Haiku Dialogue

HAIKU DIALOGUE – The Haiku Mind – Sky’s Expanse

Innocence and The Haiku Mind 

Recently, my five-year-old daughter was comforting her younger sister when she spontaneously composed this haiku as a source of solace:

leaving
all that’s left
the fog

I was shocked! I haven’t shared much haiku with her yet thinking it was a bit beyond her ability to comprehend. Well, she showed me! This beautiful haiku came from a heart that knows no poetic rules nor has had any training. It flowed out of a haiku mindset that I believe is inborn in all of us.

Unlike adults, young children do not carry around the concerns and worries of the world. They have yet to have years of self-consciousness weigh down their creative efforts. Their first impulse is followed without wondering whether it will be “good enough”. They simply create. It is a freedom many of us long for in our own writing. So, let’s regain some of that innocence. Let’s write from that first spark that alights within us. Let’s throw off what we believe what a haiku “is” or “isn’t”. Let’s let go of trying to “follow the rules” and allow ourselves the satisfying joy of creation.

Each week I will provide a simple prompt for your imagination and memories to springboard off of. I’d like for you to try to clear your mind, breathe deeply, and follow the first image or feeling that comes to mind. Take a minute to jot down your impressions and see where it goes. Try not to take too long or spend too much time on revision. Allow yourself to trust your own inborn haiku mind.

noticing
the sunset first
her innocence

Please send one to two unpublished and freshly created haiku by clicking here: Contact Form, and put Haiku Dialogue in the Subject box.

I will select from the entries, providing commentary for a few each week, with the rest being listed in the order they are received.

next week’s theme: Wild Animals

No matter where we are in the world, from cities to the countryside, we are surrounded by wild animals. Some large, some small, some more intimidating or awe-inspiring than others. But, there is beauty in all of them. What animal comes to mind? Where are you? What do you see, smell, hear? Is there a taste or a sensation of touch? Who are you with? Are you afraid? Elated? Ambivalent?

Let yourself follow the first thought that comes to mind and engage that idea with all of your senses. Allow yourself to create and throw off what you think “should” or “should not be” in regards to your haiku. There is no right or wrong here. Bring yourself into the moment and stay there awhile. Let it linger.

The deadline is midnight Eastern Standard Time, Saturday February 22, 2020.

Below is my commentary for Sky’s Expanse:

Taking the time to slow down, to declutter our minds, and give ourselves the freedom to create is not easy in our busy world. But, I believe that poetry is a vital part of the human experience. It calls out from the deepest parts of ourselves into the deepest parts of others and creates a bond between people that knows no borders or social constructs. So I thank each and every one of you for letting down your guard and for taking this journey with me. It’s not easy to write without having in mind what an editor might want to see. Or to write from a place free from self-imposed restrictions. So, let’s talk about that! What are you enjoying about this kind of spontaneous writing? What do you think of the concept that there are no bad ideas? What was your haiku experience like this week? Stop by in the comments section below and share your thoughts with us! Let your fellow poets know that you appreciated their work. Share your favorites and maybe even challenge yourself to write your own commentary. And as with last week, I’d love to hear the stories behind your haiku; what drew you to that moment and why it mattered to write it down.

This has been another great week and I have to say that an inbox full of haiku is quite a delight! I am honored to have journeyed with you through your “expansive moments” from thoughts of growing old:

clusters of blue
the birch and I
how we have aged

Madhuri Pillai

where I’m drawn not to the clouds, but to the spaces in between. It is in the blue, when the clouds of difficulty or uncertainty have passed, that we can see who we have become. Possibly, Madhuri does not lament the passage of time but sees that she, like the birch, has weathered through sun and storm and is still standing, with the knowledge that she will continue to do so. Or possibly she is reflecting on all those years that have come and gone and is searching her memories to recall what matters to her most. On a stylistic note, I enjoy the use of the word “how” as it adds a sense of immediacy and spontaneity to the moment.

To thoughts of sorrow:

so far away
the sky without color
so close

Angiola Inglese

in a moment that is familiar to many. There is this dichotomy that happens in the throes of hardship where we can feel isolated, so far away from ourselves, yet at the same time intensely steeped in our own emotional landscape. Here where I live the sky turns to concrete, seemingly colorless, for weeks at a time during the winter, making it seem as if the light will never return. This is certainly apt imagery for times of grief or depression, and here in Angiola’s haiku I feel that inner tension of wanting to withdraw yet the inability to do so. A beautifully expressed haiku on a subject matter that can be difficult to put into words.

And current global affairs:

asymptomatic
patient zero
boards another plane

Charles Harmon, Los Angeles, California, USA

to a fear that is at the forefront of the daily news. It seems that each day more cases of the coronavirus are being discovered and the threat of a new pandemic looms. Here in this senryu we get a sense of that alarm and inability to contain the disease through the use of the word “another”. Yet also, with “patient zero”, the fear of possibly a new disease arising. By not mentioning himself, Charles lets this panic sit at a distance as more of a matter-of-fact statement than a present threat to his own life. Maybe he had just watched the news at home or in passing in public, and when he thought of “the sky’s expanse” this cropped up so he ran with it. How fascinating to see where a simple prompt can take us.

Here are the rest of this week’s selections. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did! Hopefully you will feel inspired to write, whether you submit or not. And happy reading!

without trace
across the sky
my thoughts

Neelam Dadhwal, India

 

calm sea
a pine tree splits the sky
in half

Aljoša Vuković

 

from the plane’s window
the gates of heaven
still just as far

Terri French

 

cubicle
vacation brochures
in sky blue

C.R. Harper

 

first light
only the day moon
stirs

Carol Jones

 

Lake Superior
shoring up only a sip
of sky

Autumn Noelle Hall

 

your last morning
the sky
so blue

Marilyn Ashbaugh

 

contrails . . .
how loud
our lives

Marion Clarke, Warrenpoint, Northern Ireland

 

beneath
a lavender sky…
your breath

Daniela Misso

 

backyard
on a winter’s eve
lost in a star

Rehn Kovacic

 

with meadowlarks
as only adornment
Big Sky country

Michele L. Harvey

 

rolling the sky
on a lotus leaf…
dew drop

R.Suresh Babu, India

 

meteor shower
all the words of longing
in a whisper

Agus Maulana Sunjaya, Banten, Indonesia

 

I stand on tiptoe
to touch the milky way
mountain night

Anitha Varma

 

cloudless spring
and I left a thumbprint
on the moon

simonj UK

 

the sky…
my neighbor’s roses
they don’t know me

cielo…
le rose del mio vicino
non mi conoscono

Kyoko Bengala

 

flying
the sea beneath
a deeper sky

Anna Maria Domburg-Sancristoforo

 

empty sky…
the call of crows from
the back of clouds

Adjei Agyei-Baah, Kumasi, Ghana

 

migrating swallows
for a moment
the sky darkens

Olivier Schopfer, Switzerland

 

early morning
the heavenly blueness
in her eyes

Slobodan Pupovac, Zagreb, Croatia

 

no boundaries
I drift with clouds
to everywhere

Pat Davis, NH

 

unending blue sky –
my last cloud
dissipates

Isabel Caves

 

endless stars
walking the crowded streets
together

Christina Pecoraro

 

ocean sunset
not a ripple
in the clouds

Louise Hopewell, Australia

 

spring sky —
I reach to the edge
of this universe

Hifsa Ashraf

 

summer night
on the Milky Way
back home

Zlatka Timenova

 

cloudless sky
counting the stars
one by one

Eufemia Griffo

 

night sky…
the darkness behind
my closed eyes

Minal Sarosh

 

sea and sky …
his blue shirt
swollen with wind

mare e cielo …
la sua camicia azzurra
gonfia di vento

Lucia Cardillo

 

evening quiet-
just a star in the sky
for company

quiete serale-
solo una stella in cielo
per compagnia

Angela Giordano

 

summer wind
a red sky singing
in my glass

Adrian Bouter

 

flawless sky
a dragonfly’s
flicker

Ann K. Schwader, Westminster, CO

 

looking up
my daughter shows me the stars
on her phone

Rich Schilling, Webster Groves, MO

 

a crack
in the concrete box
prisoner’s sky

Rashmi Vesa

 

spring still
in pieces of blue…
butterflies

Elisabetta Castagnoli

 

tripping the light
a flurry of butterflies
at the lilac bush

Robert Kingston

 

blue hour
reaching
the vanishing point

Don Miller

 

truck bed…
each snowflake
a falling star

Joshua Gage

 

late winter
a skein of geese
etches the sky

Janice Munro

 

Scottish island
I take a walk
with the sky

Andy McLellan

 

through the skylight
a world beyond
my reach

Margaret Walker

 

my mother’s
lost children…
winter sky

cezar-florin ciobîcă

 

sunset blush
on the horizon
flamingo flamenco

Ingrid Baluchi, Ohrid, Macedonia

 

firefly gazing
trying to grasp
galaxies

Gail Ribeck

 

riding the air
the horse’s mane
flying

Kat Lehmann

 

in the pause
between here and there
milky way

Susan Rogers, Los Angeles, CA, USA

Lori Zajkowski is the Post Manager for Haiku Dialogue. A novice haiku poet, she lives in New York City.

Guest Editor Tia Haynes resides in Lakewood, Ohio, near her beloved Lake Erie. She was featured in New Resonance 11: Emerging Voices in English-Language Haiku and has appeared in journals and anthologies worldwide. Much of her inspiration comes from the landscape and people of the American Midwest as well as life with her two small children. Her chapbook, leftover ribbon, (Velvet Dusk Publishing) is available on Amazon. Follow her on Twitter: @adalia_haiku

Katherine Munro lives in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory, and publishes under the name kjmunro. She is Membership Secretary for Haiku Canada, and her debut poetry collection is contractions (Red Moon Press, 2019).

This Post Has 64 Comments

  1. your last morning
    the sky
    so blue
    .
    Marilyn Ashbaugh
    .
    This brought to mind how the sky can be blue no matter our circumstances, with a possible double meaning in blue, and morning brought mourning to mind. Although who knows? Perhaps the last morning was positive. Compact yet moving.
    *
    a crack
    in the concrete box
    prisoner’s sky
    .
    Rashmi Vesa
    .
    I was moved by this right away. On first reads I thought this was a crack that let in a little sky light. Then later in the week I imagined someone laying on their bed looking up at the cracks in the concrete ceiling, their sky. Which was even sadder.
    *
    sea and sky…
    his blue shirt
    swollen with wind
    .
    Lucia Cardillo
    .
    After many trips to the windy parts of the Pacific ocean this is a happily familiar image to me. Thank you Lucia.
    *
    I did participate the past two weeks, just wasn’t selected.

  2. The selection has much to read and reflect. Some that stood out for me were-

    Scottish island
    I take a walk
    with the sky
    Andy McLellan

    This haiku not only brought back childhood memories of roadtrips to hill stations during summer but also gives a sense of oneness, of engaging and moving along.

    – – – – –

    through the skylight
    a world beyond
    my reach
    Margaret Walker

    The way this haiku ties up hope and despair.

    – – – – –

    without a trace
    across the sky
    my thoughts
    Neelam Dadhwal

    This haiku for showcasing thought, its seamless potential and expanse.

    – – – – –

    Really enjoyed the selection this week and the comments.
    Thank you for including mine !

    1. You are most welcome. Your evocative haiku drew me in with the phrase “prisoner’s sky”; so much within it for a reader to come to and finish the story for themselves. And thank you for dropping by in the comments and for sharing your favorites!

    2. Rashmi

      Thank you for commenting on my haiku. You summed up my meanings perfectly.

      Your haiku was truly moving! The sky a bit of hope – but somehow word “concrete” adds greatly to the sense of hopelessness. Excellent!

      a crack
      in the concrete box
      prisoner’s sky

  3. Thanks for choosing and interpreting my haiku, I wrote it after a very difficult period, which I wasn’t sure I had passed, but I was hoping for a lot.

    I really liked the haiku of Marilyn Ashbaugh

    your last morning
    the sky
    so blue

    la tua ultima mattina
    il cielo
    così blu

    Marilyn Ashbaugh

    1. I’m glad that period has now passed for you. Thank you for sharing a bit of the story behind it 🙂

  4. contrails . . .
    how loud
    our lives
    .
    Marion Clarke, Warrenpoint, Northern Ireland
    .
    This is so simple, but works so well.

    1. Thank you so much, Simon.

      (I submitted this one to the monthly ekphrastic poetry challenge on Rattle magazine a while back and the editor said that it had just been pipped at the post. Although it didn’t win, I was so happy such a tiny poem had made it that far 🙂 )

  5. through the skylight
    a world beyond
    my reach
    .
    Margaret Walker
    .
    This one brings to mind all the people who are home-bound because of illness or age.

    1. Thanks for the article Michael. Good read! The idea of the space around haiku is what I hope to achieve in every haiku I write although it doesn’t always happen. I think that is the mark of a great haiku. That space is also what a lot of people (non haiku readers) don’t get about haiku or attempt to see.

    2. How perfect for this week! I hope others will take a few minutes to read this short but impactful essay. “It’s our job as readers of haiku poetry to discover each poem’s sky” – yes!

  8. Thank you so much poets. I am overwhelmed with happiness after reading the comments for my haiku, and i have learnt to write after reading your works. And i humbly express my thanks to each one of you for this. Thank you Tia Madam and Lori Madam. My best wishes to everyone and i congratulate you for your wonderful haikus and comments again

  9. Thank you for publishing my poem and your precious work.

    A wonderful selection and I have enjoyed reading them all. Congratulations to all the poets.

    your last morning
    the sky
    so blue
    —-Marilyn Ashbaugh

    I stand on tiptoe
    to touch the milky way
    mountain night
    ———Anitha Varma

    cloudless sky
    counting the stars
    one by one
    ———–Eufemia Griffo

    Scottish island
    I take a walk
    with the sky
    ——–Andy McLellan

    riding the air
    the horse’s mane
    flying
    ——–Kat Lehmann

  10. This theme is certainly generating some great work. Congratulations Tia and all you wonderful haikuists!

    Two haiku intrigued me this week:

    Adjei Agyei-Baah’s “empty sky…” I love a good haiku that contains a contradiction. The “empty sky” is not so empty with the crows calling back and forth. That’s the thing about crows (with whom I have a bit of a fascination right now), they are always talking to each other. There’s a palpable sense of aloneness here. I sense that the poet is silent while the sky is filled with the talk of unseen crows. Nice.

    Susan Rogers’s “in the pause” I’m in awe of this one. How often are we little human beings rushing from here to there while ignoring the right now? This haiku captures an important truth. Beyond our concepts of “here” and “there” is the totality of everything, and we can touch it if we stop doing and just allow ourselves to be. Take a pause. Breathe.

    1. Thank you Craig for your kind words. I agree – it is wonderful to have so many fine haiku to read each week!

  11. Such a marvelous feeling of freedom and fresh air, Andy McLellan’s
    .
    Scottish island
    I take a walk
    with the sky
    .
    Wherever you may be, whether night or day, big skies are often wondrous to behold. From an island, depending on its size, and most probably without light pollution, the presence of an expansive sky can either cut one down to size or feel uplifted.
    .
    Andy ‘walks with his sky’ in happy isolation from other distractions. Most of us do not have such opportunities to do so, but if we do, then I imagine one can relate to the overwhelming feeling of physical and mental harmony. A simply lovely poem.
    .
    Thank you, Tia, for including my offering in this week, and thanks to all those working behind the scenes, as well as to all the poets making this a fascinating read, comments included.

  12. Thank you for curating this wide-open array of sky poems, Tia! I felt prompted by the poems to try something different this time. Rather than comment, I’ve chosen to respond to some of the ones that particularly moved me with spontaneous poems of my own. Hope that this is an acceptable form of reflection:
    *
    calm sea
    a pine tree splits the sky
    in half
    *
    Aljoša Vuković
    *
    My response:
    *
    a sea of grass
    lightning-split cottonwood
    sailing towards sky
    *
    your last morning
    the sky
    so blue
    *
    Marilyn Ashbaugh
    *
    my response:
    *
    her last breath
    the platinum sky
    darkening
    *
    contrails . . .
    how loud
    our lives
    *
    Marion Clarke, Warrenpoint, Northern Ireland
    *
    My response:
    *
    Blackhawks
    helicoptering off
    red tail hawks
    *
    with meadowlarks
    as only adornment
    Big Sky country
    *
    Michele L. Harvey
    *
    My response:
    *
    meadowlark songs
    only white men would call them
    The Badlands
    *
    sea and sky …
    his blue shirt
    swollen with wind
    *
    mare e cielo …
    la sua camicia azzurra
    gonfia di vento
    *
    Lucia Cardillo
    *
    my father’s sky-blue shirt
    just one more thing
    I’ll never fill
    *
    blue hour
    reaching
    the vanishing point
    *
    Don Miller
    *
    My response:
    *
    two point perspective
    crows chasing an eagle
    out of the blue
    *
    Lake Superior
    shoring up only a sip
    of sky
    *
    Autumn Noelle Hall
    *
    My almost-submitted alternative version, honoring the Ojibwa word for Lake Superior, Gitchi-Gami, which means Big Sea or Huge Water:
    *
    Gitchi-Gami
    shoring up only a sip
    of sky
    *
    Autumn Noelle Hall

    1. What a lovely way to honor the other poets by using their haiku to inspire your own! You have written some truly beautiful haiku here and I hope others will attempt to do the same 🙂

      1. I agree, Tia! This is truly wonderful. While I think “re-writing” someone else’s haiku would not be acceptable, being inspired by someone’s haiku is more than fine, & of course all respectful & considerate discussion always welcome!
        thanks all, kj

        1. Tia and kj–thank you both for your kind words. I appreciate your inclusion of my own poem and even more so, your support of my off-the-cuff response ku. So often, as I imagine many of us do, I read a poem and make an immediate connection to an experience of my own. But I rarely have the opportunity to share, or to thank the other poets for the inspiration. Many thanks for allowing me to do so here…
          *
          ~Autumn

  13. a crack
    in the concrete box
    prisoner’s sky
    .
    Rashmi Vesa
    .
    when compared to the thinness of a crack…the expanse of meaning to have just a crack of the sky when you are trapped inside four walls, deprived of full freedom….and vision and realization of dreams

  14. rolling the sky
    on a lotus leaf…
    dew drop
    .
    R.Suresh Babu, India.

    i see the sky reflected in the rolling dew drop on the the lotus leaf. and this poem gives a creative bend and glimpse of the strength and playfulness of the lotus leaf….revealing a video prism of the sky…sliding along… the balance of life.

  15. Thank you Tia for commenting on my poem, honoured. You have touched so accurately on my feelings when I wrote the poem, yes the birch and I have been companions for last 30 years.

    What a wonderful selections of poems as usual, a pleasure to read, each one a gem. Thank you Tia and Lori.

  16. truck bed…
    each snowflake
    a falling star
    .
    Joshua Gage

    ‘
    from lying down in that truck bed and facing those snowflakes…they do come down looking as falling stars!
    .
    and a little less immediate:
    and yet i can also stretch this out to mean that each snowflake that has melted….created a puddle that captures the reflection of a falling star.

    nice either way…joshua and i can see why tia picked it.

  17. asymptomatic
    patient zero
    boards another plane

    Charles Harmon, Los Angeles, California, USA

    wonderful senryu!!!!!!!!!!!!….charles
    “patient zero”….we know could be anyone…..and that makes this vast expanse of sky travel…. quite uncertain….mysterious and threatening!

    great pick tia!

      1. so enjoying, tia! wanted you to know… this week’s prompt….encouraged many, many poems for me…..that i had difficulty narrowing them down to what i would send to you…for haiku dialogue. finally i picked the one that i felt was most experimental/ it broke many haiku rules and had a big story i could share….should it get picked. I was so psyched to share my story….but it wasn’t picked!
        i now find a home for that energy…..by using the overflow on thinking and digging ideas with commentary on my fellow poet’s poems. i love being involved.

  18. truck bed…
    each snowflake
    a falling star
    .
    Joshua Gage
    .
    Many haiku are written about snowflakes. Many haiku are written about falling stars. Yet this one sounds fresh.

  19. Lovely how these ku invite my participation in the moment.
    Joyous!

    rolling the sky
    on a lotus leaf…
    dew drop

    R.Suresh Babu, India

    meteor shower
    all the words of longing
    in a whisper

    Agus Maulana Sunjaya, Banten, Indonesia

    I stand on tiptoe
    to touch the milky way
    mountain night

    Anitha Varma

  20. A great selection of poems. All a very enjoyable read. Congratulations all!
    A few I particularly enjoyed for various reasons.
    .
    asymptomatic
    patient zero
    boards another plane
    .
    Charles Harmon, Los Angeles, California, USA
    So powerful and of the moment.
    .
    looking up
    my daughter shows me the stars
    on her phone
    .
    Rich Schilling, Webster Groves, MO
    Had the same experience Rich. Great app, nicely captured.
    Congratulations on golden triangle, a lovely poem.
    .
    cloudless sky
    counting the stars
    one by one
    .
    Eufemia Griffo
    Something we’ve all done at some point in our lives Eufemia.
    Lovely capture.
    .
    empty sky…
    the call of crows from
    the back of clouds
    .
    Adjei Agyei-Baah, Kumasi, Ghana
    Very clever Adjei

  21. a crack
    in the concrete box
    prisoner’s sky
    Rashmi Vesa
    .
    Powerful work Rashmi Vesa.
    One I suggest Johnny Baranski would have enjoyed.
    .
    Thank you Tia and Lori for including and posting mine.

    1. I thought of Johnny Baranski as well. And Robert, your haiku has such beautiful imagery in it. Truly lovely!

  22. Thanks for including my haiku!
    Here’s a few that stood out on my first read.

    flawless sky
    a dragonfly’s
    flicker

    Ann K. Schwader

    zero asymptomatic patient yes
    embark on another plane

    Charles Harmon,
    Congratulations to all and the great work behind it!

  23. Thank you for including my haiku!

    Though I will read through this again, one that immediately captured me was Lucia Cardillo’s

    sea and sky …
    his blue shirt
    swollen with wind

    It “paints” a picture so familiar to me that I want to reach for my watercolor brush. “Blue” is the word that seems to provide the essential connection that makes this haiku work.

    Another is R. Suresh Babu’s

    rolling the sky
    on a lotus leaf…
    dew drop

    Seeing the sky reflected in a dew drop? Beautiful.

  24. These are a joy to read. Thanks for including mine, Tia!

    I keep returning to Hifsa’s:

    spring sky —
    I reach to the edge
    of this universe

    Hifsa Ashraf

    and this one, as if the subject is a part of his surroundings:

    sea and sky …
    his blue shirt
    swollen with wind

    Lucia Cardillo

    1. My pleasure Kat! I loved the wide open feeling of your haiku. I could easily picture that scene and felt the freedom of the wind in the horse’s mane. Even the use of two verbs felt completely natural here.

  25. rolling the sky
    on a lotus leaf…
    dew drop

    R.Suresh Babu, India.
    .
    This is excellent! Recalling Blake’s “To see a universe in a grain of sand” and Issa’s “world of dew.” Amazing how something as small as haiku can help us see something as infinite as the multiverse.
    .
    a crack
    in the concrete box
    prisoner’s sky

    Rashmi Vesa
    .
    And how many of us are prisoners of our own device? Locked in boxes
    of debt, addiction, obsession, ignorance, our devices… A crack in the box
    is not much of a sky, but perhaps enough for the light of a bright star to guide us.
    “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in…”
    .
    summer wind
    a red sky singing
    in my glass

    Adrian Bouter
    .
    I like how this reminds that there is more to the sky than only what we see. We can hear the wind, smell and even taste the sky, try to touch the sky and it touches us when rain and snow fall. And it can be so colorful, especially sunrise and sunset. Although in outer space there may be no other senses than sight, just imagine the moon rise on Saturn with 82 moons and all those rings…

  26. A marvellous selection of poems, Lori. Congratulations to all the poets.
    .
    tripping the light
    a flurry of butterflies
    at the lilac bush
    — Robert Kingston
    This is such a vivid summer image, just love all the colours and serenity this brings to mind.
    Lovely work.
    .
    and in contrast –
    ‘
    riding the air
    the horse’s mane
    flying
    — Kat Lehmann
    A strong visual, of beauty and strength. Love this.
    .
    Thank you, Lori for placing my verse amongst so may breath-taking verses.

      1. Yes, definitely fun, Kat.
        .
        My apologies, Tia, not the first time I’ve mixed names incorrectly.
        .
        Thankyou Tia and Lori 🙂

    2. Thank you Carol.
      So looking forward to the summer to dry out those currently under water.

  27. I keep returning to this by simonj

    cloudless spring
    and I left a thumbprint
    on the moon

    Because I want to understand “and” in the second line. Why is it there? It seems a little discordant, yet perfectly at home at the same time.

    1. Individual choice? You don’t have to commit sharp juxtapositions.

      .
      .

      cloudless spring
      and I left a thumbprint
      on the moon
      .
      simonj UK

      .
      .
      versus:
      .
      .
      cloudless spring
      I left a thumbprint
      on the moon
      .
      .
      Personally I feel you need that ‘and’ as it’s more than just a connecting bit of grammar, and more as a nuance and emphasis.
      .
      e.g.
      .
      .

      cloudless spring
      AND I left a thumbprint
      on the moon
      .
      .
      So two things the author allegedly did, or experienced, with possibly a wry observation thrown in for good measure.

      1. bisshie and alan….and tia….and simonj
        .
        the AND…. i agree is what gives this poem its character!
        .
        cloudless spring
        and i left a thumbprint
        on the moon
        .
        simonj
        .

        the way i read it, it is almost like a space traveller who finds a cloudless sky And wants to place a piece of ownership to it….like when astronauts land on the moon….and place a flag on it….only here, maybe on the glass of his smart phone the best impression he can make is his thumbprint.

        1. Hi Wendy
          In the film Apollo 13 Hanks holds his thumb to the moon, I think this is the focus of simon’s poem.
          Nicely done Simon.

          1. i love tom hank’s in any movie….the title sounds to me…that i may have seen this one….but don’t recall the scene….i’ll have to do it again….thanks robert…for keeping me informed.

    2. I have tried doing a post facto analysis, but I am not completely satisfied with my conclusions.
      .
      Enjoy.

  28. Thanks for including my haiku!
    Here’s a few that stood out on my first read.

    rolling the sky
    on a lotus leaf…
    dew drop

    R.Suresh Babu, India

    I like the hugeness of the first line to the singular dew drop of the last line. The dew drop acting like a period. The whole poem sings.

    ***

    migrating swallows
    for a moment
    the sky darkens

    Olivier Schopfer, Switzerland

    I remember wondering what was happening when the sky dimmed when i was little. When i was older it was obviously the clouds, but birds also dim the sky and i still have a sad feeling or maybe a slight tinge of dread when the sky darkens. That second line “for a moment” is my saving grace because it passes, thankfully.

    ***

    flawless sky
    a dragonfly’s
    flicker

    Ann K. Schwader, Westminster, CO

    Blue of the sky and the blue of the dragonfly is a nice connection. That flicker on it’s own line gives it more weight.

    ***

    in the pause
    between here and there
    milky way

    Susan Rogers, Los Angeles, CA, USA

    We all need to have that pause and nothing like a galaxy to do that!

        1. Thank you, Rich, for commenting on my poem. In September 2016 I was in Wellfleet, Cape Cod, Massachussetts. I suddenly saw migrating swallows landing on the beach to get some rest before flying further south. There were so many of them that the sky darkened for a moment. Impressive indeed!

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