The Haiku Foundation Forums

Quote from: Köy Deli on December 21, 2011, 03:43:13 AM
Peter's I am reading as a treatment of the old familiar monday morning back to work blues trope - and John's little word play as the mob rule/identity trope, or Poe's  grand malheur, or Steiner's Heilsamist. . .

. . .I will come back with my vote after thinking some more about this.

After some more consideration, because it gives me more 'ors' to think about, I vote for John's naughty little any ol' hole at an orgy.

Well being exists only
When in the mirror of the human soul
The whole community is reflected
And when there lives in the community
The strength of each individual soul.
Rudolf Steiner

Quote from: John McManus on December 21, 2011, 01:07:32 AM
Thanks for joining in Mary! I enjoyed your post very much.

That's now one vote to each poem. I get the feeling this is going to be a tight one!

warmest,
John   

I think Vida and Mary have both said they prefer John's? So 2 to John so far . . .

Peter's I am reading as a treatment of the old familiar monday morning back to work blues trope - and John's little word play as the mob rule/identity trope, or Poe's  grand malheur, or Steiner's Heilsamist. . .

I am still thinking about this - Peter's I like for the sonics and the play on words and idioms -  the movement from Monday - Money, and the life-sapping dryness of having to work in a job where it's all about 'bleeding money' - the role and rule of 'bleeding money' over so much of one's life - bleeding conveying a sense of suffering through the work-a-day week where it all comes down to bleeding money. I like this a lot as a one line poem, but for its form and abstraction and authorial language I am not sure I like it as a haiku/senryu . . .

I will come back with my vote after thinking some more about this.

Quote from: chibi575 on November 09, 2011, 11:37:23 AM
I see Lauren Bacall in the "whistle scene" of To Have and Have not... HOT!!!

Lauren Bacall and Zsa Zsa darling Gabor!

It's turning into hollywood v. the bible

the word god being eaten by a field of robins

Scott Metz

Well this was a puzzler - well it had me puzzled - word god? word god? what on earth is he on about? but it came to me in a flash - word god = god of words, he's on about himself of course, the poet - it's another of those poets on writing poems in'it, of course! Obvious really when you think about it. But what are they eating you may well ask, what on earth are they chewing on... or should that be peckin' rather ... yeees you're right, of course you're right peckin is definitely the more appropriate choice in the case of robins. But, well anyways, don't let us get distracted now, or we'll be 'ere all night - it's 'is words innit!? They are consuming 'is words, the seeds of 'is divine genius. But, you may well ask, but who are these robins, these consumers of our word god's words, the little letter seeds of self. Well, I thought, they must be symbols, can't be anything but symbols can they, but symbols of what I asked myself symbols of what? It came to me in the pub when I went to the gents and saw that... well, no need to go into details but it was a thing on the door that clearly and without doubt signified that this was indeed the gents and in a flash I saw it, where do you see robins? Eh? Eh? On christmas cards! Yes, yes, our word god poet 'as sacrificed 'imself on the altar of consumerism innit - and is writing verse for christmas cards - and nothing wrong with that I say, gotta grab your crumbs where you can an' no mistake.

On the other hand, I did like that idea someone 'ereabouts 'ad about the little peckers picking at letters spelt in corn - "God" I thought, 'ow clever is that.


say it so it sounds like starling she says

Chris Gordon

I love the peck on the cheeks playfullness of this, with it tongue twister like alliteration and rythym that I can't seem to help express in anything other than a high camp voice - for some reason it makes me think of zsa zsa darling!?

Anyways, I's gotta go, me dinners burning, oh dear... well anyways, my vote goes to : dah dah --

CHRIS

I like the mythology and symbolism in Peggy's, but prefer Bob's in the end for its lack of such allusion, which makes it more to me... self-contained. Also the 'archaic' tarrying is a word I love and seems to me a perfect fit here, and a word which also, albeit indirectly, has mythological allusions all of its own (The Curse of Christ 'tarry till I come again' and the legend of The Wandering Jew) which I use in some poems of my own.

So, my vote to Bob :)