showing action: when to use -ing

[matthew murphy]

All,

What are the general thoughts on when to use -(e)s vs. -ing? I have been making the decision based mostly on aesthetic and frequently how it contributes to the length of the line and overall shape of the words, but I'm sure there's more to it than that.

Cheers,

Matthew

[AlanSummers]

Hi Matthew,

It also depends if you want an ongoing action or not.  After all moments aren't disconnected from each other: all time is fluid in movement.

Examples of ings

another hot day
a leaking water pipe stopped
by the jackdaw's beak

Alan Summers

Award credits:
Honourable Mention, 14th Mainichi Haiku Contest (2010)


pawmarks
    on drying paving slabs
        leaves begin to yellow

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Azami #29 (Osaka, Japan 1995)


woodsmoke rising
towards the milky way
upturned faces

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Haiku Spirit, Eire (1995)


a blue heeler cattle dog
coursing the wind...
its bark 

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Brussels Sprout (1995)

Kuranda cat
curling
into its own embrace 

Alan Summers
Publications credits: sundog haiku journal: an australian year  (sunfast press 1997 reprinted 1998); California State Library - Main Catalog Call Number : HAIKU S852su 1997

Award Credits: Considerable Merit, Fellowship of Australian Writers Queensland Haiku Competition (1994)


Magnetic Island possum
taking scraps from tourists
the winter moon

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Haiku International no. 37  (Tokyo, Japan 1999)

I could use a pause at the end of the second line but having fun with the pivot line. :-)


foot-stamping weather
the train passenger breaks
in a new book

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Blithe Spirit Vol. 21 No. 1 (2011)


Upolu Cay
my own skeletons
unearthing

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Asahi Shimbun (Japan, 2011)

waxing ice moon
through the alleys
a market sets up

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Simply Haiku: September 2003, Vol. 1, No. 3


tilting at the world
the late morning finds
a smaller snowman

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Blithe Spirit vol. 20 no. 4 (2010)


getting drunk
with the ripe moon
cadmium blues

Alan Summers
Publications credits: haijinx volume IV, issue 1 (2011)


late deadline
keeping owl hours
with the mice

Alan Summers
Publications credits: haijinx volume IV, issue 1 (2011)


fading last note
torresian crow sounds
the darkening sky

Alan Summers

Publications credits: Paper Wasp (1997); Azami (1998); Blithe Spirit, (June 2004); Shamrock Haiku Journal, Irish Haiku Society, Spring 2006; Sketchbook, A Journal  for Eastern & Western Short Forms Nov. 2007; Haiku Hike; THFhaiku app for iPhone/iPad/iPod Touch (2011)


fighting illness–
the darkness before the light
of the new year

luttant contre la maladie –
l'obscurité avant la lumière
du nouvel an

Publications credits: tempslibres (2012)
Trans. Serge Tome

There are many reasons for ings, more to do with content than form.  Look forward to other examples.

regards,

Alan

All,

What are the general thoughts on when to use -(e)s vs. -ing? I have been making the decision based mostly on aesthetic and frequently how it contributes to the length of the line and overall shape of the words, but I'm sure there's more to it than that.

Cheers,

Matthew

[matthew murphy]

Alan,

I see, that makes sense. Helpful examples. thank you!

Cheers,

Matthew

[Adelaide]

Hi Matthew,

Alan has given you (and the rest of us) great examples of successfully using ing.  I would add a word of caution:  only one ing in a haiku.  More than one tends to call attention to them.

In Alan's haiku below:  L3 could have been faces turning up, but Alan wisely chose upturned faces

woodsmoke rising
towards the milky way
upturned faces

or in this one

foot-stamping weather
the train passenger breaks
in a new book

L2 could have been the train passenger breaking

My advice: Don't shy away from using the particple; just be careful not to overdo it.

Adelaide

[John McManus]

Hi Matthew, I would say whatever seems most natural is the way to go. Sometimes an ing can shorten something considerably. A quick example . . .

morning laughter
children run to meet
the breaking waves

John McManus, NFTG 2011.

now if I was to eliminate one of those ings because of some belief that haiku should only have one word ending with an ing . . .

morning laughter
children run to meet
the waves as they break

you see the last line is extended by one syllable and makes the haiku lose it's s-l-s shape

Interestingly I've just had a one line haiku accepted for the next issue of Modern Haiku which has four words that end with an ing.

warmest,
John

[Adelaide]

Hi Matthew,

John's advice just goes to show that what seems to work for the poet is the right way to go. Good luck as you go winging your way through haiku.

Adelaide