Haiku Dialogue: What’s at Hand Week 16

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1. Enjoyable haiku everyone!
   .
   passing train
   rattling of empty cans
   on the kitchen table
   Serhly Shpychenko
   .
   A spooky situation to me, showing the power of trains, whether or not they are visible to those feeling their impact. Nice image, Serhly.
   .
   mother’s day
   her shopping cart of
   empty cans
   Roberta Beary
   .
   Sad but true. How often we forget the many people, especially the homeless, who are mothers, daughters, sisters, etc. Their status is tainted by the situation.
   .
   autumn squall…
   the aimless wandering
   of an empty beer can
   Madhuri Pillai
   .
   Excellent choice of words to build this image: squall, aimless, empty!
   .
   screws and nails
   father’s tool can-
   an emptiness
   Lakshmi Iyer
   .
   Many of us men (and women?) have such cans. Hopefully we leave lasting and happy memories that nail down our legacy in the eyes of our loved ones.
   .
   picnic with mom
   in an empty can
   wildflowers
   Angiola Inglese
   .
   What lengths we go to to please our moms!!! Whether a can or an ornate vase, flowers are always welcome.
   .
   late night writing
   the clatter
   of a wind-blown can
   andrew shimield
   .
   Whether the process of our writing becomes distracted or becomes a distraction to others, this image was enjoyable!
   .
   Thank you all, Ron.

2. Thanks to Maria Teresa Piras who approached my haiku. I really liked his
   train station –
   the can of a homeless man
   full of wind
   and
   an empty can
   rolling across the street
   my insomnia
   of Marta Chocilowska

3. Thanks to Maria Teresa Piras who approached my haiku. I really liked his
   train station –
   the can of a homeless man
   full of wind
   and

   an empty can
   rolling across the street
   my insomnia
   of Marta Chocilowska

4. Thank you, Craig, for including my poem this week.
   Congratulations on your second prize – well deserved, beautifully observed.
   Several poignant poems here, already commented upon by others, but no harm done in recalling in particular Laurie’s Laika, which Charles Harmon and Alan Summers have already brought to special attention. It is a sad fact that we humans continue to make light of the lives of other beings that share our world to our own advantage and further ‘progress’ (as if we haven’t already made a mess of one planet). Maybe Space Force, instead of targeting pirates, will help in time to bring back all those dead creatures “thrown into orbit'”s infinity, and give them better recognition.

5. Thanks Craig for entering my haiku, which has a hint of sadness about the condition of someone who doesn’t have a home. Beautiful humorous interpretation, with another meaning of the word “can”

   Congratulations to all! I particularly enjoyed two haikus:

   one of Angiola Inglese, for the delicate and simple story of a lived day, and the other of Gary Evans Stanwood, for the depth.

   Angiola Inglese
   picnic with mom
   in an empty can
   wildflowers

   Gary Evans Stanwood
   per la tematica e la profondità
   after the funeral
   we find a hidden

6. Thanks Craig for including my poem. I have enjoyed all this weeks selection.
   This week, I particularly appreciated:

   bomb fear
   empty can rattles
   under rain
   ——–Guliz Mutlu
   …… gets straight to the heart

   after the funeral
   we find a hidden
   empty tobacco tin
   ——Gary Evans Stanwood
   ……poignant

   1. Thank you, Elisabetta, for your kind comments. I enjoyed your “empty house” and found it very moving. I’m looking forward to readying more of your haiku!

      (I incorrectly completed the ‘submit’ – my last name is Evans; my home is in Stanwood!)

7. Canis Minor…
   Laika
   thrown into orbit

   Laurie Greer
   Washington, DC

   This haiku affected me deeply as I heard the story of the Cosmonaut dog when I was little, as disposable as the can of a spacecraft in which she was thrown into orbit. Recounted in the Swedish film “My Life As a Dog.” Reminds me of my Father’s Pacific war in which “tin can sailors”
   beat back enemy fleets against overwhelming odds. Laika was a homeless stray, castaway from the beginning, yet helped pioneer the exploration of outer space, making possible human spaceflight. “Canis Minor” indeed!

   1. Thanks for your words, Charles. That poor dog has haunted me for years…

8. Thanks Craig for including my haiku
   Thanks to Debbie Scheving, Pat Davis, who appreciated my wild flowers, the ones my mother loved so much.
   Congrats to all poems

9. I very much enjoyed this senryu/haiku image from Sanela Pliško:
   –
   empty watering can
   a toddler cries over
   his magic beans
   –
   Sanela Pliško

   –
   A beautiful metaphor for lost dreams and the disappointments in life with this child experiencing, for the first time perhaps, that not all promises come true. Great stuff.

10. Thank you for including my haiku this week. The old found Copenhagen can lives on. Angiola Inglese’s

    picnic with mom
    in an empty can
    wildflowers

    made me smile, as I wondered who picked the wildflowers, the mom or the child? Enjoyed the variety this week.

11. I would firstly like to say I have enjoyed all this weeks selection.
    Coupled with the commentary it has the markings of another fruitful week.
    Thank you.
    .
    empty can
    the rhythm
    of raindrops

    Billy Antonio
    .
    .
    I like the immediate contradiction in this poem.
    The empty can, not being empty.
    So often when raining, I will wake or stop what I am doing and listen.
    The reward from being inside or out, provides a different experience.
    Add an empty can or something else with an acoustic element such as; saturated ground, a broad leafed tree or a bicycle wheel and the experience grows.
    In our previous home we had an aluminium ladder that sat below our bedroom window. When raining it would pick up the weight of the rain from the window sill, along with the rain itself, producing quite a melody. In this house it is the conservatory roof with the gutter outlet.
    .
    The other element in Billy’s poem that stands out, is the empty can itself.
    Questions manifest as to why we have an empty can catching rain drops.
    I can visualise the face of an environmentalist at discovering such a can.
    Perhaps Billy is such, and that the rain is from within.

12. Thanks Craig for including my poem. I find the column absolutely engrossing and I look forward to the collections each week, something that has become a kind of high point of the week especially when life is not in a particularly exciting phase. Regards,arvinder

13. Thank you very much Alan for your comments, always enjoy reading them. Congratulations Craig.

    1. Thanks Madhuri! 🙂
       .
       .

       autumn squall…
       the aimless wandering
       of an empty beer can
       .
       Madhuri Pillai
       .
       .
       Just love those lines! 🙂

14. an empty can
    rolling across the street
    my insomnia
    The thing that struck me right away about Marta’s haiku was that it could be read with a break after Line 1 or Line 2 !

    holding more
    than I imagined…
    empty can
    Peter’s haiku is striking visually and emotionally. In my humble opinion, I think this brilliant poem could be either haiku or senryu.

    picnic with mom
    in an empty can
    wildflowers
    Angiola presents a simple scenario with a story. I don’t know how many children were at the picnic with mom, but I can imagine one or all of the characters gathering wildflowers to make good use of an empty can somewhere in a natural setting.

    Thanks to all the poets in this week’s column, and to everyone who commented. The comments always bring out more than I can conjure up.

    1. Thank you, dear Pat! Yes, it is my favorite way of using kireji in haiku 🙂
       Love,
       marta

15. Congratulations Craig, for your second place win. Enjoyed your haiku.
    .
    Thank you for including mine in this weeks selection.

16. Emptiness may inspire feelings of desolation or offer vast potential…qualities skillfully evoked in this week’s haiku selections. I particularly enjoyed discovering how the sounds of cans create powerful scenes such as in these two:
    .
    empty cans
    a hard wind whistles
    through the homeless camp
    .
    Kimberly Esser
    Los Angeles, CA
    .
    .
    an empty can
    rolling across the street
    my insomnia
    .
    Marta Chocilowska
    .
    .
    And on a happier note, a discarded can may become a mansion:
    .
    a new home
    for the cockroaches . . .
    the rusty can
    .
    Taofeek Ayeyemi
    Port Harcourt, Nigeria

    1. Thank you very much for your comment, Janice!
       Marta

17. an empty can
    with the label peeled off
    just married
    .
    John S Green
    .
    You need the cultural knowledge to put two and two together, but the juxtaposition allows the reader to participate in the story. Old, new, borrowed, and if only the label was Heinz Baked Beans!

    1. Thank you, simonj. There are many ways to recycle old cans and to have them jangling behind newly weds is one of the most joyful, indeed. Bean cans are always a bit more hearty for the road, yes!

18. Dear Craig,
    Hearty congratulations on your winning the haiku award in North Carolina poetry society. Many more from you
    with regards
    S.Radhamani

19. Dear Craig,
    How many empty cans in our day today lives, still enriching! Enjoyed all the powerful writes. Something unique.
    with regards
    S.Radhamani

20. I really enjoyed Craig’s commentary, and also his invitation:
    .
    .
    “Are you attracted or repelled by emptiness? Please pour out your thoughts…”
    .
    .
    A fascinating question, and how as writers, and readers, we might approach this differently each time, or perhaps not. 🙂
    .
    .
    Big congratulations to Craig again! If you are curious why, look at my comment down the bottom!
    🙂

21. an empty can
    inside a trash can
    winter moon

    Agus Maulana Sunjaya
    Tangerang, Indonesia

    what a haunting image–looking into moon and its aura
    *
    empty can –
    a sliver of the new moon
    in yesterday’s rain

    arvinder kaur

    beautiful–it reminds me of Sidney’s “the new moon with the old one in its arms”
    *
    empty paint cans
    not enough sun
    for a sunset

    Edward Cody Huddleston

    I’m especially partial to this one since I tried to write it and couldn’t! Beautifully done
    *
    entourage –
    jangling cans
    chase the newly weds

    Ingrid Baluchi
    Ohrid, Macedonia

    “chase”–perfect!
    *
    night breeze
    an empty beer can
    fills the silence

    Martha Magenta
    UK
    love the play with filling and empty…a great sense of lonely intoxication, too
    *
    holding more
    than I imagined . . .
    empty can

    Peter Jastermsky

    yes–full of haiku!
    *
    Thanks, Craig, for all these wonderful poems.

    1. Thanks Laurie for your comments and for this wonderful association which is so much more beautiful ! Love

    2. Thank for you comment, dear Laurie

22. Theme: an empty can
    .
    .
    I knew this must become a strong feature because it’s such an everyday occurance and image and haiku is often at its utmost strength dealing with what others would overlook as unimportant and mundane, and “normal”.
    .
    .

    an empty can
    inside a trash can
    winter moon
    .
    Agus Maulana Sunjaya
    Tangerang, Indonesia
    .
    .
    Haiku can almost go beyond saying ‘nothing’ to ‘less-than-nothing’ but still be redolent of atmosphere and tension. I enjoy the rhyme and simplicity that produces a fine haiku.
    .
    .
     
    late night writing
    the clatter
    of a wind-blown can
    .
    andrew shimield
    uk
     .
    .

    Capturing a moment or two as a poet and their using part of the small hours to finish some writing is always atmospheric as we gain something about the writer. From the almost automatic writing of the scribbling clatter of keyboard hammering or pen scraping paper, to the full on clatter of a can being part of a game with the wind! 🙂
    .
    I like the choice of line lengths in this haiku and its choice of line breaks.
    .
    .

    target practice
    between the fallen cans
    birdsong
    .
    Ann K. Schwader
    Westminster, CO
     .
    .
    I like how I can misread this as the birds providing their own version of target practice other than a bunch of human youngsters with a BB gun or two. 🙂
    .
    .
     
    empty can –
    a sliver of the new moon
    in yesterday’s rain
    .
    arvinder kaur
    .
    .

    Adding the definite article [the] where other authors might leave it out, really lifts this wonderful haiku even higher. I’m always fascinated by the rain from the previous day still existing in “today” as if the past is visible almost like a parallel universe. 🙂

    .
    .
     
    out from an empty can a change in my voice
    .
    Ashish Narain
    Manila, Philippines
    .
    .
    Whether this is the old stringing two cans together with a piece of string as a childhood communication device or not, this is a great monoku! Is it just someone using the empty can to test what their voice might sound like as they get older? I like how I could misread, if I so choose, on the way ‘can’ works on me as a reader:
    .
    “can a change in my voice…”
    .
    It’s not a pivot word, but I like how I can multiple-interpret the one line haiku.
    .
    .
     
     
    an empty can
    all the hopes
    waiting for rain
    .
    Blessed Ayeyame
    Ughelli, Nigeria
     
    .
    .
    Love that second line and how it’s lifted by the last line, despite the fact we don’t if the dry spell ever got broken.
    .
    .

     
    after the funeral
    we find a hidden
    empty tobacco tin
    .
    Gary Evans Stanwood
    Washington
    .
    .
    A poignant haiku effectively using the not always necessary ‘after’ word in haiku. Both ‘after’ and ‘hidden’ are very important as key words in this verse. In fact ‘empty’ contradicts itself as we wonder what it was empty of, just its original contents, or valuables, private letters or something else. Great mystery ‘ku! 🙂
    .
    .
    an empty can
    with the label peeled off
    just married
    .
    John S Green
    Bellingham, WA
    .
    .
    I don’t know if this practice still exists but I’ve often seen it in movies, and soap dramas. Seemingly simple, I get a wonderful sense of things before and since too, as well as the actual car being driven off with a lot of attached cans making a lot of noise annoucing to the world: “We got married!!!” 🙂

    .
    .
     
    Canis Minor…
    Laika
    thrown into orbit
    .
    Laurie Greer
    Washington, DC
    .
    .
    Great twist on the theme of ‘can’ re the spacecraft, only as thick as an ordinary empty can, if anyone has ever seen and touched a completely accurate model of these old spacecraft. I also enjoy and appreciate the bluntness of each line and how the break works over the last two lines. It’s surprising how a six-word haiku can pack a punch! 🙂
    .
    .
     
    autumn squall…
    the aimless wandering
    of an empty beer can
    .
    Madhuri Pillai
    .
    .
    Each line does its job, with careful linebreaks. The adverbial action of ‘aimless’ works really well, and adding ‘empty’ although not necessary, does add both to the musicality and the ambience of the piece.
    .
    .
    an empty can
    rolling across the street
    my insomnia
    .
    Marta Chocilowska
    .
    .
    Great last line ‘my insomnia’ and the decision to make it that last line really works well!
     
    .
    .

    night breeze
    an empty beer can
    fills the silence
    .
    Martha Magenta
    UK
     
    .
    .
    Sound often comes to us about empty food or drink contains left outside. Here the night breeze is perhaps almost silent, as is the neighbourhood, perhaps too quiet, so that even a rolling can brings company. The fact that it is a beer can might suggest another scenario, either of private drinking issues, or some youngsters coming home from a nightclub perhaps?
    .
    .
     
    mother’s day
    her shopping cart of
    empty cans
    .
    Roberta Beary
    Co Mayo, Ireland
    .
    .
    I’m hoping more and more countries also bring back deposits on both glass bottles of pop, as well as various tin cans. Here the person possibly gets either a deposit or a small payment for the metal content.
    .
    The loop of a special day and one for someone who might have been a mother, could have but for different circumstances, and those empty cans is deeply poignant. That her shopping cart is not for a supermarket purchasing food and treats for children is heartbreaking. The unusual linebreak, at least for a haiku, makes us deliberately pause at ‘of’ wondering what the supermarket cart contains, and it’s nothing but ‘empty’ cans. Superb and deeply sad.
    .
    .
     
    empty pencil can –
    the children completely
    filling in the bubbles
    .
    Sari Grandstaff
    Saugerties, NY
     .
    .
    I like that a different idea of a tin can (food or drink) is in this haiku. The adjective ‘empty’ avoids being a cliché or redundant word because of the wonderful next two lines! I confess I don’t entirely get it right now, but it’s brilliant! 🙂
    .
    Some haiku work like that, as they have a spell over the reader, and I’m spellbound. 🙂
    .
    The adverb of completely actually works here rather than:
    .
    .
    empty pencil can–
    the children filling
    in the bubbles
    .
    .
    In fact ‘completely’ is one of the key words here, and it doesn’t do any harm that it’s an alliteration from ‘can’ to ‘children’ to ‘completely’ providing an arc of nuance.
    .
    Enjoy reading this one out aloud too! 🙂
    .
    .

    passing train
    rattling of empty cans
    on the kitchen table
    .
    Serhiy Shpychenko
    Kyiv, UA
    .
    .
    This brings in sound, as well strong visuals of light moving across the room, as if from a scene in a movie. The second line actually benefits without an article (a, an, the) as it brings us right into the sound of rattling!

    1. Thank you dear Alan Summer

       1. Dear Agus Maulana Sunjaya,
          .
          It’s still Spring here, so just call me Alan Spring. 😉
          .
          warm regards,
          Alan

    2. Thanks, Alan–always an honor to be part of your Master Class of comments!

       1. “I” is me–don’t know how that happened!

          1. It was interestingly mysterious, but glad to know the author behind the mystery of “I says” 🙂
             .
             .
             Canis Minor…
             Laika
             thrown into orbit
             .
             Laurie Greer
             Washington, DC
             .
             I was actually able to see privately a scaled down but 100% accurate model, thickness and material etc… of the first moon landing craft. You could shove a pencil through its skin. How remarkable it landed and took off again! 🙂
             .
             .
             Soviet space travel is fascinating through its non-human heroes:
             .
             “Laika, a stray mongrel from the streets of Moscow, was selected to be the occupant of the Soviet spacecraft Sputnik 2 that was launched into outer space on 3 November 1957”
             .
             And horribly died:
             .
             “Laika died within hours from overheating, possibly caused by a failure of the central R-7 sustainer to separate from the payload. The true cause and time of her death were not made public until 2002; instead, it was widely reported that she died when her oxygen ran out on day six or, as the Soviet government initially claimed, she was euthanised prior to oxygen depletion.” WIKIPEDIA
             .
             Your haiku subtly suggests that it wasn’t all rosy for the animals thrown into orbit.

    3. Thanks Alan 🙂

       1. My pleasure! 🙂 I even forgot that I love train haiku, it was that good! 🙂

    4. Thank you so much Alan! Very grateful for your insights and comments on my haiku and all the haiku. I love how you unpack these haiku for us. Classrooms here often have a can of pencils for students to use. An old coffee can or such. There is a lot of standardized testing here (unfortunately). The multiple choice bubble sheets are machine scored (Scantron reader). The bubbles (Choice A, Choice B, Choice C, etc.) must be completely filled in with #2 pencils, not outside the lines, in order for the machine to correctly score them. And since all the pencils are being used the pencil can sits empty on the teacher’s desk waiting for the test to be over and the pencils to be put back in the can.

       1. Ah recycled cans for pencil holders, cool! I love using French jam or conserve jars, especially the non-round kind. 🙂
          .
          Fascinating, a multiple test answer but without the questions? 😉
          https://www.pyimagesearch.com/2016/10/03/bubble-sheet-multiple-choice-scanner-and-test-grader-using-omr-python-and-opencv/
          .
          .

          empty pencil can –
          the children completely
          filling in the bubbles
          .
          Sari Grandstaff
          Saugerties, NY
          .
          .
          Great prose description, you could work on that as a haibun and finding its companion verse (haiku or tanka).
          .
          Thanks for the breakdown. I still love the haiku because it suggests the extra joy kids look for ‘outside’ these tests. 😉

    5. Thanks a lot for your comment, Alan!
       marta

       1. .
          .
          an empty can
          rolling across the street
          my insomnia
          .
          Marta Chocilowska
          .
          .
          I love how the middle line isn’t designed to be a pivot line but it has the same effect on this reader (me)! 🙂
          .
          But because there is no overt or telegraphed pivot line, the haiku is so much more powerful, than a comparison technique of comparing one thing against another.
          .
          If there is ever an anthology out of the work posted by KJMunro and Craig Kittner, this is a definite one to be in there! 🙂

          1. Wow! Alan, double thanks!
             m.

    6. Thanks Alan for your comments on my poem and on all the others which I always enjoy reading. It adds so much more to the entire collection carefully put together by Craig. The end result is sheer beauty that also enriches so much . Regards,arvinder

       1. Thank you! 🙂
          .
          I really hope an anthology comes out of this. One heck of a lot of editing, but it could turn out to be one fine collection! 🙂

    7. Alan, Thanks for your comment on my haiku; your comments show you have the patience of a saint. I did have various versions with different linebreaks, and corralled the husband into listening to my reading of same. Looking forward to seeing you before too long.

       1. Thanks! 🙂
          .
          .
          mother’s day
          her shopping cart of
          empty cans

          Roberta Beary
          Co Mayo, Ireland
          .
          .
          It definitely feels like a performance haiku too, with a long pause after ‘of’ even 2-3 seconds or longer. Karen took a minute to finish her third line at the Poetry Society and unconsciously it became a kind of 4′33″! 🙂 It was a senryu about my bellybutton! 🙂
          .
          .

          Would be great to see you! 🙂

          .
          .

    8. Thanks so much Alan for your comments on my monoku. This is already a great day!

       1. Thank you! 🙂

          .
          .
          out from an empty can a change in my voice
          .
          Ashish Narain
          Manila, Philippines
          .
          .
          It a great monoku, and as you might know I love these kind of haiku! 🙂

    9. Thank you, Alan. Your comments always reveal the different layers of our work – and are very much appreciated!

       1. Thanks! 🙂
          .
          And it was great meeting you in person and getting that fab haibun out of your amazing story.
          .
          .
          after the funeral
          we find a hidden
          empty tobacco tin
          .
          Gary Evans Stanwood
          Washington
          .
          .
          It’s fascinating that some kinds of enjambment really do work in haiku!

    10. I don’t know if this practice still exists but I’ve often seen it in movies, and soap dramas. Seemingly simple, I get a wonderful sense of things before and since too, as well as the actual car being driven off with a lot of attached cans making a lot of noise annoucing to the world: “We got married!!!” 🙂
        .
        an empty can
        with the label peeled off
        just married
        .
        John S Green
        Bellingham, WA
        .
        Hi Alan,
        It also represents in a surreal manner what many married couple concede to in the tradition of marriage. The self is emptied and stripped of identity to be filled up with a new collaboration of devotion.
        John

        1. Yes, there can be a contradiction in terms of being married to be filled and fulfilled and yet in some cases a person can be subjugated to anonymity. Or perhaps it’s the making of a person and the label was one that a person was either hiding behind, or just wasn’t a nice label.
           .
           In fact a religious saint often started off not being a nice person and yet it helps what they do in later life when they change. 🙂

23. Thanks!

24. night breeze
    an empty beer can
    fills the silence

    Martha Magenta

    Love it! I can see it, hear it and feel a little bit cold too.

25. Thank you Craig for including my haiku! This was a very Zen theme this week with the concept of emptiness. Really enjoyed all of these haiku. I love the three here on the custom of tying empty tin cans to the back of the newlyweds’ car. These haiku are from U.S., Indonesia and Macedonia which made me think this is a more universal custom than I was aware of.

    entourage –
    jangling cans
    chase the newly weds

    Ingrid Baluchi
    Ohrid, Macedonia

    empty cans
    honeymoon screams
    in the distance

    Neni Rusliana
    Indonesia

    an empty can
    with the label peeled off
    just married

    John S Green
    Bellingham, WA

26. empty watering can
    a toddler cries over
    his magic beans

    Sanela Pliško

    Nicely written – a child learns that fairy tales do not always come true.

27. Congratulations to Craig who received second prize in the North Carolina Poetry Society 2019 Bloodroot Haiku Award with this haiku! 🙂
    .
    .

    rain tapering off
    a roadside field gives the sky
    back its light
    .
    Craig Kittner
    .
    .

    The competition was judged by the sublime and powerful poet and haiku writer Lenard D. Moore
    It will be published in Pinesong, Awards 2019, Volume 55.
    .
    Pinesong: https://www.ncpoetrysociety.org/pinesong/
    .
    .
    Over on Twitter I commented:
    .
    .
    “Not just writing a fine haiku but to have it judged by the sublime poet & haiku writer Lenard D. Moore, is a wonderful bonus! The visual & delicate reducing sound of rain, with another beautiful visual, that of a special gift of light by field water showing how connections run.” –Alan Summers

    1. Wonderful poem!
       Congrats!

    2. Thank you, Alan. You are very kind.

       1. Congratulations Craig ! What a stunning poem !

       2. Hi Craig,
          .
          It’s great to show your haiku here too! 🙂

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