New Renku Session: Week 2
Hello again. This is John Stevenson and I will be facilitating a twelve verse renku, in the Jûnichô style. Over the coming weeks we will add one new verse each week, selected from your offers.
What a pleasure and, frankly, a relief it has been to see there is still enthusiasm for this renku feature after such a long delay. This week we were blessed with 133 hokku offers, from 31 poets. I’m going to comment on a few of the offers and select one to begin our new renku. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of good verses will be passed over. I thank everyone for their efforts and I hope you will feel, as I do, that the stimulation of our muses has some value in itself.
waterfall…
advancing the film
frame by frame
Laurie Greer
One of the things I’ll be looking for in each hokku offer is words or phrases that might function as a title. In this verse, both “waterfall” and “frame by frame” seem promising. I have commented in the past but will mention again that there is a direct relationship between renku and film montage. Russian film maker Sergei Eisenstein was inspired to create his varieties of film montage by his knowledge of Japanese linked verse.
skinny dipping
in the quarry—
her brand-new body
Dan Campbell
“Skinny dipping,” “quarry” and “brand-new body” are all interesting title options. For me, this has some of the quality of a love verse and I probably will want to wait for later verses to go there.
evening coolness—
father pops the cork
on a bottle of red
Joshua St. Claire
I won’t be able to use this as our hokku because “coolness” is listed in our reference file as an autumn kigo. I regret that because this verse does something, whether intentionally or not, that is a traditional function of the hokku but usually missing in contemporary practice. The hokku often served as a kind of indirect compliment to the host of the session. If I am regarded as “hosting” this on-line event, it just happens that “New Coolness” and “A Glass of Red” are titles of two Einbond winning renku, composed in Onawa, Maine by myself and my regular live renku partners, Yu Chang, Paul MacNeil and Hilary Tann.
winter fly—
Kerouac’s cat takes
a swipe at it
Lorin Ford
Seemingly a reference to about three different haiku by Jack Kerouac. In a very short renku, this kind of “packed with topics and reference points” verse can be very useful.
rainy season
tarantula beneath a hand
of green bananas
Patrick Sweeney
The dexterity of use of the word “hand” is fun, if somewhat menacing! The four soundings of “an” are also deft.
…first bonito
leaps from the depths
of a star studded calm
Betty Shropshire
In haiku practice, I am usually skeptical about a line that begins with punctuation. This verse offers a good case for it, however. Renku do not start with the equivalent of “once upon a time” nor conclude with “the end.” So, an opening that suggests there were words before these first words seems apt.
cicada shells
a place to store
the unheard cries
Wendy C. Bialek
The kigo is “cicada shell” and it is listed as a “late summer” image. In longer renku, this would put us at a disadvantage because the immediately following summer verse would have to be something listed as either “late summer” or “all summer.” But in this short renku there will only be the one summer verse.
fresh ink
the octopus
swimming in it
princess K
Some of you may have missed the discussion relating to this and the other “octopus” verses submitted with it. They seemed to offer, as a group, a promising sequence for publication. That being the case, I stated that I would be reluctant to use any of them as our hokku if it would disqualify the set of them from publication. The poet replied, “I have no intention of submitting anything for publication, I simply enjoy the creative and collaborative process of the renku.” This is consistent with my own feelings about renku. The pleasure is in the collaborative process.
basket after basket
of ripe peaches,
cheeky side up
Mary Kendall
This is another offer that I will have to pass over. “Peaches” is listed as “early autumn” in our reference file. But what fun it would have been to start with this image!
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
The kigo is “short night,” which is listed as “all summer.” It seems like a great place to start a short renku. And the humor, suggesting that we would be able to complete the task of counting the stars if the night was only longer, also suggests that we take a light tone with the limitations of a shorter renku. We might also read this as an indirect reference to the host, who has explained why he has “barely time” for a short renku.
green leaf shade
young cardinals flutter
into the light
Richard Straw
A really lovely image, covering a great many potential topic areas. As mentioned above, this might be less welcome in a longer renku, where we wouldn’t want to cover too much, too early. But here it works.
a sunflower
greeting dawn with its
one good eye
Dan Campbell
Dawn is always a good place to start.
OUR HOKKU
With real grief at having to let go of so many great offers, those above and too many others to mention, I have selected this verse to be our hokku:
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
And, beginning with our next posting, I will list this session under the tentative title of “Barely Time.”
THIS WEEK
Please offer candidates for a second verse, using these guidelines:
- Two lines (a total of fourteen or fewer syllables)
- Non-seasonal (containing nothing from our list of kigo)
- Linking with the first verse as an imaged extension of the same time and place
- Probably set indoors
Please enter your offers in the comments section, below. Offers should be made by midnight, eastern US time, on Monday, June 27. On Thursday, June 30 I will post a selection of the offers, with my comments, and select the second verse for “Barely Time.”
Looking forward to more of the high standard of creativity that you have established,
John Stevenson
The Haiku Foundation reminds you that participation in our offerings assumes respectful and appropriate behavior from all parties. Please see our Code of Conduct policy: https://thehaikufoundation.org/about-thf/policies/#code-of-conduct
This Post Has 139 Comments
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short night
almost no time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
i do not know why
she left a divination book
short night
almost no time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
the house is quiet
child back to hostel
short night
almost no time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
white puppy
when i come home will follow me
leftover takeout
reheated in the microwave
short night
barely time
to count the stars — Keith Evetts
blue, white and dinosaur
masks hang by the door
OR
blue, white and Spiderman
masks hanging by the door
And a few more …
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
the sabaki stresses
a number of points
another tiara
from the Netflix contract
all that a dragon
could wish for a snack
this year’s Oscars
are a knockout
Ann Smith: Greetings – Short night – hungry dragon indeed!
Question for John: We have Oscars here, and earlier Peggy proposed one with Academy Awards. Neither is in the kigo list, so that might tick the ‘non-seasonal’ choice for this verse, but the ceremony takes place in March. This is spring in the northern hemisphere, autumn in the southern. Guidance elsewhere (Carley) is that “There is no set seasonal progression” in the Junicho. I see from his book there is also the “new Junicho” which likewise disregards seasonal progression. Clearly it’s at the discretion of our sabaki; it would be educative to have your thoughts.
Keith,
I don’t see this as a question of seasonal progression. I agree that seasonal progression is not an issue in this format. The question I have been asking myself is whether we should use, in a non-seasonal verse, an image (such as “Oscars”) that is not a kigo but is clearly occurring at a certain place in the calendar year. My inclination is to avoid that, especially with such an embarrassment of creative alternatives from which to choose.
Something similar was asked during the ‘jo’ section of ‘pilgrim’s stride’
Pays to read back into the earlier renku sessions 🙂
Still going through the sessions, quietly.
Great to see haiku friends from elsewhere joining the renku.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—-
In haikai mode:
the television
on the blink again
the cleaner says he suffers
from asteroids
a sense of vertigo
when we look down
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
*
and a chorus line in drag
for their opening number
– Betty Shropshire
or:
a chorus line in drag
for their opening number
building a lego tower
first time since childhood
(Love all of this, Keith, so inspiring and evocative. Beautiful to write together, thank you John!
the heroes of mythology
in the planetarium dome
Beautiful beginning. Many congrats Keith. I am new to renku and find it an absolutely amazing way to learn. Here are me offers :
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
from the bedroom window
the glint of her nose pin
or
in the bedroom window
the glint of her nose pin
deep in her dreams
my daughter’s tremulous smile
the shimmer of a dream
from her sequin gown
in the drawer
an obituary gone pale
in her dream diary
the secrets of first love
Arvinder Kaur
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—
still dreaming someone else
will fix the roof
the cat sleeps
in a square of light
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
after the accident
dust on the piano
***
the faucet leaking
a glacial pace
***
left on a park bench
a book on abandonment
***
every season sanitized
this blank page
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—Keith Evetts
morning coffee
the crescent wanes
short night
almost no time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
while biting nails
listen to the story
Congrats on your hokku, Keith. Both lyrical and intriguing, to my senses.
awakened by
the laughing baby
the soft sheen
of white satin
his death poem
half finished
the theater dark
per covid protocols
Thank you, Debbie. I noted from Carley’s piece on the Junicho in Simply Haiku (http://simplyhaiku.com/SHv2n2/renku/junicho.html) the observation that ” the Junicho must have literary value and a sense of stylishness.”
In that vein your wakiku:
the soft sheen
of white satin
was a lovely read for me
Thank you, Keith. I was thinking honeymoon without using moon, or wedding night, or nightgown, or candlelight, or bedding…it got pared down.
a meteor shower
streaks the sky
cameras flashing
as they step out
already 40
candles on her cake
karaoke
after a few beers
sheep don’t
help either
wakes up dreaming
wishes came true
vanity mirror
glowing backstage
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
forever finding fault
with the Julian calendar
*
what underlay the faults
of the Julian calendar
*
a dusting of glitter
from the tooth fairy’s wings
Wonderful hokku, Keith!
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—Keith Evetts
.
My offerings:
.
cutting it fine
the heady rush to start point
.
holding us in thrall
the rented series streaming live
.
sleepless we open
the new crossword puzzle
.
perching on tall stools
to try out new flavours
.
holding my breath
I dive into the deep end
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
even my inbox
is out of space
06.26.2022 by wendy © bialek
short night
barely time
to count the stars
behind parted curtains
reciting all the names
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
behind parted curtains
writing an unsent letter
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
behind parted curtains
answering the 2 a.m. call
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
behind parted curtains
sharing a too-real dream
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
behind parted curtains
waking up old
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
this cloudless sky
can’t hold back any thoughts
06.26.2022 by wendy © bialek
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
*
a constellation of symptoms
in patient zero
– Betty Shropshire
or
the inpatient paints a canvas
in swirls of blue
– Betty Shropshire
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
this cloudless sky
can’t hold any thoughts
06.26.2022 by wendy © bialek
short night
barely time
to count the stars
— Keith Evetts
***
counting fireflies
from inside the doghouse
***
fallen angel halos
in the pawnshop window
Good one! Keith
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
my offerings:
.
emptying the hostel laundry bag
into the washing machine
.
trying to break a coconut
into perfect half moon
.
picking up the scattered puzzle
to arrange the morning sun
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
that insistent tick
of the biological clock
*
soaking travel-weary feet
in a bucket of Epsom
*
Wonderful start!
I am so glad to read you all!
short night
barely time
to count the stars
— Keith Evetts
halfway zipped
she doordashes
*
a letter left unsigned
wedged in the door
*
mid-shaving
the breaker jumps
*
mastering the gargling
the solfege
Oups! Should read as follow:
mastering the gargling
of solfege
short night
barely time
to count the stars — Keith Evetts
.
the crowd settles down
for Rocket Man
Just in case: ‘Rocket Man’ the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_QZe8Z66x8
– in memory of my other great sabaki (r.i.p.) who had been (among other things) a recording studio technician.
creative moments
etched into whalebone
I really like the hokku, Keith.
…
the clock ticks
and the baby stirs
…
the dawn chorus
heard from the bed
…
he’s hunched over
his abacus
…
money bags
piled to the vault’s ceiling
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
too soon for
the early bird special
06.25.2022 by wendy © bialek
also considering this version:
and too soon for
the early bird special
06.25.2022 by wendy © bialek
her karaoke solo
becomes a sing-along
or: a karaoke solo
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—Keith Evetts
a red carpet out
along the hallway
fireplace lighting
her devilish grin
folding her clothes
for a long trip home
her horoscope suggests
a bubble bath
Good to see this back again. I am really enjoying reading all the offerings. I’m just trying to learn from John’s description of the second verse requirements and judge everything according to his guidance. Kudos to Michael Henry Lee for this one:
a toast to any and
everything in sight
And also to Marietta McGregor for this one:
the Academy Awards
on late night cable
So here is my addition:
short night
barely time
to count the stars — Keith Evetts
the persistence
of the alarm clock
.
paper rock scissors
for who feeds the baby
Peggy, I love:
the persistence
of the alarm clock
Thanks Peggy! I had a good laugh at your “paper rock scissors”. I can just picture it! Cheers, Marietta
What a great hokku to start the renku…Congratulations to Keith! So glad to see John will lead us through this new one!
short night
barely time
to count the stars–Keith Evetts
a too-long line
to see Legends in Concert
not quick enough
to play League of Legends
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
*
effortlessly gliding
over the sunken treasure
– Betty Shropshire
This is my first Renku with THF.. I really like the starter from Keith and hope to learn from the experience.
short night barely time to count the stars — Keith Evetts
she hands him
White Riesling and a warm smile
“I only have eyes for you”
drifts out the patio doors
Welcome, Linda. You’ll get addicted…
short night
barely time
to count the stars
— Keith Evetts
darker than expected
my doomscroll
***
tied white sheets
dangling from the hospital window
Congrats Keith on the selection of your haiku to start the renku out.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
— Keith Evetts
beginning to work on the sky
of the jigsaw puzzle
.
only a few months
to stitch the baby’s blanket
Somehow, I missed seeing that a new renku had been started. I am glad it is back
son started playing
drums in the womb
***
wishing upon a satellite
from the treehouse
sudsing up in the bath
with a flute of champagne
*
picking out a few notes
of a vintage piano rag
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
*
longshoremen unload
with a practised ease
– Betty Shropshire
A few more to consider.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—Keith Evetts
another coffee and
the crossword puzzle
a quick nap before
graveyard shift
Bach’s Cello Suite
and a spot of tea
.
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
how strange to stroll through
a spider’s dream.
.
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
how old was Galileo
when the pope apologized?
.
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
whiter still
a cuppa confucian nature
.
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
what flair
in a milk mustache
.
.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
not one thing between hands
but this red string
.
.
correction:
how strange to stroll through
a spider’s dream
(should be no period after dream)
An evocative hokku to get us started off right.
she finds her old iPod
and plays a OneRepublic song
at my back I hear
the click of cuckoo clock
reluctantly closing
the constellation map
Congratulations Keith. Great hokku.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
in his coffin
Dracula’s stomach rumbles
Seedcorn:
—
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—
the almanac’s predictions
vague enough
dust dances
under the glitterball
the Zodiac forsees
another prince will come
Great to see another renku in progress, John…thanks so much.
Well done, Keith!
short night
barely time
to count the stars
always one request
for Hansel and Gretel
enthralled by coloured crystals
in the guesthouse sugar bowl
make-do daisy chains
from a box of paperclips
the warm, coloured beads
of our homework abacus
copying Vincent’s painting
in the art room at school
I’m also enthralled by those coloured crystals in the sugar bowl, Marion! Are you sure the hosts weren’t making do with jelly crystals? 😁. Cheers, Marietta
louder this late
a faraway train
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith EvettS
.
grandfather’s pocket watch
ticks under a glass dome
.
a cricket leaps clear
of the kitchen sink
latest stack of books
in the bathroom
short night
barely time
to count the stars
-Keith Evetts
good boy cyclops examining
the parallax error
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
*
while a dark horse
noses ahead of the pack
– Betty Shropshire
short night
barely time
to count the stars
— Keith Evetts
***
coal miner pausing
to listen for canary chirps
***
listening to laughter
echo in the hospice hallway
short night
barely time
to count the starts
-Keith Evetts
a leashed cheetah
in the sunken bed of creation
“stars” sorry, Keith.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
the toddler’s eyes glowing
with the candles on his cake
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
grins from the guests
as the toddler takes center stage
*
Congratulations Keith!
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
.
motes of flour orbit
above the baker’s head
or
swirling motes of flour
as she kneads the dough
good to see renku sessions return, and a stellar start it is!
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
*
dust motes
in a shaft of light
binge listening
to Pavarotti
only large notes
in the ATM
Polona, we were both seeing “motes” and posted about them almost simultaneously! Spellcheck wanted to change your name to polonaise, very poetic of it, I thought.
Jonathan
ha, great minds and so on… 😏
my name is not related to poland but derived from apollo (apollonia as the female form)
short night
barely time
to count the stars
first and only visit
to the planetarium
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
afternoon show
at the planetarium
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
an astronomer covers
and caps her telescope
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
the night watchman
pats the watchdog
short night
barely time
to count the stars
the baby and me crying
over spilled milk
at nine in night
his timeless wings on incomplete novel
**
Power failure
midnight he gropes for torch
**
night labour ward
she grieves for new born girl baby
**
hurried dish washing
for early morning train
***
stubborn mosquitoes
dead of rainy night
***
her silenced hour
other continues argument
Congratulations Keith.
Wonderful comments and explanation for continuing the Renku John, thank you so much.
Here’s some offerings to consider.
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—Keith Evetts
twirling the end
of a kaleidoscope
background fills
with an orchestra
espresso brewing
for some affogato
the candles flicker
by the Ouiji Board
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
mudroom light sensor going off
at the drop of a hat
**
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
born on the cusp of science
and superstition
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
re-shelving his books
by the authors’ birth signs
*
the boy rolls
a hard six
***
another flash
of cameras in her face
***
he works out
how many pills she took
Ignore my middle offering. I now see Betty had the same idea, and hers is much better!
No worries, Tracy!
😊 Betty
Hope everyone has a nice weekend
***
counting ceiling tiles
in the Emergency Room
***
blue streetlights
fill the beggar’s bowl
***
my dusty book
on the library shelf
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
baby’s head crowns
into her cupped hand
.
Thank you, all – I’m blushing. Meanwhile à toutes fins utiles:
short night
barely time
to count the stars
—
the lookout’s dreams
in the middle watch
the beleaguered city
avoids a knockout blow
our cat Cassiopeia
has kittens in the closet
nice one Keith
+
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
+
flotsam on the beach
left by the tide
+
morning sun shining
on the kitchen spoons
Excellent opening verse Keith!
a toast to any and
everything in sight
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
in the office
boss asks where is the report
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
he was blinded in a hurry
to finish the pudding
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
people inside
anxiously waiting for the announcement
short night
barely time
to count the stars -Keith Evetts
.
Earthrise still fresh
in our memories
short night
barely time
to count the stars -Keith Evetts
.
‘Rocket Man’ still fresh
in our memories
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_QZe8Z66x8
Congratulations , dear Keith!!
Lovely❤️
Lovely beginning and a wonderful title … Thanks John. Congrats to Keith!
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
Here are my offers …
people in the photographs
come back to mind
*****
mother measures rice left
in the vessel
*****
spread of papers
on my lap
All the best to everyone.
Smiles
Amrutha
short nights
barely time
to count the stars
— Keith Evetts
.
the Academy Awards
on late night cable
.
a parade of geese
one after another
.
only once did he try
to mend our bed-lamp
.
one extra letter taken
from the Scrabble pile
—Marietta McGregor
Congratulations, Keith! Great start!
.
short nights
barely time
to count the stars
— Keith Evetts
hundreds and thousands*
on a white bread sandwich
— Marietta McGregor
*As a note, these tiny multi-coloured nonpareils were (and still are) a popular snack at Aussie kids’ parties and for school lunches.
And hundreds and thousands sandwiches were never made with wholemeal bread! 🙂
short night
barely time
to count the stars
~ Keith Evetts
a plate full of hot
chicken butter masala
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
.
unpacking the dishwasher
by candlelight
.
wondering who to give
Power of Attorney
.
another crossed out name
in my address book
munching on millet
in the mountain monastery
***
monastery mice
playing tag in the library
***
monks meditate on Mary
most Monday mornings
Congratulations Keith! A very worthy start, the anticipation is almost unbearable in seeing the completion. I particularly like the verse from Betty Shropshire, nice play on an alternate reading of “stars.”
Here are my offers:
in the morning I see
my nest egg has been raided
*
the milky way
sinks in my tea
short night
barely time
to count the stars
— Keith Evetts
the twins discovered reading
under the duvet
a small non-speaking part
for the usherette
the dark secrets
of the casting couch
interrupted by
a person from Porlock
the limitations
of a legal high
a biosignature
becoming illegible
Many thanks John and congratulations Keith!
***
cleaning his rifle
in the prison guard tower
***
the prison guard tower
has seventy-two steps
***
prison guard towers
glow in the night
Thank you Keith for the great start to a feeling I relate to in summer in the northern hemisphere! My continuation brings these images.
short nights
barely time
to count the stars -Keith Evetts
small bird sings first refrain
cat tail twitches -deep slumber
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
serving potage julienne
in his true classic style
Lovely work, Keith, congratulations.
June 23, 2022 at 12:29 pm
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
checking into a hotel
not mentioned in Michelin
*
no Michelin rating
for the restaurant of their dreams
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
with her breath
babies head appears
Congratulations, Keith, on your wonderful haiku being selected as the hokku. And thanks, John, for commenting on one of mine.
I’m unsure whether allusive quotations (see the “honkadori” wiki at [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honkadori]) are allowed to be used in a renku. If so, the following second verse candidate contains two conflated allusions to famous works by Blaise Pascal and Samuel Beckett:
“the eternal silence…
astride of a grave”
If quotations are disallowed, I’ll come up with a less serious alternative(s) to follow Keith’s great lead verse.
In my candidate second verse, the first line is from Blaise Pascal and the second from Samuel Beckett.
“The eternal silence of these infinite spaces terrifies me.” So wrote Blaise Pascal in his Pensées (translated by John Warrington, J. M. Dent & Sons, London, 1960, 1973, page 110), which unintentionally echoes Shôhaku’s haiku:
“A starlit night;
The sky,—the size of it,
The extent of it!”
Shôhaku’s haiku is translated by R. H. Blyth in his Haiku: Spring, Volume II (Hokuseido Press, 1st printing, 1950, 14th printing, 1971, page 334).
Samuel Beckett in Waiting for Godot has Pozzo say “suddenly furious” in Act II (Grove Press, 1954, 1982, page 103):
“Have you not done tormenting me with your accursed time! It’s abominable! When! When! One day, is that not enough for you, one day he went dumb, one day I went blind, one day we’ll go deaf, one day we were born, one day we shall die, the same day, the same second, is that not enough for you? (Calmer.) They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it’s night once more. (He jerks the rope [connected to Lucky].) On!”
Richard,
Pretty much anything can be included in a renku but, once included in a short renku, it creates a set of “classes” of things that cannot then be repeated. So, a quotation means no more quotations. A literary reference means no more literary references. And, in fact, no more art works of any kind when the renku is only twelve verses. Our hope is to reflect as many different aspects of the universe as we can fit into twelve verses. There is no room for repetition. We need to be careful about applying this principle, however, because everything is connected – if not directly, then through a chain of intermediate connections. So, we need to be careful to not get carried away with finding such connections. We might think of the process as guiding a reader’s attention to what will seem like a great variety of entities. The sense of forward, onward motion is important. And, as long as a relationship to something already presented is not so clear as to impede that sense of forward motion, we are okay.
Something I should have mentioned in my instructions for verse two is that it should contain no grammatical breaks. Only the hokku has a two-part structure. The subsequent renku verses present a juxtaposition of images, not within the verses themselves, but through consideration when juxtaposed with the preceding verse.
P.S. I played Vladimir/Didi.
Thanks, John, for the helpful explanation. I forgot to mention, as you know, that Vladimir (“Didi”) echoes Pozzo’s words “astride of a grave” in Waiting for Godot (ibid., page 104). His lines are perhaps more memorable than Pozzo’s.
Here’s a nonallusive second verse candidate:
short night
barely time
to count the stars
card players cross-legged
on a grey cottage’s floor
*
i’m loving this!!!!! many thanks to john for imparting his deep wisdom with these weekly renku nuggets, i look forward too….as a special dessert of my life.
(thanks, also, for posting my haiku here, and yes, you are correct that i was aware….when choosing from the list….that we were not limited to early summer kigo….in such a “short” renku….with just one summer verse)
an abundance of congrats to keith on a spectacular hokku, and high ranking start to our renku, and title….”barely time”:
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
endless shootings and
rations on toilet paper
06.23.2022 by wendy © bialek
Second stanza offer:
rockets light the sky
stuffing my backpack
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
sneaking in late
with her shoes in her hand
*
Well done, Keith!!
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
– Keith Evetts
*
a flash of bulbs at the one
on the red carpet
– Betty Shrophire
so nicely done, Betty–two kinds of stars in such a small space. Really like this!
Thank you, Laurie! 😊
Good one, Betty! 🙂
a flash of bulbs at the one
on the red carpet
– Betty Shrophire
.
I like the twist of this one, in relation to the hokku, a lot, Betty. From the heavenly stars to the . . . other stars. It’d be hard to top it, methinks 🙂
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
he was blinded in a hurry
to finish the pudding
Jeez, Lorin! 😁 I’m sure with this group many more will crop up!!
But. Thank you . . . your kuddos mean a lot to me!
🥰 Betty
another fan of this one, Betty 🙂
What a wonderful beginning!
Congratulations, Keith–I loved this verse from the first–so glad to have it start us off.
And John, thanks for mentioning one of mine, and for the fascinating and illuminating comments. Learned something from each of them!
*
short night
barely time
to count the stars
Keith Evetts
*
a handful of pins
for hemming up the skirt
*
In it just for the buzz now, or that others might pick up and run with these:
caviar ads between
newsflashes of the war
confessing everything
to a stranger on the plane
soooooo coooooool irony, keith !!!!
This was based on actual observation. Google inserted ads the algorithm felt were relevant to those viewing the latest Reuters reports on the Russian invasion. On one day, there were ads for caviar. Meanwhile on ITV the bulletin about Ukraine was split by…. an ad for sofas. I had my mobile handy for notes…
congrats to Keith .. and yes, so nice to be back at renku. Here is my proposal for the second link.
short night
barely time
to count the stars — Keith Evetts
decals in the nursery
still dimly fluorescent
Thank you, John! An honour to be selected for the hokku. As to the content of it – you read my mind. And the stars are of course the wonderful poets here.
And thanks for the enlightening commentaries on a spread of fine verses.
It’s so nice to be back at renku.
Congratulations, Keith. An excellent beginning to our renku. 🙂
Congrats Keith – a lovely hokku to start with!