The Haiku Foundation Forums

Oh dear ... chibi-san, you may have to rethink this slightly - at least the kanji.  Nice seeing you here.

Don

To me:

... we have chewy against delicate; we have power against subtlety; we have destruction contrasting construction; we have anger (by robins?) paired against love - we have two poems coming from two completely different places.  They both appeal to the emotions; yes, they both are emotive but in much different ways.

A measure, to me, is whether I would want to read either one again and again ... is there a lasting message that I would like to repeat or ponder days after my first reading.  Maybe.  The robin is a symbol for growth and renewal.  Is that the message? Is the robin eating the word of God to make room for renewal?  Is it the advent of a new spring?  If so, is it destruction or construction?  And then,therefore, are they both construction?  Possibly.

After scratching what's left of my hair off, my vote goes to Scott Metz.  The weight on the scales of his favor comes from the word "robins".  At first, I'm thinking "crows" because they tear everything apart.  In this case he chose a sensitive word (specie) that envelopes a less harsh scene - buffers the tearing at "the word God".  It's a poem of synthesis.  It's a tearing apart of ideals to rebuild once again. And, now ... I can ponder his poem awhile longer and let it linger on the palette of my mind ... savoring and re-reading to finally read it right, if such a possibility exists.

Scott - my vote.

best,

Don

Great advice, John!   8)

pumpkins appear
on all the porches
orange October
                      ~Andy

October birthday
he makes a wish and starts
blowing leaves
                      ~Vida

leaves blowing
around her bare feet . . .
moonlit taxi rank
                      ~John

rank socks . . .
the smell of summer
at the laundromat
                       ~ Don

foul throw—
seventy-thousand groans
rent the air
                      ~John

airborne & weightless
finally able
to slam dunk
                      ~Al

dunkin' donuts
an obese pigeon loiters
by the door
                     ~John

door to door
under the waxing moon
a pumpkin
                    ~Don

twelve o'clock
and still awake . . .
bitter moon
                    ~cat

moon's halo -
a porthole
into space
             ~Gael

space hoppers
in the back of the shed . . .
spring clean
               ~John

clean underwear
a noon breeze weaves
the clothesline
                  ~ Don

I'm currently filing my haiku by "keywords".  For example:

teetering grass
just moments ago
a dragonfly

... would be in the T's for teetering; and D's for dragonfly (alphabetized).  I could also file it under "grass" and "moments".  It takes a bit to get it going ... and I'm definitely behind, but I can find my haiku by subject (keyword) anytime I want.  If someone says, "hey, do you have one on and ANT"?, I can look under "A" and find it (them).  All "moon" ones are in the same category regardless if it is "the moon", "autumn moon", "smiling moon" etc.  However, "smiling moon" could be filed under "smile" as well ... "Autumn Moon" can be filed under Autumn as well.  It's always your call on where you decide to file them.

Just what I'm doing these days.  

Don

Looking forward to it, Lorin.   8)  Lots of hard and tedious work, but it will pay off wonderfully!

Don

In a way, Lyles gets my vote by default!  While "tarrying", in the Spiess haiku is a striking word and as Jack mentions, archaic and therefore somewhat attractive, L3 is a let down.  I believe there is so much more he could have brought out by unfolding a more brawny final line.  L3 is the closer and I think it is too subtle considering L1 and 2.  Frankly, it's too poetic for my taste (L3).

Just my quick, humble pondering out loud.

Don

Vote to Lyles.

It looks great folks!  Nice work!!!

Don

Excellent!!!

Well Andy.  This just might be the question of the century.  It's possible, as I see it, that if one word in a poem makes a significant difference, it might never be adjudicated as plagiarism.  Secondly, proving who wrote the poem first could become a crucial aspect of the argument which, therefore, should encourage all of us to document when we wrote the poem (as I do).

These poems are so short that copyright protection becomes a major point of contention; and, most likely, unresolvable in many cases.

There are some folks here that know a heck of a lot more than I do about all this; I'm interested to see what they have to say ...

Don

Hey Andy, a very enjoyable set of links!  Much appreciated!

Thanks!

Hi Grace,

I believe one of the pitfalls is folks like to live in a black and white arena - where they can seek and keep clarity.  But, most of life is lived in the non-absolutes and therefore we dwell in the grey areas (mostly).  Each poem "is what it is" to you.  If you feel the author is imposing, then he is to you.

A basic principle of haiku is not to enforce an author's point of view onto everyone else through statement of "so called facts" (as you're noting).  Author judgements etc.  It all sounds great in a rule.  But applying it very often defies the black and white of things and spins us into the grey areas once again.

Enjoyed Alan's wisdom here as well.

Don

ahhhh ... great.  Then, a title it would be!  :)  Happy writing.  (I write renku/renga and use titles.  But, for my haiku chain I have not.  Never researched it really though so maybe in the future I'll use title for the small chains/sequences).

Quote from: Andy on September 25, 2011, 11:16:43 AM
Don, thank you.  Yes, they are linked by subject.  I was asking because of what I read in Lee Gurga's book, Haiku: A Poet's Guide.  He says that titles are usually used for renku, haiku sequences,and haibun.