re-write

[chibi575]

The literary process of poetry for me usually starts with written words in my pocket journal.  I try to adopt/adapt the "once written - once done" approach as in Japanese calligraphy... the stroke can not be undone, whatever brings the ink to paper becomes.

Always a student of poetry, I do admit to re-writes; but, I also admit these "edits" rarely refine, but, more often than not, define yet another poem.  I have a hypothesis (if I'm using that word correctly) that the emotional energy dissapates exponentially proportional to the distance (time-space) from the moment (conceptional awareness).  That therein lies risk of adjacent energies (distractions/retractions) to fold into the original moment as if (giving the illusion) of the original.  I am struggling with detecting and dissapating these energies.

As such, I wrestle with my muses (can be fun if done with a playful intent) as to which is original moment and which is not.

Let me give example:

Journal entry scribbled while walking (muses in tow) along the beach at low tide near midday:

surf : me
seafoam : native muse
folds the ocean's : Japanese muse
edge: Japanese muse

More wrestling now a two on one with that twin muses: old Japanese, the other of native origin (I, while sitting at a cafe, the half-way point on my low-tide walk):


seafoam
folds the summer
at the ocean's edge

I headlock the Japanese muse... with "too many repeats of 'the'"  but with a twisting-fold the Japanese muse breaks the hold countering with "no Engrish articles in nihongo" tags the other muse who then body slams with "good you added 'summer'... the Japanese muse bows from the sidelines.  With another twist recovering from the slam using a "short-long-short wrist lock and bar on the native muse.  A double tap to release without a successful tag, I carry the match:

summer surf
seafoam folds the ocean's
edge

Respectful bows all around.

Yet, now, breakfast on the day after the match while sipping coffee, listening to the whir of laptop cooling fans, I ponder museless:

summer surf:
folds of seafoam
at ocean's edge


ciao...

[Grace]

Fascinating insight into the process of producing a haiku, chibi.

I lapped up every word. I'll just go and give my muse a dig in the rigs. She is lying abed - again. :D ;)

[AlanSummers]

Hi Dennis.

I found this fascinating, and will need to revisit this a few times.

Are you saying something between the lines, not just in the poem, but the explanation?

I'm looking forward to reading more as I feel you are saying something more honest and raw, not quite out yet, that reveals a poet isn't just playing with words, but dealing with their life on a serious level.

Quite happy to be wrong, but I often get close to serious financial debt through haiku.

Alan

The literary process of poetry for me usually starts with written words in my pocket journal.  I try to adopt/adapt the "once written - once done" approach as in Japanese calligraphy... the stroke can not be undone, whatever brings the ink to paper becomes.

Always a student of poetry, I do admit to re-writes; but, I also admit these "edits" rarely refine, but, more often than not, define yet another poem.  I have a hypothesis (if I'm using that word correctly) that the emotional energy dissapates exponentially proportional to the distance (time-space) from the moment (conceptional awareness).  That therein lies risk of adjacent energies (distractions/retractions) to fold into the original moment as if (giving the illusion) of the original.  I am struggling with detecting and dissapating these energies.

As such, I wrestle with my muses (can be fun if done with a playful intent) as to which is original moment and which is not.

Let me give example:

Journal entry scribbled while walking (muses in tow) along the beach at low tide near midday:

surf : me
seafoam : native muse
folds the ocean's : Japanese muse
edge: Japanese muse

More wrestling now a two on one with that twin muses: old Japanese, the other of native origin (I, while sitting at a cafe, the half-way point on my low-tide walk):


seafoam
folds the summer
at the ocean's edge

I headlock the Japanese muse... with "too many repeats of 'the'"  but with a twisting-fold the Japanese muse breaks the hold countering with "no Engrish articles in nihongo" tags the other muse who then body slams with "good you added 'summer'... the Japanese muse bows from the sidelines.  With another twist recovering from the slam using a "short-long-short wrist lock and bar on the native muse.  A double tap to release without a successful tag, I carry the match:

summer surf
seafoam folds the ocean's
edge

Respectful bows all around.

Yet, now, breakfast on the day after the match while sipping coffee, listening to the whir of laptop cooling fans, I ponder museless:

summer surf:
folds of seafoam
at ocean's edge


ciao...

[chibi575]

Hi Dennis.

I found this fascinating, and will need to revisit this a few times.

Are you saying something between the lines, not just in the poem, but the explanation?

I'm looking forward to reading more as I feel you are saying something more honest and raw, not quite out yet, that reveals a poet isn't just playing with words, but dealing with their life on a serious level.

Quite happy to be wrong, but I often get close to serious financial debt through haiku.

Alan

Alan, this was just my MUSEandering on a process I use commonly.  I fear too much re-write, yet, I fear falling into arrogance.  I do get writer-twinge at changing originals. 

Thanks for the concern.  Not to worry, though. 

[Don Baird]

Hi chibi!

A very interesting expose on your process.  You have captured a fabulous moment, by the way!

summer surf:
folds of seafoam
at ocean's edge

Nice ... :)  And,

summer surf ...
at the ocean's edge
folds of seafoam

Just my take on it .................. thanks for sharing.  I enjoyed the read!

Don

[chibi575]

Don sensei, thank you for your encouragement.

[onecloud]

I love all the images in the wrestling match

you wrestling with with truth, art, form, and experience.
marty

The literary process of poetry for me usually starts with written words in my pocket journal.  I try to adopt/adapt the "once written - once done" approach as in Japanese calligraphy... the stroke can not be undone, whatever brings the ink to paper becomes.

Always a student of poetry, I do admit to re-writes; but, I also admit these "edits" rarely refine, but, more often than not, define yet another poem.  I have a hypothesis (if I'm using that word correctly) that the emotional energy dissapates exponentially proportional to the distance (time-space) from the moment (conceptional awareness).  That therein lies risk of adjacent energies (distractions/retractions) to fold into the original moment as if (giving the illusion) of the original.  I am struggling with detecting and dissapating these energies.

As such, I wrestle with my muses (can be fun if done with a playful intent) as to which is original moment and which is not.

Let me give example:

Journal entry scribbled while walking (muses in tow) along the beach at low tide near midday:

surf : me
seafoam : native muse
folds the ocean's : Japanese muse
edge: Japanese muse

More wrestling now a two on one with that twin muses: old Japanese, the other of native origin (I, while sitting at a cafe, the half-way point on my low-tide walk):


seafoam
folds the summer
at the ocean's edge

I headlock the Japanese muse... with "too many repeats of 'the'"  but with a twisting-fold the Japanese muse breaks the hold countering with "no Engrish articles in nihongo" tags the other muse who then body slams with "good you added 'summer'... the Japanese muse bows from the sidelines.  With another twist recovering from the slam using a "short-long-short wrist lock and bar on the native muse.  A double tap to release without a successful tag, I carry the match:

summer surf
seafoam folds the ocean's
edge

Respectful bows all around.

Yet, now, breakfast on the day after the match while sipping coffee, listening to the whir of laptop cooling fans, I ponder museless:

summer surf:
folds of seafoam
at ocean's edge


ciao...

on the topic of is rewrite in error?
it is what it is.
I find my journal notes to raw to please my own sense of form,
rewrite is usually
delete
delete
keep
delete
restate

it's all good Chibi
marty

[chibi575]

"it's all good" -- marty

Yeah... then, why am I so sore?   ??? ;D