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Exclusive haiku exercise

Started by AlanSummers, January 31, 2017, 12:40:07 AM

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AlanSummers

Alan Summers,
founder, Call of the Page
https://www.callofthepage.org

Jan Benson

---1st Prize_The Italian Matsuo Basho Award 2016 (Int'l Foreign Language)
---A Pushcart Nominated Poet, (haiku "adobe walls").
---"The poet is accessible, the poet is for everyone." Maya Angelou

flowerfox

A good exercise. Would it be ok to print it out so I could read it at a more leisurely pace.
 

AlanSummers

Great!

I'm reminded of that often awful musak we had to suffer in elevators. I'd probably like some now, as it's even more retro. But much prefer electronic or electronica music. :-)

Quote from: Janis Benson on January 31, 2017, 03:31:04 AM
Took the Challenge
Jan
Alan Summers,
founder, Call of the Page
https://www.callofthepage.org

AlanSummers

Dear flowerfox,

Quote from: flowerfox on January 31, 2017, 06:14:58 AM
A good exercise. Would it be ok to print it out so I could read it at a more leisurely pace.


First of all welcome to THF. I stepped down as THF Admin a short while ago, leaving it in the more than able hands of Marion Clarke. :-)

Yes, by all means, print it out for yourself. I still read things the old fashioned way and do the retro art of handwriting some haiku, as I get different energies from writing and typing. :-)

warm regards,

Alan
Alan Summers,
founder, Call of the Page
https://www.callofthepage.org

Jan Benson

Alan,
I thought it might read that way.
Fail on my part?
No, since you found a way in.

As a trained musician, (point of the exercise, how the ignored is recognized, especially sound) when I hear the simple ding of a distant bell, it rings a note in my ear, and ignites a song in the key of that bell. An earworm of usually showtunes.

To put a point on my perceived goal of the exercise.
Jan
---1st Prize_The Italian Matsuo Basho Award 2016 (Int'l Foreign Language)
---A Pushcart Nominated Poet, (haiku "adobe walls").
---"The poet is accessible, the poet is for everyone." Maya Angelou

AlanSummers

It's not necessarily an easy exercise because most of us are not visually impaired as Elizabeth Hazen was for a few years. But I hope it's useful that we think of smell and sound as vital to a haiku as much as what we 'see' or 'think we see'.

Yes, stuck song syndrome can effect people whether amusingly or otherwise. I think that's why Kylie Minogue's song struck a chord:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPwtJ89jes4

It was deliberately making use of that particular phenomenon of brain worm/ ear worm / stuck song syndrome.

Alan

Quote from: Janis Benson on January 31, 2017, 01:04:11 PM
Alan,
I thought it might read that way.
Fail on my part?
No, since you found a way in.

As a trained musician, (point of the exercise, how the ignored is recognized, especially sound) when I hear the simple ding of a distant bell, it rings a note in my ear, and ignites a song in the key of that bell. An earworm of usually showtunes.

To put a point on my perceived goal of the exercise.
Jan
Alan Summers,
founder, Call of the Page
https://www.callofthepage.org

Rick Hurst

Hi Alan, I assume that this exercise is meant to be accomplished privately with no posting of results anywhere? Rick

Paraphrasing Diane Arbus (1923-1971) Photographer: "I really believe there are things nobody would see if I didn't (write haiku about) them."

flowerfox

Ah, good question, Rick, and one I was going to ask as I was thinking I could present
something for critique in the mentoring the beginner section, later this week.

flowerfox

Quote from: Alan Summers on January 31, 2017, 11:53:04 AM
Dear flowerfox,

Quote from: flowerfox on January 31, 2017, 06:14:58 AM
A good exercise. Would it be ok to print it out so I could read it at a more leisurely pace.


First of all welcome to THF. I stepped down as THF Admin a short while ago, leaving it in the more than able hands of Marion Clarke. :-)

Yes, by all means, print it out for yourself. I still read things the old fashioned way and do the retro art of handwriting some haiku, as I get different energies from writing and typing. :-)

warm regards,

Alan


Hello Alan

Thank you for the welcome.

Far easier on the eyes, the old ways of reading, as for handwriting, I'm all for that.
Calligraphy is a wonderful hobby, and once I have got to grips with the haiku I would like to
present my words and paintings together. It's a tall order, at the moment, but I'm in the right place, here  :)

AlanSummers

Hi Rick, and flowerfox,

I rarely make our Call of the Pages (formerly With Words) exercises public, but as it started as a Per Diem feature right here at The Haiku Foundation I decided to make it public.

I am very happy for people to ask permission to use the exercise. If it's for someone other than just themselves I would appreciate due acknowledgement and my Area 17 web address being added.

People are welcome to post haiku here on the THF forums, and draw my attention to them, and acknowledge my name and Area 17 address.

Quote from: justlikeyou on January 31, 2017, 02:09:07 PM
Hi Alan, I assume that this exercise is meant to be accomplished privately with no posting of results anywhere? Rick

Hi flowerfox,

By all means, if you could fully credit myself and my Area 17 blog: http://area17.blogspot.com

Quote from: flowerfox on January 31, 2017, 05:34:58 PM
Ah, good question, Rick, and one I was going to ask as I was thinking I could present
something for critique in the mentoring the beginner section, later this week.

warm regards,

Alan
Alan Summers,
founder, Call of the Page
https://www.callofthepage.org

Rick Hurst

Hi Alan. Thank you. Wasn't sure if u were asking for results to be posted here or on Per Diem or if it was an exercise to quietly do on one's own. Thanks for clarifying. Rick
Paraphrasing Diane Arbus (1923-1971) Photographer: "I really believe there are things nobody would see if I didn't (write haiku about) them."

Jan Benson

#12
But Alan,
I am not relying on that part of the brain.

At no time in the ku does the narrator appear inside the elevator.

a ding
of the elevator
an earworm
burrows deep
.
.
And I in no way assume this exercise is easy, but i am the blind person when it comes to tones and sounds.
My error here is relying on a deep read of the poem, and that fails me.

Perhaps I could add the word "distant" to line one, but the ku is wordy already.
Jan

Quote from: Alan Summers on January 31, 2017, 01:25:55 PM
It's not necessarily an easy exercise because most of us are not visually impaired as Elizabeth Hazen was for a few years. But I hope it's useful that we think of smell and sound as vital to a haiku as much as what we 'see' or 'think we see'.

Yes, stuck song syndrome can effect people whether amusingly or otherwise. I think that's why Kylie Minogue's song struck a chord:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPwtJ89jes4

It was deliberately making use of that particular phenomenon of brain worm/ ear worm / stuck song syndrome.

Alan

Quote from: Janis Benson on January 31, 2017, 01:04:11 PM
Alan,
I thought it might read that way.
Fail on my part?
No, since you found a way in.

As a trained musician, (point of the exercise, how the ignored is recognized, especially sound) when I hear the simple ding of a distant bell, it rings a note in my ear, and ignites a song in the key of that bell. An earworm of usually showtunes.

To put a point on my perceived goal of the exercise.

Jan
---1st Prize_The Italian Matsuo Basho Award 2016 (Int'l Foreign Language)
---A Pushcart Nominated Poet, (haiku "adobe walls").
---"The poet is accessible, the poet is for everyone." Maya Angelou

AlanSummers

The set of exercises have multiple purposes.

All that becomes self-evident in the workshopping I will be doing both online and at our new residential haiku room.

But in the meantime, anything that doesn't always rely purely on visuals is good. As you have done with that ding! And the annoysome repetitive songs. Although I do like Kylie's song which has interesting social commentary embedded into it.

I personally don't see anything wrong or incomplete about your poem. I often rest my work. Some work appearing in a few days, and the next few months, has some pieces worked on for over five years. No rush with haiku, it makes its own pace.

Alan

Quote from: Janis Benson on January 31, 2017, 08:28:32 PM
But Alan,
I am not relying on that part of the brain.

At no time in the ku does the narrator appear inside the elevator.

a ding
of the elevator
an earworm
burrows deep
.
.
And I in no way assume this exercise is easy, but i am the blind person when it comes to tones and sounds.
My error here is relying on a deep read of the poem, and that fails me.

Perhaps I could add the word "distant" to line one, but the ku is wordy already.
Jan

Quote from: Alan Summers on January 31, 2017, 01:25:55 PM
It's not necessarily an easy exercise because most of us are not visually impaired as Elizabeth Hazen was for a few years. But I hope it's useful that we think of smell and sound as vital to a haiku as much as what we 'see' or 'think we see'.

Yes, stuck song syndrome can effect people whether amusingly or otherwise. I think that's why Kylie Minogue's song struck a chord:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPwtJ89jes4

It was deliberately making use of that particular phenomenon of brain worm/ ear worm / stuck song syndrome.

Alan

Quote from: Janis Benson on January 31, 2017, 01:04:11 PM
Alan,
I thought it might read that way.
Fail on my part?
No, since you found a way in.

As a trained musician, (point of the exercise, how the ignored is recognized, especially sound) when I hear the simple ding of a distant bell, it rings a note in my ear, and ignites a song in the key of that bell. An earworm of usually showtunes.

To put a point on my perceived goal of the exercise.

Jan
Alan Summers,
founder, Call of the Page
https://www.callofthepage.org

flowerfox

Quote from: Alan Summers on January 31, 2017, 06:31:30 PM
Hi Rick, and flowerfox,

I rarely make our Call of the Pages (formerly With Words) exercises public, but as it started as a Per Diem feature right here at The Haiku Foundation I decided to make it public.

I am very happy for people to ask permission to use the exercise. If it's for someone other than just themselves I would appreciate due acknowledgement and my Area 17 web address being added.

People are welcome to post haiku here on the THF forums, and draw my attention to them, and acknowledge my name and Area 17 address.

Hi flowerfox,

By all means, if you could fully credit myself and my Area 17 blog: http://area17.blogspot.com

Quote from: flowerfox on January 31, 2017, 05:34:58 PM
Ah, good question, Rick, and one I was going to ask as I was thinking I could present
something for critique in the mentoring the beginner section, later this week.

warm regards,

Alan

Many thanks, Alan. I'll certainly do that.

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