HAIKU DIALOGUE – Paradigm Shift – the discourse of birds

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1. Thank you Alan and Kathabela for your thoughtful commentary! I just came across them now, two months after they were posted. I will definitely look into submitting to your brilliant journal, Alan.

2. I love Jackie Chou”s subtle beauty of a haiku, featuring the change in a bird’s inflection! And also Alan Summers comment and blackbird example. Wonderful! And Alan’s reminder about Blloos

   1. Yep, Jackie Chou’s haiku is a beauty. I also hadn’t realised that tone in a bird’s song might vary throughout the year depending on pre-nest and post-nest etc… as mentioned by a haiku poet who works on a farm.

      Yes, Blo͞o Outlier Journal issue #2 should be out in July, and is all about haibun, tanka story, and zuihitsu! The call out for issue #3 in the Autumn is about wildlife haiku aka natural history, so do start keeping back one or two that are spare! 🙂

      warm regards,
      Alan

3. Two wonderful haiku with a hint of sadness:

   departing spring
   a shift in tone
   in the sparrow’s song

   Jackie Chou
   Pico Rivera, CA USA

   It’s a wonderful treat when we can detect a change in the song delivery of a bird. I’ve had that with both a blackbird one year and in the following year with a (European) Robin.

   Thank you Jackie, so much resonance in your haiku. I hope you consider submitting to issue #3 of The Blo͞o Outlier Journal which is going to make an Autumn call out for wildlife/natural history haiku, so if you have a new one, keep it safe maybe. 😉

   .

   Here’s the blackbird haiku:

   the names of rain
   a blackbird’s subsong
   into dusk

   Alan Summers
   Publication credit: Haiku News Vol. 1 No. 35 (September 2012) ed. Laurence Stacey and Dick Whyte
   Features:
   Cornell University USA (Cornell University, Mann Library haiku showcase March 2013)
   Brass Bell: Alan Summers curated by Zee Zahava Wednesday, July 1, 2015

   blackbird subsong:
   http://tinyurl.com/blackbirdsubsong

   ***

   cracked eggs –
   in the bird’s song
   tender notes

   Mirela Brăilean
   Romania

   This is a very interesting haiku because, with the dash [–] could suggest someone is cracking eggs for breakfast perhaps.

   .
   Whenever I read haiku I regularly do a ‘correct’ reading and simultaneously a ‘misreading’ so I try to get the writer’s intent, but also my own ‘intent’ so there is a wonderful duet happening.

   The haiku without the dash:

   cracked eggs
   in the bird’s song
   tender notes

   or

   cracked eggs
   in the bird’s song –
   tender notes

   or

   cracked eggs
   in the bird’s song…
   tender notes

   Or even other punctuation mark choices or no ‘visible’ punctuation

   .
   Why did I see this phrase?

   i.e.

   .

   cracked eggs in the bird’s song

   .

   Some of us have experienced the sight of cracked/damaged eggs, perhaps more so in our childhood, perhaps?

   Bereavement is not unique to the human species.

   .

   But if we go back to the original haiku:

   .

   cracked eggs –
   in the bird’s song
   tender notes

   Mirela Brăilean

   .

   Are the tender notes because it already has a “sweet” song? Or is the tenderness made more tender by a sense of loss?

   Are the eggs being cracked for breakfast just a coincidence, or that the author witnessed a bird’s song, and made a connection, while they are preparing another type of bird’s eggs in order to consume them.

   The cycle of life, with or without the dash, is evident in this sublimely crafted haiku.

   warm regards,
   Alan

   Alan Summers
   founder, Call of the Page

   1. Dear Mirela Brăilean,

      I hope you might send some wildlife/natural history haiku when Blo͞o Outlier Journal sends out a call in Autumn! 🙂

      Other poets here, look forward to these types of haiku for Blo͞o Outlier Journal in the Autumn too! 🙂

   2. Oh gosh…dear Alan, I use to open the comments from time to time to see another point of view from other poets. I’m really impressed by your comm. What can I say? There are a lot of reasons and memories in such a few words, indeed…I’m so thrilled you’re finding this is a good haiku; I can’t tell you…and I’ve been following your work since we met on FB. You’re a mentor for me, too. You’re so talented that l don’t dare to submit my work… there are a lot of very talented poets and I’m just a beginner in this wonderful world.
      I thank you for your kind words.
      Sincerely yours,
      Mirela

      1. Dear Mirela,

         You do remember I headhunted your stubble road for Blo͞o Outlier Journal’s first ever issue?! 🙂
         So I hope you will submit to issue #3 which returns to haiku!

         And of course do have a go at my other journal:
         https://mahmighthaikujournal.blogspot.com/2021/05/a-mahmight-introduction-to-new-haiku.html

         Go for both! 🙂

         warm regards,
         Alan

         1. Oh, I’ve just seen it! It’s hard work there…:) I have to get some time and a lot of courage!

            1. Hard work never harmed anyone, I hope! 😉

4. Thank you Craig for including my haiku this week. I enjoyed them all.

   I especially liked the call and response evoked by this prompt:

   first

   call
   and response
   tree to tree
   ….Peggy Bilbro

   and how my haiku unintentionally was an answer or response to Kathabela Wilson’s call:

   my mating call
   only a mockingbird
   answers

   and mine:

   midnight mockingbirds
   as if to say still here
   they answer

5. apt

   1. My “apt” referred to Simon’s response

6. Congratulations to all the poets featured in ‘Haiku Dialogue’ this week. I enjoyed reading all the poems in the column and appreciated Craig’s commentary. I have learnt more about haiku and birds! One poem I particularly enjoyed because it reminded me of watching gulls following the plough across fields is…

   settling matters
   a fluster
   of seagulls

   Keith Evetts
   Thames Ditton UK

   I think ‘fluster’ describes a conversation of gulls beautifully!

   1. Yes, fluster was a great word choice!

7. Thank you for including my poem in your commentary, Craig! As an avid birder, I especially loved the responses to this particular prompt. My favorites included this one, which struck me as a wonderful example of how repetition can enhance a poem (as presented at the HSA Conference this past weekend by Brad Bennett and Jeannie Martin), as well as being very appropriate to the pandemic:

   in it together
   in it alone
   dawn chorus

   Vandana Parashar
   India

   And this one, which has an environmental message that appealed to me:

   lyrebird
   becomes the chainsaw
   trembling trees

   Carole Harrison
   Jamberoo, NSW, Australia

   1. Yes, that was a good presentation. For anyone who missed it last weekend, it is on YouTube, along with the other presentations and workshops.

      Here’s a link to the repetition presentation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6k5kG9ruqw

   2. Thanks so much for your kind comments, Kristen.
      I had submitted this two days before the HSA conference and when I saw the presentation on Repetition in Haiku, I was pleasantly surprised. This is the first one I have written using repetition.

8. old garden-
   pale tufts of grass
   under the leaves
   *******************
   what remains
   of the men in the trenches ..
   wild flowers

   a honkadori of a Basho haiku, remembering the men who died on the Karst in the First World War
   *********************

   1. oh, sorry !!

9. Picking two haiku, for the moment, that stood out for me, I realised how one is about ‘less birdsong’ and the other is thankfully “too much birdsong”!

   When I first moved to my current town of Chippenham, once headquarters to King Alfred the Great, and also to Danish Vikings, traffic noise was swallowed by sparrows, which was amazing. Now as bramble is destroyed to create pointless expensive housing, ignoring those in need, there is less birdsong.

   Two wonderfully crafted haiku, both deeply thoughtful.

   .
   less birdsong now the receding shoreline

   Pippa Phillips

   .

   morning walk…
   conversation of birds
   blurs the traffic

   Margaret Mahony

   .

   1. Thanks so much for your comment, Alan! I enjoyed your short ride along…

      1. Thanks Pippa!

         I enjoyed seeing you at the HSA zoom conference which was quite a whirlwind of emotions and approaches! 🙂

         warm regards,
         Alan

         1. Absolutely! It’s still intimidating seeing my favorite poets face to face. Grix’s presentation was one for the ages.

10. Test

    1. morning has broken
       chirping birds on branches
       the voice of mama

       ******

       I wrote this haiku based on my experience with my natural surrounding and my son. I usually wake my son along with the sound of chirping birds since he was a little boy until now he is in college.

       My home is embraced by trees and birds both the ones on the branches and those of my neighbours in the cages.

       Fortunately, my son had also painted “some birds on the branch” in crayon pastel when he was in his 4th year-elementary. That adds my zeal to share it both in haiku and haiga.

       Off course, readers are most welcomed to interpret differently as they enjoy this haiku.

       Thankyou so much to Craig Kittner for the selection and your interesting, brilliant comment. I really enjoy and amazed at reading it.
       It really brightens my days. Bless you…

       1. Thanks, Lisbeth. It’s interesting to hear how the poem evolved. Also speaks to the fact that if you start from an authentic place, your haiku will reflect a rich engagement with the world, and readers will empathize with it.

11. I am honored to have my gull haiku selected for Haiku Dialogue, the highlight of every week. Thanks to Lori and kj for maintaining it with loving care and thank you Craig for your commentary. I live on the New England Coast and the sounds on the beach year round became an important source of inspiration once I started to write haiku.

12. Thanks for including mine, Craig, kj and Lori. Congratulations all whose work appears here, especially Slobodan Pupovac for his:
    .
    eggshell
    in the grass under
    an old plum

    It’s the contrast between the fragility of the ‘eggshell’, the quasi-soft landing in the ‘grass’ (might the contents of the shell have survived?) and the thumping sounds of ‘under / an old plum’ that bring this variation on a relatively common image to life. There may be nothing new under the sun, but it’s the way you tell ’em!
    .
    I’ve just read Craig’s commentary, which has a decidedly more hopeful feel to it ….. every great ku contains a number of truths!

13. Elated to have a haiku of mine included in Haiku Dialogue from The Haiku Foundation and Craig Kittner. My deepest thanks to Lori, kj, and any other genie behind the scenes. I am always amazed at the variety of responses to the prompts…

14. Thank you Craig for including my haiku. Enjoyed all haiku and comments.

15. eastern phoebe
    a lesson in being
    concise

    Pat Davis

    Explaining my like for this would take too many words.

    1. Thanks, Simonj. The eastern phoebe’s call is brief and to the point: chip chip. One has made a nest high up in my garage , so I hear it a lot lately. I think all birds have mastered the art of being concise with their limited calls – they don’t waste any sounds!

    2. apt

16. Thanks to editor Craig Kittner for pointing out my verses too. Congratulations to all the authors, always surprising with their observations.

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