it is cut. And a poem may very well be cut even if no cutting word is present”.

    .

    He extended this second point with the further observation that turn could be present even in what appeared to be a unified piece of syntax with words to the effect that: “the two-part hokku is for the learner, the single image poem is for the master”.

    .

    So renku verses can certainly pause, and they can also use turn – to a degree, sometimes. It is all about artistic judgement – the lack of which forces the gatekeepers to fall back on ‘rules’. And as any rule lover knows: the arbritary ones are the best.”

    .

    Most important point:
    .
    “Hence the maxim: it is not the pause which makes the cut, it is the turn.” JEC

      1. Yes, it does certainly. In haiku if a cut (break, caesura, etc.) is wished it can be accomplished several ways. By punctuation and by the force of the words, grammar. A line change alone does not stop a reader. In renku I have had a long-time partner who is eager to eliminate cuts. There is such a thing as a “soft cut” we and others have agreed to. These should not be common and are part of variety — as in all things renku. The rules of proper grammar in English, the rules of punctuation, are not strictly applicable in renku. As John Edmund C. taught it is the change of direction that matters . . .
        *
        in renku
        a comma is not
        always needed
        *
        Proper English grammar has it as optional whether or not to use a comma after a very short prepositional phrase… in this example a comma might be used after “in renku” or not. In a renku stanza a comma is not necessary. And to always keep in mind we are using our own language, but following a philosophy of Japanese poetry. There is no punctuation in Japanese. A break was connoted in other ways. A straight sentence avoids all question:
        ***
        a comma
        is not always needed
        in renku
        ***

        Both are OK, but sometimes a player may want to avoid beginning a stanza with another article, or another preposition. These too are to be varied, parts of speech — less repetition.

        ***
        An enforced break, a hard cut, is not for the inner stanzas. But, in the hokku, a haiku, a real break is desired. Often punctuation is used to make it obvious. In our “bowl of cherries” hokku, there is a break after line 2 delivered by meaning and the pivot can be used by a reader as already discussed. No punctuation needed to stop the reader/listener.
        *

        Here’s to soft, hard, and no cuts! – Paul

        1. in renku
          a comma is not
          always needed

          – Paul
          *

          True, but it’s also true that punctuation (of any sort) does not necessarily imply a cut. There is currently a fashionfor eliminating punctuation in EL renku & haiku, but we need to recognise that it is only that: a fashion. I think we need to recognise that. These things come & go.


          And a line break in itself certainly does not indicate a cut. Nor does a change of syntax, necessarily, indicate a cut. The Japanese have verbal punctuation ( kiriji – cut markers) but as Karen has quoted JEC:

          “Again Basho had it in one. He remarked: “just because a poem uses a kireji (cutting word) doesn’t mean that it is cut. And a poem may very well be cut even if no cutting word is present”.

          Anyone can use a dash etc. to indicate a cut when in fact there is none, or leave out any form of cut markers when indeed there is a cut. We need to look beyond kireji/cut markers and consider the cut (kire) itself. Here’s where Richard Gilbert’s proposal of ‘disjunction’ can help us look into what a cut actually might be (& not only in what’s been called ‘gendai’ haiku, but in ‘classical’, Basho-style renku & haiku as well.)

          – Lorin

  26. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze

    knowing the scent
    of a woman before
    I see the woman

    1. Oh damn – no line breaks in that bunch I just posted:

      Again:

      a bowl of cherries
      sitting on each white plate
      someone’s name

      under a canvas tent
      the snap of a breeze

      knowing the scent
      of a woman before
      I see the woman

      1. Hi, Lynne,

        By trial and error, I’ve found it necessary to use a dash or asterisk in a line by itself as a separator. Somehow this program doesn’t recognize or allow line spaces. Probably to either save space or to prevent using separate paragraphs.

  27. Cut…
    Is an implied comma considered a cut? I am confused as to how that may factor when one attempts to phrase a submission without a cut.

    Anyone?
    –Betty

  28. Lovely pairing! Well done, Barbara!

    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    — Barbara Kaufman
    …..

    where do I sign
    for those unstaked claims
    to the foothills?
    — Betty Shropshire

    — Betty Shropshire

    — Betty Shropshire

    1. Redacting this one altogether if so allowed.
      “unstaked claims” falls under a scent link to the hokku if one accepts the read of “place cards” which I didn’t but see that others do.

      1. Goodness! Do they really, Betty? If staking a claim (to, I assume, a silver mine or something like that) is a ‘scent link’ to place names on a luncheon table, I wonder if that also means no names of anything or anyone for the rest of the renku?

        – Lorin

        1. To me, both imply a spot is taken/claimed. As to names…well the reference was to someone and not something so in a 22 verse poem, how many stanzas need to pass before a person’s name pops up…beats me. In any case, linking to the hokku is a really big no-no, I thought, in the daisan. If I’m wrong about the scent link, then great! But if I see it as such, my thinking was perhaps others do too. –Betty

  29. deep in Lascaux
    our guide explains
    the parade of horses

    ***

    above Notre Dame
    a gargoyle
    scowls at us

    ***

    Bedouins
    hobble their camels
    for the night

  30. On second thought, my first thought:
    .

    with a flourish
    the ringmaster announces
    the next act
    – Karen

  31. a bowl of cherries
    sitting on each white plate
    someone’s name
    ~Lynne Rees
    .
    .
    under a canvas tent
    the snap of a breeze
    ~Barbara Kaufmann
    .
    .
    the ringmaster
    announces the next act
    with a flourish
    -Karen

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