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New haiku - feedback please

Started by george_uk, June 05, 2017, 09:39:53 AM

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george_uk

June 05, 2017, 09:39:53 AM
I recently sent this Haiku to an online publisher in the UK. They said is was not "close enough for me to the spirit and traditions of haiku".

Can anyone give feedback on how to improve this, or where I am going wrong?

"we ask why? rivers
flow into to the sea, all
questions lead to love"

Lorraine Pester

#1
June 05, 2017, 04:13:41 PM
Quote from: george_uk on June 05, 2017, 09:39:53 AM
I recently sent this Haiku to an online publisher in the UK. They said is was not "close enough for me to the spirit and traditions of haiku".

Can anyone give feedback on how to improve this, or where I am going wrong?

"we ask why? rivers
flow into to the sea, all
questions lead to love"

Try posting this over in mentoring beginner to get a discussion going.

This is one frustrating long cliche. Post over there and see what others say.
My entire soul is a cry, and all my work is a commentary on that cry.   Nikos Kazantzakis
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