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I'm looking for haiku that start with a one line section/fragment that double as great opening lines.   This is for an essay, and a section in my book project.

I'd love to have examples given here, and a short note why you think it's a great opening line.

warm regards,

Alan

Alan,

I am intrigued.
Would you by chance have any to offer as examples?

Phil

Hi Phil,

Quote from: PAllen on January 19, 2015, 03:12:46 PM
Alan,

I am intrigued.
Would you by chance have any to offer as examples?

Phil

I've potentially a few from people but not yet published.

So I'm really looking for any examples from people at this forum, and what they have to say.

My book productions will carry a feature where there are other voices, not just from a single editor.

Please do post haiku that you consider have exceptional opening lines though. :)

warm regards,

Alan

Alan, there is this digital one liner Book by Jim Kachian,  I was browsing through it,  it has several good one-liners that are great opening lines,

but here is one from me, it may not be a haiku however:

go away moon, shining on tears

Thanks Anna,

Quote from: Anna on January 20, 2015, 06:41:43 AM


Alan, there is this digital one liner Book by Jim Kachian,  I was browsing through it,  it has several good one-liners that are great opening lines,

but here is one from me, it may not be a haiku however:

go away moon, shining on tears

You are the first to post an example. 

I'm specifically looking for three line haiku and how, if the one-line segment comes first, how it acts as an opening line.

Does your own example come from a one-line haiku or a three line haiku?


Yes, I have a number of books by Jim Kacian that feature one-line haiku. By the way I'll be producing a section on one-line haiku in the new book.

Here's a THF link to a few one line haiku by myself and others:
http://www.thehaikufoundation.org/forum_sm/index.php?topic=1094.15

warm regards,

Alan

Alan

it comes from a one line haiku,

it is the one liner.  Nothing beyond except thought and the visuals.


thanks.

Hi Anna,

Quote from: Anna on January 20, 2015, 05:49:42 PM
Alan

it comes from a one line haiku,

it is the one liner.  Nothing beyond except thought and the visuals.


thanks.

In this instance (this post) I'm really interested in 3-line haiku that start with the fragment (one-line section), but could possibly include 3-line haiku that start with the two-line phrase, whether it's just the first line of the phrase, or the whole phrase.

I'm looking forward to people posting examples. :)

warm regards,

Alan

Oh-Kaaaay, got it. :]

Hi Alan,

Great idea. :) Not sure if any of these haiku of mine fit the bill.:


meatless month -*
the butcher too lights
butter lamps

*Meatless month: The sale and consumption of meat is banned in Bhutan during the sacred 1st and 4th months of the Bhutanese lunar calendar and other sacred occasions like the Descending Day of the Buddha, the 8th, 15th and 30th of  every month.

From the haibun titled, Will the Lotus Bloom? Frogpond Spring/Summer issue, 2011

...............

the night still to come
a comma after Venus
first crescent at dusk 

From the haibun, The Wisdom of the Dark, CHO July 1, 2012, vol 8, no 2.

................

late night radio—
side by side two spiders
walking the ceiling
From the Haibun Bad Legs and other things, Haibun Today,  Volume 5, Number 1, march 2011.

................

night border crossing --
the elephant calf holds
his mother's tail

Shamrock 26 2013, Touchstone Individual Poem Award, 2013

.............

stolen wombs -
the wind brings only dust
to the village well

Haiku News Vol 2. No 8. 2013, also as haiga in Chrysanthemum 14 2013 and Haiku 21 anthology 2014

................

toddler's yawn . . .
in Tsechu* masks of gods
monks leap and swirl

*Tsechu (Dzongkha TSE-CHOO): Mask dance festival is a seasonal event held in spring, autumn and winter.

Simply Haiku, Spring 2011 Volume 9 No 1


Snow Leopard

Thanks Snow Leopard,

Quote from: Snow Leopard on February 04, 2015, 06:05:07 PM
Hi Alan,

Great idea. :) Not sure if any of these haiku of mine fit the bill.:


meatless month -*
the butcher too lights
butter lamps

*Meatless month: The sale and consumption of meat is banned in Bhutan during the sacred 1st and 4th months of the Bhutanese lunar calendar and other sacred occasions like the Descending Day of the Buddha, the 8th, 15th and 30th of  every month.

From the haibun titled, Will the Lotus Bloom? Frogpond Spring/Summer issue, 2011

...............

the night still to come
a comma after Venus
first crescent at dusk 

From the haibun, The Wisdom of the Dark, CHO July 1, 2012, vol 8, no 2.

................

late night radio—
side by side two spiders
walking the ceiling
From the Haibun Bad Legs and other things, Haibun Today,  Volume 5, Number 1, march 2011.

................

night border crossing --
the elephant calf holds
his mother's tail

Shamrock 26 2013, Touchstone Individual Poem Award, 2013

.............

stolen wombs -
the wind brings only dust
to the village well

Haiku News Vol 2. No 8. 2013, also as haiga in Chrysanthemum 14 2013 and Haiku 21 anthology 2014

................

toddler's yawn . . .
in Tsechu* masks of gods
monks leap and swirl

*Tsechu (Dzongkha TSE-CHOO): Mask dance festival is a seasonal event held in spring, autumn and winter.

Simply Haiku, Spring 2011 Volume 9 No 1


Snow Leopard

I'll enjoy going through these, and do post more if you'd like.

Hopefully others will follow suit too.

warm regards,

Alan

I'm reading the works of Issa in the e-reader book : Issa's Best:  A Translator's Selection of Master Haiku
by David G. Lanoue, a book that took David 26 years.

In the book I stumbled upon some of Issa's famous and therefore familiar New Year's day Haiku. They surprise me with their outlook, it is common enough for me to feel the connection and yet,  it is out of the ordinary because I did not think that there was a haiku moment in something so simple.

As I write this, I'm wondering whether all simple moments are haiku-ic and whether the we complicate things because something simple is not given as much importance and is usually overlooked.

Albert Einstein is supposed to have said that if something cannot be explained to a six year old, then the something is not simple enough.  Well, Issa, simple as your haiku are, will a six year old understand them?


Here are three of Issa's haiku from David's book :

on New Year's Day
lucky! lucky!
a pale blue sky


a new year--
the same nonsense
piled on nonsense


on New Year's Day
everywhere, a corrupt world's
blossoms

and one of his famous haiku with insects in them :

a shiny-new year
has come again...
for my lice

Thanks Anna! :)

All poetry has its various approaches from plain simple language conveying simple imagery and meaning, to creating a complex poem that requires closer reading.

I enjoy a variety of haiku poems from the very simple to the more complex...

e.g.

open window
the cat dozes
half in half out

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Presence 3 (1996); Woodpecker, Extra Shuttle Issue  (1997); Iron Book of British Haiku, (Iron Press  1998, Third print 2000); tinywords.com (2001); The Haiku Calendar 2002 (Snapshot Press); Raku Teapot: Haiku Book/CD (Raku Teapot Press/White Owl Publishing 2003)

Award credits:
Runner-up, The Haiku Calendar Competition 2001 (Snapshot Press)


an attic window sill
a wasp curls
into its own dust

Alan Summers

Publications credits:
Woodpecker Special Issue, Extra Shuttle Issue ISSN 1384-6094 (1997); Snapshots Four (1998); First Australian Online Haiku Anthology (1999); Haiku International 2000 Anthology, Japan ISBN 4-8161-0675-8 (2000); HaikuOz Information Kit (2001); The Omnibus Anthology, Haiku and Senryu, Hub Editions ISBN 1-903746-09-4 (2001); Cornell University, Mann Library, U.S. "Daily Haiku" poet (October 2001); tinywords.com (2002); Yomiuri Shimbun (for my birthday, September 16th 2002); The New Haiku, Snapshot Press, ISBN 978-1-903543-03-0 (2002); BeWrite.net (2003); Raku Teapot: Haiku Book and CD pub. Raku Teapot Press in association with White Owl Publishing Book: ISBN 1-891691-03-1 CD:  ISBN 1-891691-04-X (2003); First Australian Haiku Anthology, Paper Wasp ISBN 0 9577925 9 X (2003); Yomiuri Shimbun Go-Shichi-Go On-Line feature Language Lab (2005); Swot, arts & literature magazine, Bath Spa University (2007); Travelogue on World Haiku Festival 2002 , Part 2  (Akita International Haiku Network 2010); THFhaiku 2012 app

Award credit:
Highly Commended, Haiku Collection Competition, Snapshot Press (1998)
Joint 7th Best of Issue, Snapshot Five (1999)


warm day ...
the workman lunches
in his wheelbarrow

Alan Summers
Publications credits: Hermitage (2004); Snapshot Haiku Calendar (2005)

Award credit:
Runner-up, The Haiku Calendar Competition (Snapshot Press 2004)



wind-spun flakes...
a child's world escapes
the snow globe

Alan Summers

Publication Credit:  tiny words 15.1 (around February 9th 2015)
one of two writing prompt winners for tinywords 15.1
http://tinywords.com/2014/12/27/writing-prompt-for-issue-15-1/#idc-cover

Award credit:   Joint Winner, Tinywords prompt:
http://tinywords.com/2015/02/08/19050/



hunter's moon
the runes of mice
in its wake

Alan Summers

Publication Credit:   Mainichi (Japan, December 1st 2014); ; Miriam's Well: Poetry, Land Art, and Beyond (Miriam Sagan) https://miriamswell.wordpress.com/2015/02/17/haiku-by-alan-summers/


splitting the sky
a kingfisher lifts a branch
off the breeze

Alan Summers

Publication Credit: Mainichi Shimbun (November 20th 2014)


Ganesha's moon
the cabbie's last customer
smells of mint tea

Alan Summers

Publication Credit:
brass bell: a haiku journal Tea Haiku / Haiku Tea issue November 2014


falling clouds
the snow gathering
bits of moon

Alan Summers

Publication Credit:   hedgerow: a journal of small poems (Issue 1, September 2014)


how does this swan
         
sleep like a diamond
     
frosted moon

Alan Summers

Publication Credit:   Frozen Butterfly (October 2014)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wCCcvBHqZo


fleeting clouds
my jagged man wears
an albatross

Alan Summers

fliehende Wolken
mein Zackenmann trägt
einen Albatross

German translation by Ralph Broker

Publication Credit: VerSuch ... das projekt gendai haiku 01.07.2014 Wartende wir


Forgotten rain
the wedding ring left
in a doll's house

Alan Summers

Publication Credit: ASAHI HAIKUIST NETWORK (Japan May 30, 2014)



northern lights
a boy makes a ladder
out of his telescope 

Alan Summers

Publication Credit: Blithe Spirit 24.3 (August 2014)


blue-hammer sky
   alcohol stains
    the banjo

Alan Summers

Publication Credit: Scope vol. 60 no. 3 (FAWQ  magazine April 2014)


night of small colour

a part of the underworld

becomes one heron

Alan Summers

Publication Credit: Modern Haiku Vol. 45.2  Summer 2014


a flink of cows
the blue before a night
of falling snow

Twelve cows are a flink.

Alan Summers

Publication Credit: Blithe Spirit 2014


a mole's extra thumb-
I re-arrange all my bones
around you again

Alan Summers

Publication Credit: Scope vol. 60 no. 2 (FAWQ  magazine March 2014)


epidermal tongues-
she scales my 200 bones
on a banana leaf   

Alan Summers

Publication Credits: Pulse—voices from the heart of medicine 2014
Friday, 14 March 2014
http://pulsevoices.org/archive/haiku/343-epidermal-tongues



Night clouds
a spider shows me
the harvest moon

Alan Summers

Publication Credits:  Asahi Shimbun (Japan, October 2013)


night-tide

the rook takes back

its moon

Alan Summers

Publication Credits: Acorn #31 2013; The Moon is Broken: Juxtaposition in haiku article Scope vol. 60 no. 3 (FAWQ  magazine April 2014)


Some are simple, some simpler, some more complex.  Poets love to play with words, and something that requires close reading if it doesn't reveal its meaning in seconds is no bad thing sometimes.  We only use our brains if we allow ourselves to stretch.

warm regards,

Alan

That is a very generous answer Alan. Thank you

Thanks Anna, and look forward to haiku writers dropping in lines from their work, or from others, that they felt were great opening lines.

warm regards,

Alan

Hi, Alan  I was late noticing this post so, don't know if my response will catch your eye but here are a few of mine with unusual opening lines.

eyes of the ancestors
the twinkle
in winter stars

Publication credits: NeverEndingStory, February 2013

time travel...
the ancient music
just wind in the oaks

Publication credits:  World Haiku Review, March 2013

another dawn
I ask dad if he remembers
being Japanese

Publication credits:  Frogpond 37.1 winter issue

I have another with an unusual first line that will be published in Frogpond in their summer 2015 issue.  Good luck with your project.  Rebecca Drouilhet

Thanks Rebecca,

Quote from: whitedove on May 07, 2015, 12:12:24 PM
Hi, Alan  I was late noticing this post so, don't know if my response will catch your eye but here are a few of mine with unusual opening lines.

eyes of the ancestors
the twinkle
in winter stars

Publication credits: NeverEndingStory, February 2013

time travel...
the ancient music
just wind in the oaks

Publication credits:  World Haiku Review, March 2013

another dawn
I ask dad if he remembers
being Japanese

Publication credits:  Frogpond 37.1 winter issue

I have another with an unusual first line that will be published in Frogpond in their summer 2015 issue.  Good luck with your project.  Rebecca Drouilhet

Ah, yes, I particularly like time travel, and eyes of the ancestors, make great lines! :-)

Look forward to your Frogpond line being posted too. :-)

warm regards,

Alan

As soon as Frogpond comes out, I'll share it.  Rebecca Drouilhet

Hi Rebecca,

Did your Frogpond haiku come out yet? :-)

Quote from: whitedove on May 07, 2015, 06:53:45 PM
As soon as Frogpond comes out, I'll share it.  Rebecca Drouilhet

Alan, I will splat a few.
Use or lose, as Chen-ou says

----------

This was edited by the publisher with no caps. Without the caps, it reads very differently than intended. Adobe Walls is
1. A major battle during the Indian wars on the great Plains, Has a Wiki page regarding the famous battle.
2. Is now an historical landmark.

Without the caps, a reader not familiar with the event could read it without any inclination that there is historical significance.

All of that said, dos gatos press did give it a
Push Cart Nomination.

It was written before i went brain dead.


Adobe Walls at dusk
crickets knit the names
of the lost

2015 Texas Poetry Calendar
Published Summer 2014
Dos Gatos Press

---------------------

hibiscus unfurl
along the neches river
bees crescendo

1st pub
Blue Hole magazine (anthology of the 2015 Georgetown Poetry Festival)

2nd and 3rd pub with this revision:


hibiscus unfurl
along the river bend
bees crescendo

2.
2016 Spring Anthology
Dallas Community Poets

3. Will appear Summer 2016 in Chen-ou Liu's ebook,
"Butterfly Dreams"
(Granted, line two can be a pivot, which some purists say makes a haiku mute.
Not sure where you stand on this argument).
--------------------

pencil patterns
in the cigar box bottom
winter ivy

Presence, October 2015

--------------------
(A two line opener, so may not be what you are looking for)

impromptu picnic
at Japanese Gardens
herbal tea and zen

Poetry Society of Texas
1st Prize, May 2014
Published 2015 in
PST Book of the Year

--------------------

raspberries
grandbabe's first
opinion

Senryu, page 8
Cattails, September 2015

--------------------
(Another two line opener)

half notes
in a duet
the iamb of twins

Third Place, contest prompt: Twins
Galaxy of Verse, Fall/Winter 2015
(Only first place we're published)

-------------------

between us
what has not been revealed
spring snow

Accepted, pending publication, 
2016 Wild Plum (Spring/Summer Ed.)
--------------------

Jan Benson

Thanks Jan,

And how odd that editorial decisions are so different.  I had a haiku turned down many times because editors thought it was poetic license.   The original opening line was far north queensland.  One editor trusted me and also suggested CAPS so it became:


Far North Queensland
a dingo's call picked up-
the moonless night

Publications credits: Modern Haiku (199-)

But that's Bob Spiess, he was in a league of his own and very special.  I was lucky as he supported me and hundreds of others during his time at Modern Haiku.

Alas I don't have the copy and it missed being recorded on Charles Trumbull's database.  I think I was still in Queensland and couldn't physically carry every haiku and poetry publication I'd bought over the years.

Congrats on the Pushcart nomination.

I'd be interested in knowing more about this haiku for WPthw. ;-)

Adobe Walls at dusk
crickets knit the names
of the lost


And it looks better in CAPS than what it appeared as?

adobe walls at dusk
crickets knit the names
of the lost

I'd assume that it was the type of house wall in Mexico and other parts if it was lowercase.  So I'd love to anthologise this, and in CAPS, if you are interested.

warm regards,

Alan

Quote from: Jan in Texas on February 10, 2016, 01:53:19 PM
Alan, I will splat a few.
Use or lose, as Chen-ou says

----------

This was edited by the publisher with no caps. I was upset, because without the caps, it reads very differently than intended. Adobe Walls is
1. A major battle during the Indian wars on the great Plains, Has a Wiki page regarding the famous battle.
2. Is now an historical landmark.

Without the caps, a reader not familiar with the event could read it without any inclination that there is historical significance.

All of that said, dos gatos press did give it a
Push Cart Nomination.

It was written before i went brain dead.


Adobe Walls at dusk
crickets knit the names
of the lost

2015 Texas Poetry Calendar
Published Summer 2014
Dos Gatos Press

---------------------

hibiscus unfurl
along the neches river
bees crescendo

1st pub
Blue Hole magazine (anthology of the 2015 Georgetown Poetry Festival)

2nd and 3rd pub with this revision:


hibiscus unfurl
along the river bend
bees crescendo

2.
2016 Spring Anthology
Dallas Community Poets

3. Will appear Summer 2016 in Chen-ou Liu's ebook,
"Butterfly Dreams"
(Granted, line two can be a pivot, which some purists say makes a haiku mute.
Not sure where you stand on this argument).
--------------------

pencil patterns
in the cigar box bottom
winter ivy

Presence, October 2015

--------------------
(A two line opener, so may not be what you are looking for)

impromptu picnic
at Japanese Gardens
herbal tea and zen

Poetry Society of Texas
1st Prize, May 2014
Published 2015 in
PST Book of the Year

--------------------

raspberries
grandbabe's first
opinion

Senryu, page 8
Cattails, September 2015

--------------------
(Another two line opener)

half notes
in a duet
the iamb of twins

Third Place, contest prompt: Twins
Galaxy of Verse, Fall/Winter 2015
(Only first place we're published)

-------------------

between us
what has not been revealed
spring snow

Accepted, pending publication, 
2016 Wild Plum (Spring/Summer Ed.)
--------------------

Jan Benson

Hi,
I think I can find some of my published ones which may exhibit the dynamic first line/opening line effect. Here's the first:

first kick
birds resume
chirping   

Modern Haiku   
Volume 35.3
Autumn   
2004

As an opening line, it conjures up a lot of possibilities, depending on the reader. The first kick in a line dance, a ball game, a fight, and the intended fetus in a belly. The succinctness of the words illustrates the effect; the rhythm of the words being like a definite kick. Then the L2-3 phrase opens it up even further, yet doesn't discount any of the possibilities opened up by the first line. I like that the first line kind of makes the imagination soar to fill in the space left by the abruptness of the two short words before the reader goes on to L2-3 to the juxtaposition. It's almost like... the first line drop kicks the reader's mind into the air, to make connections and stir up associations and personal connotations to experienced kicks. There's a suspended moment where the invisible ball hangs in the air, and there's silence... and then the birds resume chirping and you're back in the words of the poem.

Before I did up any more, I should ask, are you still looking for examples? I just noticed this was posted a year ago.

Hi Agnes,

Well the post does two things: It's a useful topic for THF readers to look at over the years, and not be a short-term post; Secondly, yes, a year ago, but the book has been part on hold part being improved upon.

So do please post more examples. :-)

I do like your explanation, so it's quite possible the haiku could be in the book under this topic.  May I use it for the book Writing Poetry: the haiku way?

warm regards,

Alan

Quote from: AgnesEvaS on February 11, 2016, 10:44:15 AM
Before I did up any more, I should ask, are you still looking for examples? I just noticed this was posted a year ago.

Quote from: AgnesEvaS on February 11, 2016, 10:42:19 AM
Hi,
I think I can find some of my published ones which may exhibit the dynamic first line/opening line effect. Here's the first:

first kick
birds resume
chirping   

Modern Haiku   
Volume 35.3
Autumn   
2004

As an opening line, it conjures up a lot of possibilities, depending on the reader. The first kick in a line dance, a ball game, a fight, and the intended fetus in a belly. The succinctness of the words illustrates the effect; the rhythm of the words being like a definite kick. Then the L2-3 phrase opens it up even further, yet doesn't discount any of the possibilities opened up by the first line. I like that the first line kind of makes the imagination soar to fill in the space left by the abruptness of the two short words before the reader goes on to L2-3 to the juxtaposition. It's almost like... the first line drop kicks the reader's mind into the air, to make connections and stir up associations and personal connotations to experienced kicks. There's a suspended moment where the invisible ball hangs in the air, and there's silence... and then the birds resume chirping and you're back in the words of the poem.

Of course! I'd be thrilled if you use anything in the book :)

The post definitely has educational value beyond the specific request! I'll see what else I have.

quitting time
snowflakes blend
with the crowd   

The Heron's Nest   
Volume VI, Number 8: September, 2004

I like this opening line because it conjures up the tired feelings of a long day at work, and that relief when it's over, stress melting away. It contrasts with the next two lines, coming back to the realm of people with the word crowd.


cicada song
the sleeping bag's 
long zipper

The Heron's Nest   
Volume VII, Number 3: September, 2005


I like the iambs in this opening line, making a kind of song themselves, mimicking the rise & fall of cicada sound too. I like that two words can instantly conjure up a season and a feeling. The endless zip sound of the sleeping bag feels like the most natural juxtaposition to that.

The phrase in the subject of this thread "sometimes the clock strikes 13" puts me in mind of the kind of haiku where the first line is surreal or seeming nonsensical or impossible and then the rest of the haiku explains (or at least gives a clue to) how the seemingly impossible is actually a normal part of every day life. How about this example from Fay Aoyagi's book Chrysanthemum Love:

tangerine pyramids
his beeper vibrates
again

Taken by itself the phrase "tangerine pyramids" is striking (almost psychedelic) but it doesn't give us enough to construct a satisfying meaning ... the first line makes us want to read the rest of the haiku in the hope that it will provide some kind of explaination. Here are some of the ideas that suggest themselves to me after I've read the whole haiku:
- on a date with a man who has an important job, possibly a doctor
- the man with the important job is distracted, his heart isn't in the date
- we might be up to the dessert stage of the meal as the beeper is going "again"
- the "tangerine pyramids" might be what the dessert at this fancy restaurant looks like? (I could be drawing a long bow here)
- as the man with the important job attends to his beeper the author looks at the vividly coloured dessert and thinks of ancient tombs in the desert (the pyramids) being painted a vivid colour by the sunset in a far away country ... and this sets off another whole string of associations ...

Hi C,

Ah, yes, tangerine pyramids, a familiar sight for those either working in a goods store or old enough to remember them.

From Abigail Child:

Artificial Memory
(Belladonna Press, 2001)
A two volume chapbook containing nine parts of a long poem: a portrait of Russia after the break-up of the USSR. "This phenomenon consisted of a hallucination. Try to break yourself against a sphere. I remember at the beginning of our acquaintance a passage feints. There is more than one direction.
At the beginning of our acquaintance a kind of delight which pluralizes meaning by gesture and without conjunction. Hero chandelier. What began as a heroic search for a historical shortcut is truncated. Nation made to walk on its hands. Nation feints. Two raisin cakes and tea set out, tea and crackers, tea and bread, tea and jam, real cigarettes. Resources of repetition, variation and control. We memorize your staying and send you our ideal."
—from Artificial Memory.
http://abigailchild.com/index.php?/about/

Abigail Child explores history, memory, and cultural experiences—the politics of place and identity, and so does Fay Aoyagi.  For whatever reason we don't fit in, race, culture, refugee, immigrant, the same color skin but we still look different - I can relate only too well to that last one.

We witness Cuba on
her side, isle in a TV
sitcom, grapefruit in snow, tangerine pyramids opposite Disney stickems. There's a certain
level of frustration blemished by glaring failure. Improvising rentals between legs of contradiction. Evidence of a 'real' pre-existence.
Artificial Memory by
Abigail Child
BELLADONNA BOOKS • FALL 2001

Or Martin Kemp, of Spandau Ballet pop fame, who at the age of 13, became an expert at building tangerine pyramids at a local grocery store.

With Fay this could be a companion piece to her hole in the sweater:

a hole in my sweater

I ask him one more time

what he meant

Fay Aoyagi
In Borrowed Shoes
Blue Willow Press, 2006

Read about the symbolism of holes:

Something with Wings:
Fay Aoyagi's Haiku of Inner Landscape
by David G. Lanoue
http://www.modernhaiku.org/essays/Lanoue-FayAoyagiHaiku.html

The man with the beeper, many of us had them at our trouser belts, either wearing them round our waist, or the trousers and beeper around our ankles.   Whichever combination, always on the job however inappropriate.

Quote from: cactus on October 07, 2016, 04:39:30 PM
The phrase in the subject of this thread "sometimes the clock strikes 13" puts me in mind of the kind of haiku where the first line is surreal or seeming nonsensical or impossible and then the rest of the haiku explains (or at least gives a clue to) how the seemingly impossible is actually a normal part of every day life. How about this example from Fay Aoyagi's book Chrysanthemum Love:

tangerine pyramids
his beeper vibrates
again

Taken by itself the phrase "tangerine pyramids" is striking (almost psychedelic) but it doesn't give us enough to construct a satisfying meaning ... the first line makes us want to read the rest of the haiku in the hope that it will provide some kind of explaination. Here are some of the ideas that suggest themselves to me after I've read the whole haiku:
- on a date with a man who has an important job, possibly a doctor
- the man with the important job is distracted, his heart isn't in the date
- we might be up to the dessert stage of the meal as the beeper is going "again"
- the "tangerine pyramids" might be what the dessert at this fancy restaurant looks like? (I could be drawing a long bow here)
- as the man with the important job attends to his beeper the author looks at the vividly coloured dessert and thinks of ancient tombs in the desert (the pyramids) being painted a vivid colour by the sunset in a far away country ... and this sets off another whole string of associations ...

So in actual fact tangerine pyramids are very much grounded imagery, whether a floor manager of a store, innocently pacing the sales floor with his beeper on full charge, or in the stockroom taking count...

Perhaps the beeper is a euphemism...

The clock striking thirteen may or may not be another reality, but is that other reality any less real?   Some of us live in a sideways world where lateral narrative always breathes.

Great post C!

warm regards,

Alan

Well ... I must say I feel a bit embarrassed about my extended flight-of-fantasy interpretation now that you've explained that to me! *blush*

I guess this speaks to the difficulty of interpreting even the most mundane of details in short enigmatic poems across even very similar cultures. I assume that Tangerine Pyramids are a North American thing? But Spandau Ballet are a U.K. group ... at any rate Tangerine Pyramids are completely unknown here in Melbourne Australia. And even if I'd googled "Tangerine Pyramids" and come up with images like justlikeyou has posted I don't think I would have guess that was what Fay was referencing.

Thanks for your patient explainations. I'll step carefully in future ...

Hi C,

Ah, but that is only my interpretation. :)

I see mention of tangerine pyramids in Australian supermarket promotional material too, and we've all witnessed stacked food from tins to chocolate bars, to fruit or household materials.   We've perhaps wondered what would happen if... :)


Behemoth the cat swipes tangerines from a pyramid display, and we have all wondered what would happen if we took an article from such stacked displays.

See also:
The Final Adventure of Koroviev and Behemoth
(The Master and Margarita
by Mikhail Bulgakov)
https://www.amazon.com/Master-Margarita-Mikhail-Bulgakov/dp/0679760806

I think now that fruit is in such abundance, since the late 1960s, that they are just displayed in rack displays, but the idea of something perfectly displayed that could be tumbled, perhaps by an mischievous version of Andersen's child a la The Emperor's Clothes? :)

Quote from: cactus on October 07, 2016, 09:16:05 PM
Well ... I must say I feel a bit embarrassed about my extended flight-of-fantasy interpretation now that you've explained that to me! *blush*

I guess this speaks to the difficulty of interpreting even the most mundane of details in short enigmatic poems across even very similar cultures. I assume that Tangerine Pyramids are a North American thing? But Spandau Ballet are a U.K. group ... at any rate Tangerine Pyramids are completely unknown here in Melbourne Australia. And even if I'd googled "Tangerine Pyramids" and come up with images like justlikeyou has posted I don't think I would have guess that was what Fay was referencing.

Thanks for your patient explainations. I'll step carefully in future ...

Hi Rebecca,



Thanks for the terrific haiku!  :)

warm regards,

Alan



From Rebecca Drouilhet

Quote from: whitedove on May 07, 2015, 12:12:24 PM

Snip

I have another with an unusual first line that will be published in Frogpond in their summer 2015 issue.  Good luck with your project.  Rebecca Drouilhet

.

"The Seven Points of Haiku":

Enjoy 'looking into the eye of the #haiku' & not just 'around it'.

An example of opening lines with commentary can be seen at:
https://twitter.com/haikutec/status/1204352855035039745

Alan

extra note:

Finding an opening line is always an adventure! Whether the first line is a single line fragment, or the start of your two line 'phrase' section, or the first words of a monoku one line haiku or even a duostich.

Remember that if you create a collection of poems, that variety is good for the reader!

Creature of habit
Ensared by his own routine
Can never be free

All alone standing
On the beach contemplating
At the sea inside

Your biggest weakness
Is your greatest potential
Alchemy of life

Teacher and student
Both learn from time together
Eternal lessons

My aim in this life
To arrow towards my goal
And bow to nothing

Friend gone in the night
I stay here another day
Rest left in morning