Author Topic: Sea Shell game 2  (Read 10689 times)

John McManus

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Sea Shell game 2
« on: November 06, 2011, 03:47:31 AM »
Hi everyone, hopefully everyone will have seen the previous game and know how this works by now. Feel free to join in. Everyone's opinion is valid so please share yours.


the word god being eaten by a field of robins

Scott Metz


say it so it sounds like starling she says

Chris Gordon



Vida

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2011, 11:55:28 AM »
The first one.

the word god being eaten by a field of robins

Scott Metz


It has religion, it has nature, it has seasons, it has change. It probably has everything, this is just my very first reading. It provokes questions and all kinds of images. The one that I really liked is the image of a Bible, torn apart in a wheat field and the birds  everywhere around it. But it could be simply a word god, written with seeds. Or the the idea that we are disassembling our religions, and there is nothing wrong with that- who can blame a robin for being hungry? :) 

Very rich poem!

best,
vida

*Edited to fix a typo.
 
« Last Edit: November 07, 2011, 08:57:10 PM by Vida »
"The pain felt in my foot is not my hand's,
 So why, in fact, should one protect the other?"
                                                Shantideva

John McManus

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2011, 03:52:01 PM »
Thanks Vida, for being the first to vote. I really did enjoy your wonderful post and can certainly identify with your feelings on those hungry robins.

I am looking forward to seeing what others have to say.

warmest,
John

Don Baird

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2011, 07:54:09 PM »
To me:

... we have chewy against delicate; we have power against subtlety; we have destruction contrasting construction; we have anger (by robins?) paired against love - we have two poems coming from two completely different places.  They both appeal to the emotions; yes, they both are emotive but in much different ways.

A measure, to me, is whether I would want to read either one again and again ... is there a lasting message that I would like to repeat or ponder days after my first reading.  Maybe.  The robin is a symbol for growth and renewal.  Is that the message? Is the robin eating the word of God to make room for renewal?  Is it the advent of a new spring?  If so, is it destruction or construction?  And then,therefore, are they both construction?  Possibly.

After scratching what's left of my hair off, my vote goes to Scott Metz.  The weight on the scales of his favor comes from the word "robins".  At first, I'm thinking "crows" because they tear everything apart.  In this case he chose a sensitive word (specie) that envelopes a less harsh scene - buffers the tearing at "the word God".  It's a poem of synthesis.  It's a tearing apart of ideals to rebuild once again. And, now ... I can ponder his poem awhile longer and let it linger on the palette of my mind ... savoring and re-reading to finally read it right, if such a possibility exists.

Scott - my vote.

best,

Don

 
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Andy

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2011, 08:10:25 PM »
the word god being eaten by a field of robins      Scott Metz

The visual aspect of a field robins feeding on something is compelling, but to me the phrase 'the word god' is very enigmatic.  At first I read it as 'worm god', until my second reading.  As Vida said, it does have religious undertones.  Is this the word (of) god, the bible?  Jesus himself is referred to as the word in John 1:1.  Is this a reference to him?  In either case I struggle with this because of my own beliefs.  But another interpretation could be that this is the word's god.  What would be god to a word?  A dictionary?  Maybe instead of a bible in the field being eaten by robins it is a dictionary?


say it so it sounds like starling she says      Chris Gordon

I love the alliteration of this one.  Read quickly it is close to being a tongue twister.  Read more slowly it has a rhythmic, melodic quality to it.  It is playful and when I read it I can see her as she leans close and whispers in her lovers ear,  'say it so it sound like starling'.

My vote goes to Chris


John McManus

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2011, 12:19:32 AM »
I'm loving the responses so far.

Great job guys!

warmest,
John

 

Köy Deli

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2011, 10:52:26 AM »
the word god being eaten by a field of robins

Scott Metz

Well this was a puzzler - well it had me puzzled - word god? word god? what on earth is he on about? but it came to me in a flash - word god = god of words, he's on about himself of course, the poet - it's another of those poets on writing poems in'it, of course! Obvious really when you think about it. But what are they eating you may well ask, what on earth are they chewing on... or should that be peckin' rather ... yeees you're right, of course you're right peckin is definitely the more appropriate choice in the case of robins. But, well anyways, don't let us get distracted now, or we'll be 'ere all night - it's 'is words innit!? They are consuming 'is words, the seeds of 'is divine genius. But, you may well ask, but who are these robins, these consumers of our word god's words, the little letter seeds of self. Well, I thought, they must be symbols, can't be anything but symbols can they, but symbols of what I asked myself symbols of what? It came to me in the pub when I went to the gents and saw that... well, no need to go into details but it was a thing on the door that clearly and without doubt signified that this was indeed the gents and in a flash I saw it, where do you see robins? Eh? Eh? On christmas cards! Yes, yes, our word god poet 'as sacrificed 'imself on the altar of consumerism innit - and is writing verse for christmas cards - and nothing wrong with that I say, gotta grab your crumbs where you can an' no mistake.

On the other hand, I did like that idea someone 'ereabouts 'ad about the little peckers picking at letters spelt in corn - "God" I thought, 'ow clever is that.


say it so it sounds like starling she says

Chris Gordon

I love the peck on the cheeks playfullness of this, with it tongue twister like alliteration and rythym that I can't seem to help express in anything other than a high camp voice - for some reason it makes me think of zsa zsa darling!?

Anyways, I's gotta go, me dinners burning, oh dear... well anyways, my vote goes to : dah dah --

CHRIS
« Last Edit: November 09, 2011, 10:58:15 AM by Köy Deli »
I am a diviner, but a poor one.

KÖY DELI
aka: Steve Mangan
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John McManus

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2011, 11:17:19 AM »
Hi Steve, thanks for chiming in. I found your post interesting and your vote now means it is currently a tie at two votes each.

I would say that it crossed my mind about Scott reffering to himself as a word god, not in the sense of him being pretentious, but in the sense that he creates with words. Although, when I read the poem I am always reminded of the opening words of John 1:1.

'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.'

So going on that biblical text God is the word, not a word but the word. Is this important in relation to the poem? I think it could be.

warmest,
John     

chibi575

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2011, 11:37:23 AM »
...

the word god being eaten by a field of robins

Scott Metz


say it so it sounds like starling she says

Chris Gordon



Scott's certainly has interesting imagery... though, "god" could be generic.  Oddly the thing that throws me is a field of robins... robins being particullary territorial and do not flock as such or feed in groups... but then it could be in a large field... hmmm

On the other hand, Chris' is a toungue tantilizer/twister and I like mouthy word play... a chewy poem...
besides I see Lauren Bacall in the "whistle scene" of To Have and Have not... HOT!!!

Heaven or Hell... I've always been partial to heat.

CHRIS vote for me.

知美

Köy Deli

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2011, 11:55:34 AM »
I see Lauren Bacall in the "whistle scene" of To Have and Have not... HOT!!!


Lauren Bacall and Zsa Zsa darling Gabor!

It's turning into hollywood v. the bible
I am a diviner, but a poor one.

KÖY DELI
aka: Steve Mangan
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Vida

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2011, 01:51:20 PM »
Hi Chibi,

Quote
Oddly the thing that throws me is a field of robins... robins being particullary territorial and do not flock as such or feed in groups... but then it could be in a large field... hmmm

The robins get in flocks sometimes. I have seen tens or even more of them "attacking" our backyard, them moving on to the next one. I haven't checked but it seems a lot like  some kind of migration. Usually there are a few blue jays  with them and one or two woodpeckers. This thing happens for a couple of days. Then, it's the usual few robins, that I suppose live close by during the whole year.

I am not trying to change your vote :). It's just a really beautiful sight. They move like a flock of kids on Halloween :)

Best,
Vida

 
« Last Edit: November 09, 2011, 09:22:15 PM by Vida »
"The pain felt in my foot is not my hand's,
 So why, in fact, should one protect the other?"
                                                Shantideva

Vida

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #11 on: November 09, 2011, 09:21:39 PM »
Last post, I promise! :)

I have a question actually. Does Scott's poem have anything to do with the Battle of Kosovo?
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Kosovo)

Kos does not mean robin but,
"Like America's harbinger of spring, the black bird called "kos" in Serbian language sings sweetly in the springtime and early summer.
For North Americans the feel of the Serbo-Croatian place name "Kosovo" can only be had from a free translation, "Field of Robins". (http://emperors-clothes.com/articles/JP%20maher/InAname.html

PS Chibi, I am sorry about the misprint of your name in the previous post!
"The pain felt in my foot is not my hand's,
 So why, in fact, should one protect the other?"
                                                Shantideva

Chèvrefeuille

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #12 on: November 09, 2011, 09:54:44 PM »
the word god being eaten by a field of robins

Scott Metz


say it so it sounds like starling she says

Chris Gordon


I will give this a try. I am not so very good in giving of comments. But I shall try.

I love the verse written by Scott. By reading and another time reading I see a torn Holy Scripture in the fields and Robins who are using the paper for their nest's. So the Holy Scripture becomes a building material and that ... I think is what it was meant to be.

The verse by Chris ... I love the aliteration, but that's all. Sorry Chris.

My vote goes to Scott.

I will, by the way, include a haiku I once have written in the same picture as the one by Scott:

the Holy Scripture
torn apart and thrown away
moves with the breeze


Every day needs a smile.

AlanSummers

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #13 on: November 10, 2011, 02:42:20 AM »
I concur with Kristjaan on this, although I too love Chris's verse which is a joy to read.  But Scott's haiku feels it has more vertical axis to me.

I vote for Scott Metz.

all my best,

Alan

the word god being eaten by a field of robins

Scott Metz


say it so it sounds like starling she says

Chris Gordon


I will give this a try. I am not so very good in giving of comments. But I shall try.

I love the verse written by Scott. By reading and another time reading I see a torn Holy Scripture in the fields and Robins who are using the paper for their nest's. So the Holy Scripture becomes a building material and that ... I think is what it was meant to be.

The verse by Chris ... I love the aliteration, but that's all. Sorry Chris.

My vote goes to Scott.

I will, by the way, include a haiku I once have written in the same picture as the one by Scott:

the Holy Scripture
torn apart and thrown away
moves with the breeze


John McManus

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Re: Sea Shell game 2
« Reply #14 on: December 16, 2011, 10:00:53 AM »
Well, it has been over  amonth since this has attracted any more votes or comments, so I would say it is time to declare the winner and close the thread. . .

Scott Metz wins 4 votes to 3.

Thanks to all for joining in and giving such wonderful responses!

warmest,
John