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slammed by salt and sun
the paint has no chance in this mexican prison
David Caruso
The paint's chances make this. Caruso effectively renders it unable to serve its functional and aesthetic purposes. In at least one reading, the chance the paint has been given infuses it with a living quality, and personifies it.
Egad, hasn't the poet broken a rule here?
No worries.
Paying any attention to that might have resulted in a less than compelling haiku. It adds layers of nuance. The poet still vividly depicts a moment with an image that makes good use of suggestion and implication; and it has an objective feel about it.
From that slam at the beginning to its end, it brings to mind the brutal and unforgiving conditions of the Mexican correctional system, which has received a bit of news coverage in recent years, but nothing is overstated. The two-line construction seems utterly perfect for conveying the tone, as well as the rapidity of the machine gun's firing, when reading the last line the way it stands.
Commentary by Paul Pfleuger, Jr
Roadrunner X:1 Copyright © 2010.
EDIT REASON: spacing and italics, emphasing the commentary is from Paul Pfleuger, Jr
slammed by salt and sun
the paint has no chance in this mexican prison
David Caruso
The paint's chances make this. Caruso effectively renders it unable to serve its functional and aesthetic purposes. In at least one reading, the chance the paint has been given infuses it with a living quality, and personifies it.
Egad, hasn't the poet broken a rule here?
No worries.
Paying any attention to that might have resulted in a less than compelling haiku. It adds layers of nuance. The poet still vividly depicts a moment with an image that makes good use of suggestion and implication; and it has an objective feel about it.
From that slam at the beginning to its end, it brings to mind the brutal and unforgiving conditions of the Mexican correctional system, which has received a bit of news coverage in recent years, but nothing is overstated. The two-line construction seems utterly perfect for conveying the tone, as well as the rapidity of the machine gun's firing, when reading the last line the way it stands.
Commentary by Paul Pfleuger, Jr
Roadrunner X:1 Copyright © 2010.
EDIT REASON: spacing and italics, emphasing the commentary is from Paul Pfleuger, Jr