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Hi, Mentors.  I am totally confused about one-line haiku. I understand (or believe I understand-) that the Japanese write most of their haiku in a single vertical line, so I'm guessing it comes from that.

If someone writes a one-line English-language haiku, do they aim for a single horizontal line that includes the phrase/fragment, kigo, image juxtaposition etc. that we strive for in "regular" haiku? If so, why not write all ELH as one line? Why bother with 3?   ???

Thanks!
Bea

Hi Bea! :-)

A big question and a good question.

One line haiku in English is usually written in a horizontal line.

There are a few different types, one being to ape Japanese haiku, but mostly nowadays to produce a different style.

Marlene Mountain has her brilliantly distinctive style, as does Jim Kacian.

Another style is the monostich haiku which you can google "monostich" haiku blog.

I'm currently using my iPhone so I can't put loads of examples here, but google that blog as well as marlene and Jim.

There are other practioners like me and John Barlow, and I'm sure others will give more names, and a few examples.

But have a go at googling and see what you get, and post a few examples of ones you like, or don't like. :-)

Alan

Quote from: Bea on July 03, 2011, 07:44:19 PM

Hi, Mentors.  I am totally confused about one-line haiku. I understand (or believe I understand-) that the Japanese write most of their haiku in a single vertical line, so I'm guessing it comes from that.

If someone writes a one-line English-language haiku, do they aim for a single horizontal line that includes the phrase/fragment, kigo, image juxtaposition etc. that we strive for in "regular" haiku? If so, why not write all ELH as one line? Why bother with 3?   ???

Thanks!
Bea

A Japanese haiku comes in three sections:

kami go (the top five section)
naka shichi (the middle seven section)
shimo go (the lower five section)

So, given the natural rhythm of the Japanese language, it is easy to recognize these sections when spoken.

On a small slip (tansaku) it goes from top to bottom.
On a square decoration sheet (shikishi) it goes in three lines, usually from right to left.
NHK Haiku writes in three lines from right to left, name of the artist most left.
Very seldom it is written in three lines from left to right, the Latinized way.
With a wordprocessor, it comes out as one line, from left to right, if not formatted differently.

So, there are many ways to write it in Japanese too, but ALWAYS the three sections are clearly discernable.

Thus, in English it should not be such a big problem whether you write it in one line or in three, but you should take care to make your three sections easily discernable, most probably in a way of using the format of
short * long * shortfor the sections as a kind of imitation of the original Japanes haiku parent.
.

One-line haiku (one liners ... )  in English are a different matter and need different considerations..
See Here
http://happyhaiku.blogspot.com/2000/07/one-sentence-haiku.html

Gabi

Thanks so much, Alan and Gabi!

Great website Gabi- I got lost in it! (...and then a haiku jumped out of my head!)
:D

Bea

I see this post has lain dormant, which is a shame as one-line haiku has become more and more popular.

There are various and different methods about one-line haiku in English.  I use a few including my own interpretations including abruptive methods which are deliberate "subvert techniques."

Some of my one-line haiku, various approaches:


train sitting:facingpeoplei'drathernot   

Publications credits: Raw NerVz (Summer 1995)



gliding four sulphur-crested cockatoos a green tinged sundown

Publications credits:
paperwasp (winter 1996); sundog haiku journal: an australian year, sunfast press (1997 reprinted 1998): California State Library - Main Catalog Call Number : HAIKU S852su 1997



moviescreenflickerfullolifecanvasthin 

Publications credits: Paper Wasp (mid-1990s)




the camp fire burns the misty moon halved by thin cloud

Publications credits:
Presence # 4   (May 1997) ISSN 1366-5367; Stepping Stones:  a way into haiku  ISBN 978-0-9522397-9-6   (2007)




snowfall she takes her daffodils Underground

Publications credits:
Blithe Spirit vol. 19  no. 1 (2009); Does Fish-God Know (YTBN Press 2012)



sick train the night heron shifts silt for all of us

Publications credits: 
a handful of stones (2nd March 2011); A Blackbird Sings, a small stone anthology (Woodsmoke Press 2012)

re the sick train one-line haiku:

Melissa Allen:
"speaking of (more or less) experimental haiku I really loved your "handful of stones" entry the other day -- wonderful work with the sounds of words, I kept reading it over and over aloud to myself, and most haiku do not tempt me to read them aloud ..."



Originally composed as a one-line and due to be accepted at a highly-respected haiku site:

snowing through the blizzard particles of me


Anthologised: The Humours of Haiku (Iron Press 2012)




Pharmakós the name you scratch inside

Publications credits: Does Fish-God Know (YTBN Press 2012)




Seven Sisters the call of owls either side

Publications credits: Blithe Spirit March 2012




recurringdream#16.333iso/overbreakfast

Publications credits: fox dreams (April 2012)


this small ache and all the rain too robinsong

Publications credits: Modern Haiku




all those red apples amongst the blue tit

Publications credits: roadrunner MASKS 4




giallo this restricted area my birthplace

Publications credits: bones journal Pre issue - Single haiku & Sequences (2012); Does Fish-God Know (Yet To Be Named Free Press 2012)




h=k=l=0 each love number sleeps

Publications credits: bones journal Pre issue - Single haiku & Sequences (2012); Does Fish-God Know (Yet To Be Named Free Press 2012)



Hirst's butterflies disturbing the exhibits people

Publication Credits: Roadrunner 12.3 (December 2012)





rain on the river the jesus star shifting

Publications credits: Janice M Bostok Haiku Prize 2012 Anthology Evening Breeze




pull of stars turning cold the snail's navigation

Publications credits:  Blithe Spirit (2013)




chestnut moon shifting in my memory ghost floors

Publication Credits: Roadrunner 12.3 (December 2012)


Just a few, and there are many styles within the growing canon of English-language one-line haiku.


Alan

I wrote this tonight... seems like the right place to leave it.

It may occupy a physical line in space:

it will not change its course after the death jellyfish

scott

Well, since Alan and Scott left theirs, I'll leave one:

this slum with a moon in every puddle

Publication Credits: Presence #43 (January 2011) ISSN 1366-5367; CARVING DARKNESS: The Red Moon Anthology OF English-Language Haiku ISBN 978-1-946848-10-2 (2011)

martin

.

toys from a distant land scaffolding the fall

Alan Summers
Raindrop  A Journal Of Short Form Poetry Issue 1, 2013


.

across the blue dome of the great basin mustang's eye





tinywords Issue 11.3 | 5 January 2012

Originally published in the XIII Calico Cat International Bilingual Haiku Contest, where it received an Honorable Mention.

one line horizontal the sun sets

:)

from her dark hip the moon's curve

Wow... Martin.  We have poems that are twinned!  I cannot post it here because it is in submission with a journal.  But, I will send it privately at some point.  We have fine minds: and, they think haiku alike.  :)

Beautiful poem!

old memories - beach shells on the window sill

looking for truth in any direction, stumble in the dark

"Originally composed as a one-line and due to be accepted at a highly-respected haiku site:

snowing through the blizzard particles of me


Anthologised: The Humours of Haiku (Iron Press 2012)"

I really like this one, Alan!

.

Thanks PaulB!  8)

Quote from: PaulaB on November 05, 2013, 09:06:01 AM
"Originally composed as a one-line and due to be accepted at a highly-respected haiku site:

snowing through the blizzard particles of me


Anthologised: The Humours of Haiku (Iron Press 2012)"

I really like this one, Alan!

It's since appeared in various publications:

snowing
through the blizzard
particles of me

Alan Summers
Publications credits:  The Haiku Calendar 2012 (Snapshot Press); The Humours of Haiku (Iron Press 2012); The In-Between Season (With Words Haiku Pamphlet Series 2012); Cornell University, Mann Library (March 2013); Per Diem Archive: D. Wentworth April 2014, "Transcendence" http://www.thehaikufoundation.org/per-diem-archive-details/?IDcat=288
.
Award credits:
Winner, The Haiku Calendar Competition 2011 (Snapshot Press)

And finally in its original intention as a one-line haiku:

Cornell University weblink:
https://tinyurl.com/particlesofme


warm regards,

Alan


.

.

A lot has been said, and will continue to be said about one line haiku.

Here are some things that I have said, and I hope others step in with thoughts, techniques, devices, and examples.


One of many devices I employ is the abrupt method: It's a deliberate subvert technique, as I've keenly noticed that both syntax and semantics can be utlised in a manner not possible or accepted in normal modes of writing.

It's also been said that if it's a one-line haiku you are aiming for, that they work best when they cannot be remade into three line haiku.  I'm not sure that's always the case, but it's a useful guideline to go by, or work around.

I'd suggest introducing "abruptions" as one method which is my term for breaking up normal syntax/semantics.

Abruptive techniques is my term for sharp changes in directing the reader, and I often subvert the adjective 'abruptive' into a noun i.e. look for abruptives in your haiku.

*
Abruptive: suddenly disruptive
Urban Dictionary
*
merriam-webster.com:
abruptive (adjective) : showing a tendency to be abrupt

abruptitude (noun) : the quality of extreme suddenness
Ryan Muller
*

Embrace the abruptitude!

Sometimes one-line haiku are, or appear to be, a little subversive in order to tell a greater truth.

If it's too smooth it could be just a line of poetry, or a statement.
Alan Summers


Jim Kacian says this:

"Multiple stops yield subtle, rich, often ambiguous texts which generate alternative readings, and subsequent variable meanings.

Each poem can be several poems, and the more the different readings cohere and reinforce each other, the larger the field occupied by the poem, the greater its weight in the mind."
The Way of One by Jim Kacian
Roadrunner X:2


More will be forthcoming in my book-in-progress.

For now, here are some of my own haiku.


ground zero into the new friend's story

Publications credits:  Roadunner Masks 4; in fear of dancing: The Red Moon Anthology of English-Language Haiku 2013 ISBN: 978-1-946848-24-9 www.redmoonpress.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=182


the blue note I turn to wind-spun snow

Publication Credits: 
Blithe Spirit 23.4 (November 2013): The Haiku Calendar 2015 (Snapshot Press, 2014)

Award Credit: Runner-up, The Haiku Calendar Competition 2014


all those red apples amongst the blue tit

Publications credits:
Does Fish-God Know (Yet To Be Named Free Press 2012); roadrunner MASKS 4



snowing through the blizzard particles of me


Publications credits: 
The Haiku Calendar 2012 (Snapshot Press); The Humours of Haiku (Iron Press 2012); The In-Between Season (With Words Haiku Pamphlet Series 2012); Mann Library (as originally written as a one line haiku, March 2013)

Award credits:
Winner, The Haiku Calendar Competition 2011 (Snapshot Press)



chestnut moon shifting in my memory ghost floors

Publication Credits: Roadrunner 12.3 (December 2012)



sick train the night heron shifts silt for all of us

Publications credits:
a handful of stones (2nd March 2011); A Blackbird Sings, a small stone anthology ISBN 978-0-9571584-2-9 ed.  Fiona Robyn & Kaspalita Thompson (Woodsmoke Press 2012)



long grass nights star systems in the Big Dipper

Publications credits: Haiku News (2012)



this small ache and all the rain too robinsong

Publications credits: Modern Haiku vol. 44.1 winter/spring 2013



giallo this restricted area my birthplace

Publications credits:
bones journal Pre issue - Single haiku & Sequences (2012); Does Fish-God Know (Yet To Be Named Free Press 2012)


Hirst's butterflies disturbing the exhibits people

Publication Credits: Roadrunner 12.3 (December 2012)


sloe-eyed horses in Lichtenstein bubble gum wrappers

Publication Credits: Roadrunner 12.3 MASKS 4


long hard rain my compass your true north

Publications credits: Frogpond 36.1 • 2013


rain on the river the jesus star shifting

Publications credits: Janice M Bostok Haiku Prize 2012 Anthology Evening Breeze



pull of stars turning cold the snail's navigation

Publications credits:
Does Fish-God Know (YTBN Press 2012); Blithe Spirit (February 2013)



night-entangled moons treading judas floors

Publication Credits:
Dark Pens, a journal of moon haiku (1.1. 2013)


Red Sea beat my heart still hydrozoa

Publication Credits: Does Fish-God Know (Yet To Be Named Free Press 2012)


voodoo rain this new light year

Publication Credits: Does Fish-God Know (Yet To Be Named Free Press 2012)


tearing up snow falls slowly a kind of blue

Publication Credit:  Bones - a journal for contemporary haiku No. 3 (December 15, 2013)


.

Hi, Bea  Your question is interesting to me, because I don't always know when to use one-liners

Here are a couple I've written and had published:

Mardi Gras masks the strangers in the crowd

Publication credits:  Modern Haiku I think the Winter/Spring issue of 2013

and

unraveling one mystery I find another misty moon

Publication credits:  Lakeview International Journal of Literature and Art, August 2013, issue #2.

                             

the warning suggest i start a new topic.

anyway,
this is marty.
i have not visited the forum several months, likely 'cause of low energy.  this site requires some concentration to participate , and i am not always able.

i see many mentors here and some wonderful examples.

still i wonder ?   are the requirements named?

all suggestions seem to favor a break in the subject or view.  is length limited to x number of sounds or words?

Hi Marty,

Quote from: onecloud on October 27, 2014, 03:43:41 PM
the warning suggest i start a new topic.

anyway,
this is marty.
i have not visited the forum several months, likely 'cause of low energy.  this site requires some concentration to participate , and i am not always able.

i see many mentors here and some wonderful examples.

still i wonder ?   are the requirements named?

all suggestions seem to favor a break in the subject or view.  is length limited to x number of sounds or words?

Welcome back! :)

I think it's just that you haven't been here a while that it seems like you need to really concentrate, but take your time, there's no rush, hurry, or race. :)

The requirements are not that different from three line haiku or any kind of poetry to be honest.  There has to be tension, resonance, pace, rhythm, and content.

I am working on a piece about one-line haiku which will appear in my new book Writing Poetry: the haiku way.

Haiku tend to have as their main feature a cut, break, as they are two part poems.

You asked "is length limited to x number of sounds or words?"

You could certainly approach haiku (whatever number of lines) with a set number of sounds like 3-5-3 English-language syllabic sounds or morae as syllables are so uneven in sound length.

I'll give some more examples, and just take your time as they are different at first readings.  But as a line of poetry but being one-line haiku at the same there has to be tension, and various perhaps unique devices to make it a place apart from other lines of poetry and three line haiku.


examples of one line haiku by Alan Summers and various authors

Published one-line haiku by Alan Summers

   after rain midnight dreams a hedgehog

   Gare du Nord shifting art deco snow

   this small ache and all the rain too robinsong

   ants following invisible trials the children

blues change the colour rain

all thumbs into the matrix rain starlings

mist and dark I hold onto Little Bear

city of glass the immobilised man small stone counting

long hard rain my compass your true north

lantana the dark-veined tiger nectar-laden

pull of stars turning cold the snail's navigation

all those red apples amongst the blue tit

giallo this restricted area my birthplace

h=k=l=0 each love number sleeps

Hirst's butterflies disturbing the exhibits people

chestnut moon shifting in my memory ghost floors

night-entangled moons treading judas floors

train sitting:facingpeoplei'drathernot   

our pigsilk insults pre-coital manoeuvres playback

the camp fire burns the misty moon halved by thin cloud

nautiluses who remember useful things for only a day

my failed assassin, who has never killed

Seven Sisters the call of owls either side

recurringdream#16.333iso/overbreakfast

Your oily gold in red saffron tea makes me laugh

petrichor this green sunsets in yesterday

curse her Rain falls from a normal blue sky

just me Great Auk I died

Monday's magician of yellow colour of murder

this sorrowing heart fading into plum blossom

crowded train a dozen yellows crackle

macula lutea the snowballs inside dogs

kwĭkˈsĭlˌvər: I've a need for the next biblical cubit

voodoo rain this new light year

Red Sea beat my heart still hydrozoa

Cheshire Moon the cat grins in Farsi

eight thousand li of cloud and moon questions mark

Oak Moon the carpenter's calluses chafing

butterfly dreaming man the Black Butterfly Moon

window-rattling moon I stay up and turn blue

Black Moon my finders keepers Valentine

toys from a distant land scaffolding the fall

ground zero into the new friend's story

sloe-eyed horses in Lichtenstein bubble gum wrappers

messenger shooting crows


soul her fish fingers to the second knuckle

long grass nights star systems in the Big Dipper

corn chaff realising oil as one colour

field of dreams an unborn child's color isn't rapeseed

Pharmakós the name you scratch inside

Blue Moon we don't do one-sided conversations

Old Man's Beard a cyclist wobbles the length of it

sick train the night heron shifts silt for all of us

memory of starlight wink of a one-eyed dog as it sneezes

gliding four sulphur-crested cockatoos a green tinged sundown

black swan rising diving into cloudless sky

moviescreenflickerfullolifecanvasthin 

snowfall she takes her daffodils Underground

in-betweenness the grey heron seals the leaks of light

dustbunnies the coins of small change me

dragon tattoo my skinned fables of depression

the drum of the rain ghosting bare hands

leaves begin to fall this face too evolves from fish

the blue note I turn to wind-spun snow

irezumi the river coils into heron

intermittent rain I shed another crow

tearing up snow falls slowly a kind of blue


Published one-line haiku by various writers past and current:

a love letter to the butterfly gods with strategic misspellings
- Chris Gordon

rooks weaving darkness into the dusk
-- David Platt

waterbug running by the frogulp
-- Alan Pizzarelli

a stick goes over the falls at sunset
-- Cor van den Heuvel

Ah water-strider never to have left a track!
-- vincent tripi

between the piano's phrases night wind
-- Fred Schofield

in the otherwise still twilight a clamor of robin wings
- Allan Burns

all these sounds not one of them a falling leaf
-- R.C. Matsuo-Allard

an owl hoots darkness down from the hollow oak
- Tombo (Lorraine Ellis Harr)

the blind child reading my poem with her fingertips
-- Elizabeth Searle Lamb

clay on the wheel I confess my faith
- Peggy Willis Lyles

deep inside the faded wood a scarlet maple
-- Nick Avis

pig and i spring rain
- Marlene Mountain

dusk      from rock to rock a waterthrush
- John Wills

pain fading the days back to wilderness
- Jim Kacian

white wind the eyes of the dead seal missing
- Carolyn Hall

the owl's flight unheard stars appear
-- Peter Yovu

the blood rushing through my blowhole winter stars
- Scott Metz

mallards leaving in the water rippled sky
- Penny Harter

Spring thaw          wings beating inside my skull
- George Swede

night rain a calf stands tight by the bull
-- Pamela Brown

touching the ashes of my father
-- Bob Boldman

heading home I return the stone to the river
- Stuart Quine

muzzle of the drinking cow glides across still water
- Janice M. Bostok

I breathe the wind breathes through the aspen
-- Martin Lucas

thrush song a few days before the thrush
- Marlene Mountain

swans      stir of his breath against my hair
- Alexis K. Rotella

lingering on this earth   dried onions
-- Ruby Spriggs

Before we knew its name the indigo bunting
–Peggy Willis Lyles


More rain the sisters slip into their mother tongue

–Scott Metz


shadows darkening three-sevenths of her face in sunlight

–Elizabeth Searle Lamb

mallards leaving in the water rippled sky

–Penny Harter



–Matsuo Allard (b. 1949):

through a column of factory steam the white gull

darkness across the river lights in a mill

higher this time the last salmon

alone at 3:00 a.m.—the door knob turning slowly

an icicle the moon drifting through it

passing clouds only a stand of aspens is in light

deep in my notebook a lily pad floats away


–Jeff Stillman:

cross-examination all morning a slanting rain

cold moon lover all business

wind's second wind dead of winter

sweater mend unraveling . . . winter wears on

briefly the heron's catch shaping its gullet

New Year's morning the rent past due

hazy moon hung over the new year


============

Sorry to hear your health has not been good, I know how that feels, in my own case.

warmest regards,

Alan

A longer piece about one line haiku will be appearing in a new anthology of haikai genres, and tanka.

Here's a glimpse, which has just my own work, but the longer piece will have one line haiku by known and very new but wonderful practitioners of the 'monoku':

all those red apples | travelling the monorail - haiku travelling in one line - one line haiku aka monostich aka monoku
http://area17.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/all-those-red-apples-travelling.html


.

to me, the challenge to write a haiku in one line is to give the reader more freedom to discern phrases and fragments in it

the perfect combination of phrases and fragments would be a haiku, that can be arranged in a circle
i call it "ring haiku"

if the reader cannot discern different phrase-and-fragment combinations, the "oneliner is simply a three-line haiku rearranged in a line:

pink dawn airbrush tints bare twigs

(c) Maya

Glad to have found this thread.
Jan

Stephen Gill aka Tito, and a few other British Haiku Society members have created circular haiku, for example: https://hailhaiku.wordpress.com/tag/circular-poem/

Maya,  hi

can any one liner also be made into a three liner?  Does it work the other way round too?


Here is a one liner,  I have been reading for a few months now:



as an and you and you and you alone in the sea

                                                                  Dr. Richard Gilbert

Hi, Anna,

Quote from: Anna on April 16, 2016, 06:52:46 AM
Maya,  hi

can any one liner also be made into a three liner?  Does it work the other way round too?




                                                               

IMHO, if a oneliner can be divided into multiple phrase-and-fragment combinations (which i believe is a must), then rearranging it into 3 lines would spoil the effect.

If you can choose different words to start reading it, then it can be rearranged in a ring:

re one line haiku:

I have not been writing as many monostich haiku as usual, but here are a few:


juniper the tether end of larksong


Lake District, Cumbria, England, U.K. September 2015

Alan Summers
Publication Credit: Poetry & Place anthology issue 1
ed. Ashley Capes and Brooke (Close-Up Books, April 2016)
http://www.amazon.com/Poetry-Place-Anthology-Ashley-Capes/dp/0994528922



the mountain ash birdsong lichens

Lake District, Cumbria, England, U.K.

Alan Summers
Publication Credit: Blithe Spirit 26.1 (March 2016)
n.b. the latest Lake District haiku to appear in the next Blithe Spirit will be a three line one though. :)



colour book the cat becomes marmalade


Alan Summers
Publication Credit: Right Hand Pointing issue 95 (h a i k u edition, February 2016)
http://www.righthandpointing.net/#!95-alan-summers-ii/cj4i




moonlighting crows in other colors

Alan Summers
Publication Credit: Frogpond (39:1) Winter Issue 2016
Anthology Credit: 2016 HSA Member Anthology

n.b. fascinating comments by a student of mine too. They will find their way into my book. :-)



the rain in our fingers return journey

Alan Summers
Publication Credit: Blithe Spirit 26.2 (May 2016)



in God's pocket soldiers of the moon change


Alan Summers
Anthology Credit:
Heart Breaths: Book of Contemporary Haiku (Cyberwit March 5, 2016)
ed. Jean LeBlanc
http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Breaths-Book-Contemporary-Haiku/dp/9385945033/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1459424848&sr=8-1&keywords=Heart+Breaths+haiku



not yet light the wall and its black cat


Alan Summers
Publication Credit:
brass bell: a haiku journal: April issue: one-line haiku
http://brassbellhaiku.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/april-issue-one-line-haiku.html

n.b.
I am sorely tempted to revise this as walls and cats, often black ones, feel synonymous with each other during morning or evening dusk:

e.g.

not yet light the wall its black cat




sun off stubble a train in its landscape


Alan Summers
Publication Credit:
otata 4 (April, 2016) An e-zine of haiku and short poems, Otata ed. John Martone
https://otatablog.wordpress.com/2016/04/29/april-2016/



call of geese the heart I eat inside


Alan Summers
Publication Credit:
otata 4 (April, 2016) An e-zine of haiku and short poems, Otata ed. John Martone
https://otatablog.wordpress.com/2016/04/29/april-2016/



cusp month the housemartins field a meadow

Alan Summers
Publication Credit: Blithe Spirit 26.3 (2016)
From the haibun: Growing Pains Of The Fairy Tale Train
cusp month re May into June 2016



meadow borders the river clouds

Alan Summers
Presence #56 (October 2016 issn 1366-5367)



Please do post more one line haiku here. :)

warm regards,

Alan

Alan:
Really appreciate the update on activity regarding monoku.

The single line KU have been on my mind lately, and I'm realizing the few I have published are really too long, as haiku seem to be going towards 10 syllables.

I'll join in though.
.
.
cold water on an african violet ghosts bloom

Brass Bell, May 1/ 2016
http://brassbellhaiku.blogspot.com/2016_05_01_archive.html
.
.
gypsy moon slip knot lens

Failed Haiku, May 1, 2016, page 57
http://www.haikuhut.com/FailedHaikuIssue5.pdf
.
.
crescent moon and her silk blouse a zephyr swells

Frogpond 38:2, page 46


Jan Benson

teaandsconesliftwispsofsleep

on a knife edge live now pay later

in Fukushima's waves the blue half life (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa0Fmcv83nw&feature=youtu.be)

among the sunlit wrecks caws of Kesennuma

cobbled street passing me the horse-drawn cart

back into the krill distant songs

in the length of a breath shooting star

Hi,

thank you for being around,
will you look at these pauses that I register as I read the one liners, and tell me if the pauses I take are how the compositions should be read?

It is said that haiku is read in one breath,  and often I feel that the one liner expresses it the best, but then I go and contradict myself, what can I say, ...

anyways

1. in Fukushima's waves the blue half life


In Fukushima's waves [pause] the blue half life

what a spectacular composition


2.

among the sunlit wrecks caws of Kesennuma

among the sunlit wrecks[pause] caws of Kesennuma

I also seem to want to pause like this after reading it more than once:

among [pause] the sunlit wrecks [pause] caws of Kesenuma

3.

cobbled street passing me the horse-drawn cart

cobbled street passing me [p] the horse-drawn cart

this is where the confusion arises in the one liners for me:

the first read, reads like above, but after reading it and comprehending it, I read it as

cobbled street[p]passing me[p] the horse-drawn cart

and the next read transforms to

cobbled street [p] passing me the horse-drawn cart

One thing I noticed is how very important the hyphen is- in horse-drawn - is, without which, the pause changes, what we do have with the hyphen is a drawn out stretch but not a pause.

I think I will wait for your response before I do the other two, or maybe someone else can attempt them to further the discussion, ...


Thankyou-Martin

Anna, have you read, Allan's post on page 2 - reply 16 . May 21 . 2014
I think this maybe what you are asking about.

Quote from: flowerfox on October 09, 2017, 11:38:52 AM
Anna, have you read, Allan's post on page 2 - reply 16 . May 21 . 2014
I think this maybe what you are asking about.

aaah, thankyou foxy, I will look it up, pronto

Hi Anna,

You might find this interesting:

http://simplyhaiku.com/SHv2n5/haikuclinic/haikuclinic.html

Hi Maaaaartieeeeeeen,

thank you, I have read it and am now reading it again, simple but a lot to think and learn in there, plus of course
trying to guess where the pauses would fall in this one:

The water-bug is drawing the shadows of evening toward him across the water. (3)

because if any of us were to edit it, golly sometimes I am stupidly foolish but then how else will i learn if I don;t ask...anyways
if I were to edit it , then I would have

waterbug pause drawing shadows of evening pause across water pause towards himself


Which leads me to question:

does every reader read the single line in a different manner,
I ask because:
the accent changes or alters the way we speak an accent ...which may dictate the way a word is pronounced,

then what happens to the one liner?

I have been engrossed with this subject for some time now and would like to research and write an essay initially on the same,

who can guide me, can anyone help me with it,

thankyou

My Area 17 is regularly updated on the topic of single line haiku aka 'monoku':

Travelling the single line of haiku - one line haiku / monoku / monostich
https://area17.blogspot.com/2016/12/travelling-single-line-of-haiku-one.html

Also coming up next couple of weeks are a continuation of The Area 17 Profile Poet Series with two exceptional exponents of monoku. Stay tuned!  8)

Quote from: AlanSummers on August 18, 2020, 10:00:58 AM
My Area 17 is regularly updated on the topic of single line haiku aka 'monoku':

Travelling the single line of haiku - one line haiku / monoku / monostich
https://area17.blogspot.com/2016/12/travelling-single-line-of-haiku-one.html

Also coming up next couple of weeks are a continuation of The Area 17 Profile Poet Series with two exceptional exponents of monoku. Stay tuned!  8)

This blog post of Alan Summers is very helpful—and inspirational—if you are considering delving into monostich/monoku/one-line haiku territory.

marion