Author Topic: Sea Shell Game 4  (Read 6854 times)

John McManus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2739
    • View Profile
Sea Shell Game 4
« on: February 01, 2012, 06:55:45 AM »
These are two of my favourite haiku so I will be very intrigued to see what you all make of them and ultimately which poem you think is better.


a darkness so deep
I am surrounded
by gold beetles

Paul Pfleuger, Jr.

through eye holes
of a paper mask
I watch the gate closing

Fay Aoyagi
« Last Edit: February 01, 2012, 06:57:28 AM by John McManus »

Seaview (Marion Clarke)

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14210
    • View Profile
    • SeaviewWarrenpoint
Re: Sea Shell Game 4
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2012, 08:17:19 AM »
Both of these make me think that the writer is describing childhood memories. I wonder if the gold beetles are the reflections in the child's eyes from a bedside lamp just before their mother/father extinguised itt?

The second makes me think of children playing, perhaps at a birthday party or during a dressing up session (maybe the lone ranger!) and someone has just walked out of the house and down the garden path and the child is brought out of their imagination by the visitor closing the gate. I imagine they went straight back to their game afterwards...

I think I prefer the second one as it provides me with an entire scene.

John McManus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2739
    • View Profile
Re: Sea Shell Game 4
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2012, 10:21:27 AM »
Thanks for kicking this one off Marion.

What I find about these two poems is that they are both full of psychology. They unnerve and dislocate perception before landing on their concrete images, but the images give us no indication of how to feel. Just how are we meant to react to Paul's gold beetles? Wonder, despair, ecstasy, panic? Who knows. The same can be said with Fay's closing gate. Are we meant to feel lonely, relieved, sad or righteous? 

warmest,
John   

Adelaide

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 208
    • View Profile
    • White Petals
Re: Sea Shell Game 4
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2012, 08:44:50 PM »
Paul's haiku could be a dream or a nightmare. I get nothing else from it. Perhaps more of a dream because the beetles are gold, like jewels rather than scary bugs.

From Fay's I'm reminded of the paper masks we made as children using grocery bags.  Being paper they didn't last long.  They were a temporary plaything, temporary as our life is temporary.  We see life through our eyes and it is slowly closing, like the gate, a little more each day.

I prefer Fay's haiku.

Adelaide

Vida

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 966
    • View Profile
Re: Sea Shell Game 4
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2012, 10:46:19 PM »
a darkness so deep
I am surrounded
by gold beetles

Paul Pfleuger, Jr.

through eye holes
of a paper mask
I watch the gate closing

Fay Aoyagi


Hi,

Very difficult choice again.  Plenty of room for the imagination in both haiku.

I am a huge fan of Fay's poems, but my vote here goes for Paul's haiku. My first thought was, why aren't these beetles rolling the sun back to its place? :)

Best,
Vida

 
"The pain felt in my foot is not my hand's,
 So why, in fact, should one protect the other?"
                                                Shantideva

donna

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 66
  • donna
    • View Profile
Re: Sea Shell Game 4
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2012, 07:03:52 PM »
a darkness so deep
I am surrounded
by gold beetles

Paul Pfleuger, Jr.

through eye holes
of a paper mask
I watch the gate closing

Fay Aoyagi


Both of them, I love.  The second one I can identify with and it is one I'd want to read again and again.  I think it could be read in different ways. 

With Paul's haiku, however, I keep trying to search for answers.  First I am wondering why are they gold?  If I have to have beetles surround me one day I want them to be gold!  ;-)  I could read a lot into this one.  And still never be sure.  So I will for now vote for Paul's. 
Donna

martin1223@comcast.net

  • Guest
Re: Sea Shell Game 4
« Reply #6 on: June 21, 2012, 10:24:22 AM »
I can't choose, I like and experienced both of them. Fay’s poem reminds me of when I was a kid looking through the eyeholes of a monster Halloween costume waiting for the door to open and suddenly feeling distant from it.  More recently, Paul’s poem brings me to when I got off work waiting for the bus across from the marsh with the red sky above and stirring below in the darkening mud gold and black beetles.What mysteries!
  ;D ;D

martin
« Last Edit: June 23, 2012, 12:18:37 AM by martin1223@comcast.net »

Chase Gagnon

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1015
    • View Profile
Re: Sea Shell Game 4
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2012, 09:53:46 PM »
I really enjoyed the second ku. After thinking, I drew a few different conclusions in my head.
It dosent necessarily mean something bad, just... a change.
I vote for fay.

John McManus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2739
    • View Profile
Re: Sea Shell Game 4
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2012, 02:08:50 AM »
Thanks for particpating guys. I will call this a victory to Fay as the votes now stand at 3 to 2 in her favour.

All my best,
John