The Haiku Foundation Forums

god point about why not use 575

i would like to draw your attention to this 575 poem

1.1.87

Dangerous pavements
But I face the ice this year
With my father's stick

this has everything a haiku should ecept perhaps the title

it has kigo, a cut and no padding that i can see
even "but" adds an extra dimension to the "poem"
as we can infer the death of his father as he did not have the stick last year

like i said before when a poem works it works
this 575 was penned ny the Irish poet and Nobel Laureate; Seumas Heaney

Slainte

col :)

very interesting and informative david

the use of strict meter with modern subject matter is indeed
a deliberate two-fingers up to the establishment

the condom knotted up is interesting too
i see a sense of traditional japanese manners
where the lover did not want his sperm to mess the ground
counterpoised with the rebellious act of littering and discarding the condom

one gets a sense that yumu is also having a dig at the modern practice
of freezing one's sperm in case of future impotence

the poem in its entirety is playful and does seem to serve as a metaphor for yumu's own style
and approach to haiku

great read

slainte

col :)

i just posted a 575
i quite like the mental exercise of trying to write a ku in 575
but i do not advocate strict adherence to this format
quite the opposite in fact...most of my ku are minimal

i think ppl are conservative
that is why they go with what they are taught
and are reluctant to change

personally if the poem works ...it works

col :)

i agree with you lynne

here is an article on how writers craft their haiku

http://winningwriters.com/resources/critiques/2010/urc_1004haiku.php

col :)

i used to study Gaelic poetry which had a very strict metrical format (Dain Direach) in the old days
I am sure the old bards who had to compose at night with a stone on their belly would say that free verse was not poetry.

If poetry is indeed "the best words in the best order" then haiku is poetry, though just not a familiar form to most westerners who still think it is about counting. Haiku could be described as "the least words in the best order" -- multum in parvo

i have read many ku which have many of the traditional devices used in "normal" poetry. I am reminded of Buson's:

bleak winter field
see how nobley the priest
deposits his stool

ok i prolly misquote from memory but the point is there is irony here and a great metaphor that the priest craps too and is therefore just like the rest of humanity. I agree Jim, about two masters, which Christ famously stated when he spoke about serving God and mammon. Poetry and haiku in particular is a distillation of thought and imagery conveyed in a concise manner.

Haiku goes far beyond mere reportage or comments on the weather and resonate with a deeper meaning which all good poetry does. All poetry is synergy and i believe haiku to be more so

slainte

col

good to be here :)