wail of a loon to a loon— hunter’s moon — Deborah A. Bennett, Under The Basho November 2022
Simple and complete, immediately prompting an exotic visual image and soundtrack.
The name of the bird is partly onomatopoeic, derived from the haunting, long sounds it makes. The loon’s most common call is the wail, a drawn-out plaintive call seeking contact: the long somewhat “oo-ooo” sound (think On Golden Pond). For the loon’s repertoire try https://www.youtube.com/shorts/nrfhXtm5weI
In Deborah’s haiku the repetition connects the two loons looking for contact, and together with the smooth natural rhyme with “hunter’s” moon add musical resonance to make this verse both acoustically and visually memorable.
Susumu Takiguchi: “Rhyming in haiku is neither as prominent nor as important as in English poems. Its abuse could even make a haiku gimmicky and artificial but used well it can help create a sophisticated and dramatic haiku.” (World Haiku Review 2, Summer 2013)
Some might question the lack of the definite article at the beginning of line 1, citing Paul O. Williams’ essay “Tontoism in American Haiku” (1975). I think that here the verse works best without ‘the’ wail. The missing article creates a silent ‘cut’ to go with the closing silent cut after ‘moon’ — a haiku ‘clipped’ from experience.
Deborah A. Bennett is possibly one of our finest living practitioners of haiku (and hokku) and fusion of both.
wail of a loon to a loon— hunter’s moon — Deborah A. Bennett, Under The Bashō November 2022
re: “Some might question the lack of the definite article at the beginning of line 1, citing Paul O. Williams’ essay “Tontoism in American Haiku” (1975).”
I’ve written a lot about both articles (indefinite [an, a] and definite article [the]) and really like them within most haiku, though it’s not necessary here. Deborah is far too astute in writing both hokku and haiku (and fusion) to overlook or create a mistake by omitting an article.
the wail of a loon to a loon— hunter’s moon
or
wail of a loon to a loon— hunter’s moon
True, it works well, although ‘the’ is one of those long single syllable words despite appearing as a very short word. It separates and distances the feel of the triple rhyme lends such powerful presence and atmosphere.
So I wholeheartedly agree with you, when you say: “I think that here the verse works best without ‘the’ wail.”
An intriguing comment, and I’d love to hear from Deborah, when you say: “The missing article creates a silent ‘cut’ to go with the closing silent cut after ‘moon’ — a haiku ‘clipped’ from experience.”
wail of a loon to a loon— hunter’s moon
Deborah’s verses often have a touch of the wild and spiritual in them that goes beyond… this is one of them, and (for me) touched with the magic brush: yugen
wail of a loon
to a loon—
hunter’s moon
— Deborah A. Bennett, Under The Basho November 2022
Simple and complete, immediately prompting an exotic visual image and soundtrack.
The name of the bird is partly onomatopoeic, derived from the haunting, long sounds it makes. The loon’s most common call is the wail, a drawn-out plaintive call seeking contact: the long somewhat “oo-ooo” sound (think On Golden Pond). For the loon’s repertoire try https://www.youtube.com/shorts/nrfhXtm5weI
In Deborah’s haiku the repetition connects the two loons looking for contact, and together with the smooth natural rhyme with “hunter’s” moon add musical resonance to make this verse both acoustically and visually memorable.
Susumu Takiguchi: “Rhyming in haiku is neither as prominent nor as important as in English poems. Its abuse could even make a haiku gimmicky and artificial but used well it can help create a sophisticated and dramatic haiku.” (World Haiku Review 2, Summer 2013)
Some might question the lack of the definite article at the beginning of line 1, citing Paul O. Williams’ essay “Tontoism in American Haiku” (1975). I think that here the verse works best without ‘the’ wail. The missing article creates a silent ‘cut’ to go with the closing silent cut after ‘moon’ — a haiku ‘clipped’ from experience.
Deborah A. Bennett is possibly one of our finest living practitioners of haiku (and hokku) and fusion of both.
wail of a loon
to a loon—
hunter’s moon
— Deborah A. Bennett, Under The Bashō November 2022
re:
“Some might question the lack of the definite article at the beginning of line 1, citing Paul O. Williams’ essay “Tontoism in American Haiku” (1975).”
I’ve written a lot about both articles (indefinite [an, a] and definite article [the]) and really like them within most haiku, though it’s not necessary here. Deborah is far too astute in writing both hokku and haiku (and fusion) to overlook or create a mistake by omitting an article.
the wail of a loon
to a loon—
hunter’s moon
or
wail of a loon
to a loon—
hunter’s moon
True, it works well, although ‘the’ is one of those long single syllable words despite appearing as a very short word. It separates and distances the feel of the triple rhyme lends such powerful presence and atmosphere.
So I wholeheartedly agree with you, when you say:
“I think that here the verse works best without ‘the’ wail.”
An intriguing comment, and I’d love to hear from Deborah, when you say:
“The missing article creates a silent ‘cut’ to go with the closing silent cut after ‘moon’ — a haiku ‘clipped’ from experience.”
wail of a loon
to a loon—
hunter’s moon
Deborah’s verses often have a touch of the wild and spiritual in them that goes beyond… this is one of them, and (for me) touched with the magic brush: yugen