when to stop

[Darrell]

 I'm wondering how you know when to stop shortening a Haiku
following is a Haiku by Kamala Moore taken from her book " In the spirit of Haiku"

jay's shout from the treestops
teenage boys
ready for a fight

now I can shorten it to

jays shout from trees
teen boys
ready to fight

but in doing so, don't you lose the message, and it's flow ?

[John McManus]

Hi Darrell, I'm not meaning to sound harsh on Kamala Moore, but I have just checked out her free ebook and it is, to put it bluntly not up to much in my honest opinion. I do apologise to anyone I might offend with that statement, but I'm not going to lie for the sake of being nice.

Darrell, as to your question about shortening haiku it is really a matter for the poet to decide, if you are happy with a haiku to be just a few, a couple or even one word and your instincts tell you that your poem is no weaker for the extreme brevity then go with it.

Remember haiku is about essentials, never say two words when one would do the job just as well.

I hope this helps, but if there's anything you don't get, please feel free to ask.

warmest,
John

     



 

[AlanSummers]

I have to agree with John.  I checked her out, and her ebook is available via iTunes?  Couldn't download it, but I have to say it didn't look like a good book about haiku.

Alan