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One line haiku

Started by Bea, July 04, 2011, 12:44:19 AM

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martin gottlieb cohen

in Fukushima's waves the blue half life

among the sunlit wrecks caws of Kesennuma

cobbled street passing me the horse-drawn cart

back into the krill distant songs

in the length of a breath shooting star

Anna

Hi,

thank you for being around,
will you look at these pauses that I register as I read the one liners, and tell me if the pauses I take are how the compositions should be read?

It is said that haiku is read in one breath,  and often I feel that the one liner expresses it the best, but then I go and contradict myself, what can I say, ...

anyways

1. in Fukushima's waves the blue half life


In Fukushima's waves [pause] the blue half life

what a spectacular composition


2.

among the sunlit wrecks caws of Kesennuma

among the sunlit wrecks[pause] caws of Kesennuma

I also seem to want to pause like this after reading it more than once:

among [pause] the sunlit wrecks [pause] caws of Kesenuma

3.

cobbled street passing me the horse-drawn cart

cobbled street passing me [p] the horse-drawn cart

this is where the confusion arises in the one liners for me:

the first read, reads like above, but after reading it and comprehending it, I read it as

cobbled street[p]passing me[p] the horse-drawn cart

and the next read transforms to

cobbled street [p] passing me the horse-drawn cart

One thing I noticed is how very important the hyphen is- in horse-drawn - is, without which, the pause changes, what we do have with the hyphen is a drawn out stretch but not a pause.

I think I will wait for your response before I do the other two, or maybe someone else can attempt them to further the discussion, ...


Thankyou-Martin
If anyone comes, / Turn into frogs, / O cooling melons!

¬Issa

flowerfox

Anna, have you read, Allan's post on page 2 - reply 16 . May 21 . 2014
I think this maybe what you are asking about.

Anna

Quote from: flowerfox on October 09, 2017, 04:38:52 PM
Anna, have you read, Allan's post on page 2 - reply 16 . May 21 . 2014
I think this maybe what you are asking about.

aaah, thankyou foxy, I will look it up, pronto
If anyone comes, / Turn into frogs, / O cooling melons!

¬Issa


Anna

Hi Maaaaartieeeeeeen,

thank you, I have read it and am now reading it again, simple but a lot to think and learn in there, plus of course
trying to guess where the pauses would fall in this one:

The water-bug is drawing the shadows of evening toward him across the water. (3
)

because if any of us were to edit it, golly sometimes I am stupidly foolish but then how else will i learn if I don;t ask...anyways
if I were to edit it , then I would have

waterbug pause drawing shadows of evening pause across water pause towards himself


Which leads me to question:

does every reader read the single line in a different manner,
I ask because:
the accent changes or alters the way we speak an accent ...which may dictate the way a word is pronounced,

then what happens to the one liner?

I have been engrossed with this subject for some time now and would like to research and write an essay initially on the same,

who can guide me, can anyone help me with it,

thankyou


If anyone comes, / Turn into frogs, / O cooling melons!

¬Issa

AlanSummers

My Area 17 is regularly updated on the topic of single line haiku aka 'monoku':

Travelling the single line of haiku - one line haiku / monoku / monostich
https://area17.blogspot.com/2016/12/travelling-single-line-of-haiku-one.html


Also coming up next couple of weeks are a continuation of The Area 17 Profile Poet Series with two exceptional exponents of monoku. Stay tuned!  8)

Alan Summers,
founder, Call of the Page
https://www.callofthepage.org

Seaview (Marion Clarke)

Quote from: AlanSummers on August 18, 2020, 03:00:58 PM
My Area 17 is regularly updated on the topic of single line haiku aka 'monoku':

Travelling the single line of haiku - one line haiku / monoku / monostich
https://area17.blogspot.com/2016/12/travelling-single-line-of-haiku-one.html


Also coming up next couple of weeks are a continuation of The Area 17 Profile Poet Series with two exceptional exponents of monoku. Stay tuned!  8)

This blog post of Alan Summers is very helpful—and inspirational—if you are considering delving into monostich/monoku/one-line haiku territory.

marion

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