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The Renku Sessions: Triparshva—Call for verse 12

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Welcome to the third Renku Session. I’m Linda Papanicolaou, and I’ll be leading this journey in collaborative poetry. Triparshva is a 22-verse form developed by Norman Darlington in 2005. It’s a good form for composing online because it moves more quickly than the 36-verse kasen, while also following the jo-ha-kyu (beginning-development-rapid closure) pattern of traditional renku. So whether you’re new to renku, or simply want to keep your skills honed, you’re especially encouraged to join us.

Selection of Verse 11:

We’re halfway through! And the going had been pretty smooth up till now, when I posted a choice for verse 11 and a participant noticed kannonbiraki in it. It can happen—and it’s been a good lesson in vigilance as well as the importance of more than one pair of eyes. In discussion with the author and other participants we have agreed that we’ll swap for another verse.  In fact, there is another one that I liked very much and almost chose, so we’ll go to that one.  Please note though: to give it a good, clean slate I’m editing this entire thread to remove all further references to our false start, except for retaining the verses that have already been submitted for slot 12.  Some will work with the new verse 11 while others may be left high and dry, but there is some fine writing there.

The offer I’m placing in this slot is Judt’s Marquise verse. Here it is with maeku and uchikoshi:

rusty roofing iron
repurposed
as a letterbox
~Sandra Simpson

#smitten #diamond eyes #yes
#winterwedding
~Chris Patchel

at the Marquise
a clandestine romp
in neon flicker
~Judt Shrode

I knew when I posted the hashtag verse that creating a worthy verse to follow it would be no easy task, although there were several ways it could be done. Wordplay was one, and the word play in Judt’s offer is elegant: from #diamond to “Marquise”, we enter the verse fresh from engagement ring and wedding plans, now morphed to infidelity at a hotel that is grotesquely named for a famous diamond (I’m guessing it’s fictionalized but would the inspiration be that hotel of the same name at Whistler?)  The glitter of promises have become neon gas. Good contrast and turn—read and live with it a bit and you’ll find other layers with gems of connection.  Thank you, Judt!

Specifications for verse 12: Now we’ll go back to writing our next verse. PLEASE NOTE the extra time I’m giving to submit!

In our false start I had given you the option of writing another love verse or moving on to another topic, but I think that now our choice is clearer:  we need a third love verse, an “end of love” topic to conclude the love run. It too will be non-seasonal, and a person verse. Here again are your maeku and uchikoshi:

#smitten #diamond eyes #yes
#winterwedding

at the Marquise
a clandestine romp
in neon flicker

Verse 12 must be

  • Two lines
  • Non-seasonal
  • End of love topic
  • Person
  • Link to the maeku and shift away from the uchikoshi
  • Things to avoid (in intermission): mail, metal or gemstones, parts of a house, religious ceremonies

How to Submit:

All verse positions in this renku will be degachi. Please post your offers in the Comments section below. Let’s have an upper limit of 3 per participant.

The call for verse 4 will remain open until Tuesday, September  8, 2015 at midnight (EDT).  At that time I’ll collect everyone’s ideas, consider each, choose the one that best serves the renku, and post a call for the next verse on Thursday.

Useful links and resources:  

  • If you’re just joining us, please take a moment to review my Introduction to Triparshva post.
  • NEW:  A full copy of the schema for the renku may be found at the bottom of the introductory page. I am filling in the verses as they are placed.
  • For the archive of previous calls and submissions, click here.

The Renku so far:

Side 1: jo

1.
a bowl of cherries
sitting on each white plate
someone’s name
~Lynne Rees /su

2.
under a canvas tent
the snap of a breeze
~Barbara Kaufmann /su

3.
passersby stop
to applaud a subway
saxophone player
~Karen Cesar / ns

4.
sweet reminiscences
of our bygone days
~Barbara A. Taylor / ns

5.
yet again
the moon lights the loggerhead
as she digs
~Paul MacNeil / sp mn

6.
with the twittering
morning mist clears away
~Maria Tomczak

Side 2: Ha

7.
from the mountain top
Puyallup natives trace
their lands below
~Carmen Sterba / ns

8.
who left the doors open
to Valhalla?
~Polona Oblak/ ns

9.
rusty roofing iron
repurposed
as a letterbox
~Sandra Simpson / ns

10.
#smitten #diamond #yes
#winterwedding
~Christopher Patchel / wi lv

11.
at the Marquise
a clandestine romp
in neon flicker
~Judt Shrode / ns lv

This Post Has 36 Comments

  1. at last he gives her
    just a wedding ring

    ***

    in sign of farewell
    he sings a serenade

    ***

    Charning Prince himself
    takes part in baptism

      1. Ah, of course, Linda!

        I spotted this when I was staying at a hotel in Belfast, and as it was really a bunch of daffodils in the pond, I changed it to roses so it didn’t suggest spring. I thought a bouquet of roses might be a universal symbol of love – but ought to have thought of them being a summer reference! 🙁

        Could you get away with just ‘a bouquet of flowers’ or is that still a summer kigo?

        Maybe I should have had a wedding ring at the bottom of the pond! 🙂

      1. Not sure. Was going for the current event where that illicit affairs website was hacked and 40 million different lives potentially ruined for the same damned reason. So if you mean smitten as in smote down in one fell stroke, then I guess so.

          1. if you can convert the hacking to something that’s clearly end of love, go for it; on the other hand, there are also universal themes in yohr transgender verse, even if the avoidance issues persist in this subsequent slot. I once read, every marriage ends in death or divorce. I think we’re open to either, and i think you already have some good ideas. Look forward to seeing what you come up with.

  2. The tone of a renku is set by the sabaki and here you have done an excellent job of leadership with humility. Would that we could all be so gifted! Onward and upward …

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words, Sandra. I take comfort in knowing that John too had a false start. As sabakis, you and he are two classy acts to follow!

  3. Wow, thank you, Linda…what a nice surprise! But it is really too bad that Betty’s excellent, rich verse had to be withdrawn.
    No, don’t know the place at Whistler…I only knew of marquise as one of the standard diamond cuts.

    1. I think we could compile a whole second renounce with excellent verses that couldn’t be used In this one. I hope you all are keeping their pocket verses–many of them have potential to be crafted into good haiku.

  4. Congratulations, Judt. Such an interesting and multilayered verse. 🙂
    *
    even in my drunken dreams
    his shoes where he left them

  5. touching plots one
    empty one not
    ***
    born dot dot dot die
    alone then what
    ***
    the children die as
    Rachel weeps inconsolable
    *
    *
    *** I know these are not suitable for our verse 12 but I’m remembering with tears the drowned toddler Aylan Kurdi who was laid to rest with his brother and mother in the Syrian city they fled seeking “life” – the first is a tribute to his lost wife, the second (dot dot dot) is for the three deaths, and the third is for all the children who have lost their lives simply because they are children

  6. the second is for the jesters,
    the fools, and the incorrigible

    ( a reference to Ingmar Bergman’s 1955 movie & quote)

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