The Haiku Foundation Forums

Hi, Anna,

Quote from: Anna on April 16, 2016, 06:52:46 AM
Maya,  hi

can any one liner also be made into a three liner?  Does it work the other way round too?




                                                               

IMHO, if a oneliner can be divided into multiple phrase-and-fragment combinations (which i believe is a must), then rearranging it into 3 lines would spoil the effect.

If you can choose different words to start reading it, then it can be rearranged in a ring:

to me, the challenge to write a haiku in one line is to give the reader more freedom to discern phrases and fragments in it

the perfect combination of phrases and fragments would be a haiku, that can be arranged in a circle
i call it "ring haiku"

if the reader cannot discern different phrase-and-fragment combinations, the "oneliner is simply a three-line haiku rearranged in a line:

pink dawn airbrush tints bare twigs

(c) Maya

Hi, Allan!

I enjoyed reading the thread too.

In my opinion experience by itself cannot prevent us from writing a cliched haiku. Most of the moments I experience are just like the moments many other people have experienced. It would be a good idea when I can't find a fresh approach not to write a haiku, a poem, take a photo or what so ever, but sometimes I simply can't resist  ;D

As you talked about Basho's frog, here is one I wrote years ago:

dusty road...
a green toad flattened
into silence

Credit: WHR, 2008, Shintai

I hope I managed to freshen the cliche. And yes, it was written out of experience.

Since English is my third language, when I started writing I realized that we were taught mostly cliches at school. I think it's much more easier to recognize cliches in one's native language and to try to move away from them. I try to read as much as I can and I also use google to see how often people use a particular phrase - I find that very helpful.

I sometimes grow very tired of certain haiku "constructions" like this one:

something -
the blah blah blah
of another thing

But we have limited space and limited number of versions so it is not easy to avoid them.

Hi, Lorin, and thank you, i'll give my reasons for voting for Peter's haiku then.

най-дългата нощ
гарван краде очите
на снежен човек

the longest night
a raven steals the eyes
of a snowman

гарван= a raven

Firstly, because of the stark imagery; secondly, i like the structure of the ku - the parallel between the longest night, the dark colors of the raven and the eyes of the snowman (usually pieces of coal), the coldness of the night, embodied in a snowman. IMHO, Peter's haiku is a classical example of the use of implied metaphor in haiku writing.Then, last but not least, i get it as a low bow to the Great Master's "autumn dusk"

Hi, Polona, nothing curious about Peter's writing them directly in English, i do most of mine too.

About Slavko's haiku - i think it's an example of the so called "slippery haiku", too slippery to my taste, though. Could it be his voice becoming the chirp of two parakeets because he suffers from some illness? This could happen wnen someone catches cold for example, or it could more serious like throat cancer.

Hi, David, greetings from Bulgaria  :)

Since i'm new to this forum - can i vote?
If i can - my vote goes for Peter's haiku.

BTW, there's a typo in L2 of the Bulgarian version, it should read like this:


"гарван краде очите"

Peter writes most of his haiku directly in English and that explains their smooth flow, besides, we don't need  another translator's help :)