The Haiku Foundation Forums

Don and Lorin,

Thank you both for your thoughtful reply.

I see the point, but, I am undecided as to which direction, if any, I should go.

I enjoy relating the memories.  If, or when, I go further, perhaps I will consider the traditional "publishing" path.  I would also try to pick a publisher that would not be too concerned about material exposed "online".  I am most happy to think that accessability the key focus of anything I write.

I am truly touched and grateful for your replies.

Yours in poetry.

PS... I hope Don, doesn't mind my plagerism of my reply to his private message.  Ain't the "copy-paste" function, great!  Sorry, Don... I wrestle with my technical laziness, daily.  :-\

.
mooning
the moon --
moonroof

(special car-eography)

:D ??? ;D

I have spell checked and did a grammar rule check (there are still some grammar green underlines that I just can't figure why their flagged by Microsoft grammar check).  But the spelling of "guidian" angel is a play on "guardian" angel.

So the last edit is pretty close to final, unless another set of eyes find some corrective edits they care to share.

As part of my first trip to Japan to attend the convention in Yuba Town, after the first kukai with Akegarasu sensei and Kusanohana, I was invited by the niece's husband to tour parts of Chichibu (a mountainous region near Tokyo), and try (with his assurance against my shyness) an old onsen in the region.  I may continue further haibun if I can recall enough from my memories. 

There were three more meetings with Kusanohana, several ginko walks, making a ceramic plaque, Chichibu summer festival and river boat tour, Nikko tour, Kamakura visit and special lunch, Tokyo formal Tea Ceremony, Chichibu winter festival, the visit to Gokurakuan, Harry Potter Bertie Botts Beans Surprize, 8th Mainichi International Haiku Competition, Akegarasu sensei's gift books, the 10th Kusanohana Anniversary, Smoky Mountain caven tours during Hurricane Fred (niece and her daughter visit to USA),Tea Bowls and Dragon Plates, and Kendo at Hanno City dojo.

All these "adventures" are in large part activities around the Kusanohana haiku circle meetings.  It would be a secret pleasure to put this all in installments to eventually be a complete haibun, perhaps, "chibi hosomichi"?  Although, I wonder if THF is the place to develop such?

Ciao... chibi

No.

Next.

.
full moon ...
our planet is never
on the darkside

Don, as kigo expands from Earth's seasons to other solar system planets' seasons, I suspect that we will have a Sagan Saijiki... millions and millons of seasons.  Then, when a "Don" then comes to your conclusion, a "chibi" then might quip, we need a Spock Saijiki... infinite diversity in infinite combinations.

Live short and perspire... \\//

ciao

I would be grateful to those who have read my account in haibun form to give critique, of course; but, most of all it is my sincere wish that you enjoyed the haibun.

Thank you very much.

Yours in poetry.

Ciao... chibi

I want to acknowledge an act of kindness from cat.  She went through my story and did a spell check, and, gave me notice also on some of the odd sentence structures. 

Thank you, cat.  I find this very touching, truly.  I need all the help in writing long I can get.  Maybe that's why I love the short in short poetry?   ;D

Thanks again, cat.

Ciao... chibi

Third installment complete... I swear I made grammar and spelling corrections for the first two installments, yet, even now I see I need proof reader HELP!!  Late now... my eyes protest.  Tomorrow is just a day away... thank you Annie.

The story continues in the original post.  I edit as I go to keep it all together for continuity and as an aid to my memory.

If there is a better technique to accomplish this on this forum, please, help.

Ciao... chibi

Arthur... do you have your towel?  (Ford Prefect to Arthur Dent)

My introduction to haiku starts on the Internet at night on the amateurastronomy Yahoo group in 1998.  My reply on the group is a short poem about being at the eyepiece of my Doby Odyssey II I had christened, "Mini-Hubble" in 1991 while I was working on Space Station Freedom in Huntsville, Alabama.  A member replies that I wrote a "haiku".  What is "haiku"? I reply. The same member replies that it's a short poem genre from Japan that usually has 5-7-5 syllables in pattern of three lines.  OK LOL I reply.

at the eyepiece
looking out at someone
looking in

At work, a co-worker stops by my cube.  What's haiku? I ask.  He says, "Google it and see." First hit, a book, Chiyo-ni, A Woman Haiku Master by Patricia Donegan and Yoshie Ishibashi. There is a display on Amazon and I instantly order the book as if compelled to do so.

hair comb --
her kimono coming off
or going on?

In two days, the book arrives.  I read the introduction and as if the same dream that Patricia Donegan relates to, I have!  A new muse introduces herself.  I fall in love with Chiyo-ni.  The book’s representation of the poetry introduces me to romaji, hiragana, katakana, kanji, sumi-e, haiga, and a glossary of Japanese terms.  I note this treatment is ideal. A desperate yearning to go to Japan possesses me.  A plan/dream forms and I do a Yahoo search for anyone interested in learning English in exchange for teaching Japanese.  I try to contact Patricia Donegan and send email to her contacts in academia. Months pass.

long poems
strangle the author ...
summer heat

Email comes from a Japanese native interested in learning English.  Her Yahoo profile says she knows a little English.  She is shy, married with two young daughters and lives near Tokyo.  She is interested in Japanese art, but, hasn't written a haiku since grade-school.  Her uncle is a member of the Tokyo Haiku Circle, Kusanohana.  She had told him about my interest. He offers that it would be helpful for her to join Kusanohana of which he has been a member for ten years. 

a morning crow
circles over the skyscrapers ...
Wild Tokyo

I scour the internet for anything "haiku".  The World Haiku Club link appears interesting.  Also, "Pinecone" Northeast Georgia Haiku Circle is in Georgia. The founder of the World Haiku Club is Susumu Takagushi who along with Debi Bender helped develop the seasonal publication, World Haiku Review.  Peggy Lyles is the leader of Pinecone.  Of course, I Google search any leads.  A blurb on the 2002 World Haiku Festival in Yuwa Town, Akita Japan.  Also, there is an international haiku competition.  With the help of my new muse, the shy housewife, and her uncle I attempt an entry.  The Pinecone website is inactive, but, has further sources of contact.

a mocking bird
heralds early morning ...
jazz scat

Excited about the festival and competition, I discuss my idea to go to Japan to meet a haijin sensei, become a student of haiku, exchange English lessons for Japanese lessons as preparation, meet members of the World Haiku Club on their sponsored tour, and ... my dream to become over time a sensei.  Something niggles repeatedly in my dream that Chiyo-ni's spirit and my new muse are somehow connected.  That also, feminine energy pervades my pursuits.

a saijiki:
contains not a bird
that mocks

Meeting the shy housewife who volunteered to help me negotiate Narita International Airport, I christen her, my "guidian angel”.  We shared a passion for haiku that kept us energetic through my jet lag.  As if in a sequence of dreams we travel to Yuba Town; meet Debi and Susumu and other members of The World Haiku Club; attend a banquet held by the mayor. who presented our group with the traditional gift of reed woven sandals; moonviewing; award ceremonies; tours of Bashou sites and places on his "oku hosomichi"; and many other memorable events.

golden rice field:
the lone tree shades
a Bashou stone

I select a Japanese Inn in Hanno City on my return from Akita but am too shy for using the hotel onsen.  My guidian angel tells me her uncle would like to take us to the Kusanohana meeting.  I try to make sense out of the trains, but, to no avail.  I am so very very fortunate to have an angel for a guide.

open Akita's
box lunch on the train -
golden rice field

The Kusanohana Haiku Circle has reserved at a business building a small room containing a long table with room to seat about 20 people, a whiteboard and erasable markers.  It is a bit crowded but cozy.  We had arrived a little late, offering an apology to the sensei and attending members.  The sensei, and my guidian angel's uncle beckon us over to take a little time before starting the session to ask me a few questions about my interest in haiku.  I am normally nervous with first time meetings, but, happily I am very calm and feel as if I am among friends, almost family!

how old
is the sensei?
late autumn

The sensei, Akegarasu, was introduced to me by uncle (it's not that I've forgotten his name, but, I've lost touch with him and his niece, my guidian angel; therefore, I feel awkward using their names without permission.  I will use "uncle" and "guidian angel" throughout the recount).  Akegarasu sensei asks politely but pointedly in English, "You like haiku?"  This question rivets me reverberating oddly.  I pause, muse mouths my words, "No," I answer.  Then another few heartbeats pass as the expressions around me change on uncle, niece, and sensei.  I don't believe that was me that said that!  Then, as if a timelessness froze this moment I hear myself saying, "I love haiku."  Akegarasu sensei smiles offers his hand to shake and says, "Please, be my student."

green tea
with a few snacks ...
autumn lessons

The moment sinks into me like chi, stunning me as if some shift in time plucks me to dream.  Sensei introduces me formally to the group as the newest member.  I manage an awkward bow and attempt the Japanese word for "thank you" but it sounds more like "alligator".   This causes a giddiness that I fight desperately to control, but, there is no need as sensei starts the lesson by writing in English (for my convenience) and Japanese two words of which the group will compose 5 poems for each.

the smell
of an erasable marker ...
keyword-"open"

As strips of paper, (ten strips for each member) pass around (15 members including sensei), my guidian angel sits next to me to help with translating my English to Japanese.  This is double duty for her; but helps hone her English skills as part of our English for Japanese bargain.  As soon as members receive the strips, they begin composing 5 sets of haiku for each word sensei had put on the whiteboard.  Only one poem is required on one strip in two groups of five, one group of five for each word.  Kigo is required for each poem.  These poems are from memories of actual event-moments; although, these events can be from event-moments in dreams.  This is the basis for the sensei's lesson for this session.

cold seat:
a metal folding-chair helps
the tail-end of jet lag

As each member (haiku no deshi, student of haiku) completes writing their haiku (there are no plurals in the Japanese language, haiku can represent one or many haiku) on their strips of paper, they pass them to the sensei.  The sensei or the sensei assistant (in this case, uncle) numbers each strip. making 150 numbered strips (15 members x 10 paper strips).  After all the members are finished and the strips numbered, the strips are passed back to the members in 15 sets of ten.  The members then pass the sets around the table so all members get a chance to vote for their top three for each key word the sensei wrote on the whiteboard.  (As I remember now, one word was a theme, the other word was to be used verbatim, so, this being the difference in the treatment for each word).  The voting was the hardest and usually the longest process.

the hostess
offers wasabi beans ...
last vote

The members' choices are tallied by the sensei; he picks one poem for "special attention".  The niece explains and translates the process to me.  The sensei recites twice the poem for each member's choice they ranked for sensei's two words.  He calls out the member's name, reads twice this chosen poem, the member who had written the poem says "hai" (Japanese for "yes" and acknowledges the voter with "arigatou gozaimasu" (Japanese for "thank you" which has a humble undertone encompassing an apology for effort of acknowledgement from the acknowledger).  Collectively the rest of the members nod with approval and acknowledgement.  This is repeated around the table for poems chosen by each member while the sensei's assistant tallies and ranks the top voted poems, ranking by vote, first, second, and third place. 

guidian angel
taps my note pad ...
your poem!!

I try to take a few notes as the kukai (gathering of haiku poets) nears its end.  I've forgotten most of the translations for my poems.  My guidian angel is near exhaustion from nudging me or tapping my note pad as many of my poems are chosen.  I fight giddiness in my dream that's not a dream.  A dark thought occurs to me briefly that my poems are so obvious that all these votes are "Japanese politeness"!  But then, my muse gives to me one word, "baka"!  My muse speaks Japanese now?  Hmmm... "baka", (馬鹿) means, "idiot"!

twelve hours
into Georgia's yesterday --
stomach grumbles

The vote tally indicates the top three poems.  Each poem in order of their rank is discussed by Akegarasu sensei.  As the top ranking poem is announced, the author is honored by the sensei then by the group with nods and polite applause.  The sensei asks questions to the author about the poem.  The sensei may give guidance, suggestion, and possible revision to the poem.  This is recorded by the assistant and will later be published in the monthly magazine associated with Kusanohana.  This sequence is repeated for the second place and third place poems. All voted for poems will be published in the Kusanohana monthly magazine.  The sensei may present more analysis later in the magazine.

a pun edges
the first place pick ...
Buson's rose

Akegarasu sensei rises and approaches the whiteboard to write his choice of haiku for "special attention".  The members around the table draw their attention to the whiteboard as the sensei begins to write.  The erasable marker has seemed to have dried out as Akegarasu sensei attempts the first stroke of the Japanese kanji.  Akegarasu sensei is a bit startled and laughs looking at his assistant who immediately begins to look about for another marker.  The hostess, rises from the table and the "marker search" begins communally; although, she eventually finds another in a counter drawer near the entrance of the room and passes it up to the assistant who gives it to the sensei.  The assistant politely suggests to Akegarasu sensei to cap the marker after use or this last one will dry-out, too.  Everyone laughs in relief at this.  I laugh quietly again as the niece translates the discussion between Akegarasu sensei and her uncle, the assistant.

the two hour
room rent donations:
one moon-cake left

Akegarasu sensei finishes the "special attention" poem he's written in Japanese and starts the English translation.  My "guidian angle" secretly nudges me saying, "This yours!" in English.  She translates the English in a whisper as Akegarasu sensei struggles a bit with his English translation.  It is my poem about my recent visit to Akita.

駅弁を解いて秋田の稲穂波

a box lunch
opens on Akita's train:
golden rice fields

Akegarasu sensei has a little difficulty with the proper English phrase order and requests assistance from the niece who then engages me in the conversation.  The Japanese poem written for me from my English had a different arrangement of phrase: (if memory serves) [Akita train's / box lunch opening on-with-in field's ripe rice], as the niece tried to adhere to the traditional 5-7-5 (go shichi go) Japanese letter-word-phrase grouping in one vertical line on the paper strip. My original English was: opening the lunch box / on the train to Akita: / rice fields.  The theme "open" was used with the kigo (I thought) "rice fields", which it turned out needing to be, "ripe rice fields"; and, "opening" changed to a verb expressing present action, "open".

a morning crow
alights in the furrows --
late harvest

If I may offer a more accurately "Japanese" interpretation, please feel free to explore the following link:

http://www.geocities.jp/neusitoratatu/fhaiku.htm

This particular website may not be maintained much longer as I do not know the longevity of "geocities" maintenance.

Akegarasu sensei talks a little in English, a lot of Japanese, when explaining his thoughts and critique of my poem.  He is happy I was somewhat familiar with the concept of kigo as he felt this an important feature of haiku.  He mentions that Akita is famous for their sake and cherry bark covered ceramic sake cups.  He adjourns the meeting and the members start putting the rented room in order as is required by the rent agreement.  As uncle, niece, and I help with the clean-up, I am informed by the niece, that, Akegarasu sensei wants to take me out to have a after-the-kukai traditional bar-hop.  Of course, I am obliged to go, but, uncle, lives far-away and the hour is late, so, he will leave me with his niece who has happily (I feel) volunteered to escort me and take responsibility for getting me back to my room at the Japanese inn.

a giant spider crab
animates the store front ...
sensei's smile

This ends my haibun account of the first haikai with Kusanohana.  I attended a Kusanohana meeting every year I visited Japan for the next 5 years, until, dear sensei's passing in late 2004.  I contributed haiku monthly by email to the magazine from 2002 to the end of 2004.  My poems are published in Kusanohana 2002-2004. I attened the 10th Anniversary of Kusanohana on November 27, 2003.  The last time I saw Mr. Fujita Akegarasu was at the Mainichi International Haiku Competition award ceremony in Tokyo, July 5th, 2004 where he and the Kusanohana group attended the ceremony as my guests.  I had won First Place in the competition.  I acknowledged him as my sensei.  He passed away in November, 2004.

As a continuation of, How it's done in Japan (one man's adventure) "Haiku Circles", I may later relate activities with Kusanohana, the "kukai", haiku circle meetings, as well as the ginko, (nature walks).  I would like to keep the haibun approach in honor of Mastuo Bashou, who, made this literary approach popular.

Thank you.

Ciao... chibi

Looking backwards...

"Bashô himself recommended a different haikai "rulebook" to his disciples, the Haikai mugonshô [Haikai book without words] published in 1676, which presented the techniques and philosophy of haikai, rather than being a dictionary of keywords."  [quote from http://worldkigodatabase.blogspot.com/2006/07/history-of-saijiki.html ] in Dr. Gabi's previous post.

Even without seeing this "rulebook" I like the idea of a source of techniques and philosophy of haikai. (Caution... rules drove haikai no renga in to disuse in the past, though).

Perhaps, this type of "rulebook" may be in part helpful to the further understanding the transition of haiku throughout the world.

Just thinking if there was a set of techniques to apply with the goal of producing a consistent poetic product representing the genre.  This would in a way ease the issues such as kigo-seasonal word by essentially understanding the intent and apply the technique.  Perhaps, it would broaden and expedite the construction of short poems?

I would be comfortable with such a proposal if I could read/understand Bashou's original, of course, to see if it risks causing further convolution.  Maybe, thiis "rulebook" was abandoned over time because a saijiki serves better, to me, this is still a question.

I like the saijiki idea, also, as now accessablity of electronic information almost instantaneous; and, a database (such as WHD) is a wealth of information.  (I used to love to read the World Book Encyclopedia being fascinated by what I could learn). 

I have an online encyclopedia as an app on my iPhone that includes all the currently known birds in North America, including stats such as range, shape, photograph, etc., etc...).  If for example such an app could be developed to give one all the kigo for the particular location (from a person's iPhone location, for example), this could be a handy tool, eh?  I can almost do this using WHD and Safari on my iPhone, I can perform the WHD search, but, it takes a bit of parcing and filtering to get what I want. I would streamline the search by general category, the iPhone would know my location, time, season, and weather; and, by applying a formula advanced search produce all the kigo for plants (for example) with those criteria.  Soon, image detection, can be applied with good accuracy, to produce a kigo on the photo image from the iPhone.

Pardon me with getting carried away with technology... I can see this application in the future.  Some fun, eh?  Chibi the Geek!

In this subject, I hope to offer for those interested, my experience with the Tokyo haiku circle, Kusanohana (translation: "grass flowers"), between 2002 through 2004.  By showing this experience as a sort of haibun/journal/tour, I hope we can discuss and explore your questions and thoughts.

To gauge interest from the members interested, before I begin, please show such interest by just leaving reply to this message.

Thank you for your kindnesses.

Ciao... Chibi



My introduction to haiku starts on the internet ... (to be continued)

Lost and Found in Translation --

haiku and hokku

One of the false steps (which have started the stumble of transmission/transmutation from Japan to the rest of the world is not distinquishing haiku from hokku.  This sets the slippery slope from the start.

Haiku is Shiki and after Shiki (stand alone short poem)

Hokku is before Bashou (first part, usually, of a linked poem).

Shiki distinguished the difference and defined the haiku genre.

Without this essential understanding we start unwittingly confused. 

Alan, even in Robert Hass's work he does not make this essential distinction.  Ok...ok... I know, the word "haiku" has superseded "hokku" in common and popular discussion.  I contend this is in part the root of what non-Japanese people misunderstand and therefore continue to flounder (I feel) with truly understanding the Japanese genre.

The works of Bashou sited by Robert Hass (all due respect), and his interpretation/translation are at best odd to me because I have seen the original Japanese (which I think is another essential mistake if not shown, go look, with an OJD, Online Japanese Dictionary).

When I look at examples of "haiku" by Bashou, Issa, Buson, and others before Shiki, I feel, when that is done one is forced to the wrong impression of what haiku is and is not. 

Perhaps, historical reference as to the poems sited such as the haikai no renga from which these poems were taken (out of context) might have given a better indication of the actual genre.

In 1000 years from now, if written historical record remains accessable (after 2012 and beyond... ??), the "short" may be the only thing that stuck in short poems.  I think there is a principle in archaeology that states the more lengthy and complex a "work" over time the more and more will be lost in translation/tranportation.  (ok... I made that up but it would seem logical).  ::)

I admit, my initial introduction to "haiku" was simply three lines, vaguely 5-7-5, a frog leap, and Japanese.  I obliquely realized that since this genre originated in Japan, the best course to learn was go to the source, Japan.  Very few non-Japanese "haiku" writers took or could take that opportunity.  It is my basis of understanding; and, I desire to share this understanding.  BTW even in Japan, the hokku/haiku common term, haiku, is used.  There are layers of experience and literary abilities in the tens of thousands of Japanese haiku writers.  While in Japan, I found, "haiku circles" (which are rare outside of Japan in my experience).  The haiku circle is a group of haiku writers led be a designated teacher (usually so by committee membership, prowess, and publications).  This is a very old tradition and structure predating Shiki and Bashou, the change is the type of activity and the participant qualifications.  In Bashou's time, the usual activity was haikai no renga, but, in the modern haiku circle the activity is writing, voting, and discussion/lessons.  Let me add, that leading haiku circles was and is even now an "occupation" (my first teacher's major income at the time).

Hmmm... sorry, this is getting too lengthy, but, perhaps I will start a subject: The Japanese Haiku Circle?  Hopefully to borrow idea and material from "Lost and Found in Translation" and from other subjects.

Quote from: viktorija on February 07, 2011, 11:56:37 PM
А дође с плаже                                             The moment I returned

Мој глас постаде цвркут                             from the beach my voice becomes

Два папагаја                                                 the chirp of two parrots

The author of this haiku was not in good health, and thus not available for discussion of any of his haiku I was translating for his book Takvost 2/Suchness 2. Actually, what he says and what I understand is that:
1. as soon as (just when; the moment I entered the room etc) I returned from the beach (I feel "the precise moment of this 'voice transformation' is important to the author, so I opted for "the moment I returned")
2. as for "from the beach, I don't think it has any 'deep' significance to the rest of the poem. He could have returned from any other "noisy" place.
3. In line 2, Sedlar says: "My voice becomes". Could be "transforms into", or "I hear my voice in...", or "two parrots' voices sound like my own" or "my voice is two parrot's voice", but most probably, the parrots are greeting Sedlar with their parroting his voice with their joyful chirp.
4. the chirp (of parrots) - yes, parrots can chirp, and to the author's ear, they really chirp expressing their joy to see him back. 

This is my understating of this poem, and the translation corresponds to it.

I am sorry to hear that at the time the author was in poor health.

Thank you for your translations and explanations.  Since parrots can mimic the human voice and other sounds, I wonder were the parrots "mimicing" the author's voice?  This brought back from memory my grandmother's best friend down the block had a parrot.  On occasion we would go to visit in the summer.  We would knock on the sceendoor entrance to the back porch and the parrot would in identical voice as its owner say, "Come in".  Thinking it the neighbor's voice, we would sometimes find the screendoor latched and the parrot's owner totally unaware that her parrot invited us in.  It was a bit of fun during the summer.

I know a common behavior between the parrots owner and the parrots, is to repeat the phrase the owner wants the parrot to say, like, "Pretty bird" or maybe some phrase thought cute by the owner.  Perhaps, this such a case the poem?

If I can add a bit to Alan's fundamentals?  (my "tup pence" as it were):

Perhaps, it spins from Master Bashou (truly I am unclear the origin) but I do understand and support this reasoning:  tell confines ... show expands.  That is to say, if I tell you Hell is hot, what chance will you have to understand, "A cold day in Hell"?  One of the attributes of short poetry I love is with few words you can open up a spectrum of interpretations based upon your experiences and as your experiences expand so your depth of understanding.  It is a bit ironic and somewhat a paradox, that, terse verse of the moment can shout wide and whisper deep.  Then, please understand, I'm a'smitten with haiku and short poetry.

Hmmm... at the current exchange rate, that, a bit more than, tup pence, eh?