assonance in haiku

[josie hibbing]

Hi mentors! I posted this haiku at Nahaiwrimo:

first light
the swelling redness
over the rooftops

One of my new FB friends said that I just used assonance in this haiku. Could you please explain more about assonance? Thank you...

josie

[hairy]

Hello Josie:

According to the definition of assonance: The repetition of vowel sounds to create internal rhyming with an e.e, cummings example "on a proud round cloud in white high night I don't see where your ku uses assonance. I notice some alliteration, ie "redness...rooftops" but no assonance. Perhaps your friend meant alliteration?


Al

[josie hibbing]

Hi Al! Thanks for the response. My friend said the assonance is in the 3rd line: over the rooftops-- which has the repetitions of the vowel "o".
Can you tell me more about alliteration?

Josie

[hairy]

Hello Josie:

Yes, there is repetition of the vowel "o" but it also must internally rhyme and yours doesn't so it is not strict assonance (perhaps oblique).  Alliteration refers to the repetition of a particular sound in the first syllables of a series of words and/or phrases. Your "redness...rooftops" has the "r" sound not in a series, so--technically--your phrase is not considered an exact alliteration but close. It is best not to have heavy usage of assonance or alliteration in haiku--as these poetic devices detract from the overall theme by focusing too much on sound.

Hope this helps,

Al

[John McManus]

Hi Josie, to be honest I would'nt notice the assonance in your third line without you pointing it out, there is a certain rhythm to it with the round 'oh' sounds either side of the elongated 'oooh'. So I'm not sure why it didn't jump out at me.

Alliteration is the repetition of similar consonants, usually placed in the first letter of a word through a sentence or a phrase. Here are a couple of simple examples

Prissy Polly picked pink pansies.

A dozen dogs darkened Dad's door at dawn.

Hope this helps!

warmest,
John



 

[sandra]

Hi Josie,

Your friend might have meant consonance - a repeating of a consonant sound, in this case "s" in L2 & 3.

There's no problem with using a repeating sound, so long as it doesn't detract from the poem but in some way reinforces it. A repeated "s" sound (which of course can include "c" in certain cases) can make something sound soft. Repeated "hard" consonants, such as "d" and "t" can add a tougher edge.

Now, I'm not advocating you use it all the time and/or extensively. It's just another tool in the box that may be what you need now and again. Like everything, moderation is the key!

Best,
Sandra

[josie hibbing]

Thank you Al for explaining! It helped a lot!  :)

John, thanks for your input. I really appreciate it!

Sandra, thank you for you response. I'm pretty sure my friend said "assonance". I haven't heard of "consonance" before. Thanks for explaining it to me.

I have learned about assonance and alliteration. I'll remember to use them in moderation ;)

Josie

[chibi575]

Late reply... but your poem has assonance in the vowel "e" in L2, at least, to my ear.

thE swElling rEdnEss

(if you pronounce "the" lazily)

As to the poem itself... for some reason (not good nor bad) in my IMAGEnation of the sun "stinging" the sky over the roofs...  ;D

ciao...

[Gabi Greve]

Here are some examples of Japanese haiku

http://wkdhaikutopics.blogspot.com/2009/08/rhyme-and-rhythm.html



first light
the swelling redness
over the rooftops


I quite like the sounds of your poem.

(BTW, first light, is a kigo for the New Year in Japan)

Gabi
.